1. Coal in their stockings was just too good for the CEO's of bailed out banking institutions, but with their billions in taxpayer supplied bonuses, who cared if Santa thought they were naughty?
2. After the Democrat congress passed card-check, the elves workshop was taken over by the UAW. The new contract meant Santa had to pay them full-time wages even if they did nothing but play reindeer games. Soon, the North Pole was bankrupt and Santa was reduced to this.
3. "Whoa, is that George W. Bush's last shred of common sense? How long has that been in there?"
4. "Oh, look, the dignity of the U.S. Senate. Franken must have 'won' the recount."
5. "Wow! Look at all the testicles. This must be GOP campaign headquarters."
Wicked Best of Prince of leaves
What Santa left in the dumpster would be the subject of tragedy-whore Nancy Grace's breathless, sensational, and exploitative conjectures for the next six months.
Best of metalgarth
Sometimes Santa wondered if it was worth the time and effort to leave Oscar the Grouch a lump of coal in his stocking.
Best of Matt the Kostume
Santa delivers presents to Margot Kidder's house.
Best of GregMan
"Oh, look, the U.S. economy!"
Best of GregMan
"Oh, look, the stock price of the New York Times!"
Best of Kaptain Krude
ORA: Paul took off the white disco suit and put on the Santa suit to throw off Henry Rollins.
Best of molson
I know it doesn't look good, but at least this time Santa is wearing pants.
Best of mega
In a rare moment of clarity, Santa suddenly realized that all of the consumerist trash he'd been delivering to kids for two millenia was just that, and tossing it all in the dumpster lifted a huge weight off his shoulders.
Best of Jack Reacher
He was reduced to this, after an FBI wiretap caught Santa ranting "Hey, a spot on the Nice list is worth a lot; I'm not gonna just GIVE it away!"
Best of Rodney Dill
♬
Oh... who ate the raisins outta grandma's puke...
♬
Best of Submariner
Dub finally finally finds the perfect woman - not one ounce of body fat...
33 comments:
Well lookie here... must be thousands of ACORN registration slips, all filled out in the name of Casper the Friendly Ghost!
-or-
Man, I hate scrounging in these White House trash bins. Nothing but shredded science documents, blacked out FOI requests, scores of crumpled up environmental impact studies, drafts of Bush's Constitutional Amendment wish list, and 8 years worth of his Christian Jihad Monthly subscription. EUREKA! The twins come through with a half empty vodka bottle!
"Look, the will of the voters! This must be the California Supreme Court."
Sometimes Santa wondered if it was worth the time and effort to leave Oscar the Grouch a lump of coal in his stocking.
Santa delivers presents to Margot Kidder's house.
"No, little girl, you have to stay in the dumpster - its your reward for being on top of the 'naughty' list."
Yet another former Attorney General fired by the Bush/Rove cabal tries his luck at a new career.
"Oh, look, the U.S. economy!"
After Christmas had been banned by the Obamessiah Administration in favor of Ramadan, former department store Santas fell onto hard times.
"Oh, look, the stock price of the New York Times!"
ORA: Paul took off the white disco suit and put on the Santa suit to throw off Henry Rollins.
Ok, V, I bet you don't get this one!
Because a lump of coal is not bad enough of a present for the members of the new Democrat majority, Santa is forced to look elsewhere.
Oh, Look... the Bush Legacy. Right next to the pardon requests for Ramos and Compean.
After the second great stock market crash in 2009, previously high flying stock traders were forced to find a new line of work.
I know it doesn't look good, but at least this time Santa is wearing pants.
Ho Ho Ho, stay in the bag, little rat. Once you're skinned and roasted, you look like squirrel and taste like chicken. This'll be our little secret... the soup kitchen doesn't want to know anyway. And, who's your friend? Here, kitty kitty kitty.
Might explain why good samaritans can now be sued.
C'mon, be realistic about it. What were we really expecting to happen to caucasian Santas after Obama took the helm?
In a rare moment of clarity, Santa suddenly realized that all of the consumerist trash he'd been delivering to kids for two millenia was just that, and tossing it all in the dumpster lifted a huge weight off his shoulders.
POLICE BULLETIN:
Anyone with information pertaining to a large number of abused reindeer carcasses left in a dumpster off Lex and 43rd, please call Precinct 1.
GregMan said...
"Oh, look, the U.S. economy!"
Nice try, GM, but I'm pretty sure that would have to be a toilet, not a dumpster...
"The Precious-s-s-s-s-s-s, We wants it!"
What Santa left in the dumpster would be the subject of tragedy-whore Nancy Grace's breathless, sensational, and exploitative conjectures for the next six months.
"Well now, what are the chances of finding Bush's remaining goodwill, Congress' last shred of credibility, McCain's loyalty, and Obamessiah's "Change" all in the same dumpster?"
After finding more than a few fascinating documents in the dumpster behind the Illinois governor's mansion, Santa struck a deal, and assumed his Senate seat the next week.
He was reduced to this, after an FBI wiretap caught Santa ranting "Hey, a spot on the Nice list is worth a lot; I'm not gonna just GIVE it away!"
"I was hoping to score some good gifts, but all I find are journalistic ethics and political integrity."
Santa still held onto the belief that Obama's middle-class tax cut was real, and continued to search through areas where it might have been misplaced.
(accidentally posted this on the thread above)
"Wow a last shread of decency... I knew Blago's office was the perfect place to dumpster dive."
♬
Oh... who ate the raisins outta grandma's puke...
♬
"These kids today... wanting a Paris Hilton cum dumpster doll... How the hell am I supposed to know which one of these dumpsters has a Paris Hilton in it?" Santa swore that he would catch up on this modern lingo as soon as Christmas was over.
"LIttle bastards... leave me skim milk, low-fat cookies, and a diet book... I'll teach them a thing or two... oh, and don't even get me started on me being "green"... What the hell's up with that? Oh, I'll teach them to screw with me! Anne Margeret Lewis, you'll wish you never made my naughty list!"
What, you didn't think the elves made all the toys, did you?
Dub finally finally finds the perfect woman - not one ounce of body fat...
V the K, although cleverly disguised, is caught looking for the next Thursday babe.
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