1, Jared finally found a safe place to keep his stash.
2. Ow to Speak Awstralyun: "Foreplay"
3. The other farm-hands dreaded Monday mornings, when Joe would act out his weekends at the bath house.
4. "Great, now my whole arm is covered with hope and change."
5. Andrew Sullivan immediately converted to Hindu in hopes of being reincarnated as a Holstein.
Best of molson
Hey Bill! Steve was only f'ing with when he said cows have a reboot button. I can't believe you fell for that!
Best of robert
Now where did I leave my dignity? Oh, yeah - in here some where.
Best of flyovercountry
Joe, the dairy farmer, wishes Obama would explain his spread the wealth plan to him so he could tell him where he could put it.
Best of Dactyl
I can't find my keys anywhere...
Best of prince of leaves
TDC's unlikely hit, "The Cow Whisperer", contained several controversial deleted scenes when released on DVD.
Best of Jack Reacher
When Clem pulled out his hand, clutching dozens of ACORN-provided voter registration cards, the Ohio election results suddenly made more sense.
Best of Seoulman (R)
rectum? damn near killed 'em
Best of Whacko
"My grandpa was right. He said 'don't ever do anything once that you don't want to keep doing the rest of your life.'"
Best of Jay Guevara
Cow thought bubble: "Damn, America really is a downright mean country."
Best of mega
If you're a farm animal, in Brazil, you ARE going to end up in a porn vid at some point. You just let your mind go to another, happier place, a better time in your life, when you had dignity.
Best of Van Helsing
David Axelrod gathers material for Obama's next speech.
Best of Army of Mom
You thought you had a shitty job.
Best of Army of Dad
What? She wanted it, you saw the way she backed up to me!
Best of Dub
Happy Cows come from Folsom Dairies.
Best of dadoctah
"Oh boy", though Sam. "Ever since Al failed to dredge up more funding for the project, more and more of my Leaps seem to start out this way."
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
TSA's pre-boarding frisking ritual is about to become considerably more intrusive.
71 comments:
Senator Obama's search for bullets for his resume continues...
Oh stop it, it isn't that gross, he has to do that so the guy inside can get back out.
Amish mechanic.
"This is the worst Halloween costume I've ever seen."
Yeah. This is where I shove my lunch to warm it up. So what of it? You don't see any microwaves around here do ya?
Hey Bill! Steve was only f'ing with when he said cows have a reboot button. I can't believe you fell for that!
Farmer Bob demonstrates what an Obama presidency will feel like to the nation's population, only without the hand being ice cold and five times wider.
wv: umues
Read into that what you will.
"Excuse me, miss, have you heard the good news about Ron Paul?"
"Hey doc, I've already got a dentist!"
"You're with Moooove-On? I find that claim highly preposterous!"
Bossie (R-WI) has second thoughts about running for office as her press interview continues.
Can you answer the phone? I'm up to my elbow in poo.
V gets desperate looking for captions.
Now where did I leave my dignity? Oh, yeah - in here some where.
Mr. Garrison demonstrates - well, never mind.
"Hello, I love you won't you tell me your name?
Hello, I love you let me jump in your game."
(All milk cows love The Doors)
Joe, the dairy farmer, wishes Obama would explain his spread the wealth plan to him so he could tell him where he could put it.
"Nope... that's not it..."
I can't find my keys anywhere...
"What do you mean, it's a bull?" --the rookie insperminator's last words before being launched into orbit through the barn roof.
Some boys dream of growing up to be astronauts, some baseball players, some actors, some even President. Jimmy always dreamed of...well...
TDC's unlikely hit, "The Cow Whisperer", contained several controversial deleted scenes when released on DVD.
Hollywood producer Mervyn Feldstein reaches deep for another recycled movie plot.
When Clem pulled out his hand, clutching dozens of ACORN-provided voter registration cards, the Ohio election results suddenly made more sense.
"Mr. Baldwin? Miss Roberts? You can come out; Obama won."
With the LIBOR finally stabilizing, Ted realized he should get back into mutual funds and went to retrieve his cash horde from "under the mattress."
WKRP Newscast, Les Nessman reporting: "So, Mr. Bulltwaddle, exactly why do you have your arm halfway up a poor heifer's rectum?"
Hank sheepishly replies, "Waall, now, when I volunteahed to be ah female condom inspector, this heah is NOT how I imagined the durability tests would be conducted!"
Erratum - sorry, y'all, I don't usually type in a "New England farm twang" dialect
WKRP Newscast, Les Nessman reporting: "So, Mr. Bulltwaddle, exactly why do you have your arm halfway up a poor heifer's rectum?"
Hank sheepishly replies, "Waall, now, when I volunteahed to be ah female condom inspectah, this heah is NOT how I 'magined the durability tests would be conducted!"
Billybob's FARM FACTOID #18: "Not many cityfolk are aware of this, but when a Guernsey suffers from inverted nipples, you have to go in this way to poke 'em back out. Sometimes, I do the same thing to my missus, but she's a lot less cooperative."
Dub, please think carefully before captioning this one ... I have it on good authority favorable captions will encourage VtheK to post more cows on Thursdays!
How Jim Henson got started
rectum? damn near killed 'em
I'm a love 'em and beef 'em kind of guy
How the medical records of Michelle Obama were obtained.
(Please don't send the Obama squad after me)
We begin where PETA is afraid to go
Rep. Willard Buckston demonstrates the arcane but only congressionally-approved method for eliminating waste in government. Sadly, this is also the method rookie IRS agent are taught to separate tax money from its rightful owner. My fervent hope is that all incumbents are soon on the receiving end.
Fearful of Becky's reaction if she ever learned he'd lost his wedding ring, Buford took the bull by the horns (so to speak) and went on a fishing expedition. One down, 328 to go!
-OR-
Spelunker's Motto: Always use the buddy system when exploring caves.
After inhaling one methane fart too many, a comatose Buford was discovered dangling limply from Bessie's rear, by his wife, of course.
-OR-
Elmer cursed the old Yellow Pages jingle ringing in his ears - "Let your fingers do the walking..."
"My grandpa was right. He said 'don't ever do anything once that you don't want to keep doing the rest of your life.'"
At Texas A&M, freshmen only wished that this was all there was to hazing.
B*!! $hit!
1. Once they'd seen his art, the NEA had some sharp words for the artist they'd commissioned to "capture the spirit of George Soros's interaction with Barack Obama."
2. "Hey, I got your hope and change right here."
Cow thought bubble: "Damn, America really is a downright mean country."
If you're a farm animal, in Brazil, you ARE going to end up in a porn vid at some point. You just let your mind go to another, happier place, a better time in your life, when you had dignity.
David Axelrod gathers material for Obama's next speech.
*Whistle while you work*
Damn, dropped my bubble gum.
I am here to pick @ss and chew bubble gum, and I am all out of bubble gum.
You thought you had a shitty job.
Mike Rowe has really let himself go.
Farmer Dan and Bessie Make a Porno
Nothing up my sleeve: Presto!
PUPPETRY: UR DOIN IT WRONG!
Jeff Dunham: the early days.
Angry Wife: *yelling* I should have known I'd find you elbow deep in that cow!
Honey, it isn't what you think. I was looking for my contact.
Once the high wore off Farmer Dan swore he'd never smoke that whacky weed again. Bessie never looked at him the same after that fateful night.
I bet he won't even call her tomorrow.
Welcome to Crap This.
What? She wanted it, you saw the way she backed up to me!
Voting booths in Enumclaw.
Great Leader Osama's mandatory kindergarten Sex Ed classes took a not entirely unexpected turn in Enumclaw.
The search for The Obamassiah's Columbia University records continues.
"I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places"
Okay, I admit this is direct plagiarism from an old Playboy cartoon depicting an OBGYN approaching a patient with her feet in the stirrups.
Happy Cows come from Folsom Dairies.
This isnt where chocolate milk comes from.....is it??
Next Thursday's photo babe gets prepped for her photo shoot.
...if this is my thermometer, then where is my pen?
Obsessive compulsive career couselor. FAIL
"Oh boy", though Sam. "Ever since Al failed to dredge up more funding for the project, more and more of my Leaps seem to start out this way."
Most folks don't realize it, but there is a lot of intensive training before a cow is considered stump broke.
Handy-capable Tommy believed the other farm hands when they told him how to milk a cow.
Andrew Sullivan spent his days dreaming of being a cow.
Ok kids, for today's lesson, we'll be using pictures to explain current concepts. In this first picture the cow represents you and I. The farmer represents Obama's economic policies.
Any Questions?
Object Lesson for Naive Voters:
Be wary of all politicians who claim they can pull a rabbit out of the hat to fix a problem. They don't know squat about hats or rabbits!
LATE-BREAKING NEWS... PETA EXPOSES ANTI-TERRORIST PLAN!!!
Secretly filmed at Dept of Homeland Security Training Center - Think removing shoes was a pain? TSA's pre-boarding frisking ritual is about to become considerably more intrusive.
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