Thursday, June 26, 2008

Splatter Me With Your Hot Manly Captions


1. "And at the end of the day, I was covered in bruises and spatter. But, enough about my date with Hillary..."

2. Paintball is a lot like a night a titty bar: You can have fun, and you can avoid spending a lot of money... but not both.

3. Paintball terms that sound dirty but aren't: auto-cocker.

4. Good news, she's used to guys splattering stuff in her hair.

5. You know you play too much paintball when your grandmother trips and breaks her hip while you point, laugh, and call her a n00b.

Best of GregMan
I knew this would happen after SCOTUS struck down the D.C. gun ban. In my pants.

Best of The Man
I've got a Tippman...in my pants

Best of Gagdad Bob
No, idiot, I said bring me the SWAT team.

Best of curly
In her coarse [intercourse] language, she demanded that I cover the paintball area’s inner course [intercourse] before we would even discuss the possibilities of having intercourse [intercourse].

Best of Son Of The Godfather
As my man-parts began to swell
I met my fate by orbital gel.

Best of Dr. Hardcrab
I shot me a camel with this gun and I got one of it's toes to proove it!!!

Best of Chrees
I know what you're thinking. "Did she fire 200 shots or only 199?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a Dangerous Power G3, the most powerful paintball gun in the world, and would blow your shorts clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

Best of Chewman
The selector switch says semi, auto, and who needs a man!

Best of mpur
Now we know what Scalia was considering when he wrote the majority opinion on Heller.

Best of Army of Dad
She can charge my bottle any day.

40 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

"Er, what did you think I meant when I mentioned a high-pressure delivery system?"

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

"Why yes, that is a paintball gun in my panties and I am glad to see you."

GregMan said...

I knew this would happen after SCOTUS struck down the D.C. gun ban. In my pants.

GregMan said...

Whatever you do, don't ask her about Magnum Loads.

The Man said...

I've got a Tippman...in my pants

Son Of The Godfather said...

In paintball, protective gear may be replaced by a smokin'-hot hypnotic body.

Gagdad Bob said...

No, idiot, I said bring me the SWAT team.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I dunno... I jumped out of the bushes, saw some awesome boobage, and felt the swift touch of paintball death between my eyes..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

SOTG: "Geez, Subby, you got paint blotches all over ya!..."

Subby: "Yeah... they're paint blotches..."

Gagdad Bob said...
No, idiot, I said bring me the SWAT team.


Nice!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Perfect rack,
Short shorts on thigh,
I meet my death
at 500 PSI.

curly said...

Dick Cheney’s pre-Obama, post-Viagra hunting partner.

Gagdad Bob said...

Son of Godfather:

Yes, that other team stands for Titillating Wenches And Tarts.

Son Of The Godfather said...

She was on the opposing team
As my naughty regions began to steam.
Took off my pants, removed my jock,
b*tch then shot me, in the knee.

curly said...

In her coarse [intercourse] language, she demanded that I cover the paintball area’s inner course [intercourse] before we would even discuss the possibilities of having intercourse [intercourse].

Son Of The Godfather said...

As my man-parts began to swell
I met my fate by orbital gel.

Dr. Hardcrab said...

>>>

I shot me a camel with this gun and I got one of it's toes to proove it!!!

>>>

curly said...

For Hillary, the worst part of losing the election was giving up the security detail.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Weapons of Mass Distraction

duke of red said...

Does staring at the paintball gun longer than the chick make me a fag? Immediate revocation of man card, perhaps?

curly said...

If paintball guns are outlawed, she can hide in my house.

duke of red said...

Obamagirl is out. McCainFemme is in for the win, baby.

duke of red said...

If her thin panties fail, I volunteer myself to take their place.

curly said...

Sully’s google search for “hard crotch bulges” yielded some disgusting images.

curly said...

Annie Oakley meets Baywatch.

Chrees said...

I know what you're thinking. "Did she fire 200 shots or only 199?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a Dangerous Power G3, the most powerful paintball gun in the world, and would blow your shorts clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

mpur said...

Is she really necessary to sell paint ball to guys?

Chewman said...

The selector switch says semi, auto, and who needs a man! Quess which one mine is set on!

mpur said...

Now we know what Scalia was considering when he wrote the majority opinion on Heller.

Chewman said...

I swear her personal add said she really enjoyed balling, but I had a different idea than this! Ouch ouch ouch quit shooting me! Rainbow. I said Rainbow. That's my safe word!

R. Bateman said...

In an attempt to regain customers fter the boycott on gasoline, Shell offers a new service to its card holders. New slogan: "Come and pump this!"

Chewman said...

Participation in paintball had slumped in the past year until the girls from Badda-Bing formed their own team said the owner of Paintballers. Our suggestion box is full of requests for a new game called stripballing so we are looking into it.

Army of Dad said...

No love without a glove.

WV: essxu

Army of Dad said...

She can charge my bottle any day.

Army of Dad said...

I bet she gets shot in the face(mask) a lot.

Gagdad Bob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Army of Dad said...

Kelli had to get the ref at least once per game to explain to her opponents that they had to tag her with a paintball.

Army of Dad said...

Great job V, now AoM will want to come with me to paintball every time.

curly said...

Spray yellow on my little end.

GOP & College said...

1) Heh, with a girl like that, my paint's always going to be white fill.

2) Sully: I LOOOOOOVE THOSE HOT-PANTS! Now if only I could get a GUY with guns like that...

3) I gog'd her all night long!

Steve O said...

I make splat without gun.