Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Riot Gear

Brender

1. "What is it with you hippies? Do your trust funds come with 'no deodorant' clauses?"

2. "Hey, Pig! May I put some lipstick on you?"

3. "Hey, Fascist Oppressor! Does this make it look like I have cancer? I'm trying to score a mercy f--k with a dumb hippie chick?"

4. "The oppressed peoples of the world will one day... um... one day ... um... they will. Dude, I could kill for some Doritos right now. Got any Doritos, dude?"

5. "Dude, I'll swap you my glasses for your gas mask. These hippie chicks are fugly and they smell like raw ass."

Best of Jack Reacher
"See this scarf? $29 at Urban Outfitters! Score!"

Best of mega
"Do you SEE this, pig? Do you??? Dunkin Donuts effing RULES, man."


Best of Silhouette
"26/32? Pffft, I have 20/30 vision, babee. Twent. Ty. Thirt. Ty. Right here, dude. Who looks foolish now?"

Best of Army of Mom
Rick Rockwell never got to bang Darva Conger, but he did get this lovely keffiyah as a parting gift.

Best of Submariner
So... I'LL see YOU at the Blue Oyster at 7:00?

27 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

THREE STOOGES EYE POKE--UR DOIN IN WRONG!

Jack Reacher said...

Dude. Seriously.

Jack Reacher said...

"See this scarf? $29 at Urban Outfitters! Score!"

Jay Guevara said...

"I'm gonna run for President in 2012. I've checked the 'community organizer' box, but now I need you to give me liberal demonstrator cred by hitting me right here with your nightstick."

Achilles said...

"At least take the mask off until I finish my lecture about Ron Paul."

mega said...

"Do you SEE this, pig? Do you??? Dunking Donuts effing RULES, man."

Passionate Conservative said...

Look eye! Always look eye!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Where'd the city hire you... Renta Runt? I'm flipping you a camouflaged bird, moron! Go ahead, hit me. Momma needs a new pair of shoes!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Pvt. Dombrosky was ordered to use Nair prior to roll call after the raghead successfully sued the city for nasty skin abrasions received during a minor altercation.

flyovercountry said...

Police Officer Caption Bubble

I don't make nearly enough money.

Silhouette said...

"26/32? Pffft, I have 20/30 vision, babee. Twent. Ty. Thirt. Ty. Right here, dude. Who looks foolish now?"

Achilles said...

"Does this keffiyah make me look fat?"

Army of Dad said...

I'm watching you.

Army of Mom said...

I'm watching you, Wazowski. Always watching.

Dammit. How did my own husband beat me to the punch. V, mine is much better. More detailed. More funny .... *doing my best Obama impersonation of throwing a loved one under the bus*

Army of Mom said...

Rick Rockwell never got to bang Darva Conger, but he did get this lovely keffiyah as a parting gift.

Army of Mom said...

How the band Third Eye Blind found inspiration for its name.

Army of Mom said...

And, then they dropped the water right between my eyes, hour after hour after hour. But, you know, it still wasn't as bad as listening to my mother drone on and on about using deoderant and how no decent girl would ever marry me. Do you know what I'm saying? No?

Army of Mom said...

Then, she said, why don't we ask for directions. I told her, bitch, I'd rather take a bullet between the eyes from that dork-ass cop on the bicycle wearing the gas mask. At least it would put me out of my misery of listening to you talk all day.

Army of Mom said...

Then, I said, I killed your cat you druggie bitch!

Army of Mom said...

My folks went to Saudi Arabia and all I got was this lousy keffiyah.

Army of Mom said...

If you take off the gas mask, you can still smell the camel on the keffiyah. Try it. *sniffing* That was one helluva night.

Army of Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

"Uncle Sam wants YOU" as taught at U.C. Berkeley...

Submariner said...

Correction to my last; that should have been "as taught by pretty much any tenured college Poly Sci professor NOT named "Mike Adams."

Submariner said...

OK, dipstick, I "see you." Wanna get off my front tire now?

Submariner said...

"There's no way, NO way that you came from MY loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!

Submariner said...

So... I'LL see YOU at the Blue Oyster at 7:00?