Saturday, August 16, 2008

Kid, We Have Opposable Thumbs for a Reason

Americana


1. "I wonder how mom learned to deep throat a can this big?"

2. "This should give me the boost I need to get away from Barney Frank."

3. "All right, whoop-ass, let's get you opened. "

4. Andrew Sullivan is only mildly disappointed by his Google search for 'young boy licking a black can.'

5. "Aw, thit, the pull-tab'th thtuck on my tongue thtud."

Best of mega
Amy Winehouse: "See, the difference is, I would never go out on my bicycle after huffing a can of keyboard cleaner spray."

Best of Jack Reacher
Billy tried for hours to produce notes from his harmonica, before someone told him it was actually a tennis ball can.

Best of prince of leaves
After a week in the hospital and some lingering brain damage, Billy learns that the nitrogen gas gizmos in Guinness cans are not intended to be huffed.

Best of Passionate Conservative
Wow, candy and a new bike? Thank you Mr. McKellen!

Best of kam582
Future mayor of a large eastern city in America.

Best of Tim
Soon after winning his first little league championship, little Johnny starts his downward descent

Best of curly
“Look! I’m Rielle!... ‘Which end of the camera should I point towards Edwards?’”

21 comments:

mega said...

Amy Winehouse: "See, the difference is, I would never go out on my bicycle after huffing a can of keyboard cleaner spray."

Adjustah said...

Mega! That's hilarious!

V the K said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chrees said...

Whippit...whippit good

Army of Dad said...

Hmm, looks like we have future COPS material here. Or Darwin Awards.

Army of Dad said...

That's right ladies I am a badass likeChuck Liddell. Got the mohawk and energy drink-next guy that crosses me is going to feel the thunder!

Jack Reacher said...

Billy tried for hours to produce notes from his harmonica, before someone told him it was actually a tennis ball can.

prince of leaves said...

After a week in the hospital and some lingering brain damage, Billy learns that the nitrogen gas gizmos in Guinness cans are not intended to be huffed.

prince of leaves said...

November 9: across America, Young Republicans face the news of Obama's victory by chugging Janitor in a Drum instead of waiting to be rounded up by Michelle's death squads.

Achilles said...

"I don't see what's so bad about those NAMBLA guys. They give me all the 40's I want. One of 'em even said he could get me a congressional internship."

Passionate Conservative said...

OK, Chuck, how much will you pay if I stick this shave cream can THIS far up my ass?

Passionate Conservative said...

"Rockstar? That shit's weak. I've developed a formula that liquifies cocaine and mixed it with dissolved amphetamine. I call it 'Hold on for your f*cking life.' Catchy, eh?"

Passionate Conservative said...

Wow, candy and a new bike? Thank you Mr. McKellen!

kam582 said...

Future mayor of a large eastern city in America.

kam582 said...

Two more cans and I can be a judge on American Idol.

Army of Dad said...

I CAN HAZ ENERGY?

Army of Dad said...

I CAN HAZ CAN OPENR?

Tim said...

Soon after winning his first little league championship, little Johnny starts his downward descent

curly said...

“Look! I’m Rielle!... ‘Which end of the camera should I point towards Edwards?’”

curly said...

“Dude…Opening this can is above my pay grade.”

Jay Guevara said...

"Damn, my hair looks good."