Monday, September 15, 2008

Gavin Newsom Likes Him Some Hooker Midgets

Brender1. "Now, let me show you a little trick with a microphone that will help you kids keep your boyfriends happy."

2. Disgraced Mayor Gavin Newsom soon found employment teaching sex ed to kindergartners under President Obama's "No Child's Behind Left Unmolested" program.

3. The key to Gavin Newsom's 2010 election strategy: Raunchy ventriloquism.

4. "I'm here today with Oscar-winning actress Linda Hunt to discuss the danger of contracting STD's through fisting."

5. "You kids are so naive and ignorant of the real world, I hope you never grow up. I need your votes."

Best of Jay Guevara
Newsom thought bubble: "If SF weren't full of colon commandos we wouldn't have to import kids from Third World countries."

Best of Passionate Conservative
No, no, no! I told you I need three virgins for sacrifice! These kids are all from San Francisco!

Best of Jack Reacher
Mayor Newsome finds another half dozen people on Acorn's payroll.

Best of prince of leaves
"Mommy, we found a metrosexual! Can we keep him?"

Best of Submariner
Please always remember and never forget, children; what happens at Avalon Manor should stay at Avalon Manor no matter how good it makes you feel...

Best of Double the U
... and kids... they call that act "The Aristocrats"

20 comments:

Jay Guevara said...

Newsom thought bubble: "If SF weren't full of colon commandos we wouldn't have to import kids from Third World countries."

Double the U said...

Do any of you kids speak English? HA, I love that joke, none of you do!

Passionate Conservative said...

Why, yes, I am studying for the priesthood, how did you know?

Passionate Conservative said...

OK, kids, into the car now! We're going to go to the Folsom Street Fair!

Passionate Conservative said...

...and if it weren't for San Francisco's status as a Sanctuary City, none of you would be able to be here today. Now, who wants to bid on the first Social Security Card I have in my hand?

Passionate Conservative said...

No, no, no! I told you I need three virgins for sacrifice! These kids are all from San Francisco!

Chrees said...

Newsom explains that living in a sanctuary city doesn't mean having to go to church.

1 monkey, 1 typewriter said...

"Bill of Rights? Bah! Just become a Democrat, kid, and the constitution means whatever you want it to."

Jack Reacher said...

"Remember; scary people who shoot moose come from Alaska. Never vote for anybody from Alaska."

Jack Reacher said...

Mayor Newsome finds another half dozen people on Acorn's payroll.

prince of leaves said...

"Mommy, we found a metrosexual! Can we keep him?"

prince of leaves said...

Mayor Newsom would later complain to ABC after they inadvertently used the same trick-perspective camera tricks to make him look like an emaciated first grader that Charlie Gibson used on Sarah Palin.

prince of leaves said...

Little Diego claps halfheartedly for Mayor Newsom's visit, as required, but smiles as he watches a Palin stump speech on the classroom's TV.

prince of leaves said...

(Anyone notice the N with a tilde on the alphabet in the background? Hmm...)

Submariner said...

Gavin got in trouble today when he tried to do the "Ahmed the Dead Terrorist" routine using a Berkeley student as his dummy. Said the judge, "If the roles had been reversed I'd have probably let it go..."

Submariner said...

Please always remember and never forget, children; what happens at Avalon Manor should stay at Avalon Manor no matter how good it makes you feel...

Submariner said...

Seriously Miss Rodriguez; I can take him.

Double the U said...

... and kids... they call that act "The Aristocrats"

Submariner said...

My favorite Disney movie? Tough call but probably The Rescuers Down Under Johnny. Wanna find out why?

Adjustah said...

"Teacher, can you tell us again how John McCain invented the Blackberry?"