Friday, May 30, 2008

Lush



1. A desperate Bill Clinton is reduced to using roofies on his own wife.

2. "Thanks, k.d. lang... that strap-on was just what I needed."

3. "Hey, Ted, I'm totally loaded. Let me fly this bitch!"

4. "The only men I need in my life are Jim Beam and Captain Morgan."

5. "And then I cold-cocked that air whore and made her give me the whole can of Coke. Ah, sweet memories..."
Best of Gagdad Bob
"This is the first time I've ever been drunk on something other than power."

Best of curly
After a little liquid courage, Hillary is ready for the sniper fire.

Best of Jack Reacher
Paul's idea to super-glue Hillary's hand to the overhead rack to keep her vertical, while expedient, failed to consider the concept of bathroom breaks.

Best of mpur
Ok, her emotion chip is malfunctioning again. Let me just find the on/off switch here.....

Best of mpur
I can't believe the little bitch dumped me for some dweeb named Weiner. Get me another friggin' drink!

Best of prince of leaves
Symbolic of her flagging campaign, Hillary feels irresistably drawn towards the Exit door.

Best of attmay
"Ted Kennedy is dying. Someone's gotta drink all that unused Congressional hooch."

Best of Steve O
Stay back Scotty! It needs salt!

Best of Double the U
More proof that Charlie Sheen is a sex addict as he goes after Mrs. Clinton.

Best of Kaptain Krude
No wait, a women is like a beer. They taste good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one. But you can't stop at just one woman....so I said, if you want the money, you have to come and get it, 'cause I don't know where it is you phony... you make me wanna wretch."

Best of Seoulman (R)
"I'm sorry Sentator Clinton, you will have to come with us. There have been complaints from ... well just about everyone.

28 comments:

Gagdad Bob said...

"This is the first time I've ever been drunk on something other than power."

curly said...

After a little liquid courage, Hillary is ready for the sniper fire.

curly said...

The drinks: Seven and Seven. The in-flight movie: Obacolypse Now.

Jack Reacher said...

Paul's idea to super-glue Hillary's hand to the overhead rack to keep her vertical, while expedient, failed to consider the concept of bathroom breaks.

Dwight said...

"Oh George Stephanopolis, that's just wonderful! Just like old times, Sugar. HEY! Watch the black cherry back there, buster! Remember what I did to Vince when he tried that 'Oops, I missed' stuff on me."

Jack Reacher said...

After four separate external pacemakers failed to register a heartbeat in Hillary, staffers began to realize that the devices were not, in fact, defective.

mpur said...

Ok, her emotion chip is malfunctioning. Let me just find the on/off switch here.....

mpur said...

I can't believe the little bitch dumped me for some dweeb named Weiner. Get me another friggin' drink!

Submariner said...

In a parallel universe, Fembot 1.0 eliminated all possibilities of the invention gaining traction with a paying public...

Submariner said...

♪ Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you... ♪
>Cackle<

Submariner said...

"...then I gave BILL a pearl necklace. Schmuck. Pour me another three fingers of Cuervo, Jose..."

Submariner said...

Oh, Oh, Ohmuhgaia!
Who put my cell phone on vibrate?

prince of leaves said...

Symbolic of her flagging campaign, Hillary feels irresistably drawn towards the Exit door.

prince of leaves said...

"Ohhhh dear Gaiaaaaa! Why of all yearsh did a chariz- charzgim- *charmizgatic* black guy have to run dish year?!??!?!" After one too many Glenfiddichs, the press corps discovers that Hillary is a maudlin drunk.

prince of leaves said...

Hijackers: "You will give us what we demand, or we will execute Senator Clinton!"

Hillary: "Ohmigod NO, you IDIOTS! You're SUPPOSED to threaten them with something they DON'T want!!!"

attmay said...

"Ted Kennedy is dying. Someone's gotta drink all that unused Congressional hooch."

prince of leaves said...

"[squeee!] Yesshir, *hic* we gots ourshelves some 'tailwind' up here, if y'know what I mean! [bblblblblorrrrt!]"

Steve O said...

Stay back Scotty! It needs salt!

mega said...

"I want to do her, before she's a nobody in about a week" the intern thought, with intensity.

ochagirl said...

January 2009. And Febuary, March, April, May, etc. 2009. Just set the cyborgs to auto-evil and get back to enjoying your undeserved power.*

*=If this becomes true, I'll seriously consider taking up drinking myself.

Jay Guevara said...

"And won't it be just great when we implement socialism?"

Double the U said...

More proof that Charlie Sheen is a sex addict as he goes after Mrs. Clinton.

Kaptain Krude said...

No wait, a women is like a beer. They taste good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one. But you can't stop at just one woman....so I said, if you want the money, you have to come and get it, 'cause I don't know where it is you phony... you make me wanna wretch."

I've said it before, I'll say it again: There truly is a Simpson quote for every occasion.

Seoulman (R) said...

I'm a weavin' on a jet plane

Seoulman (R) said...

Who knew losing could feel this good

Seoulman (R) said...

Flying first class is great, but flying in no-class -- fantastic

Seoulman (R) said...

This beats flying on a broom any day

Seoulman (R) said...

"I'm sorry Sentator Clinton, you will have to come with us. There have been complaints from ... well just about everyone.