Monday, September 15, 2008

An "Outstanding" Mayor

RASHAUN RUCKER/DFP

1. “Dear Henry, last night with you was bliss. I fear my . . . orgasm has left me a cripple. I don’t know how I shall ever get back to work."

2. I CAN HAS PARDUN PREZZIDUNT OBOMMA?

3. "And in conclusion, your honor, I'd like to thank the American news media for burying this story and my party affiliation."

4. "Mama's little baby loves shortnin' shortnin'. Mama's little baby loves shortnin' bread."

5. "I plead 'Not Guilty by Reason of White Folks Bein' All Up in Mah Shizzle'"

Best of Dr. Hardcrab
"...and then his hand dropped down to the buttons of her lacey blouse that haltered her ample, waiting bossom....."

Best of The Man
Judge, I did not steal your grandmother's couch to make this suit.

Best of Jack Reacher
Kill mah landlord,
Kill mah landlord...

Best of Rodney Dill
"They're right Kwame, That suit does warrant a seventh Felony charge."

Best of Jay Guevara
"You're right, Kwame, it is a big goddamned word. Now just sound it out."

Best of Submariner
Kwame: Shit man, that honky mus' be messin' my old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head. You know?
Hakeem: Hey home, I can dig it. You know he ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you man.
Kwame: I say hey sky, s'other s'ay I wan say?
Hakeem: UH...
Kwame: Pray to J I get the same ol' same ol'.
Hakeem: Eh. Yo knock yourself a pro slick, gray matter live performas down now take TCB'in man.
Kwame: Hey, you know what they say... See a broad, to get that booty yak 'em.
Hakeem: Leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em
Kwame: Cold got to be. You know? Shiiiiit.

Best of mpur
Sound it out, Kwame. Guh, guh..it's a hard G. Now, ill..good. Now T. That's right, Kwame, Guh-ill-t. Guilty. Good job!

Best of Adjustah
"Gee, kids, I don't know how Fat Albert and Weird Harold are gonna get outta' this one..."

24 comments:

Dr. Hardcrab said...

>>>

"...and then his hand dropped down to the buttons of her lacey blouse that haltered her ample, waiting bossom....."

>>>

Submariner said...

...so then my client said; "Ah ain't no ways tahred - le's go fo' number fo'..."

Submariner said...

So you can see, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, if the condom don't fit, you must acquit!

The Man said...

Judge, I did not steal your grandmother's couch to make this suit.

paul said...

And the Great State of Michigan gives all of its Delegates for The One from Illinois .. oh wait.... wrong speech.

Jack Reacher said...

"...and that's How I Spent My Summer Vacation. Thank you."

Jack Reacher said...

"You don't quit lookin' over my shoulder and do your own work, I'm gonna smack you one."

Jack Reacher said...

"...and that's why text messages should always be encrypted. Thank you."

Jack Reacher said...

Kill mah landlord,
Kill mah landlord...

Rodney Dill said...

"They're right Kwame, That suit does warrant a seventh Felony charge."

Dub said...

Anduh, withuh yousuh helpuh suh, I canuh beuh hook-eduh on da phonics.

divine miss m said...

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.

Jay Guevara said...

"You're right, Kwame, it is a big goddamned word. Now just sound it out."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Inner City Public School Valedictorian
Yo, cuz... da bros and hos want rap wit b*tchslap, see whut im (@#!^# sayin? Cain't understand dis freakin $&@)# bullsh*t. Da MAN done writ me a !$~&)# freakin english book! I lets da bling do my conversatin, punk, see whut im $@#!^# sayin?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

There's Always One Holdout
Otay, mister jury foreman, dats 25 chili dogs, 4 large pizzas, a case of pepsi, and a big tin of chaw... for ME. Dem other folk don't see much need for food. Dey jes wants to hang da sucker and go home.

Chrees said...

I'm feeling like a Lehman brother about now...

Submariner said...

ORA?
Kwame: Shit man, that honky mus' be messin' my old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head. You know?
Hakeem: Hey home, I can dig it. You know he ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you man.
Kwame: I say hey sky, s'other s'ay I wan say?
Hakeem: UH...
Kwame: Pray to J I get the same ol' same ol'.
Hakeem: Eh. Yo knock yourself a pro slick, gray matter live performas down now take TCB'in man.
Kwame: Hey, you know what they say... See a broad, to get that booty yak 'em.
Hakeem: Leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em
Kwame: Cold got to be. You know? Shiiiiit.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Dear Playboy,

I never thought I would be writing to you, but last night..."



word verification: ngkriter

Double the U said...

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

mpur said...

Sound it out, Kwame. Guh, guh..it's a hard G. Now, ill..good. Now T. That's right, Kwame, Guh-ill-t. Guilty. Good job!

Submariner said...

Eber sence I be a li'l boy, I alays be dribbillin...



ATDHEA

Jack Reacher said...

"Biesbal been berry, berry good to me."

Submariner said...

Steve Erkel reports to Congress; "Steroids? Did I do that?"

Adjustah said...

"Gee, kids, I don't know how Fat Albert and Weird Harold are gonna get outta' this one..."