Saturday, June 14, 2008

See ya later tailgater


1. "WILL WORK FOR ALL YOUR FOOD."

2. "And you will stay in the Re-Education Camp until you stop clinging to your guns and your so-called 'god.'"

3. "Mongo just pawn in game of life."

4. "So, dad, tell us again how you scored a perfect 1600 on your SATs."

5. "Well, at least now we know a pickup truck can't run on beer."

LOL Best of robert
Durn it - we ain't got all day! When is Maya Angelou going to begin recitin' her poetry?

Wicked Best of Rodney Dill
Yep kids, that's how pigs... and your daddy... do it.

Best of divine miss m
The U.S. Olympic Potato Chip Eating Team takes a breather between practice sessions.

Best of Jack Reacher
The anticipation is palpable as Boomer's family joins him in awaiting the tax "rebate" check.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Lookit that V the K," Homer spat, "presenting himself as some holier than thou do-gooder Christian."

Best of Jay Guevara
Thought bubble: "Damn, I wish I could 'git 'er done."

Best of mega
The entire family had adopted Obama's gaze-off-into-the-half-distance stare, and couldn't snap out of it when the truck started moving. Many were injured.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
One major problem is keeping the components of the quantum computer in a coherent state, as the slightest interaction with the external world would cause the system to decohere. This effect causes the unitary character of quantum computational steps to be violated... Now get me mah beer."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Ahm tellin' y'all, the instructions on the orange juice said 'concentrate', now hush an' put on yer thinkin' caps..."

Best of ThatGayConservative
Larry shows how he's prepared to face off with Rosie O'Donnel in the Biggest Moobs Contest.

Best of prince of leaves
Clem and Lucy were one of a growing number of patriotic couples, determined that the demographic catastrophe brewing in Europe would not be repeated in America.

Best of prince of leaves
When they married, Clem and Lucy had the bodies of fashion models. Which they immediately buried in the crawlspace to prevent the neighbors from asking uncomfortable questions.

Best of Kaptain Krude
When they told me that their truck could really haul ass, I didn't think that they meant that literally.

Best of curly
While Speak No Evil and Smell No Evil were on task, Hear No Evil was hypnotized by Obama’s stump speech message of ‘hope’ and ‘change’.

Best of robert
Little Timmy, standing second from left, suddenly realizes that Clem, the man with tats and great masses of puffy flesh oozing from his sleeveless t-shirt, is his father.

Best of Mr. Right
"Gee, Earl, that guy just made left turn, then the other guy just made a left turn, then another left turn and another left turn. Did we really have to come to this stupid event?"

"Look, Nadine, I wanted to go to the NASCAR race, YOU were the one who insisted we come to the McCain/Obama debate instead!"

53 comments:

ochagirl said...

Welcome to Redneck Reservation, where you can witness the majesty of the last remaining herds of Beregutus Redneckae. They are simply thriving, with their diet of fast food in sustainable quantities. *Many scientist fear genetic mutations due to inbreeding of an already shallow gene pool.*
Democrats want to preserve these rare specimens, keeping them bitter, so they've taken strong measures to ensure that this species and others, like their black brethren, are kept out of reach of tax relief that would shatter their fragile piss poor conditions.

*= (lol) I know. That was LOW. haha

racerboy said...

I'll take "Things You See on the Side of I-94 when NASCAR Comes a' Callin'" for $100, Alex.

divine miss m said...

The U.S. Olympic Potato Chip Eating Team takes a breather between practice sessions.

Jack Reacher said...

Billy Bob's family was not allowed past the fence until the rest of their heads were shaved. Head lice rules are strict.

Jack Reacher said...

The anticipation is palpable as Boomer's family joins him in awaiting the tax "rebate" check.

Jack Reacher said...

San Franciscans express relief that this family is on the other side of the fence, not realizing that THEY are the ones on the "other side."

Jack Reacher said...

"Lookit that V the K," Homer spat, "presenting himself as some holier than thou do-gooder Christian."

Jay Guevara said...

Thought bubble: "Damn, I wish I could 'git 'er done."

Jay Guevara said...

"You laugh, but just think of all the San Francisco fudgepackers we're offsetting."

Rodney Dill said...

If you build it they will come... so stop building it dammit.

mpur said...

Once the fence was completed, watching the illegal immigrant obstacle course event had become a weekend tradition for the whole family.

mega said...

The entire family had adopted Obama's gaze-off-into-the-half-distance stare, and couldn't snap out of it when the truck started moving. Many were injured.

mega said...

Gavin Newsom: "We did believe the new fencing at the tiger exhibit would prevent further incidents. Our condolences to the eight people, and one truck, eaten earlier this morning."

mega said...

The whole family was so used to Kenny holding his giant erect penis with both hands in public, that nobody paid any attention.

mega said...

Clem's home-made version of Scared Straight was sort of working, but, honestly, it felt more like a party than a serious stay-out-of-prison learning experience for his kids.

Son Of The Godfather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Son Of The Godfather said...

"One major problem is keeping the components of the quantum computer in a coherent state, as the slightest interaction with the external world would cause the system to decohere. This effect causes the unitary character of quantum computational steps to be violated... Now get me mah beer."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Jeb's brother would be late for the gathering, as he lost track of time playing banjo for Burt Reynolds, Jon Voight, and Ned Beatty.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The Knoxville Airshow pretty much consisted of watching flies around a cow patty.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Let me guess which one goes by the C.B. handle of "Tiny"...

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Ahm tellin' y'all, the instructions on the orange juice said 'concentrate', now hush an' put on yer thinkin' caps..."

ThatGayConservative said...

Larry shows how he's prepared to face off with Rosie O'Donnel in the Biggest Moobs Contest.

Double the U said...

Just out of frame is the vendor for this event shouting, "Bibles! guns! get something to cling to! Bibles! Guns now! comeon!"

prince of leaves said...

Clem and Lucy were one of a growing number of patriotic couples, determined that the demographic catastrophe brewing in Europe would not be repeated in America.

prince of leaves said...

It's impressive at first to think that a guy like that could have sex enough times to produce that many kids. And then you realize that he has two wives, to boot, and you realize that something is VERY VERY WRONG with the universe.

prince of leaves said...

When they married, Clem and Lucy had the bodies of fashion models. Which they immediately buried in the crawlspace to prevent the neighbors from asking uncomfortable questions.

Rodney Dill said...

Yep kids, that's how pigs... and your daddy... do it.

Kaptain Krude said...

When they told me that their truck could really haul ass, I didn't think that they meant that literally.

curly said...

While Speak No Evil and Smell No Evil were on task, Hear No Evil was hypnotized by Obama’s stump speech message of ‘hope’ and ‘change’.

curly said...

“Daddy, why do Barack and Michelle hate us so?”

curly said...

With all of the weight sitting on the tail gate, I sure hope it’s supported by *chains we can believe in*.

* Shamelessly ‘borrowed’ from SOTG, like most of my caps.

curly said...

All White Castle parking lots are now white trash hotspots!

curly said...

“The whole concept of anthropomorphic global climate change is a total farce and should really be called misanthropic climate chains, ‘cuz we is being put into bondage by those that hate us.”

curly said...

“Paw, I know that it’s a darn shame that we’re gonna get either McCain or Obama as our next President, but do we really have to hop the fence and go live as illegals in Mexico?”

robert said...

Little Timmy, standing second from left, suddenly realizes that Clem, the man with tats and great masses of puffy flesh oozing from his sleeveless t-shirt, is his father.

Larry's family patiently awaits their turn to audition for Idiocracy - The Sequel.

Amazing - all that in a half-ton pickup.

Durn it - we ain't got all day! When is Maya Angelou going to begin recitin' her poetry?

curly said...

“Daddy, I don’t think this is what ‘Uncle Sully’ had in mind when he asked you if you liked tailgating.”

attmay said...

The New Iron Curtain, formerly known as The Mason-Dixon Line, courtesy of the Obama Administration

racerboy said...

One 'lectric bug-zapper - $2.50 at Aunt Edna's garage sale
12-pack of Bud - $8.99 on sale at the Piggly-Wiggly
A wholesome evening of fun for the whole family - priceless

racerboy said...

That's okay son; she ain't good enough for her own kinfolk, she ain't good enough for our family...

ochagirl said...

SOTG: "Ahm tellin' y'all, the instructions on the orange juice said 'concentrate', now hush an' put on yer thinkin' caps..."

Omigosh . . . that made me LMBO. XD

Artfldgr said...

The paper said the fire works start when?

Artfldgr said...

No sir, we is cat-licks, dont use ruppers never will.

Artfldgr said...

tune in sweeps week for beverly hillbillies 2008

Artfldgr said...

yes sir, these are your core constituency

Artfldgr said...

Lord i keep pinching my thigh hard and i just dont wake up. six kids, how the heck did that happen?

Artfldgr said...

"come and look the bulls mating","come and look the bulls mating". i am getting real tired of this jaime, cant we just get the nature channel

Artfldgr said...

you would be amazed how all of us can fit in the cab of the new ford pickups

Chrees said...

ORA:
"His cones are bigger than mine"

Mr. Right said...

"Gee, Earl, that guy just made left turn, then the other guy just made a left turn, then another left turn and another left turn. Did we really have to come to this stupid event?"

"Look, Nadine, I wanted to go to the NASCAR race, YOU were the one who insisted we come to the McCain/Obama debate instead!"

Rodney Dill said...

If you're idea of a night out is takin' the family down to watch the bears at the town dump... you just may be a redneck

Chrees said...

"The Cheetos of Wrath"

mandible claw said...

"Dad, why couldn't we just pay the $2 to watch the airshow from inside the fence?"

"Shut up Jimmy-Ray, they's about to play Rock You Like a Hurricane agin!"

sonicfrog said...

Yeah their dad has put on a few pounds recently... Say, didn't the Tucker's have seven children???