1. "Dude, I really feel for your alcoholic dad, and your sister in the hospital with terminal leukemia, and your mom about to lose the house, but F--k it. I just won eight gold medals! Not everything's about you, you know."
2. "Wow, Right Guard really does hold up, even in water."
3. "Hey, don't turn away when a dissident is executed in our honor... you'll insult our Chinese hosts."
4. "Look, I'm really sorry Bush gave you a 'good-luck spanking,' but get over it already."
5. "Yeah, we're all bummer that Chris Gorham is leaving Ugly Betty, but, f--k it! I just won eight gold medals!"
Best of Passionate Conservative
So, now that all of this is over with, do you wanna go try a threesome with Sarah Silverman? Matt said she was pretty good.
Best of kam582
Hey man, I'm sorry I peed in the water, but I didn't have time to go before the race started.
Best of Jack Reacher
Sully's search for MEN+WATERSPORTS wasn't a total disappointment for him.
Best of curly
“Gosh I’m hungry for three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions, and mayonnaise; two cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, a bowl of grits, three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar and three chocolate-chip pancakes, and you, you hunkalicious stud-muffin with cream cheese.”
Best of Dub
This almost-gay moment brought to you by the Number 4 and the Letter O.
Best of Submariner
I pledge allegiance, to the pool...
Best of mega
"Spitz, put down the f*@&#ing toaster, and get away from the pool. NOW!"
Best of Chrees
Well, you can always try the "I came in second to Phelps" line, but I'm not sure if it will score you anything...
Best of Army of Mom
Yeah, they all look like that when I'm done with them.
Best of Rodney Dill
"Oh ennui... wash me away."
35 comments:
So, now that all of this is over with, do you wanna go try a threesome with Sarah Silverman? Matt said she was pretty good.
Dude, I saw the bubbles, you totally farted in the pool!
Dude, just cause you wear a skull cap doesn't make you Jewish.
No, I don't want to go take a shower with you now.
Hey man, I'm sorry I peed in the water, but I didn't have time to go before the race started.
Hey, can I please get a loan after this, I mean come on, eight gold medals, you'll be on Leno and Letterman, and I can't even pay off my Hugo!
Sully's search for MEN+WATERSPORTS wasn't a total disappointment for him.
As Lochte quietly fondled Phelps, he couldn't help but wonder "Why cant I quit you?"
Saddleback Mountain: I wish I knew how to Phit you.
“Gosh I’m hungry for three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions, and mayonnaise; two cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, a bowl of grits, three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar and three chocolate-chip pancakes, and you, you hunkalicious stud-muffin with cream cheese.”
This almost-gay moment brought to you by the Number 4 and the Letter O.
This could be the big one... Urrrp! False alarm - just breakfast.
You wouldn't be swallowing my pee if you were faster than me...
I pledge allegiance, to the pool...
No sh!t - she was only 13? Welllllll, what happens in Beijing, STAYS in Beijing, right Lochte?
Look, dude; you ARE in a pool - don't sweat that whole "smaller than Simon le Bon" comment from the Czech chick...
"Attention: The made-in-China stopwatch used to time events used subpar components, and read too low by 40 %. All races and times have been declared void. Please return your medals to the conceirge. Thank you."
"Spitz, put down the f*@&#ing toaster, and get away from the pool. NOW!"
Well, you can always try the "I came in second to Phelps" line, but I'm not sure if it will score you anything...
Army of Mom sees her opening-there wasn't much room in between them but necessity is the mother of intention and she managed to squeeze in there somehow.
Nahhh, there's plenty of room there. At least eight inches on each side.
Wait, did I type that out loud?
Michael, I'm terribly sorry they were all out of fried egg sandwiches.
How about an AoM over easy? There's special sauce, too.
So what can I do I really beg you my Lord
To me flirtin´´ it´s just like a sport
Anything fly it´s all good let me dump it
Please set in the trumpet
A little bit of Ryan in my life
A little bit of Michael by my side
A little bit of Cullen is all I need
A little bit of Ian is what I see
A little bit of Brandon in the sun
A little bit of Aaron all night long
A little bit of Jason here I am
A little bit of you makes you my man
Yeah, they all look like that when I'm done with them.
Obviously missing from Michael Phelps' diet are the green beans. My dad always said if you eat green beans, you'll get hair on your chest.
The water wasn't this high earlier ... Army of Dad must have been in here again with those Brazilian synchronized swimming girls Bia and Branca Feres.
Hey, guys ... there are times when it isn't good to be so quick. Just saying is all.
another standard:
Hey guys, wanna see my breast stroke? My back stroke? Any kind of stroke?
You know, she actually tried to blame ME for getting her started on this tangent.
Whatever dear. We all know you woudl have gone there anyway.
Looks like a lot of action in that pool.
Anybody notice that fine hip rolling action Phelps uses under the water? I taught him that.
"Oh ennui... wash me away."
"No, you can not have one of my gold medals. Quit whining."
I wish I knew how to Spitz you...
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