Saturday, September 20, 2008

How to Spot a Future Serial Killer

Divine Miss M


1. Twenty years later, when the bodies of 19 traveling businessmen were found in Becky's crawlspace, no one was surprised.

2. Do it to a cat, it's animal cruelty and you go to jail. Do it to a submissive bottom wrapped in an American flag and it's performance art, and you get a NEA grant.

3. Erwin Schrodinger's genetic line has, um, diminished with successive generations.

4. Unfortunately, she only took second place behind little Andy Sullivan's exhibit, "Gerbil vs. Anus."

5. PETA day care.

Best of Jack Reacher
In their latest drive to capture market share, the Die Hard marketing department may have over-reached.

Best of prince of leaves
Lynndie England, the Early Years.

Best of Passionate Conservative
...and now for my next demonstration, a cat who leaps 20 feet straight up into the air!

Best of Submariner
Jodie would go on to a critically acclaimed and lucrative film career and having a constant craving to glaze donuts...

Best of Adjustah
Nobody was really surprised when this lead, of course, to 'Knives vs. Dogs', 'Axe vs. Parents', 'Bed-spring shiv vs. Cell mate', ending of course with 'Electricity vs. Becky'.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Early photo of Kathy Bates, who even today wistfully credits Fluffy and Mr. Sparky as muses for her shocking performance in Misery.

Best of Chrees
Jimmy the Greek's granddaughter setting odds and taking bets...

21 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

Gallant thought the display thought-provoking, while Goofus said, "Don't leave us in suspense. How does the 'Electricity vs. Cat' contest come out?"

Jack Reacher said...

ORA:"So the kitty wants to mark his territory? Hit him again, Endo."

Jack Reacher said...

In their latest drive to capture market share, the Die Hard marketing department may have over-reached.

prince of leaves said...

"Given our large statistical population size, we have conclusively established a mean of 2.38 lives, over six standard deviations, which should put to rest once and for all the traditionally-accepted baseline estimate of 9.00."

prince of leaves said...

Lynndie England, the Early Years.

Passionate Conservative said...

...and now for my next demonstration, a cat who leaps 20 feet straight up into the air!

Submariner said...

It was only after the Science Fair that Judges discovered Emma to be a shill for Alf, who no longer liked his meal rare...

Submariner said...

Mom; I won first prize!
Yeah, yeah, "sorry 'bout Fluffers..." but I WON first prize!

Submariner said...

Jodie would go on to a critically acclaimed and lucrative film career and having a constant craving to glaze donuts...

Adjustah said...

Nobody was really surprised when this lead, of course, to 'Knives vs. Dogs', 'Axe vs. Parents', 'Bed-spring shiv vs. Cell mate', ending of course with 'Electricity vs. Becky'.

steve o said...

Andrew Sullivan searches for "wiredpussy.com."

steve o said...

Don't tase me sis!

steve o said...

And if you don't have a demo cat, you can use a Democrat.

steve o said...

Her teaches wouldn't allow "Electricity vs. Bin Laden." She was given a choice: she could do cats or Republicans.

steve o said...

Cats vs. armpits ended in a draw.

steve o said...

Hey! Holy crap! From 12:52 -- that's actually a real site!

It is NOT!!!! safe for work.

Is there anything that's NOT a pron site? The internet is a dirty, dirty place. I'd better go back and make sure that it's still there or something.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Early photo of Kathy Bates, who even today wistfully credits Fluffy and Mr. Sparky as muses for her shocking performance in Misery.

Chrees said...

Jimmy the Greek's granddaughter setting odds and taking bets...

Chrees said...

What match-ups in the UFC have sunk to

Army of Mom said...

Now, this is a science fair experiment I could help my kids with.

Army of Mom said...

Hmph. She just copied our idea of firecracker vs. hamster project we did last year.