Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Art on the Wall

1. "It's about how society oppresses the human spirit through repressive age of consent laws. Does it make you feel... tingly, Billy?"

2. "Yeah, we know it looks like random crap a four year old could make, but if you stand next to it and say, 'Aah' a lot, your idiot art-fag friends will think you sophisticated."

3. "Sorry kids, most of our furniture was redistributed to people on welfare. Also, we only get to eat every other day now. It's the Change we've been waiting for."

4. "Now, the next room is devoted to something called 'Performance Art,' and you'll also find out why we made you wear cardboard toilets on your head."

5. "This artist is one of my favorites, kids. She expresses her repressed rage through the medium of her own menses and excrement."

6. "If you like this, kids, wait 'til you see the Mapplethorpe exhibit!"

Best of Seoulman (R)
See what happens when you forget your ritalin Billy? You make crap like this

Best of Jack Reacher
Timmy found the dead spider in the corner more interesting and, truthfully, more aesthetic.

Best of Rodney Dill
"It's called art, you're supposed to discuss what you see. I see a rectum Billy... do you know what a rectum is?"

15 comments:

Double the U said...

This is why it is important for you to get your parents to vote democrat. This artist needs to buy more crayons so he can finish this wonderful talented piece of artwork.

metalgarth said...

Daddy, what does "voluptuous woman posing on bannister" mean?

Dub said...

Dub, in his sophisticated new blue sweater, graciously explains to AOM and AOD's kids, in their paper plate hats, what the picture really means....that fat/ugly women are not meant to be lusted over, which is why God gave us eyelids and a gag reflex.

Seoulman (R) said...

Next time you need to go potty don't wipe your fingers on the canvas, Mr. Gallary-man will not be happy. Ok Champ?

Seoulman (R) said...

I know your crown says "Hope and Change" but we can't change this into something good. I'm sorry

Seoulman (R) said...

California attempted to humiliate homeschoolers by making them wear old Burger King crowns in public

Seoulman (R) said...

See what happens when you forget your ritalin Billy? You make crap like this

Jack Reacher said...

"No, Timmy, there are no horsies and trees, like your paintings show. However, you don't get $25,000 of the taxpayers' money to sling paint."

Jack Reacher said...

Timmy found the dead spider in the corner more interesting and, truthfully, more aesthetic.

Dub said...

Specially designed Dub-Hats. Stylish and environmentally friendly, complete with a fold-down eye-shield for Fat Chick Thursdays.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Liberal Parents Teaching Art Appreciation
"Sorry, Stevie, no lunch until you really appreciate this."
"But, Daaaad, it looks stooopid."
"Young man, we don't tolerate honesty in this family! Remember, everyone is special and deserves a grant."

flyovercountry said...

Two of three Wurzelbacher children listened to their parents about just how good this painting was, and became eastern seaboard elitists, with miserable lives. Little Joe, however, thought it was just crap and told his parents so. He ended up being a plumber in Toledo, and eventually a US Congressman.

Rodney Dill said...

"It's called art, you're supposed to discuss what you see. I see a rectum Billy... do you know what a rectum is?"

mpur said...

"My mommy spanked me when I did that on the wall with my poop."
"Yes, Timmy, that is why you should use a canvass - then we can call it art."

Achilles said...

"OK, Kids, the next gallery is one of my favorites. Who here has heard of 'Tom of Finland?'"