1. Attack of the Mutant Spiders that Knit Your Face to Your Laptop, another craptacular Sci-Fi original movie.
2. Americans come up with ever more creative ways to isolate themselves from the reality that either John McCain or Barack Obama will be the next president.
3. A San Francisco resident has found the means to maximize her enjoyment of the smell of her own farts.
4. 8:47 PM, August 12, 2012... the Trapper Keeper Ultra Keeper Futura S 2000 becomes self-aware.
5. Wouldn't it be easier to just look at pr0n in the privacy of your own bedroom?
Best of Rodney Dill
The Venetian Geek Trap would fool its victims by appearing as common clothing before engulfing them whole.
Best of Steve O
Although Sock-Head Girl's powers weren't well understood, she was always taken on missions where the heroes might get their feet wet.
Best of Submariner
The male version also encapsulates the hips and has slightly different positioning for the hand holes...
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"This virtual-meeting of the Xenophobe Society is called to order."
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Unable to pull Sarah from her marathon World of Warcraft session, Grandma simply decides to "knit around" her.
Best of curly
"I wish I could knit chew": when your knitting fetish becomes a literal hunger for the yarny stuff.
Best of curly
Back from a two week internet free vacation, Curly's daughter tries to remember how to type into her laptop.
Best of curly
Extreme foreskin envy – next on Oprah!
Best of Gagdad Bob
For liberals who don't have time to bury their heads in the sand, you can now practice auto-deception in the privacy of your own home by pulling the wool over your own eyes!
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"I don't want you a-holes to steal my best captions."
Best of Dwight Wannabe
The Isla Fischer signature sweater-bong gives Tommy Chong's Peruvian One-hit skullsmoker a serious run for its money.
Best of mpur
ET emails home.
Best of attmay
Once Rachael Ray realized that the Kaffiyeh was a symbol of Palestinian terrorism, she tried something else. Then she decided to just stop accessorizing altogether.
Best of mega
"Don't be too approachable," the dating guide said. Karen took the advice to heart, and on Day 35 was seen here still waiting for Mr Right to show up.
51 comments:
The Venetian Geek Trap would fool its victims by appearing as common clothing before engulfing them whole.
Although Sock-Head Girl's powers weren't well understood, she was always taken on missions where the heroes might get their feet wet.
Tinactin is evaluating for possible tie-in marketing.
I've heard of one-bagger and two-bagger and even coyote ugly before; but giant sock ugly?
The male version also encapsulates the hips and has slightly different positioning for the hand holes...
"I don't want you a-holes to steal my best captions."
V word: norum... On a Friday?!?
Subby just pinged me over here... said something about a pic of a girl in a tight sweater?...
Safe Cyber-sex
"I don't get this website at all... WTF is an "ORA", why is everyone "open" to Kobe, why do so many people have prom dates, and who the hell is "Dawn"?!?"...
"This virtual-meeting of the Xenophobe Society is called to order."
Some of the mutants developed... "less imaginative" powers... Such as the ability to mimic an ostrich.
Old-School Winsock
Unable to pull Sarah from her marathon World of Warcraft session, Grandma simply decides to "knit around" her.
Afraid of pop up porno ads, Cindy’s Mom went to extreme measures to insure her daughter’s computer time remained innocent.
Hey SOTG!
"I wish I could knit chew": when your knitting fetish becomes a literal hunger for the yarny stuff.
Nothing’s quite as ‘clinging’ as Rosie O’Dumbell’s knitted douche bag.
Maria creates her own near-death-experience: "There's a tunnel!... There's a light at the end!... I can see... I can see... Drudge!"
Howdy Curly!
Back from a two week internet free vacation, Curly's daughter tries to remember how to type into her laptop.
"We had to. She kept scratching."
“Suffocating. Clumsy. Dark. Unwieldy” – Wow, the truth in advertising rules have certainly taken most of the pizzazz out of the Microsoft Vista commercials.
"Hey, look!... We found someone who actually voted for Walter Mondale!"
Ever since her mom's "revelation" about Iranians helping out in the surge, Mindy Pelosi attempted to keep a low profile.
Extreme foreskin envy – next on Oprah!
"That won't help you, Karen... God can see you downloading the Dixie Chicks on bittorrent."
Cindy dons her disguise before posting her caps as “Anonymous”.
"I googled "black holes", and everything started to get pulled into the monitor."
“No sweety. A burka’s supposed to hide everything except for your face – not the other way around.”
Ctrl-Alt-Machine Wash Only
January 2009: Upon seeing the latest Abu Ghraib pictures of the Obama presidency, Americans became whimsical for the ‘good old days’ of the Bush/Cheney regime.
After wearing an oversized smelly sock on her head for a week, Cindy finally saw the light and was ready to vote for Obama.
IM TEXT:
SARAH SAYS> HELP ME, I'M STUCK IN MY CARDIGAN!
ALICE IS TYPING...
ALICE SAYS> IS THAT IN FRANCE?
SARAH SAYS> NO, IDIOT, I AM TRAPPED IN MY SWEATER!!
ALICE IS TYPING...
ALICE SAYS> MAYBE YOU SHOULD CUT BACK ON THE SARAH LEE SNACKCAKES?
SARAH SAYS> HELP ME!
ALICE IS TYPING...
ALICE SAYS> O.K., BUT NOT BEFORE I POST YOUR PIC ON CAP THIS!
SARAH SAYS> I HATE YOU.
ALICE IS TYPING...
ALICE SAYS> AS MUCH AS TURTLENECKS? LOL THOSE ARE SOME WICKED-MAD L33T HACK3R SKILZ U HAVE!
SARAH SAYS> F.U.
ALICE HAS LOGGED OFF.
Once Dell recalled laptop batteries for exploding, there were a few unsuccessful suicide attempts.
Beta tester for the Ron Popeil Portable Pantyshield Changing Room. Suggested retail price only $39.95 plus s/h. Get two for only $80 plus s/h by recommending our products to a friend. Limited time offer... Call now!
Things that can hamper your bandwidth:
1. High volume transfers
2. Line interference
3. Lint
I was hoping the virtual-reality interface would be less obtrusive.
For liberals who don't have time to bury their heads in the sand, you can now practice auto-deception in the privacy of your own home by pulling the wool over your own eyes!
Son Of The Godfather said...
"I don't want you a-holes to steal my best captions."
And which ones would those have been, amigo?
With Congress all over waterboarding, the military has resorted to forced watching of episodes of "Caveman" off of ITunes.
The Isla Fischer signature sweater-bong gives Tommy Chong's Peruvian One-hit skullsmoker a serious run for its money.
ET emails home.
Once Rachael Ray realized that the Kaffiyeh was a symbol of Palestinian terrorism, she tried something else. Then she decided to just stop accessorizing altogether.
...But by the time Big Bird got back with Susan and Bob, Snuffy had already left and Big Bird had to try and explain to them all about his mysterious "friend" yet again.
Forced to abandon cold temperatures, waterboarding, sleep deprivation and other better-known forms of "torture", the CIA quietly began testing the dreaded "reverse sweater over the head" technique. Most Islamists felt pure fear at the very mention of it, though, in truth, it left no physical damage and was actually quite cozy in the winter.
"Don't be too approachable," the dating guide said. Karen took the advice to heart, and on Day 35 was seen here still waiting for Mr Right to show up.
Karen felt like a fool for ordering the new Bose Ultra-Huge Bass-Resonant Home Theater System for $3,500 over the Internet, with its 1.25 inch "subwoofer" on a cheesy stand, and, realizing that she was just another victim of clever marketing, covered her face in shame.
Stuck in her sweater, with An Inconvenient Truth set on infinite repeat on the DVD player, she waited desperately on Day 4 for help. But New York is a tough town, and no one bothered to help, or even noticed.
mega said...
"Don't be too approachable," the dating guide said. Karen took the advice to heart, and on Day 35 was seen here still waiting for Mr Right to show up.
Will somebody please tell her I'm not coming!
Knit on my face and tell me that you love me, I'll knit on your face and tell you I love you too
Well at least no one will notice the zit on my nose
Orco attempted to suck face with She-ra with mixed results
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