Friday, April 18, 2008

Bummer Dude


1. "David Beckham would be all mine if it weren't for that Posh bitch."

2. "So, my choices for president really are McCain, Obama, or Hillary?"

3. Billy just realized that the harsh mathematics of a polygamy cult means he's going to be cast out right around the time puberty hits.

4. "Ennui... I'm open!"

5. It's a bummer to be the only kid in the seventh grade Debra LaFave hasn't hit on.

Best of Jack Reacher
Finding a photo of your hairy, fat, Speedo-wearing father online, posing with guns, can be quite unsettling. Dave needed time alone.

Best of lawhawk
He's the very model of a Barack Obama bitter American.

Best of Seoulman (R)
I can't believe she touched me.... I think it was a touch.... A slap is a touch, right?

Best of prince of leaves
"WE'R IN UR LAVA LAMP, LAFFIN AT UR ENNUI" -- Somehow, lolseamonkeys never quite caught on as an internet gag.

Best of prince of leaves
Thought bubble: "I never would have done it if I had known a kitten would die..."

Best of racerboy
Billy experiences conflicting feelings of disgust and jealousy on discovering his mom's collection of "adult novelties"

Best of mklasing
"One day I'll go to Waco and I'll build a big house, and stock it with lots of guns and stupid women, and then I'll show them!"

Best of Chrees
Sex. Drugs. Soccer. Yet I feel so... empty. God help me, I'm turning European.

Best of Adjustah
Unbeknown to Dumbledore, Harry would often relieve stress by getting lit on Peach Schnapps and trying to blow up jars of sea-monkeys with his mind...

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Engorgio. Engorgio! ENGORGIO!!!" Harry tried and tried, but could never quite get the hang of the Permanenta Viagarus spell.

23 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

Finding a photo of your hairy, fat, Speedo-wearing father online, posing with guns, can be quite unsettling. Dave needed time alone.

Jack Reacher said...

Oh, cheer up, your lava lamp's not broken. It just wasn't plugged in!

Jack Reacher said...

"I thought I was making real progress with Chelsea, really thought I was in there, and then I brought up Lewinsky. Stupid! Stupid!"

lawhawk said...

He's the very model of a Barack Obama bitter American.

Seoulman (R) said...

I can't believe she touched me.... I think it was a touch.... A slap is a touch, right?

Seoulman (R) said...

Man, mom is mean. All I said was the had the truthfulness of Hilary and she grounded me

Seoulman (R) said...

God bless mom and dad, my favorite soccer team and the Muslim kid who is going to beat me up later today because my ball has a cross on it.

Seoulman (R) said...

Homework Fail!

Andy tried to watch the Democratic debate

Seoulman (R) said...

What can I do for career day, my heart says "Emo Heroin junkie" but my mind says "Dead end data entry'?

prince of leaves said...

In the real world, Harry Potter is a 14-year-old loser sharing the bedroom under the stairwell with grandiose wish-fulfillment fantasies.

prince of leaves said...

Thought bubble: "The other boys laughed and beat me up when I said I wanted to join the soccer team. But I'll show them...as soon as I figure out the trigger-lock code on Dad's 'Hello Kitty' assault rifle..."

prince of leaves said...

"WE'R IN UR LAVA LAMP, LAFFIN AT UR ENNUI" -- Somehow, lolseamonkeys never quite caught on as an internet gag.

prince of leaves said...

Thought bubble: "I never would have done it if I had known a kitten would die..."

racerboy said...

Billy experiences conflicting feelings of disgust and jealousy on discovering his mom's collection of "adult novelties"

V the K said...

I wish I could kill some whores.

mklasing said...

"One day I'll go to Waco and I'll build a big house, and stock it with lots of guns and stupid women, and then I'll show them!"

attmay said...

Poor kid. Still hasn't gotten over losing the Harry Potter role to that Radcliffe guy.

Double the U said...

Billy lost his science competition project to that damn third grader's "Killing Whores" project.

Chrees said...

Sex. Drugs. Soccer. Yet I feel so... empty. God help me, I'm turning European.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Am I too late for the Seattle grunge movement? I still haven't gotten the band together."

Andrew Sullivan said...

I'd hit that.

Adjustah said...

Unbeknown to Dumbledore, Harry would often relieve stress by getting lit on Peach Schnapps and trying to blow up jars of sea-monkeys with his mind...

Kaptain Krude said...

"Engorgio. Engorgio! ENGORGIO!!!" Harry tried and tried, but could never quite get the hang of the Permanenta Viagarus spell.