1. "Superdelegates? Naw, we're here to write the Democrat foreign policy platform."
2. While his mother rants on and on about "Bushitler's oil war," Billy uses ASL to ask for help from Child Protective Services.
3. Dennis Kucinich supporters arrive early at the convention to rally for the VP spot (since Obama needs someone more conservative to balance the ticket).
4. The Perky Dingbats and Sullen Teens Community Theater presents an adaptation of Stephen King's It.
5. "Those idiots at Rent-a-Mob f--ked it up again. We needed people to protest human cloning."