Monday, May 26, 2008

Isn't There Any Way They Could Both Lose?


Best of Jack Reacher
"Thanks for the invitation to your church, Barry. It really opened my eyes. Now I gotta run to hold hearings on the CIA creating AIDS to decimate the black community."

Best of mega
The real "Dream Ticket" held a quiet, intimate meeting to discuss post-Hillary strategy and argue who would be on top.

Best of Gagdad Bob
"Thanks Obama. You've made this happy man very old."

Best of Robert
Hillary Clinton's most effective ad yet.

Best of Passionate Conservative
"There, there, it's just a man and a horse being hung..."

Best of Army of Mom
BO: Tell me, Old Man, have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Mc: No, but I once did the jitterbug with Greta Garbo. Does that count?

Best of Army of Mom
Stop me if you've heard this one before. An oreo and a rhino walk into Congress ...

Best of Rodney Dill
Old age and treachery overcome youth and skill.

Best of metalgarth
An awkward moment ensues after Mr. Burns says "grab Smithers and Lenny and make it a foursome" and Carl doesn't realize it was just for friendly game of golf.

Best of Seoulman (R)
It's called Scope, they sell it everywhere. Get with the program


Match the phrase with the politician:

1. "I can't wait to destroy the Republican party."

2. "I hated the Bush tax cuts, but man, my wife made out like a bandit."

3. "13,000 scientists signed a petition doubting Global Warming? Damn oil company stooges."

4. "Hey, you're right. Hillary would be a *brilliant* Supreme Court pick."

5. "Why don't we cut a deal and pass some extremely liberal legislation."

6. "I say screw the working class. If they want to work in tomorrow's economy, they can damn well learn to live 35 to a house and speak Mexican."

7. "I guess I can cross Ted Kennedy off my VP list."

8. "I would totally hate-f**k Ann Coulter."

9. "Justice Alito frightens me."

10. "Drill in ANWR? But what of Santa Claus and all the little elves?"

39 comments:

Steve Burri said...

"I wish I could quit you."

Rodney Dill said...

"Sorry 'bout the confusion, I got this wide stance, see."

Jack Reacher said...

"Thanks for the invitation to your church, Barry. It really opened my eyes. Now I gotta run to hold hearings on the CIA creating AIDS to decimate the black community."

Jack Reacher said...

"We'll always have Washington."

BONUS: WV--spoktops

Jack Reacher said...

From the director's booth: "Cue the Celine Dion music, turn on the glitter light, soft focus, softer, and....fade out. Beautiful."

Jack Reacher said...

"...you just pucker your lips, and blow."

mega said...

The real "Dream Ticket" held a quiet, intimate meeting to discuss post-Hillary strategy and argue who would be on top.

mega said...

"I'm telling you, put us together, and we're 1/4 black, 1/2 war hero, and 100 % against global warming. Just....think about it."

Gagdad Bob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gagdad Bob said...

"Thanks Obama. You've made this happy man very old."

Robert said...

Hillary Clinton's most effect ad yet.

mega said...

The unusual time-space warp created a rare encounter between a creature from the Early Pleistocene and Homo Sapiens Glibbus.

Passionate Conservative said...

Not here Obama, not in front of the interns.

Passionate Conservative said...

Senator McVain: "I'm feeling a tingling up my leg, Obama"

Senator Obamanable: "That's just me. I'm trying to find your balls. They don't seem to exist."

Passionate Conservative said...

Johnson blocked you too?

Passionate Conservative said...

"There, there, it's just a man and a horse being hung..."

mklasing said...

Okay, release the file of me and my former staff member and I'll let go of you balls. Ready, 1,2,3

Army of Mom said...

BO: Tell me, Old Man, have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Mc: No, but I once did the jitterbug with Greta Garbo. Does that count?

Army of Mom said...

Pssst, B.O. Do you ever get that not so fresh feeling?

Army of Mom said...

Campaign theme song for both BO and Mc: REM's "Losing My Religion"

Army of Mom said...

Ebony and ivory, live together in perfect harmony
Side by side on my piano keyboard, oh lord why dont we?

Army of Mom said...

Stop me if you've heard this one before. An oreo and a rhino walk into Congress ...

Army of Mom said...

Wow, John, I knew you were a rhino, but that is some horn!

Army of Mom said...

BO sniggers as he puts the "kick me" sign on the back of John.

Army of Mom said...

You voted for McCain-Feingold? Pucker up and kiss me!

Rodney Dill said...

Obama: "You're kidding right? It really isn't Commander 'n Chef?"

Rodney Dill said...

Old age and treachery overcome youth and skill.

dj said...

Forget “Michelle My Bell”. How about “Come Together”?

dj said...

The Viagra Folder always gets me hot, too.

metalgarth said...

They have an awkward moment after Mr. Burns says "grab Smithers and Lenny and make it a foursome" and Carl doesn't realize it was just for friendly game of golf.

racerboy said...

ORA:

"No, I only like the girls. But thanks anyway."

Seoulman (R) said...

You don't bring me flowers....
You don't sing me love songs

Seoulman (R) said...

O: You the man
M: No, you're the man
O: No, you
M: Ok, neither one of us is the man... Hillary, she's the man

Seoulman (R) said...

So we agree, she get's RFK'ed in Denver.

Seoulman (R) said...

It's called Scope, they sell it everywhere. Get with the program

Seoulman (R) said...

The odd smell of a wet diaper and a Palestinian KY knock-off filled the room

Seoulman (R) said...

If you let me win this time, I'll let you win next time. I promise.

Submariner said...

Question: How did eHarmony match this couple up?
Answer: They both indicated they'd like to "give to the US population... hard..."

Anonymous said...

Give me a hug and a kiss, there will be no conservative policies for at least four years.