Saturday, September 13, 2008

Old Women Making Food

Americana

1. Angry over the latest "McCain is a geezer ad," Myrtle makes sure to spit in every order of potato salad coming from Obama headquarters.

2. Myrtle didn't mind the deli at Food Lion, but she did miss her old job as an attorney in the Bush Justice Department.

3. Once again, the tension between Myrtle and Edna was so thick you could cut it with a knife. *This* was why workplace romances were strictly discouraged.

4. "Yes, I remember being a young girl in the sweet flowering of youth. It was about the time Joe Biden was first elected to the Senate..."

5. "Anyway, I says to Myrtle, I says 'If you drop acid while listening to Dark Side of the Moon
and watching The Wizard of Oz, they totally sync up...'"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Investigating complaints a cafeteria worker was thumbing the scale and pocketing overages, Weights & Measurements Inspector Twoomie cleared "Myrtle" of any wrongdoing but ordered her to buy a support bra.

Best of Passionate Conservative
The workers at the Soylent Green facility were sworn to secrecy.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
The horror really hit Thomas as he looked up from his tomato soup. It didn't matter, really, to whom the dentures he just discovered belonged to.

Best of flyovercountry
Although it took a few weeks, President McCain came to like moose stew, and the fact that the Alaska folks would work for minimum wage, and liked it, was just frosting on the Baked Alaska.

Best of Silhouette
Since Michael Moore was dining alone tonight, the kitchen staff just served some courses straight from the metal bins.

16 comments:

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Investigating complaints a cafeteria worker was thumbing the scale and pocketing overages, Weights & Measurements Inspector Twoomie cleared "Myrtle" of any wrongdoing but ordered her to buy a support bra. This was later known as BoobieGate, a tempest in a G-cup.

Passionate Conservative said...

The workers at the Soylent Green facility were sworn to secrecy.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Q: What does this picture have in common with the gaffe-prone Mr.Biden?

A: Sloppy Joe, slop-sloppy-Joe.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The horror really hit Thomas as he looked up from his tomato soup. It didn't matter, really, to whom the dentures he just discovered belonged to.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Myrtle, do ya see a band-aid in the scrambled eggs?... Ah, nevermind... it'll show up."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I dunno, Edna... How the heck do we even begin to make an 'arugala pancake'?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Just gimme 10 minutes to wrap things up here, Subby, and I'll get ready for prom..." ;)

Achilles said...

"Why, thanks Myrtle, I think your body is a wonderland, too."

Submariner said...

ORA:

More Bar-b-que Mr. SOTG?

Submariner said...

Quentin Tarantino rifs Agatha Christie with "Arenic and an Old Face."

flyovercountry said...

Although it took a few weeks, President McCain came to like moose stew, and the fact that the Alaska folks would work for minimum wage, and liked it, was just frosting on the Baked Alaska.

Silhouette said...

Since Michael Moore was dining alone tonight, the kitchen staff just served some courses straight from the metal bins.

Silhouette said...

Many say Le Cordon Bleu has lost its status in recent years.

Jack Reacher said...

While the food trays seem full, in reality, Jane is scraping the bottom of the soon-to-be-empty bin. This concludes today's Obama Administration Metaphor.

prince of leaves said...

In one chilling moment, it dawns on Myrtle what the Soylent Green she's been serving all these years really is.

Adjustah said...

You want another spoonful of 'hope', or how's about some 'change'?