Friday, December 19, 2008

Mutater

Metalgarth

1. And then, Neil Bush ripped out Rosie O'Donnell's still-beating heart and showed it to her before plunging the stake through it.

2. Though employees at AIG enjoyed lavish Christmas bonuses, employees at other companies weren't so lucky.

3. Still smaller and less gross than what my cat barfs up on a typical day.

4. Vegisexuals were delighted with recent Massachusetts and California Supreme Court decisions.

5. The only Christmas ornament legally allowed after Obama apoointments pack the Supreme Court.

Best of Whacko
That's the second largest Hemorrhoid I've ever seen!

Best of GregMan
What happened once his laxative kicked in.

Best of GregMan
"It followed me home. Can I keep it?"

Best of jj
After the terrible Cone of Silence accident, Maxwell Smart holds up the remnants of The Chief.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Dr. Finkle displays a record-setting bezoar removed from the only person foolish enough to have actually eaten a holiday fruitcake.
In honor of the late Travis Splotz, Finkle plans to wrap the bezoar up and regift it.

Best of Jack Reacher
A spokesman for WWF denies that the Federation condones steroid use, while he holds his pet goldfish.

Best of metalgarth
"In Chernoybal, Potato eats YOU!"

Best of Submariner
Unlike Macleod, this immortal tooks scrot's from his wins, not heads.

Best of Matt the Kostume
Chevy Chase shows off the tumor that has been responsible for the discomfort in his career.

Best of Jay Guevara
"See? Liberals do so have a soul!"

Best of flyovercountry
NBC, trying to gain ratings, announced it's latest reality show entitled, "What is this Thing".

Best of prince of leaves
2056: her personal assistants wheel out a retiring Helen Thomas for one last White House press conference.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Due to first-cousin royal family marriages, apparently this is heir to one of the thrones in Europe.

Best of Dr. Hardcrab
The world was happier place since Roberto Benigni decided to take up tuber growing instead of making movies....

47 comments:

Whacko said...

That's the second largest Hemorrhoid I've ever seen!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

AREA 51 fan Danny Aiello introduces the world to the first confirmed extraterrestrial. Xemi~flurnz not only comes in peace, she has the hots for humans with receding hairlines.

GregMan said...

What happened once his laxative kicked in.

GregMan said...

What, is it still Thursday?

GregMan said...

Once Chairman Obama collectivized the nation's farms, people were forced to eat whatever they could find.

GregMan said...

"Look! Another vote for Franken!"

GregMan said...

"It followed me home. Can I keep it?"

jj said...

After the terrible Cone of Silence accident, Maxwell Smart holds up the remnants of The Chief.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Dr. Finkle displays a record-setting bezoar removed from the only person foolish enough to have actually eaten a holiday fruitcake.
In honor of the late Travis Splotz, Finkle plans to wrap the bezoar up and regift it.

WordVerify: tater - you may say tomahto, but I yam what I yam

Jack Reacher said...

Remember the old riddle "How do you know if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?" This man knows.

Jack Reacher said...

AP, Teheran, 2010--Proving the effectiveness of their micro-nukes, an Israeli diplomat holds up the remains of former Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Jack Reacher said...

A spokesman for WWF denies that the Federation condones steroid use, while he holds his pet goldfish.

Jack Reacher said...

"See this part at the top? That means it's Change. Without that, it's a pile of Hope."

The Man said...

Andrew Sullivan's proctologist announced that he was indeed full of shit.

metalgarth said...

Blago's appointment to the Senate was just blantant pandering to the agricultural lobby.

vw: bolated... (says it all)

metalgarth said...

"In Chernoybal, Potato eats YOU!"

vw: summarizes caption this according to the foul mouth idiots at Huffington Post "HATEFOU"

Submariner said...

Momma TOLD him not to pick his nose...

Submariner said...

Unlike Macleod, this immortal tooks scrot's from his wins, not heads.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

REUTERS, Area 51 ALIEN UPDATE!!!
The UATator (Universal Alien Translator) is finally working! Ssssh... we're about to hear the first alien words uttered by the Z~nus~ki as it deddle's* Aiello's head -
"Hi, thaylor, new in town?"

Oh hell, more Democrats.

* Word Verify: deddle - to stroke affectionately with a slimy pseudopod

Submariner said...

ORA:

In Ed Woods' remake, Seymoure became a feckless Idaho farmer and Audrey became a tuber with a 'tude.

Submariner said...

Nothin' ta be seein' here, folks; 'Tis jist Chevy Chase displayin' his "Lifetime Achievement Award." Please ta be movin' along, now...

Submariner said...

Lance Croft; Womb Trader

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Mortimer Fneem talks about his cheap Tijuana hair transplant: "What began as a small post plug infection has grown into a 19-lb pulsating inoperable tumor. When I sneeze, the thing sounds like bagpipes; worse, during hay fever season, it can actually play Amazing Grace."

WordVerify: frefurou - what I wish the Thursday babe on the bed would say she costs.

Matt the Kostume said...

Chevy Chase shows off the tumor that has been responsible for the discomfort in his career.

Jay Guevara said...

"See? Liberals do so have a soul!"

Anonymous said...

What hump?

Rodney Dill said...

Sully's proctologist poses for yet another Guiness Worlds record photo.

flyovercountry said...

NBC, trying to gain ratings, announced it's latest reality show entitled, "What is this Thing".

molson said...

Man grafts hand to giant tuber. Now wonders how he will scratch his ass.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

EPA spin doctor Gil Doinkberry was unprepared for the barrage of nervous health questions regarding KFC's new genetically-modified yamato's dual use as French fried nuggets or a biofuel - "Looks are deceiving... once you wrestle one to the ground and beat it senseless, it tastes just like chicken, with a delicate petroleum aroma."

Submariner said...

ORA

...then I ripped this... uh... Kuato!
from George's chest and eliminated the rebellion at the source.

prince of leaves said...

Early human trials like Mrs. Helen Johnston (pictured with her grandson Todd), showed serious unexpected side-effects with Glaxo's experimental rejuvenation pill.

prince of leaves said...

Andrew Sullivan uncovers the terrifying truth about Sarah Palin's womb.

prince of leaves said...

2056: her personal assistants wheel out a retiring Helen Thomas for one last White House press conference.

Seoulman (R) said...

Ok, 20 questions - animal, vegetable or mineral

Seoulman (R) said...

This year's Botanist of the year holds his "Mutie" to a half-excited audience.

Seoulman (R) said...

When an elephant lays down with a pig

Seoulman (R) said...

Not only do I know where I was when my laxitive kicked it, I know what came out of me... this

Seoulman (R) said...

Due to first-cousin royal family marriages, apparently this is heir to one of the thrones in Europe.

Dr. Hardcrab said...

The world was happier place since Roberto Benigni decided to take up tuber growing instead of making movies....

mega said...

Once the tumor had been removed, he was able to go back to making movies about as good as European Vacation. Versus the crappy stuff that came later.

conservativeteen said...

What not to dress your baby up as when halloween come around.

Submariner said...

Ach! I giss ye WILL purrade teh Hagis.

Van Helsing said...

A proctologist displays one of the foreign objects that had to be removed from Andrew Sullivan's lower bowel.

Dactyl said...

I just don't get modern art.

Matt the Kostume said...

"It's NOT a tumor! Oh, you said 'tuber'? Well, yes, I guess it is then."

Van Helsing said...

He buried it in the damp earth of the fruit cellar. When the moon turned full, Helen Thomas, clawed her way up from under the ground.