1. "Crap, the ball passed through a 'Magnitude Expansion Zone.' Why did I have to sign up for Little League Calvinball?"
2. The Parents Sensitivity in Sports Council thought larger balls would be easier to hit and catch and enhance everyone's self-esteem. The personal injury lawsuits were devastating.
3. "In my dream, I'm playing baseball, and there are huge balls all around me. They're ginormous, and they dangle and bounce and they look so inviting, but I'm afraid to touch them. What does it mean, doc?"
4. "For just pennies a day, you can help Billy and other victims of 'Forced Perspective Syndrome.' Won't you help? I'm Sally Struthers."
5. Little League Baseball had its own version of the The Island, complete with Rovers, as Number 6 was about to learn.
Best of Passionate Conservative
"You're gonna need a bigger glove."
Best of Jack Reacher
After he regained consciousness, Billy understood what the coach meant about "situational awareness."
Best of Kaptain Krude
Sully also struck out with his Google search for "balls in young boys' faces".
Best of Silhouette
"YOUR OTHER LEFT!"
Best of Army of Mom
The kid whose dad threw at him in a father son game.