1. "No, Mr. Sullivan. You may not put Rashaan Salaam's Heisman trophy in your ass!"
2. And then, the Merrill-Lynch bull broke through the wall, trampled the Obamassiah to death, and spared America a sequel to the Carter administration.
3. "Back, Oprah, Back! Don't make me go all blunt instrument on you!"
4. "Yes, I am a big fan of the proletarian sport of footballs. How about that local squadron?"
5. "Yeah, President Hussein, while you were showing off your moves, your buddies in Hamas just detonated a nuke outside the window. See you in Hell."
Best of Two Dogs
THE Ohio State University fields the most promising Heisman hopeful in years.
Best of curly
Trying to appeal to the redneck demographic, BO changes his name to Barack Heisman Obama.
Best of curly
“Well I'm gonna to go then. And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this.” In the remake of the Steve Martin classic, Obama plays the role of “The Jerk”.
Best of Chrees
The Heisman curse--the difficulty in a star amateur turning pro--strikes yet again.
Best of Whacko
While Obama fantasizes, he bitterly recalls that he couldn't go out for sports in school because he spent so much time with head shoved in the crapper.
Best of Shayne
With a short juke to the right and a quick move to the left, Obama manages to escape from OJ's house without getting slashed.
Best of Seoulman (R)
Can't touch this... Stop Barak time
Best of Army of Mom
The bull on the wall recognizes the BS in the room even if no one else does.