Thursday, May 15, 2008

Thank God They Fired The Vulcan


1. After leaving Serenity, Inara took a job as a librarian at the Companion Academy, which was known for its comprehensive collection of 'Letters to Penthouse.'

2. FoxNews launches its 'Book Club' feature.

3. You know, I think I'm gonna like Masterpiece Theater: The Next Generation.

4. We've replaced Billy's usual librarian with a whore. Let's see if he notices.

5. In Soviet Russia, you give lapdance to stripper!

Best of mega
Rachel tried to figure out what this place was, and why anyone would come here. There were no parties, plastic surgeons, or cell phones. What a stupid place.

Best of mpur
Bigfoot's wife relaxes in the family study.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Sir, this is a library... Please keep your "Giggedy's" at whisper level."

Best of racerboy
"How come boys never appreciate me for my intellect?"

Best of prince of leaves
"I think my bindings are loose," she sighed, sending a shiver up my spine.

Best of ochagirl
HIJAB. UR DOIN IT WRONG.

Best of Adjustah
"Oh for the love of..!", thought Picard, who had once again stumbled onto one of Geordi's "Engineering assistance" holodeck programs.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Bambi Reedmore later confessed despite the number of books in her library she had read only the ones she could color.

Best of divine miss m
Subby fondly recalls the tutor who taught him better names for parts of the body than the ones his parents did.

Best of Army of Mom
Hannah Montana?

Best of Army of Mom
Your boobs will come out of the top if I let you tell me about Ron Paul? I'm all ears.

57 comments:

The Man said...

So governor, I hear you have a budget surplus...in your pants.

mega said...

There were only ten confirmed fetishists for the rare bare feet with spread toes + long black hair + maple bookcases fetish, but they were willing to pay whatever it cost to get some content, making the photo shoot more than worthwhile.

mega said...

Rachel tried to figure out what this place was, and why anyone would come here. There were no parties, plastic surgeons, or cell phones. What a stupid place.

mpur said...

Bigfoot's wife relaxes in the family study.

Son Of The Godfather said...

ORA?
Breeding Is Fundamental

Son Of The Godfather said...

♫ I love you madly, madly Madam Librarian...Marian
Heaven help us if the library caught on fire
And the Volunteer Hose Brigademen
Had to whisper the news to Marian...Madam Librarian!
What can I say, my dear, to make it clear
I need you badly, badly, Madam Librarian...Marian
If I stumbled and I busted my what-you-may-call-it
I could lie on your floor
'Till my body had turned to carrion....Madam Librarian.
Now in the moonlight, a man could sing it
In the moonlight
And a fellow would know that his darling
Had heard ev'ry word of his song
With the moonlight helping along.
But when I try in here to tell you, dear
I love you madly, madly, Madam Librarian...Marian
It's a long lost cause I can never win
For the civilized world accepts as unforgivable sin
Any talking out loud with any librarian
Such as Marian.....Madam Librarian. ♫

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Excuse me, miss... Care to see my bookworm?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Looks like ol' Subby's not showing up... Oh, what the heck... I'll go to prom with ya."
*Muffled screams of gagged and bound Subby from next aisle*

Son Of The Godfather said...

Now there's a book I'd read cover to cover.

Son Of The Godfather said...

When she answered "What those guys in the movie '300' did to scare the enemy?" to my "Shakespeare" query, I knew I was in love.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Sir, this is a library... Please keep your "Giggedy's" at whisper level."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Her eyes seem to say "take me... take me now", yet her lips seem to say "Sir, why are your trousers around your ankles?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Ma'am?... Not that it should sway you, but I was the inspiration for the title of Herman Melville's novel."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I want to make love to you in the worst way... Standing up in a hammock."

I forget which comedian I stole that from. ;)

Son Of The Godfather said...

We Title This Picture:
Pick Up Hot Chicks Using The Dewey Decimal System!

Son Of The Godfather said...

I think that may be Megan Fox from Transformers... which is ironic, cuz part of me is transforming into concrete.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The "Anti-two-pictures-ago".

racerboy said...

"How come boys never appreciate me for my intellect?"

(Verification word: fywekr)

jeff said...

Little Jimmy's dream babysitter...

"Welcome to the law offices of Hookem & Screwem, I'm the associate that has been assigned to your case."

mklasing said...

Although he went 5 times a week to see his therapist, Gov. Spitzer claimed it would be years before he was better.

divine miss m said...

For cryin' out loud, how many times do I have to remind you, it's "books," not "boobs."

prince of leaves said...

Teaching feral young adults to read was often a challenge, but this was one that Jim was up for.

prince of leaves said...

"I think my bindings are loose," she sighed, sending a shiver up my spine.

prince of leaves said...

I woke in the morning to discover that the beautiful librarian had checked out, leaving me with the bill and a strange pain in my colophon.

prince of leaves said...

"Codex: you won't know you're wearing one, and neither will anyone else!"

ochagirl said...

HIJAB. UR DOIN IT WRONG.

ochagirl said...

Now that the Communist reading hour is being read by . . . her, conservatism is doomed.

Adjustah said...

"Oh for the love of..!", thought Picard, who had once again stumbled onto one of Geordi's "Engineering assistance" holodeck programs.

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

"Should we solve a case, Dex, or just make love on the study floor?"
Picard had expected very little from Data's program "improvement" but now felt it only fair to give it a full run-through...

Submariner said...

Huked on fonecs wurx fer me!

Submariner said...

Welcome to Master Piece Theatre...

Seoulman (R) said...

the new campaign sponsored by the American Library Association had mixed reviews as only books on sex and plumbing had noticeable checkouts.

Seoulman (R) said...

Bambi Reedmore later confessed despite the number of books in her library she had read only the ones she could color.

Seoulman (R) said...

Samantha returned Dressmaking for Dummies three weeks late, but had only managed to get through the first chapter

Seoulman (R) said...

No shirt
No shoes
No problem

Seoulman (R) said...

In a suprise move, C-SPAN asked Miss Lampshade to host the latest book review segment.

Whacko said...

"... and I want you to know that I have read, no, make that written, all of these books. Yeah, thats the ticket! That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!"

Anonymous said...

Actual photo of the girl scout who sold over 12 thousand boxes of cookies. GSA has declined to comment.

Anonymous said...

Her eyes seem to say "take me... take me now", yet her lips seem to say "Sir, why are your trousers around your ankles?"

And which lips would those be, SOTG?

Son Of The Godfather said...

Anonymous said... And which lips would those be, SOTG?

Hey, anon... You go with the picture in your head, I'll go with mine! :)

And don't ask "which head?", you miscreant! ;)

Submariner said...

Son Of The Godfather said...
"Ma'am?... Not that it should sway you, but I was the inspiration for the title of Herman Melville's novel."


I don't get it - why would the name "Billy Budd" sway her?

Submariner said...

I like the new visual and tactile books much better than those old audio cassettes...

divine miss m said...

Subby fondly recalls the tutor who taught him better names for parts of the body than the ones his parents did.

Submariner said...

Why yes, miss, I AM "Ironman."
Wanna see why they call me that?

Steve O said...

Gosh Miss Finkins, you look different without your glasses.

Army of Mom said...

Hannah Montana?

Army of Mom said...

Army of Mom was not surprised when she learned why Army of Dad was so keen on taking the children to story time at the library.

Army of Mom said...

Tell me the bedtime story again. You know, the one that started Army of Dad and the wet girl. I love that one.

Army of Mom said...

Rejected photo for J.K. Rowling's bio page in the Harry Potter book series.

Approved for whack material for teenage boys who read Harry Potter.

Army of Mom said...

Cover art for latest flick: Harry Pecker and the Sorcerer's Stones.

Army of Mom said...

Tousled hair?
Boobs bursting from bustier?
Smeared lipstick?
Breathless broad?

Yeah, Army of Dad has been here.

Army of Mom said...

Your boobs will come out of the top if I let you tell me about Ron Paul? I'm all ears.

Army of Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Army of Mom said...

Personal ad: Large footed woman searching for hobbit of my dreams. Must have really big hairy feet and know how to use them.

Army of Mom said...

Hardwood what? Yes, yes. The floors. They are hard wood. I wasn't sure what you were asking me about.

Army of Mom said...

Or:

You like my hard wood? oooh, the floors. Damn. I misunderstood you.