Saturday, June 14, 2008

Here in my car, I feel safest of all...




1. "Billy, your old man has nothing to look forward to except years of child support payments and four years of McCain or Obama. If you have any mercy at all, you'll plop your fat a$$ on the hood and crush my skull."

2. Another custody weekend of watching "dad" get drunk and throw up on parked cars.

3. "No, Dad, I don't think that mohawk looks ridiculous on a 38 year old man at all. Hey? Is that a Sacajawea dollar on the engine block? Lean in closer. Closer..."

4. "Hey, dad. There's something I've been wanting to tell you. I'm tired of you presenting yourself as some holier than thou do-gooder Christian. the pictures of tits and animals having sex on your blog reveal the deep sickness you truly possess and explain your desire to hide behind "faith" and "good deeds" to cover up what a sick f--k you really are. I just wanted you to know that."

5. "Speaking of 'junk in the trunk,' did you see what just waddled past behind us?"
Best of mpur
Mmm....subtle yet tempestuous bouquet, full-bodied...yes, this is definitely a '68.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"There's something different about it... I can't put my finger on it, but if we figure it out, we find Earth..."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
I pity the fool who fails to emulate Mr.T accurately.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Fan shroud's missin', Dad. That's why it sucked half your hair off."

Best of Jack Reacher
Safe practices include never wearing loose clothing while leaning over an engine. Fortunately, the clothing was loose on nobody in Clem's family.

Best of curly
“Dad, Sully already left, so you can quit your disgusting, toe-tapping, hairy ass crack and man boob showing, ‘Transformers/Megan Fox bent over the hood’ pose.”

Best of curly
“…‘Found On Road Dead’? How about ‘F***ed Over by Republicans and Democrats’?”

Best of curly
“So the Enumclaw Car Club members are only allowed to drive Mustangs, Broncos and Pintos?”

Best of prince of leaves
"NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!" The Venus Redneck Trap feeds on another unsuspecting victim.

Best of Van Helsing
"What closely, son. This is how you save money by cutting your own hair with the engine fan."

Best of Artfldgr
See a man put his head in the engine compartment of a classic mustang car, here at redneck circus

36 comments:

mpur said...

Mmm....subtle yet tempestuous bouquet, full-bodied...yes, this is definitely a '68.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"There's something different about it... I can't put my finger on it, but if we figure it out, we find Earth..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Hot dogs is almost done..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

I pity the fool who fails to emulate Mr.T accurately.

Son Of The Godfather said...

How To Make It Look Like You Know Something About Muscle Cars When You Can Barely Change Your Own Oil:
Mention something about a "Hemi" or "stock headers".

Son Of The Godfather said...

The heartbreak of Redneck Osteoporosis.

Jack Reacher said...

"Fan shroud's missin', Dad. That's why it sucked half your hair off."

Jack Reacher said...

Safe practices include never wearing loose clothing while leaning over an engine. Fortunately, the clothing was loose on nobody in Clem's family.

Jack Reacher said...

"And now we wait."
"For what, Uncle Ed?"
"Shaddup and tell me when John Edwards is looking this way."

robert said...

Burnell was always teasing the ladies at car shows. Who can resist the mohawk, sleeveless shirt, and that bodacious booty?

curly said...

“Dad, Sully already left, so you can quit your disgusting, toe-tapping, hairy ass crack and man boob showing, ‘Transformers/Megan Fox bent over the hood’ pose.”

curly said...

June 2011: With President Obama’s mandatory ‘Global Warming’ gas rationing and prices exceeding $15 per gallon, most rednecks are finally cured of any ‘clinging’ to their automobiles.

curly said...

“I can’t figure out where they keep the 210 horsies.”

curly said...

“Dad, why was you an’ Uncle Sully talkin’ about ‘getting a Hummer’ when da gas prices is so high?”

curly said...

“…‘Found On Road Dead’? How about ‘F***ed Over by Republicans and Democrats’?”

curly said...

“So the Enumclaw Car Club members are only allowed to drive Mustangs, Broncos and Pintos?”

Submariner said...

Curly said...
“…‘Found On Road Dead’? How about ‘F***ed Over by Republicans and Democrats’?”



Excellent

Submariner said...

Despite the Tractor Supply Co camo, Billy Bob was still horrifyingly visible to most observers.

Submariner said...

That there nut needs tightenin' so gimme a left-handed, metric, crescent-wrench, Rufus.

Submariner said...

That there nut needs tightenin' so gimme a left-handed, metric, crescent-wrench, Rufus.

Submariner said...

Dang it, Jethro; if we don't get this fuel mix right fast, Cousin Abigail will be the only girl left at the family picnic!

Submariner said...

Things you're not likely to hear out of this dufus' mouth #17:

"Damn I wish I paid better attention in shop instead of focusing on only math and science..."

Submariner said...

Well, yer problems rih-chere! Pitchers of tits and animals having sex got stuck in yer carb and really (intercourse)d up yer engine.

prince of leaves said...

"NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!" The Venus Redneck Trap feeds on another unsuspecting victim.

Van Helsing said...

"What closely, son. This is how you save money by cutting your own hair with the engine fan."

Double the U said...

"Yup there seems to be a problem here with your faucet stabilizer where it connects to your headlight fluid reservoir."

Adjustah said...

"Just a little closer..." With a little patience, Lightning McQueen and The King were able to finally catch some mullet.

Gagdad Bob said...

You see, they cling to other things besides just guns and religion.

prince of leaves said...

"Well no wunner: the geeblefetzer's cross-connected to the gonkulator!"

Submariner said...

Ah hates it when muh "Git-Er-Done" tie gits catched in the fan blades...

Artfldgr said...

See a man put his head in the engine compartment of a classic mustang car, here at redneck circus

Artfldgr said...

yeah jim, it happened like this. i put my head near the ending and rip it tore my hair off on one side of my head and ruined my mullet

Artfldgr said...

hey billy bob can you make it feel like the prison automotive shop?

Artfldgr said...

well i'll be. there really is a rack of hamsters running their little hearts out making it go.

Artfldgr said...

smell that son? thats the smell of valvoline in the morning!

Artfldgr said...

son, clara bell and i go back a long way, i kiss her every time i park and leave her. some day she will be yours