Saturday, May 17, 2008

Make fun all you want, but this guy is way more likely to help you fix a flat tire than some a-hole with a COEXIST bumper-sticker


1. "Go ahead and quit me! You'll be back! You always come back!"

2. Elizabeth Edwards was surprised when John took a sudden interest in landscaping, and spent hours in the tool shed with the new gardener, emerging sweaty and shirtless. She was stunned when he began growing the mullet.

3. The Dukes of Brokeback Mountain 'Yeeeee-hah!' has a whole new meaning.

4. "White, uneducated, working class... I must have him," Hillary sighed.

5. "Why, yes! I do have a pretty mouth. Thank you for noticing. Thank you."


Best of mega
People were surprised when Clem voted for Obama, but the truth is, his passions in life were cars, guns, girls, and arugula.

Best of Rodney Dill
If'n you ever had a relative die right after saying, 'Bridge, we don't need no stinkin' bridge,' you just may be a redneck.

Best of mega
Billy's sudden realization that Foucault's view on human sexuality was in direct conflict with Kantian metaphysics left him unable to do anything but chew on a straw and stare off into space.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
What fish goes best with moonshine?

Best of Jack Reacher
Clem was actually over-dressed for his family reunion.

Best of Jack Reacher
What happens in Little Rock stays in Little Rock? Good.

Best of mega
"Lunch," thought the killer bear, hiding almost imperceptibly in the background, blending in perfectly with the trees.

Best of Jack Reacher
About this time the Duke boys realized they were canceled twenty years ago, and it was time to get a job.

Best of Rodney Dill
Obama gets his 40 acres and a mullet.

Best of attmay
"Maybe I had the wrong idea about Southerners being brain-dead, inbred hicks," thought Andrew Sullivan. "Some of them are hot, sexy brain dead, inbred hicks."

Best of Army of Mom
Wolverine's John Denver country album was not well received by music critics.

Best of Whacko
Abercrombie & Fitch take their ad campaign to Apalachia.

Best of duke of red
Sean William Scott has really let himself go.

Best of divine miss m
When your family tree looks more like a wreath.

59 comments:

mega said...

People were surprised when Clem voted for Obama, but the truth is, his passions in life were cars, guns, girls, and arugula.

Rodney Dill said...

If'n you ever had a relative die right after saying, 'Bridge, we don't need no stinkin' bridge,' you just may be a redneck.

Rodney Dill said...

"I don't need no Heath Ledger, just get me a mule."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Joe Dirt was fact-based?!?

Son Of The Godfather said...

We Title This Picture:
Prime UFO Abduction Bait

mega said...

Billy's sudden realization that Foucault's view on human sexuality was in direct conflict with Kantian metaphysics left him unable to do anything but chew on a straw and stare off into space.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Jethro learned his lesson the hard way last Halloween when he discovered "pumpkin" is not defined as "somethin' ta do at the family reunion".

Son Of The Godfather said...

What fish goes best with moonshine?

Howdy Mega, you just beat me to the "deep philosopher" cap. Well done!

Son Of The Godfather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Son Of The Godfather said...

Meet Billy Joe Raymond, circumcised at the age of 12 when some'un up and kicked his sister in the jaw.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Billy Joe! Some'un just off an' stole yer truck!"

"Didja see who dunnit?"

"No, but I's got the license number!"

Jack Reacher said...

"That's a real nice Prius you got there, Mr. Edwards. So, does your wife ever let you ride in a truck?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Tennessee Classifieds:
Farmer, age 32, wishes to become acquainted with woman around 30 who owns a tractor. Please send picture of tractor."

Jack Reacher said...

Clem was actually over-dressed for his family reunion.

Jack Reacher said...

What happens in Little Rock stays in Little Rock? Good.

Son Of The Godfather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Son Of The Godfather said...

"Doc, I need to git some of them thar birth control pills fer my daughter."

"Is she sexually active?"

"Naw... she jes lays thar like her maw..."

Jack Reacher said...

"You say your wife's sister is flirting with you, Leon? Don't bother; I've had 'em both, and they ain't a nickel's worth of difference between 'em."

mega said...

"Lunch," thought the killer bear, hiding almost imperceptibly in the background, blending in perfectly with the trees.

Jack Reacher said...

About this time the Duke boys realized they were canceled twenty years ago, and it was time to get a job.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I pulled ya over for speedin'... Ya got any I.D.?"

"'Bout what?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

You never really want to stop too long in a place where reruns of "Hee Haw" are considered documentaries.

mega said...

When the Global Warming Club of the local university showed up to explain why people have to reduce their carbon footprints, Clem beat the shit out of them, took off his clothes, and drove off in their truck. And seriously, he did the right thing.

Passionate Conservative said...

...just another of the bitter, gun and religion clingers that Obama will never be able to reach.

Rodney Dill said...

Obama gets his 40 acres and a mullet.

attmay said...

Don't be fooled. His hobbies are flower arranging, crocheting, and arguing over who was the definitive performer of Mama Rose in "Gypsy."

attmay said...

"Maybe I had the wrong idea about Southerners being brain-dead, inbred hicks," thought Andrew Sullivan. "Some of them are hot, sexy brain dead, inbred hicks."

Rodney Dill said...

"Ya'll gonna eat that road kill?"

prince of leaves said...

"Well yeah, *of course* I'm part of the Aryan Nations. Don't I LOOK like a member of the master race to you?"

Seoulman (R) said...

Next on the Discovery Channel... What If? asks the question, what if Hillary was more of a man

Seoulman (R) said...

Mullets for McCain

mpur said...

'hairyman420' couldn't understand why his MySpace pic only seemed to attract stoned gay men.

Seoulman (R) said...

When Jeremiah Wright imagines a white man

Seoulman (R) said...

I'm too sexy for my family

Seoulman (R) said...

No shirt, no shoes, no expectations

Army of Mom said...

Wolverine's John Denver country album was not well received by music critics.

Whacko said...

Abercrombie & Fitch take their ad campaign to Apalachia.

Whacko said...

"Wish that no-ass bitch would hurry herself up in that there Post Office!"

Submariner said...

Failed ad campaigns #319:

Original cover art for "I'm too sexy for my shirt"

Submariner said...

What in THE hell can be takin' Obama so long with his Klan application?

prince of leaves said...

"Hey there, moonshiner..." Dwayne's addiction to oxycontin reduces him to a life of backwoods prostitution.

Army of Mom said...

Personal ad:
Do you want a man with luxurious blond hair, tight abs and a pick up? You need to be able to shoot a deer, reload and clean guns. If you can do all this and make biscuits and gravy, then we can make beautiful music.

Army of Mom said...

Hey, V, how did you get pictures of my family reunion?

Army of Mom said...

Hey, V, how did you get pictures of my class reunion?

Army of Mom said...

Hey, its Uncle/Cousin Bob/Dad.

Army of Mom said...

Who's got the orange paint? I gots to cheer for my alma mater. Go Vols!

Army of Mom said...

Music playing on the AM radio in the pickup: She thinks my tractor's sexy

Army of Mom said...

Next on E True Hollywood Story: Whatever happened to the Doobie Brothers

Army of Mom said...

Thelma, do you think we should let this guy help change our flat tire? Yeah. Think about it, this is how porn movies sometimes start. Yeah, and slasher movies, too.

We knew which genre it was when we heard the bow-chinky-bow-wow music. Or was that dueling banjos?

Army of Mom said...

And, a new genre of redneck porn was introduced when Bubba Big Balls seduced Ima Ho, the farmer's daughter in the hay field.

Submariner said...

So YOU'RE "cornholio?" I ain't 'zactly impresed...

Submariner said...

Failed ad campaigns #1152:

Beefcake, it's what's fer supper...

duke of red said...

Sean William Scott has really let himself go.

mpur said...

Army of Mom said...
And, a new genre of redneck porn was introduced when Bubba Big Balls seduced Ima Ho, the farmer's daughter in the hay field.


That's not porn, that's a family reunion!

sonicfrog said...

OK. That did it. I'm scared straight!

divine miss m said...

Paddle faster; I hear banjo music.

divine miss m said...

When your family tree looks more like a wreath.

mega said...

(so no one else sees the amazing killer bear?! slightly to the right of his head, at around eye level.)

Dr. Hardcrab said...

>>>

Billy Ray Cyrus questions the press about all the hoopla concerning him posing with his semi-nude daughter: "Ah, hell! That was just Hannah Banan, er, Montana. Not my daughter!!!"

>>>