1. "Ha-ha! Chris Hansen will never find me behind all these firm, ripe chocolaty buttocks."
2. "It called 'frottage,' some Algerian kid with man-boobs taught me about it."
3. Ben Affleck killed and eaten by a tribe of pygmies? It's like Hollywood is seeing right into my dreams!
4. "More squirming! Dammit Kwame, I demand more squirming!"
5. Spike Lee remakes The Wizard of Oz, with all-Black munchkins and Ben Affleck, unsurprisingly, as Dorothy.
Best of duke of red
Boys singing: "We're f**king Ben Affleck....."
Best of Silhouette
Best of attmay
Diff'rent Strokes: The Movie, starring Ben Affleck as Philip Drummond. Coming this holiday season to a theater near you for reasons beyond human comprehension.
Best of Double the U
Ben Affleck went to their African village and told them that he was a very famous and talented entertainer from America. The tribe didn't know any better.
Best of Adjustah
The boys were thrilled when the crazy, white stranger agreed to help them test their catapult...
Best of shoechick
I CAN HAZ OREO??
Best of curly
Sally Struthers has really let herself go.
Best of mega
Obama's cabinet was young and multicultural, but frankly, would have lacked credibility without at least one rich white guy.