1. Angry over the latest "McCain is a geezer ad," Myrtle makes sure to spit in every order of potato salad coming from Obama headquarters.
2. Myrtle didn't mind the deli at Food Lion, but she did miss her old job as an attorney in the Bush Justice Department.
3. Once again, the tension between Myrtle and Edna was so thick you could cut it with a knife. *This* was why workplace romances were strictly discouraged.
4. "Yes, I remember being a young girl in the sweet flowering of youth. It was about the time Joe Biden was first elected to the Senate..."
5. "Anyway, I says to Myrtle, I says 'If you drop acid while listening to Dark Side of the Moon
and watching The Wizard of Oz, they totally sync up...'"
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Investigating complaints a cafeteria worker was thumbing the scale and pocketing overages, Weights & Measurements Inspector Twoomie cleared "Myrtle" of any wrongdoing but ordered her to buy a support bra.
Best of Passionate Conservative
The workers at the Soylent Green facility were sworn to secrecy.
Best of Son Of The Godfather
The horror really hit Thomas as he looked up from his tomato soup. It didn't matter, really, to whom the dentures he just discovered belonged to.
Best of flyovercountry
Although it took a few weeks, President McCain came to like moose stew, and the fact that the Alaska folks would work for minimum wage, and liked it, was just frosting on the Baked Alaska.
Best of Silhouette
Since Michael Moore was dining alone tonight, the kitchen staff just served some courses straight from the metal bins.