Monday, November 24, 2008
Where No Monday Has Gone Before
1. "Dear Mom, Well, once again, Mr. 'Thpock' has shown up for the morning watch walking funny and wearing the wrong tunic. I tell you, the list of places 'where no man has gone before' most definitely does not include Spock's poop chute."
2. "... and I swear if Mr. Sulu grabs my thigh one more time while 'accidentally' reaching for the impulse engine controls he'll be piloting the ship with his left hand from now on."
3. "Aw, geez. Now, Spock just pooted. Watch him blame it on me and claim Vulcans never fart."
4. "I'll fire phasers in a minute. First, I have to sign Uhura's birthday card."
5. "Wouldn't it be cool if we got to wear... I don't know, rainbow toques or something?"
Best of Jack Reacher
"It appears, Mr. Sulu, that another copy of Stud Puppet magazine has jammed the controls."
"Oh, ah, that belongs to the ensign."
Best of Silhouette
"Stop wasting time with that stupid puzzle, Lt. Sudoku."
Best of Kaptain Krude
Spock: "Fascinating. The new gaydar keeps giving a contact from here on the bridge. Observations, Mr. Sulu?"
Sulu: (soto voce) "Bitch."
Best of metalgarth
I hate it when they print the Jumble in Klingon!
Best of MattKostume
"Hmmm... seventeen-letter word for 'Klingon sex organ'...."
Best of Submariner
Dear diary; I've been looking through the 21st century archives, and, hey; John Edwards is good!
Best of dub
Ensign Ricky felt an odd sense of pride, and also shame, for only having one sodomy bracelets.
Best of lawhawk
Day 65. The showers stopped working a week ago, and you have no idea what body odor is until you work with a Vulcan.
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"Slower, Spock! I graduated near the bottom of my secretarial class. Taking shorthand's hard enough in English, much less Vulcan expletives... at warp speed... while dodging those photon thingies. Should abandon ship be capitalized?"
Best of MattKostume
Lets see... blinky lights, fake boulders, ear extensions, fabulous trousers... what else do we need from the store???
Best of Rodney Dill
OK, now what a six letter word for the Roman god of fire?
Best of flyovercountry
OK, carry the 9, then add the next column to the left, got it. Mr. Spock, planet RH457 is 978,560,008,957,690,453,675,867,980 miles away.
Best of Jay Guevara
"Lieutenant, calculate how much we have to reduce the gain to keep the gaydar from blowing up."
Best of prince of leaves
"And as for you, Mr. Sulu, I'll thank you to stop attempting 'the Catamite Maneuver' on the young ensign here whenever I leave you alone with him on the bridge."
Best of Double the U
Stop looking over my shoulder Spock! Stop cheating and get your own answers.
Best of mega
Sadly, when Windows2266 froze, it was back to pens and paper on the Enterprise. Spock's vain attempt to fix the system with a stun-grip was laughable in the face of three centuries of accumulated bugs and bloatware.
Best of attmay
"Captain Kirk, what's a seven-letter word for a fat, bald, egomaniac, third letter "A"? Never mind, I think I thought of one."