Thursday, July 31, 2008

Water is the Essence of Moistness



Best of Army of Dad
The new ads for Gatorade Rain were way more effective than Payton Manning coming out of a football.


Best of Army of Mom
You put your right boob in, you put your right boob out, you put your right boob in and you shake it all about ... you do the ... wait, what was I saying? I just lost my train of thought with all that booby shaking ...

Best of Kaptain Krude
The Bollywood version of "Spiderman"'s iconic scene of Mary Jane kissing Spiderman in the rain-soaked alley forgot to include Spiderman in the shot, but some of us didn't really care.

Best of mega
She was smokin' hot, but when she accidentally wandered onto the archery course, her looks couldn't help her. It was a total mess.

Best of mpur
Bollywood's version of "Flash Dance". It's 92 minutes long and this is the only scene.

Best of Dub
Meanwhile, at the R. Kelly dancer auditions....

Best of Passionate Conservative
...then she caressed her hips and slowly ran them over her full, glistening buttocks, taking care to gently reach up and tweak....er, uh...oh, shit, I'm supposed to be coming up with a caption here....OK...wow, she's really excited and wet.

Best of Submariner
From the comments, she's making AoM wet, too...

Sharon Stone - Nurse


1. How to tell if you've got a really good HMO.

2. "Here, sweetie, let me nationalize that for you." Hillary loved role-playing.

3. "Ah, my dissertation on cold fusion is almost flawless."

4. General Hospital's transformation to soft-core pr0n was so gradual, not even the hausfraus and unemployed gay men who made up its core audience noticed.

5. "So, in this next scene, I got double-penetrated and have a flashback to my previous life as a fugitive con-woman" J.J. Abrams makes his first pr0n movie.

Best of Double the U
Sandy Burger's secretary.

Best of The Man
The media reported today that Former President Clinton checked into a hospital for an "indefinite" amount of time.

Best of Army of Mom
I heard that you were feeling ill, headache, fever and a chill.
I came to help restore your pluck, cuz that I'm the nurse who likes to f***.

Best of mega
"This Will excludes the girl who just spent the last 11 years dressing up in hot fetish outfits for my pleasure."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The practical joker lobbyist who helped draft the initial HIPAA regulations never imagined that not one Congressman would read the bill's details before voting. Thus it was that paragraphs 196.2 and 872z - "filing cabinets must not exceed 2 drawers in height" and "all nurses will wear stockings, garters and heels" - became federal law.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"...and under no circumstances is the patient to become sexually aroused...oops."

Best of attmay
"So, Mr. Beavis, it says you have been diagnosed with...Mr. Beavis? Mr. Beavis? Quick, somebody get the defibrillator, we may have a code blue!"

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Welcome to Shark Week

Brender and AM 42

1. Next on Saudi BayWatch, the Morality Police perform a surprise Burqa Enforcement Raid.

2. "Free Willy... No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!"

3. "This beach is now the property of Barbra Streisand. Get your peasant asses off Ms. Streisand's beach!"

4. Apparently, terrorists have invaded Subby's part of Imaginationland.

5. Miami's ban on smoking in public places was rigorously enforced.

Best of Jay Guevara
Burying Barbra Streisand in the sand with just her nose protruding generated a false alarm for Homeland Security.

Best of Mr. Right
ORA: Sigmund Ooze quickly realized he had taken a wrong turn somewhere near Dubai.

Best of mega
Another Italian sunbather watches tragic events unfold 50 feet away, and goes back to her tan.

Best of Army of Mom
Dialog from scuba dude running into the frame: Stop shooting, stop shooting! That isn't a cracken, its my mother-in-law. Wait. Shoot to kill! Shoot to kill!

Best of mpur
Heather was skeptical about the genie's powers, but once she saw the the sweaty, heavily armed men storming up the beach, their eyes filled with desire, she was happy she had rubbed the lamp. Oh, yes, very happy.

Best of Passionate Conservative
BATF took the only measure they knew how against a Cialis and Viagra abuser. Witnesses were horrified at the spectacle.

Best of Submariner
The St. Clair Shores Neighborhood Watch tended to take their duties a might too seriously...

Best of Adjustah
The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were easily distracted...

Best of lawhawk
Mayor Bloomberg warned you not to go into the water unless you waited 2 hours, didn't he. Next time, we wont be so gentle.

Best of sonicfrog
File Under: Only in San Francisco - Apparently, this straight clump of sea weed wandered onto a gay beach.

Hello Sun, Hello Nose, Hello Tulip 'Twixt My Toes

Sondra K


1. Looks like Cindy went and spiked Maverick's Metamucil with Psilocybin again.

2. Maverick: "I feel like I'm gonna break my gawdam back mounting this hill." Monk: "Giggle."

3. Bush: "So, can I get you a hotdog, your holiness?" Monk: "Yeah, make me one with everything."

4. Bush was just one Rastafarian away from his secret goal of holding hands with someone from every religion in the world.

5. Monk: "Of course, most of my sect was wiped out when you napalmed our temple back in Vietnam." Maverick: "Giggle."

Wicked Best of Jay Guevara
"We'll take you to meet the guys in the DNC. They're usually over here in the bushes."

Best of Jack Reacher
"You're the first person in a skirt who's been allowed to see our clubhouse. Big day, man, big day."

Best of Passionate Conservative
Col. Tigh: Get away! Don't you know I'm a toaster now!

Best of mega
Some of the trees, at least, were under 70, lending the scene a youthful, invigorating flavor.

Best of Adjustah
"What does it mean,'Strafed your village, you gook bastard'???"

Best of Submariner
C'mon, Cheney; git the lead out. It's hard 'nough to triple-Dutch jump in a suit but his holiness' wearin' a skirt fer goodness sake!

Best of mpur
This way to Nirvana.

Best of Submariner
Pinko's n hippies n Dems - Oh My!

Not Inflated, Just Illuminated

The Wicked Pinto H/T Nice Deb
Jaime del Val wanders the streets of Madrid naked but for camera equipment attached to his genitals.
Just to make sure no one mocks him for his size he projects giant-size images of his penis and genitals onto public buildings.


1. One of Dr. Soong's early failures.

2. We are the Gay Borg. [SNAP] Your ass will be stimulated. Resistance is penile.

3. The appearance of the 12th Cylon was a disappointment to everyone ... except Andrew Sullivan.

4. Once an AV geek, always an AV geek.

5. Pee Wee Herman meets Diogenes.

Very Brady Best of Rodney Dill
Somehow Audio-Video Man never caught on as a super hero.

Best of Double the U
You laugh now, but this is what will take you away in the middle of the night under the Obama administration.

Best of The Man
The National Endowment for the Arts just called. They want your projected penis to air on an orphanage in Baltimore pronto!

Best of The Man
Who left Patrick Kennedy alone with the projector and a bottle of scotch, again?

Best of Chrees
Projecting images of your genitals everywhere... Dude, why do you think Al Gore invented the internet?

Best of Army of Dad
Move along people nothing to see here.

Best of julie
Another wv: dqwaw
Used in a sentence: Thurman was walking along, happily admiring the Spanish architecture, when to his surprise a gleaming phallus appeared on the cathedral wall, causing him to ejaculate* "Dqwaw!" in amazement.

Best of shoechick
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy have gone too far with their makeover on The Terminator T1000.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Obssessive-Compulsive Cat Owner

Cute Overload

Soviet-Era cat housing left much to be desired.

Best of mega
It turned out that the only difference between "crazy cat person with OCD and waaaaay too many cats" and "cat lover with the right number of companion animals" was a $69 bookcase from Ikea.

Best of Chrees
Not surprisingly, Kathy's last second date was about 15 cats ago.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Boots, the neighbor in 3C is at it again. I swear, that place is a catnip-house."

Best of Army of Dad
Must be a shot from inside Prince's house. He got pussy control.

Best of ochagirl
OchaGirl's house, circa 2025.

Best of Mr. Right
"I'll take Mr. Fuzzykins to block..."

Aw, He Thinks He's Clinton. Isn't That Cute?

Alarming News


Yeah, just think, if 60,000 votes in Ohio had gone the other way, we could have had this level of class and dignity in the White House.


Best of mpur
The girls are a front. The guy in the back is where the action is.

Best of duke of red
The guy in the back has a little Captain in him. So does John Kerry, hence the goofy smile.

Best of GregMan
Phrases You Thought You'd Never Hear #41: "Man, those are some hot chicks hanging out with John Kerry."

Best of Jack Reacher
Rejected commercials for Sham-Wow: It'll even clean up after this!

Best of Double the U
Let me just sneak in this photo and pretend people like me.

Best of Shayne
"Hey John, why the long face?"

Best of lawhawk
Ah, I see www.chickswithdumbasses.com just got their new background image up.
Sweet.

Best of Army of Mom
The "Bring a Has-Been" themed Phi Delta Theta party was a great hit. Sally won by bringing Kerry. Thelma finished second with Tommy Smothers and Leslie just finished with George Eads and didn't care about the party's theme.

Best of Rodney Dill
Because as every woman knows, Loser sex is so gratifying.

Best of Dub
13 boobs in one picture. Nicely done!

Best of mega
"Stabler, if I see you posing with John Kerry and a bunch of pudgy girls again, you are off this case. Go home and get some sleep."

Boom-chikka-wakka-chikka

Brender
1. Foreplay: Stage One. Stage Two involves the tender licking of neck fat.

2. "I'll get the waffle iron."

3. "Sorry, but there's no more food in the bunker, and you drew the short straw. I'm gonna miss you, man."

4. It was an emotional time at Obama campaign headquarters when Chris Gorham left the cast of Ugly Betty.

5. "Don't feel bad, guy. Sometimes it takes some practice before your captions make the 'Best of' list."

Best of Tim
Hmm a few darts here and there and I can turn this into one hell of a jacket.

Best of Passionate Conservative
That isn't a crescent wrench in my pocket, and as a matter of fact,I am glad to see you!

Best of Army of Mom
Yeah, Dan, I came as soon as I heard they were closing the Golden Corral next door. Are you going to be ok, or do you need a moment?

Best of Army of Mom
We've secretly switched Dan's wife with a fat Mexican dude. Let's see if he notices.

Best of Army of Mom
You're not Kim Kardashian! I'm never answering another CraigsList personal ad ever again.

Best of Army of Mom
'ow to speak Australian: Man Crush

Best of mpur
Turn out for the Log Cabin Republicans meetings was always dismal in San Francisco.

Best of Dub
Looks like they finally found a way to make the eyes on the poster stop following them.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Sucky McSuck Sucks

Survey Taker


1. "Maverick, if you're going to do an impression of Chris Matthews 'interviewing' The Obama, the mike needs to be in your other hand."

2. "Parkinson's is a b1tch, ain't it Maverick?"

3. "Hey, your bones really are like putty."

4. "It's fine, Hillary. Please don't spit on your handkerchief. Your venom burns like acid."

5. "Senator, I know he's Indian, and I know modern things confuse and frighten you, but let me see if I can explain exactly why Bobby Jindal won't 'smoke-um peace pipe' with you..."

Best of Double the U
Knocked him out cold with a thumb punch.

Best of Silhouette
"In a effort to appear younger, McCain campaigned this week with his mother."

Best of Jack Reacher
His face always sticks like that when he yells at the kids on his lawn.

Best of Jack Reacher
"I'm crushing your head, I'm crushing your...oh, SH**! I really crushed it! Help!"

Best of lawhawk
Dude. It's not a tumor.

Best of Army of Mom
Mistakenly thinking it is still the early 80s, McCain goes for the urban youth vote by trying to do the robot.

Best of Submariner
A little Bondo right here... and, Voila! You're ready for the cameras again, Senator.

Hold For Papa Palpy


1. GOP Presidential candidate John McCain greets a young supporter during a stop in Kansas.

2. "See, Maverick-san, I still bear the scars from the Napalm you dropped in my village back in 'Nam."

3. "... but if the Lightworker could be turned to the Dark Side, he would become a most powerful ally."

4. "Lightworker must never learn that Dick Cheney is his father."

5. "Yeah, if you're even a little Irish, SPF-15 just does not cut it in Phoenix."

Best of Gagdad Bob .
So Courtney Love had a "commitment ceremony" with her girlfriend. Whatever.

Best of Jack Reacher .
"No, take another picture. That one washed out my features."

Best of GOP & College .
Note to self; When the camera flash causes a sun burn, I haven't been out enough.

Best of Passionate Conservative .
There are many things about the Sith considered to be...unnatural...

Best of Army of Mom .
*Jedi mind trick* You want to love me long time.

Best of mpur .
Kim Jong-Il just keeps getting weirder and weirder. But hey, at least he's over his Elvis obsession.

Best of Rodney Dill .
"Welcome to the darkside, Darth Queefette."

Best of Submariner .
"...and when I finish your training, you will eliminate Elizabeth and take your rightful place on 'The View,' completing my control of it."
"Yes Master Soros..."

My ObamassiahTakes the Morning Train, He Works From 9 'til 5 and Then...

Brender and Zeasel Whippers


1. The Lightworker was baffled. "Why would little bunny foo-foo bop the field mice on the head?"

2. "That was a real good thing you did Barry, blowing off those wounded troops so you could hang out with reporters in the hotel bar. That was a good thing. Real good." Lieberman tried to think good thoughts so he wouldn't be wished under the bus.

3. Obama hated riding with Congressman Barney Frank. Every time they passed a playground: "Did him. Did him. Did him."

4. "Sorry, they're out of everything but water and Diet Dr. Pepper. We warned you to get to the bar car before Senator Kennedy."

5. "Is that one? Is that one?" The Lightworker hated it when when white honky senators made him the judge in their games of 'Spot the Crackhouse.'

Best of Van Helsing
"Look, those are the hovels little taxpayers live in." But Obama couldn't bring himself to look; the sight of bitter people clinging desperately to their guns and Bibles made the arugula churn in his stomach.

Best of ThatGayConservative
And that's when Obama awoke to realize that his life in politics was all a dream and he had to ride to work on the bus like everybody else.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Scissors again! Another tie! Will somebody please pick rock or paper?"

Best of Passionate Conservative
After they destroyed the middle class, the only way Congress could see them is in the controlled environment of Suburban Country Safari.

Best of GregMan
"Now pay attention, Holy One. If you have one piece of arugula, and I give you another piece of arugula, how many pieces of arugula do you have?" Senator Lieberman tries to explain basic economics to the Obamessiah.

Best of Double the U
...but HOW do the wheels on this bus go round and round...round and round?

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Amish Gone Wild


1. "Dang thee, Bill. Or Dale. Probably Dale."

2. Fallout Boy got much more popular once they switched to an "Emo" look.

3. "Hey English, don't dang ol' bogart on that dang ol' fatty, I tell thee what."

4. Malachi secretly longed to go home and slip into his pink shorts and pretty, pretty yellow pumps.

5. "For the last time, Abraham, I'll not pull thy finger. Get thee it away from me."

Wicked Best of Silhouette
The Larry King and the Bill Gates costumes were great, but two Han Solos? They really should have consulted.

Best of Rodney Dill
Four boys, eight first names

Best of Double the U
The "Fly Over Boys" wanted so hard to be the next big boy band.

Best of Submariner
Verily, we've not had this much merriment since Kirstie Alley taught the womenfolk to shorten their plain garments.

Best of Two Dogs
N*SYNC fell on hard times immediately after losing Lance Bass to the Russian Space Program.

Best of Army of Dad
Here the lost boys of Lancaster County get freaky with some refrigerator chilled Mountain Dews.

Best of Rev. Right
Indiana, circa 1972:
Left to right:David Letterman, Chris Elliott, Robert "Morty" Morton, Paul Shaffer

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Democrats Present Alternative to Domestic Drilling

The U x 2

1. "Careful, we don't want to spook the horses pulling John McCain's campaign wagon."

2. "Aw, sh1t, never should have said 'spook' in the first caption, here comes Al Sharpton and an angry mob."

3. "Well, if dad weren't so niggardly with her clothes budget, mom wouldn't have to sew her own dresses."

4. Aw, crap (See Caption 2#)

5. And the moral of this is, things on Cap This! are not always as black and white as they seem.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Fourpedal Express. When you absolutely, positively have to look like an idiot.

Best of CATHLEEN
It's called "The Aristocrats!"

Best of Silhouette
Al Gore and his family lead by example in car pooling and green transportation.

Best of Silhouette
On our other bike, Grampa rides in the middle and performs circumcisions.

Best of Jack Reacher
Another disappointing Google search for Sully, when he tried "Four way pumping hard."

Best of Submariner
After grandpa's 7 story fall, the Wallenda's changed the family business a bit.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Devil on Little Girl's Shoulder:
"Debbie, that lever is called a "brake", and the difference between "circus performer" and "comic genius" is a single pull away."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
With the Hinkleberg family, the ACLU is convinced they've got the perfect test case for a fight against Mandatory Bicycle Helmet Laws.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Buh Bye

Sondra K


1. Obama's supporters were somewhat alarmed at the size of the new bus, which had not tires like the previous bus, but spiked tank treads.

2. "My bullshi1t sense is tingling. Quickly! To the bullsh!t plane! Captain Bullsh!t away!!!"

3. Ceci n'est pas une completely unqualified moron.

4. "And then, after three days in the Holy Land, the Lightworker ascended to Heaven. Coincidence? I don't think so. This is Andrea Mitchell reporting for MSNBC."

5. "Talk to the uh...uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... hand."

Best of GregMan
"There are wounded American soldiers here? Quick! Get me out of here!"

Best of Jay Guevara
Thought bubble: "Damn, it's hard to find good ribs here."

Best of attmay
♪ Stop! in the name of hope,
Before you vote this fall,
Think it o-o-ver! ♪

Best of mpur
This guy has no flying experience at all. He's a menace to himself and everything else in the air... yes, birds too.

Best of Submariner
Honest; I only booked it because it's the only transcontinental flight that serves arugula.

Farrakhan's Totally Going to Kick His A$$


"When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: “Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?”

Gerard Baker - Times of London


Photo - Jack Bauer

Best of Jack Reacher
You know, he always holds his hands there, after what Jesse Jackson said. A man can't be too careful.

Best of Jack Reacher
Thought bubble Ooh! A piece of candy!

Best of Dub
Funny, he doesnt look Druish, uh I mean Jewish, uh I mean completely unexperienced, uh I mean the worst possible person for the job.

Best of Passionate Conservative
Barack Obama shocked everyone when he attempted to convince the Israeli Parliament that he was Sammy Davis Jr. reborn.

Best of Two Dogs
Neil Diamond prepares prepares for "The Jazz Singer Part II, F*ck the Jews!"

Best of The Man
Jewish leaders were upset to find that Obama's prayer he left at the wall was just a rolled up picture of himself.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Thought bubble: "I wish they'd finish the pledge so I could let go of my crank."

There Are Worse Things Than Pigeons


1. "It's lighter than air, and drops sh!t from above. We named it 'Obama.'"

2. "She was a little freaked out at first, but she didn't say no."

3. "Catherine the Great still had nothing on your sister. I've seen her double-penetrated by live bulls."

4. "Well, what else would you expect an inflatable rubber cowboy to ride?"

5. "Windy today."

Best of Kaptain Krude
Ceiling Horse wasn't quite as popular as Ceiling Cat.

Best of paul
'Hung like a Horse' takes on a new meaning.

Best of Silhouette
"Ya say she's making a weird knocking sound on the turns? We'll put her up on the rack and take a look underneath." -

Best of Jack Reacher
"Looks like some drifter just blew into town."

Best of Tremor
What? That? Oh, it keeps the flies off the food...

Best of Van Helsing
The Obamessiah performs his first miracle, causing his fellow jackasses to be lifted from the earth by his lofty rhetoric.

Best of The Man
Were those postage stamps I just licked?

Best of Chrees
"With God as my witness, I thought horses could fly!"

Best of Double the U
Damnit, KIDS!! stop sticking the horse on the ceiling!

Best of dj
A horse, a crane, a lifting harness…What the hell is Sully up to now?

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Bare Facts


1. Robert Byrd has already complained that this picture isn't white enough. Also, she's getting cooties all over his sheets.

2. "Hello, Subby. The spirits have sent me to make your journey less frightening. Shall we walk into the light together?"

3. "Make sure you keep my hideous, talon-like toes out of the frame, okay Mr. Photographer?"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Trashy," sniffed Sully. "Those sheets are 300 thread-count, tops."

Best of GOP & College
I CAN HAZ SCANDOL?

Best of mpur
Just thank God she's not on food stamps.

Best of Nose
Do these sheets make my ass look perfect?

Best of Two Dogs
"Gee, Mr. Edwards, you were so drunk last night, you thought I was Ricky Martin!"

She's Wearing a T-Shirt in the Shower. It's Crazy I Tell You


1. But she will never wash off the stain of sin on her soul.

2. "Really? I'm still not decontaminated? Maybe another hour then, Mr Subby?"

3. BUTT FLOSS. I HAS IT.

4. Best part of the Livonia Mud Bowl... This part, right here.

5. How to tell if your doctor worked her way through Med School by waitressing at Hooters... this is how she scrubs for surgery.

Best of The Man
HGTV's new show, Flip That Whore House proved to be a big hit (in my pants).

Best of Passionate Conservative
The kids from Porky's were slightly disappointed that she was wearing so much.

Best of Army of Mom
Wetback. *can't believe I was the first one to say it. You guys are falling down on the job*

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Under the Hoods

Brender
1. "So, you run the detonator off the battery, and the you're just one Allahu Akbar from paradise. Of course, your life there will still suck. Allah just doesn't like women."

2. Under new progressive laws, Saudi women are allowed to touch moving engine parts when a male relative is present.

3. "And here is where you add the anti-freeze... the sweet, sweet, delicious anti-freeze..."

4. "Or you could just put it up on blocks in front of your tent like whatever-the-hell-color-we-are trash."

5. "Yeah, this car has a timing problem... it's not in the eighth century like the rest of us."


Best of Jack Reacher
"..and this is where the oil goes, or as we call it, Infidel Heroin. Bwahahahahahahaha!"

Best of Jack Reacher
"It has crumple zones, seat belt pre-tensioners, brake force assistance, and fourteen air bags. All of which you'll need if you drive with a bag over your head."

Best of Dr. G
No no no. This is the compartment where the engine is, the compartment for the wives is similar but at the other end of the car.

Best of Chewman
Feel this, yes hard and smooth like American Marine. Soo nice compaired to Arab man who is rough with callouse and smells like donkey.

Best of mpur
You touch this? That's a stoning.

Best of andthenblammo!
"No, no, mutilating your daughter's genitals with the fan blades is not recommended at all! Most people use the cigarette lighter."

Best of Rodney Dill
Mechanic charged $500 for this little cap... See Fadwa we not only one f*cking the Sheik.

The return of the bacon bra!




1. NOM NOM NOM.

2. Hardee's ad campaign for it's bacon double cheeseburger was the edgiest yet.

3. Now, if he could just find a Chinese communist to slip an illegal donation up his butt, Bill Clinton would hit his sexual fantasy trifecta.

4. The guys from Weezer are doing pretty okay for themselves.

5. The gift for the guy who has everything EXCEPT simultaneous cases of Trichinosis and Herpes.

Best of Rodney Dill
To make ends meet in her college years Jill turned a Trichinosis or two.

Best of Rodney Dill
Edna wondered why she only ever attracted jerky boys.

Best of Jack Reacher
Michael Moore makes a pr0n movie.

Best of Chrees
Irony: your arteries so clogged from eating bacon that you can no longer get an erection.

Best of mpur
The latest in anti-terrorism underwear.

Best of Odoacer
Unclean, unclean!
But still damn hot!

Best of Tim
"Dr." Micheal Moore preps his patient for a mastectomy

Best of Adjustah
"No, Mr Shatner! No!"

Best of Submariner
Being a keen observer, I see that the bacon wasn't chilled when applied...

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

That Boy Ain't Right





1. It was a hard-knock life for Little Rock's only gay manwhore.

2. Ricky's parents were last seen on the phone with Planned Parenthood asking about 70th trimester abortions.

3. "So, um... no football camp this summer, son?"

4. Calvin Klein's new back-to-school ads were intended to "broaden the brand's appeal" but mostly succeeded in turning rednecks into gay pederasts.

5. Back in the 90's, Ricky's Momma mixed a lot of Zima and Ecstasy during her pregnancy.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Might as well get you a Prius and DNC membership card right now," sighed Timmy's father.

Best of attmay
Jimmy's mother wasn't sure what was worse: that he was gay, or that he was gay and had atrocious taste.

Best of Dr. G
After losing weight and five hard years at Arlen H S, Bobby Hill found his purpose in life, Propane B*tch for Thatherton Fuels. Naturally Hank did not approve.

Best of GregMan
How Nature says, "Inbreeding is bad."

Best of Dub
I can has my eyez gouged out?

Best of Gagdad Bob
It's the timeless art of seduction! You gotta join in the dance. She sends you an enticing photo, you send her one right back.

Best of mpur
Poorly coordinated and butt ugly is no way to go through life, son.

Best of Van Helsing
Obama vets VP candidates who can help him in Flyover Country without alienating his base.

Best of Paul
Timmy's photo entry for 'What not to wear', 'Queer eye for the straight (snort) guy' and Lifetime's new show, 'Yoga for Drag Queens'.

Best of The Man
It's either going to be American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance, pick one to fail on and take my shoes off.

Best of Chewman
One drunken night when Boy George tried it straight and look at the results!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Two Tons of Fun

NPR is concerned they may not be eating enough.


1. "Stop that Twinkie! Stop that Twinkie! Oh, never mind, it's just a school bus."

2. Who yelled "Hey Kool-Aid?"

3. "Fortunately, McCain left some very, VERY wide gaps in the border fence."

4. "Hey! You know we can't occupy the same time zone, and you promised I could be Eastern today."

5. In our continuing series of things higher than Obama's IQ: their waist sizes.

Best of Jack Reacher
Bob couldn't figure out why his Dairy Queen failed to turn a profit, until he took a closer look at his employees.

Best of attmay
Scientists today announced a new breakthrough in finding possible causes of Teh Ghey.

Best of Kaptain Krude
They look like they're in shape to me. Round is a shape, isn't it?

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I can haz cheezburgerz... restaurants?"

Best of mpur
American Idle.

Best of Van Helsing
Good thing they had to give up ice cream, or the photographer never would have been able to fit both in the same picture.

Best of Chewman
They track these to seizmically from fast food joint to fast food joint.

Best of GregMan
Scientists announce the discovery of two new minor planets or 'plutoids', Juanita and Maria.

Best of kg
Your tax dollars NOT at work.

Best of ???
Two brown dwarfs get too close and vanish in a burst of x-rays, creating a black hole.

Yo Momma Dresses You Funny


1. The New Star Trek movie is rumored to be unflinching in its portrayal of Mr. Sulu's plushy fetish.

2. "With this invention, Senator McCain will not even hear the children in his yard!"

3. Ang Lee presents... You really don't want to know.

4. Lucas's original concept for the Ewoks was somewhat less obnoxious than what he finally settled on.

5. Jet Li wondered whether the role of 'Rupert' in the live-action Family Guy movie really was as choice as his agent said it was.

Best of Rodney Dill
Mouseketeer -- Fail

Best of Dr. G
Ralphie never did quite recover from his mother making him wear those snow bunny suits his aunt sent every year

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Let's see...Google search: "Oriental," "heavy makeup," and "in a teddy." Damn.

Best of Jack Reacher
Coming soon to a theater near you: "Crouching Twink, Hidden Plushie."

Best of Silhouette
"Quit yer crying. It's just as good as Disney, and Mommy and Daddy save $5000. Now, go say hello to Mickee."

Best of Gagdad Bob
Obama has a full-time staff member to stand near him at all times and make his ears look smaller.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Packing Mud

chunkstyle


1. Lake Erie is lovely this time of year.

2. Why you should never use the pool after Al Sharpton gets done with it.

3. Joseph Hazelwood's subsequent career as pool cleaner was also a FAIL.

4. "The waters have rejected him! Burn the witch! Burn the wit

5. Due to a lack of space under the bus, people who are no longer the people Obama knew are now cast into the Tar Pits.

Best of mega
Joe groused, as usual, "The A-rabs are swimming in oil." Interestingly, it wasn't a metaphor.

Best of divine miss m
Sorry, Kid, but Subby says I look a lot better in a mudsuit that you ever will.

Best of Passionate Conservative
"Now THAT, gentlemen, is how to take a shit!"

Best of Chrees
Disney's Summer Concert Series degenerates into a 'tweener version of Woodstock...

Best of Jack Reacher
Timmy's mother reminded him to hose off, or he wouldn't be allowed back into Livonia.

Best of Army of Dad
The new Sh!t and slide from Whammo!
Have an @$$load of fun at your next block party!

Best of prince of leaves
What Obama Youth Jamboree would be complete without a passion play?

Best of attmay
Why Vinnie's first day burying mob corpses was his last.

Best of Dr. G
I can has a FEMA traylor

Best of Rodney Dill
...and carbonite has proven 60% effective with problem children.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

What Happens in Livonia, Stays in Livonia

Chunkstyle1. "Now squeal! Squeal! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

2. "All right, let's find those truffles!"

3. "You're not getting away that easy, new boyfriend."

4. Fed up with his sanctimonious moralizing, Goofus picked up Gallant by the ankles, swung him around, and tossed him into the crowd of on-lookers.

5. For their initiation into Teh Ghey, Bruce and Todd had to re-enact the famous Krystal-Alexis catfight from Dynasty.


Best of Whacko
Note to the big guy: You might not want to take the Viagra until AFTER the mud race. I'm just sayin.

Best of Double the U
Once again Bruno fools an audience into thinking they were going to see something else.

Best of Dr. G
Mongo fling this one under bus

Best of mpur
Since the Federal funding got cut off, the Hershey Highway has really gone downhill.

Best of Chrees
Deliverance Kama Sutra

Best of Adjustah
Trapped on the planet of Hick Sh*t Buggerers, Doctor Who was forced to just close his eyes and pray for regeneration...

Friday, July 18, 2008

Hot Wet Diversity

chunkstyle


1. Gary Coleman in the AfterSchool Classic: The Boy Who Had Man-Boobs.

2. Barney Frank's Google search for 'wet children' once again hits pay dirt.

3. "Now that's a San Francisco quality fart."

4. Baptism in the Church of the Obamassiah involves lots of malt liquor and arugula.

5. A young Barack Obama was always smug after he threw other children's toys under the bus.

Best of The Man
The NAMBLA sponsored wet t-shirt contest at the DNC was a profound success

Best of Dr. G
It was a hot Chicago day, the fire hydrant sprayed cooling water, Tyrell was so happy he beat that kid with the funny name in the spelling bee, as he saw the bus coming he thought it strange that he was being pushed in the direction of the street.

Best of mega
How many times does it need to be said, stand FAR away from Chris Matthews when Obama's speaking.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Grrr

K is P
If anyone needs me, I'll be in Ohio...

Best of mpur
Yes, Ma'am, as a representative of PETA, I must insist you remove the fur and leather immediately. No, no, slowly...yeah...that's it.

Best of shoechick
Ahhh, the magic of airbrush at work - not only are her nipples missing, but she is actually a 400 pound housewife from Wyoming.

Best of Chewman
The latest addition from Ted Nugent Lingerie. Optional feather boa made from real spotted owl sold separately!

Best of Army of Dad
Public service notice: Waving a fan at the screen will not get her hair to move. Even if you wave it really really fast.

Ooooh, Momma...

Sondra K
I'm outta here... knock yourselves out.

Best of mpur
They're not real but they're a reasonable facsimile of spectacular.

Best of Chewman
Barbie Benton's Illegitimate child with Hugh Hefner is all grown up. Aren't they proud parents!

Best of Jay Guevara
The Pep Boys launch their marketing campaign for a new line of aftermarket headlights.

Best of Army of Mom
Army of Dad, why do you keep asking for pie? And, why do you keep licking the pie pan?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer

Brender


1. Kathy Griffin's pleas for attention grow ever more desperate.

2. "Mom...? You should really check out this freaky chick over here."

3. Folsom Street was more tame than usual this year.

4. After Daddy Warbucks lost everything in the Bear Stearns collapse, he had no choice but to turn Annie out. For an extra fifty, Sandy would join in the fun.

5. When Bond saw the two flying cobras strike his contact in the back, he knew the exchange had been compromised.

Best of Foz
Damn... she's wearing Dad's underwear!

Best of The Man
Sorry Hillary, I'm still not voting for you.

Best of Dub
As he proceeded into the doctors office, Raul stopped to consider if he chose the wrong person to get a substitute urine sample from.

Best of Jack Reacher
That is not the freaky mime chick on a box that I knew.

Best of Adjustah
After stripping down at the press conference, "publicly appointed GITMO defender" resumed his duties as a street-performing, cross dressing clown.

Best of Steve O
Down the street from headquarters, a Mattel product development manager gets an idea.

Best of prince of leaves
Thursday babe audition FAIL.

Best of Chrees
Serrano's Piss Mime didn't get the same reception as his other works...

Best of mpur
"No, Miss, I do not want to do the Time Warp again."

Wild About Harry

Survey Taker


1. How everybody else in the world looks like if you're born into enormous wealth, infinite privilege, and zero responsibilities.

2. Prince Charles gets no respect from anyone these days.

3. Prince Harry practices the traditional salute for greeting the Argentinian ambassador.

4. "Yo, Wills! I may be out of the line of succession, but at least I didn't start losing my hair at age 19."

5. ORA: Timmeh isn't the only one who believes that caption quality has been slipping lately.

Best of Paul
Yo, Camilla.

Best of Jack Reacher
Harry indicates to construction workers that he wants the mosque spires built higher over Buckingham Palace.

Best of GregMan
"No, I do not want to go buggering, you stupid git!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
A serious case of astigmatism greatly interfered with Harry's ability to frame the money shots, thus bringing a quick end to his brief film directing career.

Best of mpur
Relentless taunting of the Taliban was the real reason Prince Harry was recalled from Afghanistan.

Best of Chrees
Harry couldn't resist taunting Greg Norman at The Open.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Why Can't Moonbats Keep Their Damn Clothes On?

Weasel Zippers

1. As proof that the ACLU is America's nightmare, I present to you one of their lawyers giving a speech in his underwear.

2. Hot: Mormon Missionaries. Most Definitely NOT: Moonbat Lawyers.

3. In the post-Sandy Berger National Archive, strip searches for former Clinton Aides are now mandatory.

4. When he realized that no one at the bachelor auction was going to outbid Andrew Sullivan, the lawyer began to sob.

5. "I'm a Little Teapot" FAIL

Roadkill

Sondra K


1. Faggey Road.

2. "Oh, poopy! Now the bus is coming. I never should have questioned The Obamassiah's Divinity."

3. At least the closet had a certain quiet dignity to it, don't you agree.

4. ♫ "Sunny Day/ Sweepin' the clouds away/On my way to where the air is sweet/Can you tell me how to get/How to get to Folsom Street"

5. "They told me you were 'good,' John Edwards! They lied! They lied!"


Best of Whacko
"Agony of Defeat" photo from the Key West Gay Olympics.

Best of The Man
And the Ringling Brothers canceled any future parades through the Enumclaw town square.

Best of GregMan
Because of his great love for the Obamessiah, Steve threw himself under the bus to save the Radiant One the trouble.

Best of Jay Guevara
Speed bump on the Hershey Highway.

Best of Gagdad Bob
Say what you want, but at least you can't take away his dignity.

Best of Steve O
The gay look. No matter what you wear, or what you do, it always seems to work.

Best of prince of leaves
DOWN-LO: UR DOIN IT WRONG!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Pleasants! I Loves Pleasants!

Sondra K
1. "Yup, another copy of the illustrated Kama Sutra and a tiny white butt plug. I hate these G-8 meetings. Same gifts every year."

2. "My Pet Goat... Oh, yeah, Sarkozy, real f-ckin' funny, a$$-wipe."

3. "Hooked on... P-hone-ics? Ponicks?"

4. "A is for Abu, martyred with rockets/ B is for Barack, with no eyes in his sockets..." Bush loved his autographed First Edition of The Gashlycrumb Jihadis.

5. Only when he got the galleys for his memoirs did Bush realize that hiring SOTG to caption the photos had been a bigger mistake than hiring Scott McLellan.

Best of Passionate Conservative
It's an old Sicilian message, it means that Pelosi sleeps with the fishes.---George Bush was thrilled at the possibilities

Best of Silhouette
ORA - "The secret lies with Charlotte?"

Best of Dub
"Laura always falls for the penis-in-the-popcorn-box trick...so this will really fool her!"

Best of Double the U
And once again Michael Moore ate all the chocolate covered cherries. damn it to hell.

Best of Jack Reacher
Thank you for ordering the starter kit "So you want to write your memoirs." Enclosed please find a sample outline, a list of 1001 excuses (Expanded since the Clinton presidency), and a check for $15 million.

Best of prince of leaves
"What's this? Another construction paper Abu Ghraib diorama in a shoebox? Sheesh -- those Code Pink women really need to grow up."

Oh, no no no no no no

Sondra K


1. Chelsea was used to saying "They are real, and they're spectacular," but not to her own dad.

2. "Yeah, I got mom's thighs and your nose... thank you so bloody much."

3. "Yeah, looks like mom just stole your date, dad. (Pause) We're not a family in the conventional sense, are we?"

4. "An 'Electra Complex?' I don't know what that is, daddy, but it sounds kinky!"

5. "Do I think Michelle Obama 'gets freaky?' Jeez, dad, can't you keep it in your pants for more than five minutes?"
Best of Jack Reacher
Breasts don't usually eat hands, but Clinton breasts appear to be carnivorous.

Best of Silhouette
I see Hillary's proof reader has been doing the signs for this year's Oscars.

Best of sonicfrog
"What's happenin', Hot Stuff..."

Best of Jay Guevara
"Am I feeling Chelsea's tits? It depends on what your definition of 'tits' is."

Best of Army of Mom
Sooo, that's how it is in that family.

Best of Steve O
Bill was always suspicious of the fact that Chelsea was born nine months after Hillary met with The Joker.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Lunchroom Etiquette

1. "I like you, lunch-lady. I think I'll kill you last."

2. "Billy, it's come to the attention of the District Commissarr that you don't love The Obama as much as the other students. We think you might benefit from some time in 'The Box.'"

3. "Frank, you and Hotlips kept me an Trapper John up all night. Use some lubricant next time!" The Livonia Elementary players present M*A*S*H.

4. "Where the f--k is that waiter with my Parmesan!"

5. "iPods. Designer backpacks. Nike Air shoes... and we still qualify for free school lunches. God bless America!"

Best of sonicfrog
"Gilligan's Table"

Best of mpur
"No, Ma'am, I don't want any free milk."

Best of Double the U
I am sorry Miss Dibbens, but your not as hot as the other teachers I sleep with.

Best of Jay Guevara
"These are not the Graham crackers I knew."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Lady, can I just eat my waffles in peace?"

Best of prince of leaves
"What do you mean you don't like your falafel, Billy? What are you, some kind of incipient pre-school racist?"

Best of robert
Jeremy, if you bite my nipple one more time, I'm gonna knock you into next week.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I better not find any pickles in my sandwich. Oh, God help you if I find a pickle in my sandwich. For every pickle that I find, I'll kill you." Stewie Griffin's first year in school created some friction among the lunch staff.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Gettin' Some Tail


1. "See, they all come back from the Enumclaw zoo with inflamed genitals."

2. "Tell the Chinese embassy we won't settle for less than $6 a pound."

3. Misguided scientists try to promote gay marriages in tigers, in order to add "diversity" to the species.

4. "Yeah, they're cute and all, but, dammit, Hillary needs a nice handbag for the convention."

5. A rare glimpse of Siegfried and Roy's secret kitty pr0n operation.

Wicked Best of Rodney Dill
'Yep... Jesse Jackson got to this one too.'

Best of duke of red
"Thassa nice-a p**sy, huh?"
I don't know why they have an Italian accent

Best of The Man
Due to unreasonable and asinine food guidelines, the DNC delegates better enjoy tiger nut soup and toejam sandwhiches on soy bread.

Best of Jack Reacher
Sorry, but Obama said you're not the tiger cub he knew. Under the bus you go.

Best of turtle
And you thought domestic cat piss was cheesing? Wait 'til you get a shot of this!

Best of Army of Mom
Chakotay's life after Voyager was sad, indeed.

Best of sonicfrog
...I'll sneak up behind him and stick my thumb up his ass. that'll really piss him off...

Best of prince of leaves
In true multicultural fashion, Ralph Nader consults an obscure oracle to determine whether he should run again this year.

Best of Steve O
Hey! Everybody DOES have one!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Rashneesh the snake handler would soon learn a very painful lesson. Snakes, you can safely pick up by the tail. Tigers... not so much.

Best of Mr. Right
"...And this is where we insert the spring, like so... and voila! Another new 'tigger' for Animal Kingdom!"

Oh, Yeah, You Like That Don'tcha

Brender
1. Anduru Sulliharlal is also into bearback sex.

2. "Rides with Bear" is the kind of name you associate with feather not dot.

3. "OMG, it's your mother... and I'm between you and her!"

4. "The first curry was too hot, the second curry was also too hot, and also the third."

5. As part of its green initiative, Microsoft Tech Support encourages ride sharing.

Wicked Best of Whacko
"Look, If you had to keep a Nymphobear satisfied 24/7, you'd have a pissed-off look too!"

Best of Submariner
yeah, yeah, the first thing I said after my weekend binge was "I married what?"

Best of Rodney Dill
Quick... get me to the woods, I gotta take a dump.

Best of Ricky Raccoon
“I’m not only a member, I’m also the president.”

Best of Ricky Raccoon
“To the Endangered Species Awards. Step on it! I don’t want to miss the green carpet.”
“Yaz, Miss Daisy.”

Best of AM42
What is it? There's something on me? Oh please don't tell me it's spider. Anything but a spider!"

Best of GregMan
In Ang Lee's remake of "The Jungle Book", Mowgli and Baloo have a special relationship. A very special relationship.

Best of Van Helsing
"Please don't sing Daisy Bell again. I just couldn't bear it."

Best of Jack Reacher
Proof that the female doesn't always get the worst of an arranged marriage. Or, maybe not...

Best of Army of Mom
India's verion of Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin. The 100-acre wood is now the ghettos of Bangladesh.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Snakes? On a plane? Man, you don't know what terror is! Now bears on a motherfarking bike?!?!? Now that's terror!" Samuel L. Jackson was busy that afternoon.

Best of Jay Guevara
Ed Asner was pleased to announce his betrothal. His "bride," not so much.

Best of prince of leaves
"Yeah, *thanks*, @$#%&%$ Match.com..."

Thursday, July 10, 2008

And Some More

Divine Miss M


Best of Paul
The Smorgasbord is open.

Best of shoechick
I didn't think British girls needed any help looking ugly.

Best of mpur
I feel a serious case of Stockholm Syndrome coming on.

Another Demotivated Thursday Babe

Divine Miss M


Best of sonicfrog
Jan finally found a way to get more attention than Marsha...

Best of Jack Reacher
Tawny always had trouble with beer, but it was her first time eating shish-kebab that put her in the hospital.

Best of Ricky Raccoon
John Edwards wants to know if she has a brother.

Best of ochagirl
Love sucks. True love swallows.

Best of R. Bateman
While celebrating our daughter's promotion, we were shocked when she told us just how she got it.

Best of Submariner
Girls that tie a knot in a cherry stem just won't do it for me anymore.

Best of mpur
Jack was conflicted: On one hand, it was an impressive display of oral talents. On the other hand, that was his beer, dammit!

Best of Army of Mom
Her mother is so proud.
Her dad? He's loading his shotgun.

Demotivated Thursday babe

Divine Miss M


Best of Submariner
So, Professor SOTG, is there any "special credit" project I can "handle" to raise my grade?

cue 'wakka-chikka' music

Best of Jack Reacher
"This one on top is called the numerator. What do you call the one on the bottom?"
"The guy?"

Best of Jack Reacher
"I'm hoping to firm up my grade. What can I do to make it firm?"
"You're halfway there now."

cue 'wakka-chikka' music

Best of Gagdad Bob
"Is that grade inflation, or are you just happy to see me?"

cue 'wakka-chikka' music

Best of GOP & College
An engineering professor could only hope that a girl like this would ask for help on lectures like Cantilever Members, Shaft Lubrication, and Fatigue From Repeated Impacts.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Dicks Against Bare Butts

H/T Aridog
Flint Police Chief David Dicks pats down a man who was stopped Monday in Flint for his sagging pants. The unidentified man was warned and released. Dicks said his officers would start arresting people wearing saggy pants that expose skivvies, boxer shorts or bare bottoms.

1. ♪ ♫ "I've been really tryin', baby/ Tryin' to hold back this feelin' for so long
And if you feel like I feel, baby/ Then, let's get it on..."♪ ♫

2. "Really, Ocifer, I'm not under the affluence of incohol."

3. "Nice. Do you work out?"

4. "I get busted for wearing saggy underwear, but you totally ignore that S&M leather hot dog vendor?"

4. Luckily, Jim McGreevey was booted out of office before his own Troopergate scandal broke.

Best of GregMan
The new recruitment posters for the San Francisco Police Department stressed the, um, "fringe benefits" of the job.

Best of mklasing
Citizens of Flint were outraged over this photo--after all, don't those people own a damn lawn mower.

Best of Whacko
"No, officer, that's not a pickle in my pocket - I'm just really glad to see you."

Best of somebody
Officer Jackson liked to lighten things up by pantsing unsuspecting suspects in the middle of a traffic stop.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
I wish the Reno P.D. would just leave Terry alone.

Best of mpur
Say, are those Spiderman undies?

Best of Silhouette
"Let's see...hem to a 30 inch inseam, a couple of darts taken in right here and here. These can be ready next Thursday, sir."

Best of Ricky Raccoon
"I’ve never seen them pants before in my life. I was just holding ‘em for somebody."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"This is the fifth time I've pulled you over this week."
"Sorry, officer. I wish I could quit you."

Best of Submariner
But officer; all I did was ask for a bit of your time to tell you about Ron Paul!

Practice Makes Perfect

Taht Ghey Conservative


1. "Hey, Jughead, you already got Sully's vote."

2. "That wasn't mustard."

3. "That better be a soy dog. That bun better be organic. That better be made from locally-sourced food. That better have been made by unionized food service workers. That better..."

4. It may not be arugula, thought Hussein. But it's better than that sh1t sandwich Republicans have to eat.

5. Even Sully giggled when Hussein proclaimed, "This is not the wiener that I knew."
Best of Double the U
Michelle finally understood why he always got angry and said, "Honey you're doing it wrong."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Hey Gavin, top this!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
I was going to riff on the "clinging to guns and religion" quote, but when I wrote "clinging to his weiner", it just sounded wrong.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
If he keeps up with the hot dogs and pancakes, Obama can select Mushmouth, Dumb Donald, Russell, Weird Harold, Bill, Rudy and Bucky to his cabinet.

Best of The Man
The media then swooped down to catch any flakes of bun or hot dog. Rumors of the medicinal power of the food scraps from the messiah are rampant among the press corps.

Best of Dub
Michelle couldnt help but to scoff and mutter "rookie".

Best of mklasing
Later at the funeral people mused, "How could Barry not have known that the fishnet hot dog vendor was a Ron Paul supporter? He wasn't even wearing a disguise."

Best of Jack Reacher
A partially eaten hot dog was later found thrown under B. Hussein Obama's bus.

Best of mpur
Obama practices for his 'meeting with foreign leaders without preconditions' policy.

Best of Silhouette
"Next, I'll try this based-ball thing, and THAT should satisfy the peasants that I'm one of them."

Best of Gagdad Bob
This is just the high-tech lunching of a successful black man.

Best of Rodney Dill
Obama-nibble

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

In Case You Were Wondering How Andrew Sullivan Spent the 4th of July...

Subby


1. The kids agreed that next year, Dad should just stick to his usual 'Kiss the Cook' barbecue apron.

2. Folsom Street's most popular hot dog vendor invites patrons to swallow his meat.

3. "It was supposed to be a Darth Vader Costume, but I forgot what he looked like."

4. Bruce did a brisk business with delegates at the DNC convention who were eager to get a piece of his hot meat. He also sold a lot of hot dogs.

5. Privately, Hank Hill did not care for Strickland's "edgy" new mascot.

Best of Gagdad Bob
I warned you: you don't want to know how hot dogs are made.

Best of Double the U
Bruce's first and last day as Promotional Manager at Char-Broil.

Best of The Man
The Grillin' With GWAR segment on the Martha Stewart show never really took off.

Best of Submariner
OJA: Your punishment? Death - by bunga bunga!

Best of kg
Yellow mustard in the front pouch; guess where the brown mustard is?

Best of andthenblammo!
Meet the new SpongeBob character, SpoogeBob!

Best of sonicfrog
To try and boost the sagging ratings, "Iron Chef" gets a make-over...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Uhm... no thanks, I'm trying to cut down on my nitrates... and nightmares"

Best of Jack Reacher
Dad?

Best of duke of red
"You want mustard? Hmm? Yeah, that's right...Mmm...Mustard, Mustard! MUSTAAAARRDD!!!..... Ahhh"

Best of Adjustah
The other Sith Lords rarely spoke about Darth Chunk.

Best of GregMan
John Edwards hires a new head chef for his mansion.

heh heh 'head' chef heh heh

Best of Steve O
After the BBQ everyone's going to have an A55 RGY.

Best of divine miss m
And for dessert, all we need is a blindfold, a can of whipped cream, and a glass coffee table.

Best of Rodney Dill
Cheezbugger... Cheezbugger...

Best of shoechick
Is that mustard in your pouch or are you happy to see me?

Retro Metros

Timmeh!

1. "I say, old chap, what say we skip the pub and just motor over to my flat, have some tea, and engage in buggery."

2. "I say, is that a ladies brassiere on your head? Well, no matter, let's begin the buggery."

3. "If only there were some way of viewing illicit images in the privacy of one's own home, I wouldn't need to take photos of farm animals buggering each other in order to get myself off."

4. "I say, Lady Mondegreen appears to be vomiting all over the driver's seat. Well, no matter... shall we get to buggering?"

5. "No, I'm quite afraid there's no spare tire in the boot, I had to make room for the inflatable rubber cowboy."

Best of Submariner
Don't you just hate these trips to the country to obtain shrubberies?

Best of Jack Reacher
Trevor and Niles had to drive farther out into the country all the time to avoid offending the imam with their behaviour.

Best of Silhouette
Sully and the boyfriend play AFP photog and Abu Ghraib prisoner...again.

Best of Submariner
Really, Nigel; must you wear my panties on your head? Mum gets so angry when you do...

Best of Leisure Suit Larry
Crumpets, tea or buggery?

Best of Tim
McCain's grades in the Academy suffered under his twin loves of buggery and plastic surgery.

Best of The Man
Does this hat make me look buggery?

Best of attmay
Ang Lee's The Great Gatsby

Best of mpur
Is your uh, is your wife interested in... photography, ay? 'Photographs, Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?

Best of prince of leaves
"I do say, it's worth motoring all the way out here to Teasdaleshirehamton *just* for the scones. And, of course, the buggery."

Best of GregMan
"I say, Reginald, let's go off and have some bangers and chips, quaff a few pints, watch the telly, take the lift to the flat, and engage in some buggery."

Demotivators


Divine Miss M emailed me a bunch. I posted them over at the Tertiary Blog.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Ironic, Considering He Doesn't Have a Prayer



1. "Your mother sucks c-cks in Hell, Karras, you faithless slime. ..."

2. Harak-ptui!

3. "Ow! His head must like 400 degrees or something!"

4. "And when I snap my fingers, you'll awaken refreshed, and you'll have changed your position on drilling in ANWR."

5. "I'm sure it's just a malfunctioning positronic transceiver in his corticle array. Either that or his emotion chip is overheating again. We can give you an inflatable rubber cowboy as a loaner. When's the last time you had him in for service, anyway?"

Best of Dub
Ha ha, now your forehead smells like your wife's panties.

Best of Silhouette
Senator McCain leads the nation in prayers that V the K dumps the whole "blue on gray" text color scheme.

Best of curly
“It’s called baptism, not ‘waterboarding for Jesus’.”

Best of curly
When asked if he really plans to secure the borders, McCain needs help nodding his head ‘yes’.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hold on, I'm getting something now. It sounds like...mariachi music and laughter. That mean anything to you?"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Okay, we've been able to reveal the deep sickness you truly possess. This explains your desire to hide behind "faith" and "good deeds" to cover up what a sick (intercourse) you really are."


verification word = ndfommy

Best of mpur
The power of Rove compels you!

Best of Submariner
Famed phrenologist Carlos Luiz Hector Juan de'Pepe Santiago checks the candidate; "Sorry, mi amigo, but the bumps? They do not lie and they tell me 'also ran' is in your future..."

Best of Adjustah
On a post-apocalyptic Earth, Starbuck has Tigh in for a routine service...

Time Marches On



1. "Tryin' to run away, little fatty fat-fat? Thought you could get away, little fatty fat-fat. Now, stand still while ol' W gives you a noogie, little fatty fat-fat."

2. "Tell Move-On-dot-org his mom said John McCain can have this one."

3. "Son, Congressman Frank wanted me to ask if you'd like to play some 'tea-bag' with him. Silly old man, it's called T-ball."

4. "You looked like a cub bear playing with his prick out there. WTF is wrong with you?"

5. Teal'c generally enjoyed coaching Little League, until that fateful day one they won the championship and the little sh-ts dumped a gallon of ice-cold Gatorade on him. The carnage that ensued was unspeakable indeed.

Best of Double the U
Remember what John Kerry told you, if you don't play baseball well you'll end up in Iraq fighting one of my wars... GO GET THEM SLUGGER!

Best of Submariner
"Get a hit, or the beaver'll eat you..."

Best of Jack Reacher
"You just got to motivate your base," drawled Bush. "For instance, this little feller is playing for a box of Twinkies. You know he's swinging for the fences."

Best of curly
“Normally I would say something like ‘knock it over the fence’, but we’ve removed every single fence in America.”

Best of mpur
Because you're such a special player, we've created a unique position just for you: deep roving center field. Go get 'em, champ!

Best of sonicfrog
Bush and fellow Illuminati members Uncle Tom and Ling Ling prepare the next generation of deciders...

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Sondra's Original Caption Is Pretty Damn Good

Sondra K
Republican presidential candidate, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., reacts to a protester shouting “HEY, MAKE A FACE LIKE A RETARD!!!” during his speech to the National Association of Latino Elected Officials in Washington, Saturday, June 28, 2008.


Best of Submariner
Juanny Mac recreates the podium scene from Police Academy I on prime time TV...

Best of prince of leaves
"NALEO? That's what we called margarine back in my day!"

Best of prince of leaves
"Heh-heh -- lookithat -- someone's showing donkey pr0n on my teleprompters!"

Best of curly
“Dang, Hillary! With a rig like that, you should start your own oil exploration firm!”

Best of Jack Reacher
Sure, Depends offers effective protection. Discreet? Well, that much is up to the wearer.

Best of GregMan
Where John McCain was when his laxative kicked in.

Best of mpur
Singing
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay
My, oh my, what a wonderful day