Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Monorail... Skank


1. Dub couldn't decide if he more offended at the new maid's technique or her proportions.

2. Looks like Father Willoughby is having one of his sexy parties.

3. Spawning season in Chappaqua.

4. Now taking bets on who will be the first to claim they have this outfit, Army of Mom or sonicfrog?

5. A yeast infection can really slow you down. Not always, though.

Best of dickey swollenz
I see she's a specialist in taking care of "hardwood"

Best of mpur
"Ok, you're gonna have to slide her down to a crack in the wood in order to break the suction and get her off of there."

Best of The Man
If you want to match the stain color, you're going to need to flip over and slide down.

Best of Army of Dad
Tammy didn't want to go to Dachau and bitterly clung to the rail. Dub's weight state polizei were persistant and finally drug her off.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ultraglide Lip Balm: "When your lips get parched and cracked..."

Best of Dwight
To hell with all of you. If she can stretch her mouth around the newell post knob, SHE'S MINE!

Best of Seoulman (R)
Sadly Russian gymnasts, past their prime and living in an unstable economy had to turn to other, more creative ways of making ends meet

Best of shoechick
Delta Burke's looking pretty good these days!

Best of Dub
New, from SC Johnson And Company... New Tuna Scented Pledge.

Best of dadoctah
A little OCD is okay, but at some point you're going to have to go up the stairs like a normal person.

Best of Dactyl
Does this railing make me look fat?

57 comments:

dickey swollenz said...

I see she's a specialist in taking care of "hardwood"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Gravity-fed rail dancing, popular amongst the porcine demographic who quickly learn that pole dancing is a sport for the lean. Alice here prefers it to a Brazilian wax ever since they began charging her per thigh.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

"Rolls of fat" is not a verb.

mpur said...

Ever get that 'not so fresh' feeling?

mpur said...

"Ok, you're gonna have to slide her down to a crack in the wood in order to break the suction and get her off of there."

The Man said...

If you want to match the stain color, you're going to need to flip over and slide down.

Kaptain Krude said...

Punchline to joke #587: "Just warming up dinner, honey".

Army of Dad said...

She happily noticed that at least one person was waiting to smack her on the backside as she slides down the handrail.

Army of Dad said...

Hmm, I guess you can sand wood if you don't shave.

Army of Dad said...

The new Betty Page: Not as good as the original.

Better than New coke though.

Army of Dad said...

Tammy didn't want to go to Dachau and bitterly clung to the rail. Dub's weight state polizei were persistant and finally drug her off.

Army of Dad said...

A really scary costume at Dub's Hallowen party.

Army of Dad said...

I CAN HAZ LAP DANZ?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Posterchild for Chap Stik's risque new product line -
Ultraglide Lip Balm
"When your lips get parched and cracked..."
(tube is reportedly shaped like a u-know-what)

Carpe Phlogiston said...

White House interior decorating takes a turn for the worse shortly after Obamalama's inauguration. Monica jumped at the chance to reprise her role as an ornament.

Dwight said...

To hell with all of you. If she can stretch her mouth around the newell post knob, SHE'S MINE!

flyovercountry said...

This photo was taken right before the unfortunate accident. Betty apparently didn't realize that she was over the posted weight limit for this particular stair rail.

Army of Mom said...

Damn all of you and the fat jokes. I'm with Dwight. I'd do her.

Wait. Did I type that out loud?

Army of Mom said...

Thanks Army of Dad. But, this wasn't what I meant when I said I wanted some hard, thick, long and brown for my birthday.

Army of Mom said...

Trying to think of something clever about sliding down a giant piece of hard wood. Hmm. Nothing, but that does reminds me, I need to call the male stripper for my birthday party.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Aw gee, way to ruin an image, and so soon after the lesbian kiss on HOUSE last night. Next, AoM'll be singing Tennessee Ernie Ford's classic -
"You load 16 tons, whaddya do you get,
Another day older and deeper in sweat.
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company ho."

Seoulman (R) said...

A thrill just ran up my leg, and stomach, and into the toilet with my lunch

Seoulman (R) said...

Quick nurse, eye bleach, stat!

Seoulman (R) said...

No taste
Lot's of filling

Seoulman (R) said...

Sadly Russian gymnasts, past their prime and living in an unstable economy had to turn to other, more creative ways of making ends meet

Dwight's Limbic Brain said...

Damn! It's Thursday for me.

I'd be on that so hard it would take four EMTs and a Jaws of Life to break the suction. I'd tap that like Samuel Morse. I'd mount that Sarah Palin mounts a moose head. I'd roll her in flour and dive for the wet spot. She'd be waddling to the kitchen, dragging me between her legs like a 200 pound clitoris remora.

I'd bo one Muther effin' Mother EFFER!!!

/MILF meltdown

Achilles said...

The legs are fine... it's those creepy ass eyebrows I can't deal with

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Trixie was delighted to learn that the decorative newel cap extensions on the custom balustrades at Hefner's mansion (or in her words, "them snaky things") were made of latex. The cleaning crew... not so much.

-OR-

The old NAFTA catchphrase - "that great sucking sound" - was resurrected during the Obamalama administration, but for an entirely different reason, and mostly as a question beginning with "WHAT's...".

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Book Club Fact #28-
Few people know that Moby Dick was a typo. Melville meant Mopy. The book's really a metaphor for baleen-pecked husbands, and "Call me Ishmael" was coined by an unhappy old salt on shore leave in Boston. (the great white whale is pictured here)

Carpe Phlogiston said...

After a big dinner at Chili's, Margaret demonstrates a novel and rather gross method of getting upstairs.

Dub said...

If it wasnt for the banisters, there would be no wood associated with this picture.




(seriously, that is a big, white ass that has never seen a day of exercise)

shoechick said...

Delta Burke's looking pretty good these days!

Dub said...

New, from SC Johnson And Company... New Tuna Scented Pledge.

Army of Dad said...

School girl: UR DOING IT WRONG

Dwight said...

If your wife looks that hot at 45, you will be a blessed man.

As am I.

Dub said...

Why do I keep looking at this picture? Its like looking at a veal cow....no muscle tone, appears to have never been in direct sunlight, a ginormous ass and a ridiculous hairdo.

Blech.

joe pettis said...

Ty Pennington and the rest of the crew took "extreme" measures to increase ratings on this season of "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition."

Anonymous said...

Damn,

You guys are harsh!!! I think she looks great.

Damn, Damn, Damn.....

dadoctah said...

A little OCD is okay, but at some point you're going to have to go up the stairs like a normal person.

Nose said...

Obscure (or perhaps not so...) movie quote:

You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! Ha ha ha..
The bannister? Not so much...

Jay Guevara said...

Tour guides were carefully selected at the Clinton Library.

robert said...

Gravity gets here down the staircase... you should see what gets her back up.

Mr. Right said...

What are the odds? I have that exact same banister!

Dub said...

robert said...
Gravity gets here down the staircase... you should see what gets her back up.


I'm guessing a crane.

Anonymous said...

Someone already suggested how she gets up the steps. A meal at Chili's is often followed by explosive gastrointestinal discharges.

jeff said...

Thought I'd seen this photo & girl before:
Gina Elise, Pinups for Vets in one of her less flattering shots.

Check out the link - she actually does a very good job of replicating a 1940s pinup girl.

Dub said...

jeff said...
Thought I'd seen this photo & girl before:
Gina Elise, Pinups for Vets in one of her less flattering shots.


LESS flattering?!?!? Oh sweet holy hell there is one link I wont be clicking.

Artfldgr said...

Its the knob on the end of the banister that i am shooting for

Artfldgr said...

they say i am a very successful ghost, everyone who sees me do this runs away scared....

Artfldgr said...

When all the others were out, sister anna bella di giorna of the lost ladies of perpetual misery nunery would have the run of the place.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Howdy Ma'am, I'm Bannister... Richard Bannister..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Ze stairz can be... treacherous...

Son Of The Godfather said...

Guys, if you don't think that is one hot tamale, you may as well move in with each other and get his and his towels. ;)

Son Of The Godfather said...

ALl those horror movies would have been less scary once the cause of the creaking staircase was solved.

Dactyl said...

Does this railing make me look fat?

mega said...

Putting the "O" in ORA ...

Tarleton may have gotten his ass kicked at Cowpens, but at least his wife helped his name live on, with her reknowned kinky sex position, beloved by so many women.

jeff said...

Sorry - more flattering. Got that reversed somehow. She really is cute.. from other angles.