1. "Now, let me show you a little trick with a microphone that will help you kids keep your boyfriends happy."2. Disgraced Mayor Gavin Newsom soon found employment teaching sex ed to kindergartners under President Obama's "No Child's Behind Left Unmolested" program.
3. The key to Gavin Newsom's 2010 election strategy: Raunchy ventriloquism.
4. "I'm here today with Oscar-winning actress Linda Hunt to discuss the danger of contracting STD's through fisting."
5. "You kids are so naive and ignorant of the real world, I hope you never grow up. I need your votes."
Best of Jay Guevara
Newsom thought bubble: "If SF weren't full of colon commandos we wouldn't have to import kids from Third World countries."
Best of Passionate Conservative
No, no, no! I told you I need three virgins for sacrifice! These kids are all from San Francisco!
Best of Jack Reacher
Mayor Newsome finds another half dozen people on Acorn's payroll.
Best of prince of leaves
"Mommy, we found a metrosexual! Can we keep him?"
Best of Submariner
Please always remember and never forget, children; what happens at Avalon Manor should stay at Avalon Manor no matter how good it makes you feel...
Best of Double the U
... and kids... they call that act "The Aristocrats"
20 comments:
Newsom thought bubble: "If SF weren't full of colon commandos we wouldn't have to import kids from Third World countries."
Do any of you kids speak English? HA, I love that joke, none of you do!
Why, yes, I am studying for the priesthood, how did you know?
OK, kids, into the car now! We're going to go to the Folsom Street Fair!
...and if it weren't for San Francisco's status as a Sanctuary City, none of you would be able to be here today. Now, who wants to bid on the first Social Security Card I have in my hand?
No, no, no! I told you I need three virgins for sacrifice! These kids are all from San Francisco!
Newsom explains that living in a sanctuary city doesn't mean having to go to church.
"Bill of Rights? Bah! Just become a Democrat, kid, and the constitution means whatever you want it to."
"Remember; scary people who shoot moose come from Alaska. Never vote for anybody from Alaska."
Mayor Newsome finds another half dozen people on Acorn's payroll.
"Mommy, we found a metrosexual! Can we keep him?"
Mayor Newsom would later complain to ABC after they inadvertently used the same trick-perspective camera tricks to make him look like an emaciated first grader that Charlie Gibson used on Sarah Palin.
Little Diego claps halfheartedly for Mayor Newsom's visit, as required, but smiles as he watches a Palin stump speech on the classroom's TV.
(Anyone notice the N with a tilde on the alphabet in the background? Hmm...)
Gavin got in trouble today when he tried to do the "Ahmed the Dead Terrorist" routine using a Berkeley student as his dummy. Said the judge, "If the roles had been reversed I'd have probably let it go..."
Please always remember and never forget, children; what happens at Avalon Manor should stay at Avalon Manor no matter how good it makes you feel...
Seriously Miss Rodriguez; I can take him.
... and kids... they call that act "The Aristocrats"
My favorite Disney movie? Tough call but probably The Rescuers Down Under Johnny. Wanna find out why?
"Teacher, can you tell us again how John McCain invented the Blackberry?"
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