Monday, September 08, 2008

Eatin' like regular folk

Jack Bauer

1. "I can't believe Denny's took an hour and a half to seat us."

2. "Yeah, Mrs. Biden and I used to come here all the time when it was a Samb... um, when it used to have a different name."

3. "Are you enjoying your arugula, foie gras, and toast corners, Senator Obama?"

4. Michelle Obama was so pleased with the service, she was briefly proud of her country.

5. "OK, Barry, Michelle, let me explain why 4% is not a 'generous' tip."
Best of jj
No Barry, these are not alfalfa sprouts, they are hair plugs.

Best of Chrees
Damn it Joe, will you let me finish my waffle?!?

Best of Dub
See, I told you guys I would make a great Waffle House Organizer.

Best of flyovercountry
Joe, that is a fascinating story, tell us again about how you were once trapped in the senate restroom for 5 minutes.

Best of mega
As Biden's monologue entered its third hour, Michelle thought "I will never say 'how's it going Joe?" again.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Actually, Barry, they're called waitresses, or severs. You're not supposed to say 'Hey, Servant!'"

Best of prince of leaves
"You miserable bitch, you ruined my life! Er, I mean, couldja pass the syrup, honey?" Barry and Michelle froze in mid-bite, caught off-guard by Joe's latest gaffe.

Best of Rodney Dill
"I don't know why you let Hillary drive for you... She never could park right."

Best of lawhawk
Okay, for this caper, we're all going to have names. You're going to be Mr. Brown. You are Mr. Pink. And over there, that's Mr. Blue and I'm Joe.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The morning after the previous night's orgiastic on-stage display of french kissing & groping, an awkward silence envelopes both couples... nervously awaiting results of hastily ordered STD tests.

33 comments:

Passionate Conservative said...

So, after we get done here, we're gonna go back to the hotel room, and this time, you girls have to watch while Barack and I do that thing you like.

Passionate Conservative said...

Jeez, not boiled cabbage again! I'll be pooting all night long!

jj said...

No Barry, these are not alfalfa sprouts, they are hair plugs.

Submariner said...

As a matter of fact, Michelle, I DON'T think the waitress was being disrespectful when she referred to us as the "Jobama Ticket."

Submariner said...

OK, Michelle, I won't order "white cake" again in public during the campaign.

Chrees said...

Damn it Joe, will you let me finish my waffle?!?

Dub said...

See, I told you guys I would make a great Waffle House Organizer.

Dub said...

Paramounts latest movie...Guess Who's Coming to Breakfast

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

Wazzamatta, Joe? Don't you like your arugula waffles?

flyovercountry said...

OK, now here is the plan, when we lose, we blame it on the Wal Mart crowd, that way, our media friends will still talk to us.

flyovercountry said...

Joe, that is a fascinating story, tell us again about how you were once trapped in the senate restroom for 5 minutes.

mega said...

"Alright Barry, so now we're sitting around the proverbial 'kitchen table'. What the F are we supposed to be talking about, exactly?"

mega said...

As Biden's monologue entered its third hour, Michelle thought "I will never say 'how's it going?' to Joe again."

Army of Mom said...

BO:I'll have the snooty booty whitey with cooties.
Waitress: You don't come to Denny's often, do you, Sen. Obama?

Army of Mom said...

Psst, Sen. Biden. Is it just me or are those people over there holding Bibles and firearms? Nooo, don't look right at them. Just sort of glance over your shoulder.

Jack Reacher said...

"Actually, Barry, they're called waitresses, or severs. You're not supposed to say 'Hey, Servant!'"

Jack Reacher said...

"Let's treat this place like the Senate, Barry--sit here for hours and not produce a f***ing thing!"

Jack Reacher said...

"I asked for a corner booth so that mean Governor Palin won't find us. She's SCARY!"

Jack Reacher said...

"Status report, Joe?"
"Olberman and Matthews are out. They were so far in the tank for you they needed swim fins."
"I can find Matthews a job in my administration, but I gotta say, that Olberman? C R E E P Y!"

prince of leaves said...

"You miserable bitch, you ruined my life! Er, I mean, couldja pass the syrup, honey?" Barry and Michelle froze in mid-bite, caught off-guard by Joe's latest gaffe.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

With Bama focused intently on sucking individual peas off a fork (the silver spoon still firmly lodged in his colon), the two wives sat frozen in time as the Great Hypnotizer droned on and on and on and on and on.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

FORKGATE: Aware of the depressing effect plunging poll numbers were having on dinner talk, Secret Service agent Filbert Potzwoggle thought to liven things up by sliding his arm down the divider and goosing Biden. It took doctors 3 hours to find and remove the fork from Bama's immense nasal cavity.

Rodney Dill said...

"Joe? Why did the music stop?"

Rodney Dill said...

"I don't know why you let Hillary drive for you... She never could park right."

Submariner said...

Rodney Dill said...
"I don't know why you let Hillary drive for you..."


That would be because the only other one that was available was Teddy K...

lawhawk said...

Okay, for this caper, we're all going to have names. You're going to be Mr. Brown. You are Mr. Pink. And over there, that's Mr. Blue and I'm Joe.
Mr. "Brown": [after Joe assigns names] Yeah, yeah, but "Mr. Brown"? That's little too close to "Mr. Shit".
Mr. Pink: Yeah, "Mr. Pink" sounds like "Mr. Pussy". Tell you what, let me be Mr. Purple. That sounds good to me. I'm Mr. Purple.
Joe: You're *not* Mr. Purple. Somebody from another job's Mr. Purple. You're Mr. Pink!

lawhawk said...

I am fresh out of an original thought. You? How about checking these cartoons. They might work on the campaign trail and no one would know. Right?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The morning after the previous night's orgiastic on-stage display of french kissing & groping, an awkward silence envelopes both couples... nervously awaiting results of hastily ordered STD tests.

Submariner said...

Uhhhhh "Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice?"

Fred wasn't exactly good at charades...

mpur said...

Obama and Michelle wait patiently for the poison to kick in so they can replace Biden on the ticket.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Michelle: Great attack ad... imply that McCain's memory is failing!
Joe: What ad?
Jill: Hon, you just watched it up there on the diner TV, remember?
Bamalamadingdong praying: Jes' keep him competent for 2 more months, lord!

attmay said...

Boulevard of Broken Campaigns