Saturday, August 23, 2008

Playing with Big Balls

Jack Bauer

1. "Crap, the ball passed through a 'Magnitude Expansion Zone.' Why did I have to sign up for Little League Calvinball?"

2. The Parents Sensitivity in Sports Council thought larger balls would be easier to hit and catch and enhance everyone's self-esteem. The personal injury lawsuits were devastating.

3. "In my dream, I'm playing baseball, and there are huge balls all around me. They're ginormous, and they dangle and bounce and they look so inviting, but I'm afraid to touch them. What does it mean, doc?"

4. "For just pennies a day, you can help Billy and other victims of 'Forced Perspective Syndrome.' Won't you help? I'm Sally Struthers."

5. Little League Baseball had its own version of the The Island, complete with Rovers, as Number 6 was about to learn.

Best of Passionate Conservative
"You're gonna need a bigger glove."
--Chief Brody

Best of Jack Reacher
After he regained consciousness, Billy understood what the coach meant about "situational awareness."

Best of Kaptain Krude
Sully also struck out with his Google search for "balls in young boys' faces".

Best of Silhouette
"YOUR OTHER LEFT!"

Best of Army of Mom
The kid whose dad threw at him in a father son game.

23 comments:

Passionate Conservative said...

"You're gonna need a bigger glove."

--Chief Brody

Passionate Conservative said...

Little did little Bobby know, but the ball had a mommy, and that mommy was sneaking up behind him...

Passionate Conservative said...

"All fall to their knees, to honor the great God of baseball!"

Jack Reacher said...

After he regained consciousness, Billy understood what the coach meant about "situational awareness."

Jack Reacher said...

Sully strikes out on his Google search for "boys with huge balls."

Kaptain Krude said...

Sully also struck out with his Google search for "balls in young boys' faces".









word verification: pstrkbm

Silhouette said...

"YOUR OTHER LEFT!"

Rodney Dill said...

The original show "The Prisoner" was set in a baseball theme... Fail...

Double the U said...

I've got big balls
I've got big balls
And they're such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he's got big balls,
And she's got big balls,
But we've got the biggest balls of them all!

And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody comes and comes again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says I've got great balls of fire!

Army of Mom said...

Hey mom, what's that coming *POW*

uh, this way.

Army of Mom said...

Swear to God, I don't know where its gonna go.

Army of Mom said...

Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?

Army of Mom said...

C'mon Meat, throw me that weak-ass shit!

Army of Mom said...

The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self awareness.

Or apparently awareness of where the ball is.

Army of Mom said...

Hey, I think that kid played on Hot Rod's team last fall.

Army of Mom said...

How to tell when Little Billy needs his annual eye exam.

Army of Mom said...

Hey dear, I think we need to sign Little Billy up for a different activity. Is eyesight important for Cub Scouts?

Army of Mom said...

Billy's new nickname: Rubber Legs Jones

Army of Mom said...

The kid whose dad threw at him in a father son game.

Army of Mom said...

Come on Billy, get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this olé bullshit!

Army of Mom said...

JUST a bit outside.

Army of Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Army of Mom said...

All we got on this team are a buncha Jews, spics, n*ggers, pansies, and a booger-eatin' moron!

p.s. For the young 'uns out there, this is from the original Bad News Bears in 1976.