Saturday, December 27, 2008

Abominable Snowman


1. With a little luck, Calvin mused, no one would find Suzy Derkins body until Spring.

2. Despite some bloodstains on that old silk hat the police found, Frosty was exonerated by an LA jury and vowed to search for the real killers.

3. Once Algor's advance work was complete and the Earth was a frozen waste, the invasion could begin.

4. "That's it man, game over man, game over! What the f*ck are we gonna do now?"

5. Judging from his front yard, Ted Stevens ain't takin' his loss too well.

Best of jj
I told you that snow-blower was no good!

Best of Jack Reacher
CSI Wasilla only ran for three episodes.

Best of dadoctah
Don Hertzfeldt's "Rejected Cartoons" comes to 3-D.

Best of flyovercountry
An alternative ending to "A Christmas Story", where Ralphie did indeed "shoot his eye out".

Best of LifeTrek
It's all fun and games till snow'buddy loses an eyeball!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
TIME-LIFE Videos Presents- Mating Habits of Hemophilic Snowmen

Best of Submariner
Oh, fer the luvva Gaia; Maude! Just put a cork in it and let's go; we're already a half-hour late for the Henderson's party!

Best of Matt the Kostume
Another senseless driveby at the North Pole...

25 comments:

conservativeteen said...

Obama forgets to include eyecare in his healthcare plan for snow[i]persons[/i].

or

Bob forgot that snow men don't get [i]nose[/i]bleeds when looking at sexy pron.

mega said...

AP/WaPo/NYT caption: "In Gaza, even snowmen were mercilously slaughtered in the recent Israeli action."

robert said...

Christmas in Tiajuana.

Achilles said...

This snow sculpture of blood shooting out of the eyes correctly captures the response of the typical liberal to the words "Sarah Palin."

jj said...

I told you that snow-blower was no good!

Jack Reacher said...

Rotund and bleeding? NOT Dub's idea of a prom date.

Jack Reacher said...

CSI Wasilla only ran for three episodes.

dadoctah said...

Don Hertzfeldt's "Rejected Cartoons" comes to 3-D.

flyovercountry said...

An alternative ending to "A Christmas Story", where Ralphie did indeed "shoot his eye out".

prince of leaves said...

Incredibly, it wasn't *this* gory tableau that got a young Lorena Bobbitt sent to court-mandated counseling.

molson said...

Another example of the horrors of global warming.

LifeTrek said...

It's all fun and games till snow'buddy loses an eyeball!
David

Van Helsing said...

How to get an NEA grant for making snowmen.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Hollywood's Most Underreported Love Quadrangle
The two losers continued their battle to the death even as a breathless Bambi mounted and rode The Stinger's carrot & peas to a frosty org*sm.

-or-

TIME-LIFE Videos Presents- Mating Habits of Hemophilic Snowmen
Having milked macro fauna to death in the name of commercialization, the publishing giant now turns its attention to hyping make-believe forest dwellers, e.g., whore faeries, gay leprechauns, ethical politicians, born again yetis.

Submariner said...

RED WINGS; UR DOIN IT RONG

Submariner said...

Y'know, Dub, we WARNED you not to say a crude comment to Mom about size when you met her. But did you listen? No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o...
You ain't got anybody to blame but yourself.

Submariner said...

I find it to be a suitable deterent when boys come to pick up my daughter for a date.

Submariner said...

Oh, fer the luvva Gaia; Maude! Just put a cork in it and let's go; we're already a half-hour late for the Henderson's party!

Submariner said...

Yeah, yeah, Billy - "a monster rose up out of the S'Quad and ate your whole troop..." - What REALLY happened?

Whacko said...

"How's life, you ask? Well, its better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick! Wait a sec, I have been poked in the eye with a sharp stick!"

Rodney Dill said...

Sh*thouse rules!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

I WARNED you! We're out here freezing our asses off with nary an ember in these freaking corncobs, and Santa plucks our eyes out whenever that little punk Timmy needs a lesson in humility. There's absolutely nothing jolly about being snowmen!

Word Verify: cureemo - not so fast... what's wrong with emo and does he have any insurance?

dub said...

Left Snowman: Earned his redwings while being on top.

Right Snowman: Earned his the hard way.

Dactyl said...

Doc, it hurts when I do this.

Matt the Kostume said...

Another senseless driveby at the North Pole...