Monday, March 31, 2008

Just Plane Scary


1. "Michael Moore, Rosie O'Donnell... one of you is going to have to move across the aisle."

2. A plane carrying Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain crashed on take-off today. Was anyone saved? Yes. America was saved.

3. "In the unlikely event of a whitewater landing... I mean, a water indictment... I mean... Oh, Hell just bend over and kiss your ass goodbye Vince Foster... I mean... "

4. "Mrs. Clinton, the pilot says the plane is unbalanced, and he wants you to move your cankles to the left side of the forward cabin."

5. "This flight will be getting underway as soon as Mr. Ching's check clears and we can afford jet fuel."

6. "Don't panic, Mrs. Clinton. When I said 'There's a bomb on board,' I meant the in-flight movie was Lions for Lambs."

7. "No, there is no first class section. My campaign plane reflects my ideal of a classless society. Now, if anyone wants me, I'll be in my private cabin getting a foot massage from a couple of Filipino 'flight attendants.'"

8. "How did that monster get off the wing and into the cabin?" A panicked John Lithgow wondered.

9. "Now, in the event of a crash landing in the mountains, some of you will be eaten by Mrs. Clinton."

10. "In the event of a water landing, scrotum-inflating man may be used as a flotation device."
Best of chunkstyle
Enough is enough! I've had it with these m*****f****** snakes on this m*****f****** plane!

Best of shoechick
I will sit down as soon as I can shake this giant booger off my finger.

Best of metalgarth
Rejected Family Guy throwaway gag: This is worse than the time when Hillary Clinton tried to redo the brief topless scene from the movie Airplane!

Best of Rodney Dill
"Quick let me in the cockpit... I once did a dead stick landing of a Sopwith Camel back during the Great War."

Best of Jack Reacher
"The in-flight meal will be served on genuine White House china...Don't ask."

Best of racerboy
"Does anyone here speak Jive?"

Best of Steve O
Senator Clinton tell listeners how she ripped the throat out of a sniper in Bosnia...

Best of prince of leaves
Famished and aroused, the Hive Queen gets a little too aggressive on the windup, and inadvertently drives her feeding hand right through the Ellen lookalike provided for "dinner".

Best of Submariner
Snukes on a Plane

33 comments:

chunkstyle said...

Enough is enough! I've had it with these m*****f****** snakes on this m*****f****** plane!

shoechick said...

I will sit down as soon as I can shake this giant booger off my finger.

metalgarth said...

Rejected Family Guy throwaway gag:

This is worse than the time when Hillary Clinton tried to redo the brief topless scene from the movie Airplane!

Submariner said...

How can you tell this pic is photoshopped?
The plane is leaning to the right...

Submariner said...

OJA:

I'm the smartest woman in the US and the likely DNC nominee for President. With that Hill grabs the pack and jumps out of the stricken plane.

Moments later, the kid indicates that a volunteer is no longer needed; the "smartest woman in the US" grabbed his backpack instead of a parachute...

Submariner said...

"OhmyGaia; we're under sniper fire!"

Rodney Dill said...

"Nigara Falls... Slowly I turned...

Submariner said...

What would you call this plane going down with loss of all life on board?

Too many empty seats.

Submariner said...

Alas, poor Foster; I knew him well...

Submariner said...

You are now free to move away from this country.

Seriously.

Submariner said...

Get.That.D@mn.Snuke.Away.From.Me!

Rodney Dill said...

"Quick let me in the cockpit... I once did a dead stick landing of a Sopwith Camel back during the Great War."

The Man said...

Everyone duck...snipers.

Jack Reacher said...

"...and remember that positions may shift during a campaign."

Jack Reacher said...

"The in-flight meal will be served on genuine White House china...Don't ask."

Tim said...

rips his eyes out after seeing Scrotum Man, the missing ( and preferably lost) link.

racerboy said...

"Does anyone here speak Jive?"

Jay Guevara said...

"Awright, who said that? Who said 'Allahu Akhbar,' goddammit? I'm gonna pimp slap you into next week!"

Steve O said...

HIT THE DECK!!!!!

Steve O said...

Senator Clinton tell listeners how she ripped the throat out of a sniper in Bosnia...

prince of leaves said...

Famished and aroused, the Hive Queen gets a little too aggressive on the windup, and inadvertently drives her feeding hand right through the Ellen lookalike provided for "dinner".

prince of leaves said...

Zeus is gonna be pissed when he finds out Hera's been throwing thunderbolts again.

Seoulman (R) said...

"Your husband does the hick-y pokey
And you turn polls around
That's what it's all about"

Anonymous said...

Scrotum Inflating Guy happens to be a Democrat Superdelegate. Read his story. Educate yourselves, monors.

Rodney Dill said...

I just misspoke about the sniper incident, I remembered that Vince Foster had shot back and mixed up the events.

Submariner said...

Snukes on a Plane

Army of Mom said...

Kobe, I'm open. I'm so open that ...

mklasing said...

"STELLA!!!....STELL...AAAHHHH!"

curly said...

“Outa my way you stupid dipsh*t, before I bitchslap you back to SuperTuesday!”

Submariner said...

The Hilldawg does Jolson;
♪ Mam-my; how I love ya, how I love ya, my dear ol' mammy!♪
"But for the blackface, you need to see my opponent..."


ATDHE

mklasing said...

Magic? I got your magic right here Obama.

Arcticman Speaks! said...

"I'm a leavin on a jet plane
I sure hope that it's me against McCain"

Two Dogs said...

Cody was always mesmerized by the soothing sounds of his mistress' voice. To him it was as beautiful as the mating sounds of crickets.