Friday, October 24, 2008

Kindergarten Cop


1. "Officer Frank, really, isn't there some other way we could... work this out?" With a little role-playing, Billy was about to get his parent's upside-down mortgage bailed out.

2. "Your court date is December 13, Mr. Kucinich."

3. The NAMBLA Ride-Along was one of the Gavin Newsom's innovative approaches to juvenile crime.

4. "For Pete's Sake, I'm four! I've never even heard of the Village People! Oh, well, give me your autograph anyway."

5. "Look, officer, it's very simple. I didn't stop because I was drunk!"

Best of Seoulman (R)
Webster's back and this time... he's got a score to settle

Best of metalgarth
The concept was COPS, Orange County Choppers, Little People Big World all put together. The ratings were Hello Larry, After M*A*S*H, and CopRock all put together.

Best of The Man
No Officer Sullivan, I've never been in a Turkish prison

Best of Dwight
"Thank you, Mr. Coleman. My family is a big fan. Er... Could you write Whatchew talkin' 'bout Willis? underneath your name? Great."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hey, I pay your salary. Well, technically, Mom and Dad do, but still..."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Rodney King - The Early Years

Best of flyovercountry
I'll sign your ticket pig, but when my man Obama and Ayers get elected, have someone else start your bike.

Best of mklasing
Can we hurry this along? I've got to get back to the factory to help my Dad afford Pres. Obama's new tax plan.

Best of dadoctah
New list of options: you can pay a fine, appear in court, attend a traffic safety class, or submit to the instant roadside age-regression ray.

Best of prince of leaves
The ACLU would later bring suit against LAPD for excessive use of forced perspective.

27 comments:

Seoulman (R) said...

That was a good touch, now this is a BAD touch

Seoulman (R) said...

Webster's back and this time... he's got a score to settle

Seoulman (R) said...

Don't you know who I am? I'm Evil Kid Knee-evil. I was going to jump 20 matchbox cars until you showed up!

Seoulman (R) said...

If you could scribble with your crayon here, you can be on your way. I also work with ACORN, are you registered to vote?

Seoulman (R) said...

I wouldn't worry about the ticket. The judge will either make you watch Barney safety videos or the worst you might get is a 2 hour time out.

metalgarth said...

The concept was COPS, Orange County Choppers, Little People Big World all put together. The ratings were Hello Larry, After M*A*S*H, and CopRock all put together.

The Man said...

No Officer Sullivan, I've never been in a Turkish prison

Dwight said...

"Thank you, Mr. Coleman. My family is a big fan. Er... Could you write Whatchew talkin' 'bout Willis? underneath your name? Great."

Jack Reacher said...

"Hey, I pay your salary. Well, technically, Mom and Dad do, but still..."

Anonymous said...

"Wow. It's true what they say about L.A. You really CAN get a ticket just for 'Being a n----- on a sunny day.' "

Jack Reacher said...

"Officer, have you heard the news about Ron Paul?"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Rodney King - The Early Years

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Having fallen way behind on his quota, Officer Spinner'd begun targeting Big Wheels and MILF's with strollers... but this stop was his ticket back to the big leagues!

WordVerify- ovencrac

The Man said...

Later officer, I'm off to vote.

flyovercountry said...

I'll sign your ticket pig, but when my man Obama and Ayers get elected, have someone else start your bike.

Artfldgr said...

I hope my partner is getting his tazer while i distract this meth biker.

Artfldgr said...

Though this joe was a circus performer, he hated having to be pulled over all the time and explain.

Artfldgr said...

ever since they found out that he was the secret lover of gary coleman, the autographs requests just wouldnt stop

mklasing said...

Can we hurry this along? I've got to get back to the factory to help my Dad afford Pres. Obama's new tax plan.

mklasing said...

I may only be 8, but my friend Mr. Ayers will put a bomb up your ass if you give me a ticket.

mklasing said...

The bike? It was an entitlement buried deep in the bailout plan.

dadoctah said...

New list of options: you can pay a fine, appear in court, attend a traffic safety class, or submit to the instant roadside age-regression ray.

prince of leaves said...

Having grown tired of the freakshow circuit, Garry "Gargantua" Lopez changed careers and became an LAPD traffic cop.

prince of leaves said...

The ACLU would later bring suit against LAPD for excessive use of forced perspective.

Mr. Right said...

A frustrated Officer Barbrady grew tired of demands from Eric Cartman that he, "Respect mah authoritayyy!!!" and made him sign a pledge to quit being such a stinky pants before giving him his Big Wheel back.

Mr. Right said...

Gaze with me into the crystal ball, if you dare...

Another young recruit saves his family from relocation to the local Political Hate Crime Attitude Adjusment Center and Happy-Time Fun Camp by signing up for the Obama Youth Program, and a grateful Officer Kos orders his Mother's immediate release as a gesture of good faith. His Father and Sister would only be released later, after he had reported for duty as ordered by Our Glorious Lord and Savior, Peace of the Prophet be upon Him.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

What a camera phone misses:
Corporal Pudnutz sees an angry welfare mob approaching the damned kid who won't stop squealing, "Don't taze me bro!" and silently regrets not running the punk over instead of citing him for reckless biking.