1. "In my day, we hired negroes for catering jobs. At least they spoke some damn English."
2. "What a lovely wedding. The Huffington Post even sent a bouquet of stinkweed with a card reading 'We hope you are gang-raped and infected with AIDS.' It was sweet that they remembered."
3. "Jeez, ma show some class, will ya? Use my snot-rag next time."
4. "I'm voting for Ron Paul."
5. "She's got some nerve wearing white."
Best of Paul
Your line is "her mother and I".
Best of Van Helsing
"XYZ PDQ? What's that mean, Ma?"
Best of Double the U
"Blame it on the dog!"
Best of Seoulman (R)
You have to let your father sing 'Feelings' at the reception, he'd be so hurt otherwise.
Best of Jack Reacher
"That groomsman keeps making eyes at me. Be a dear, Georgie, and have him killed."
Best of attmay
"What in Heaven's name were you thinking, getting John Aschroft to sing We've Only Just Begun?"
Best of GOP & College
You know, after the bachelorette party last night, I'm surprised she's even standing.
Best of curly
“You can bet yur best cowboy boots that the boy’s getting some Bush tonight, eh, sonny?”
Best of mega
"Here are your new instructions. Declare war on Iran."
Best of Army of Mom
Son, do you ever get that 'not so fresh' feeling?
Best of Rodney Dill
Dad's gonna parachute in during the vows
Best of jeff
"I walked in on Henry in the bathroom this morning - your dad is bigger."
30 comments:
Your line is "her mother and I".
"XYZ PDQ? What's that mean, Ma?"
That John McCain is a h-u-n-k. Can you hook a granny up?
"Blame it on the dog!"
Georgie, have you heard this one.. a fool, a witch and a really old man walk into a bar?
Mom, that's not a joke. That's this year's election
I know something you don't know
Son, I know you haven't been popular with the public. And usless you get mommy some more cake you won't be popular here either.
You have to let your father sing feelings at the reception, he'd be so hurt otherwise.
I don't understand your decion. Your father, your wife and I think that are making a big mistake... But son, if you to be Obama apostle... Can't you at least be Judas?
Yes, we know how impotant it is for a father to support his daughter on this special day but do you constantly have to say "I'm president Bush and I approved this wedding." NOBODY CARES!
Is it true on government forms around here the "Race" field only has two entries: White and Landscaper?
"After viewing your latest poll ratings and discussing it, your father and I decided its time to tell you the truth, George. You were adopted. Pass me one of the deviled eggs, please."
"That groomsman keeps making eyes at me. Be a dear, Georgie, and have him killed."
"Good gracious, you had to invite the Emperor of Japan after what happened to your father that one time!"
"But mom..."
"What in Heaven's name were you thinking, getting John Aschroft to sing We've Only Just Begun?"
1) Oh, it's so sweet that she let your father be a groomsman. Wait, why aren't you up there?
2) You know, after the bachelorette party last night, I'm surprised she's even standing.
3) God, I hope he's not related to a Clinton...
“George, PLEASE don’t mention that you’ve been made an honorary member of the Menses Society.”
“To quote Hillary when addressing Obama’s pastor disaster: ‘We can’t pick your relatives’. Now scoot your chair back.”
“No George, there aren’t 57 states in the union. Obama doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.”
“You can bet yur best coyboy boots that the boy’s getting some Bush tonight, eh, sonny?”
"Here are your new instructions. Declare war on Iran."
Your father gave me this pearl necklace for ... well .... yes, just know that your father gave it to me.
Pssst. Will you call me again? I got it set on vibrate.
Psst. Jeb was always my favorite.
Son, do you ever get that 'not so fresh' feeling?
Ya ain't gonna dance are ya?
Dad's gonna parachute in during the vows
...and pick me up some more towels before you leave the Whitehouse.
"By the way, George, you're adopted."
"I walked in on Henry in the bathroom this morning - your dad is bigger."
"Thanks for sending your Dad off with Bill Clinton after those disasters - I finally got the house cleaned up!"
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