Saturday, September 27, 2008

Don't Make Me Mad, You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Mad

Fred Miranda
1. "Dammit, I don't care if you are a Kennedy. A restraining order is a restraining order. Back. The. Hell. Off."

2. "If I find the bastard who tied this crap to my head, I'll rip his nuts off!"

3. "I got your party unity right here, Senator Arugula!"

4. A rare case of Pre-Pre-Pre-Pre-Pre-Pre-Pre- Menstrual Syndrome.

5. By the age of five, everyone knew little Jeannie was destined to work at the DMV.

Very brady Best of ochagirl
THIS! IS! KINDERSPARTAAAAAAN!

Very Brady Best of Rodney Dill
"Well, I have a bracelet too!"

Best of Jack Reacher
Soccer games involving the children of Postal employees were always the most exciting.

Best of prince of leaves
Thanks to Makenzye's hair-trigger temper and emerging telekinetic abilities, the Parks Department would spend over a quarter-million dollars each season on replacing blown out floodlights at the youth soccer fields.

Best of mega
Michelle Obama, 1970: "Get the F*** off me, F**** honky b***tch before I kill you. I hate you! And my country too!"

Best of robert
Stop calling me "daddy's little princess", goddammit!

Best of Army of Dad
B!tch stole my ball!

Best of Todd
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!!! GOAL!!!!

Best of jj
A young Nancy Pelosi lets everyone know that they will have the most ethical soccer team ever.

41 comments:

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Punctuated Evolution - Turns out that Title IX is the trigger behind the sudden rise in hypertestosterone aggression disorder.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Erratum - shoulda been "punctuated equilibrium" (it's too early on a Saturday)

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Little Gwynneth displays a trait required of all Jr. Charter Members of Future Doms of America - choler

-or-

You Won't Be An Orphan For Long!The updated Annie calls for an angry little girl who can belt out, "He TOUCHED Me!" and make an audience believe Daddy Warbucks is a perv.

Word Verify - gzxlut (!)

Rodney Dill said...

"Well, I have a bracelet too!"

Jack Reacher said...

Soccer games involving the children of Postal employees were always the most exciting.

Jack Reacher said...

During a break in play, little Jeannie notices her boyfriend Chung sitting between the legs of a model, and seriously blows a gasket.

prince of leaves said...

Thanks to Makenzye's hair-trigger temper and emerging telekinetic abilities, the Parks Department would spend over a quarter-million dollars each season on replacing blown out floodlights at the youth soccer fields.

prince of leaves said...

As little Makenzye's rage issues emerged, her parents would come to regret sending her to that Junior Krav Maga class.

prince of leaves said...

"Aggressive? You wanna see aggressive? Get your fat, Explorer-driving, burrito-eating, postman-shtupping, Obama-voting ass out here and I'll SHOW you aggressive, Mommy!"

mega said...

Michelle Obama, 1970: "Get the F*** off me, F**** honky b***tch before I kill you. I hate you! And my country too!"

flyovercountry said...

As we step back in time, we see a very young Joy Behr expressing her opinion to a soccer game referee, right before she was banned for life.

Even then, people knew she was destined to end up associated with other disturbed people on a show like "The View".

the doyle said...

Little Hillary wishes the rest of her team into the cornfield but is upset that its the last time she can use the power. Funny enough she makes the same face years later at a presidential debate.

Achilles said...

"Yeah, you better run!"

mpur said...

"You red carded ME? I'll give you a reason to red card me, you son of a b***h!"

robert said...

Stop calling me "daddy's little princess", goddammit!

Army of Mom said...

A young Army of Mom practices yelling at the officials. Her technique has been perfected during Sunday afternoon Cowboys games.

Army of Mom said...

Little Piper: Stop saying those mean things about my mommy or you'll be wearing my tiara where the sun doesn't shine!

Army of Mom said...

Those things Alcee Hastings said we'll do to Jews and Blacks? Kick my shin again, kid, and I'll show you ...

Army of Mom said...

Is the game over yet? I want my post-game Oreos and Sunny D NOW!

Army of Mom said...

Listen, Ref. Those are legs, not roots. Now get off your duff and keep up with the action!

Army of Mom said...

Daddy, I'd like to see you in this get up trying to run after the ball. Now shut up unless you'd like to get out here!

Army of Mom said...

For the last time, we're not the Ladybugs, we're the Scorpions! And we're not cute! Shut up or I'm yanking out your vocal chords!

Army of Mom said...

For the last time, I did not foul Carlos Ruiz. It was a dive! 10.0 from the Honduran judge. Give me a break, ref!

Chrees said...

Next time I kick her in the nuts!

(soccer players unclear on certain concepts... or at least off on their timing)

Chrees said...

I got your potty power right here!

Dr. Hardcrab said...

(With 3 kids in soccer, I've heard it plenty of times):

"MOM!!! YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME!!!!"

Army of Dad said...

I said I wanted to do ballet!

Army of Dad said...

B!tch stole my ball!

Army of Dad said...

I CAN HAZ FRE KICK?!

Army of Dad said...

Playing just for fun, FAIL.

Army of Dad said...

I said I wanted PINK uniforms!

Silhouette said...

MSNBC digs deep for the next Palin "scandal,": once pitched a fit in AYSO.

Silhouette said...

RON PAUL!!

Silhouette said...

Rodney says:
"Well, I have a bracelet too!

Well played, sir! Awesome.

Todd said...

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!!! GOAL!!!!

flyovercountry said...

Little girl yelling,

Come on you second graders, you call that physical? I got a kindergarten little sister can hit harder than that. I wanna see snot fly out of these wussies when you hit them. I wanna see some smash mouth second grade soccer out here.

jj said...

A young Nancy Pelosi lets everyone know that they will have the most ethical soccer team ever.

Dub said...

Army Of Daughter is also on the Dub Hate Parade.

Dub said...

"What do you mean Dub thinks my mommy has fat thighs? Crap, that's genetic!!"

Submariner said...

DAMBIT! Hope & Change stole the frakkin' ball again!

ochagirl said...

THIS! IS! KINDERSPARTAAAAAAN!

*is unfashionably late and just unfashionable*