1. "Billy, your old man has nothing to look forward to except years of child support payments and four years of McCain or Obama. If you have any mercy at all, you'll plop your fat a$$ on the hood and crush my skull."
2. Another custody weekend of watching "dad" get drunk and throw up on parked cars.
3. "No, Dad, I don't think that mohawk looks ridiculous on a 38 year old man at all. Hey? Is that a Sacajawea dollar on the engine block? Lean in closer. Closer..."
4. "Hey, dad. There's something I've been wanting to tell you. I'm tired of you presenting yourself as some holier than thou do-gooder Christian. the pictures of tits and animals having sex on your blog reveal the deep sickness you truly possess and explain your desire to hide behind "faith" and "good deeds" to cover up what a sick f--k you really are. I just wanted you to know that."
5. "Speaking of 'junk in the trunk,' did you see what just waddled past behind us?"
Best of mpur
Mmm....subtle yet tempestuous bouquet, full-bodied...yes, this is definitely a '68.
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"There's something different about it... I can't put my finger on it, but if we figure it out, we find Earth..."
Best of Son Of The Godfather
I pity the fool who fails to emulate Mr.T accurately.
Best of Jack Reacher
"Fan shroud's missin', Dad. That's why it sucked half your hair off."
Best of Jack Reacher
Safe practices include never wearing loose clothing while leaning over an engine. Fortunately, the clothing was loose on nobody in Clem's family.
Best of curly
“Dad, Sully already left, so you can quit your disgusting, toe-tapping, hairy ass crack and man boob showing, ‘Transformers/Megan Fox bent over the hood’ pose.”
Best of curly
“…‘Found On Road Dead’? How about ‘F***ed Over by Republicans and Democrats’?”
Best of curly
“So the Enumclaw Car Club members are only allowed to drive Mustangs, Broncos and Pintos?”
Best of prince of leaves
"NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!" The Venus Redneck Trap feeds on another unsuspecting victim.
Best of Van Helsing
"What closely, son. This is how you save money by cutting your own hair with the engine fan."
Best of Artfldgr
See a man put his head in the engine compartment of a classic mustang car, here at redneck circus
36 comments:
Mmm....subtle yet tempestuous bouquet, full-bodied...yes, this is definitely a '68.
"There's something different about it... I can't put my finger on it, but if we figure it out, we find Earth..."
"Hot dogs is almost done..."
I pity the fool who fails to emulate Mr.T accurately.
How To Make It Look Like You Know Something About Muscle Cars When You Can Barely Change Your Own Oil:
Mention something about a "Hemi" or "stock headers".
The heartbreak of Redneck Osteoporosis.
"Fan shroud's missin', Dad. That's why it sucked half your hair off."
Safe practices include never wearing loose clothing while leaning over an engine. Fortunately, the clothing was loose on nobody in Clem's family.
"And now we wait."
"For what, Uncle Ed?"
"Shaddup and tell me when John Edwards is looking this way."
Burnell was always teasing the ladies at car shows. Who can resist the mohawk, sleeveless shirt, and that bodacious booty?
“Dad, Sully already left, so you can quit your disgusting, toe-tapping, hairy ass crack and man boob showing, ‘Transformers/Megan Fox bent over the hood’ pose.”
June 2011: With President Obama’s mandatory ‘Global Warming’ gas rationing and prices exceeding $15 per gallon, most rednecks are finally cured of any ‘clinging’ to their automobiles.
“I can’t figure out where they keep the 210 horsies.”
“Dad, why was you an’ Uncle Sully talkin’ about ‘getting a Hummer’ when da gas prices is so high?”
“…‘Found On Road Dead’? How about ‘F***ed Over by Republicans and Democrats’?”
“So the Enumclaw Car Club members are only allowed to drive Mustangs, Broncos and Pintos?”
Curly said...
“…‘Found On Road Dead’? How about ‘F***ed Over by Republicans and Democrats’?”
Excellent
Despite the Tractor Supply Co camo, Billy Bob was still horrifyingly visible to most observers.
That there nut needs tightenin' so gimme a left-handed, metric, crescent-wrench, Rufus.
That there nut needs tightenin' so gimme a left-handed, metric, crescent-wrench, Rufus.
Dang it, Jethro; if we don't get this fuel mix right fast, Cousin Abigail will be the only girl left at the family picnic!
Things you're not likely to hear out of this dufus' mouth #17:
"Damn I wish I paid better attention in shop instead of focusing on only math and science..."
Well, yer problems rih-chere! Pitchers of tits and animals having sex got stuck in yer carb and really (intercourse)d up yer engine.
"NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!" The Venus Redneck Trap feeds on another unsuspecting victim.
"What closely, son. This is how you save money by cutting your own hair with the engine fan."
"Yup there seems to be a problem here with your faucet stabilizer where it connects to your headlight fluid reservoir."
"Just a little closer..." With a little patience, Lightning McQueen and The King were able to finally catch some mullet.
You see, they cling to other things besides just guns and religion.
"Well no wunner: the geeblefetzer's cross-connected to the gonkulator!"
Ah hates it when muh "Git-Er-Done" tie gits catched in the fan blades...
See a man put his head in the engine compartment of a classic mustang car, here at redneck circus
yeah jim, it happened like this. i put my head near the ending and rip it tore my hair off on one side of my head and ruined my mullet
hey billy bob can you make it feel like the prison automotive shop?
well i'll be. there really is a rack of hamsters running their little hearts out making it go.
smell that son? thats the smell of valvoline in the morning!
son, clara bell and i go back a long way, i kiss her every time i park and leave her. some day she will be yours
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