Monday, March 31, 2008
Just Plane Scary
1. "Michael Moore, Rosie O'Donnell... one of you is going to have to move across the aisle."
2. A plane carrying Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain crashed on take-off today. Was anyone saved? Yes. America was saved.
3. "In the unlikely event of a whitewater landing... I mean, a water indictment... I mean... Oh, Hell just bend over and kiss your ass goodbye Vince Foster... I mean... "
4. "Mrs. Clinton, the pilot says the plane is unbalanced, and he wants you to move your cankles to the left side of the forward cabin."
5. "This flight will be getting underway as soon as Mr. Ching's check clears and we can afford jet fuel."
6. "Don't panic, Mrs. Clinton. When I said 'There's a bomb on board,' I meant the in-flight movie was Lions for Lambs."
7. "No, there is no first class section. My campaign plane reflects my ideal of a classless society. Now, if anyone wants me, I'll be in my private cabin getting a foot massage from a couple of Filipino 'flight attendants.'"
8. "How did that monster get off the wing and into the cabin?" A panicked John Lithgow wondered.
9. "Now, in the event of a crash landing in the mountains, some of you will be eaten by Mrs. Clinton."
10. "In the event of a water landing, scrotum-inflating man may be used as a flotation device."
Best of chunkstyle
Enough is enough! I've had it with these m*****f****** snakes on this m*****f****** plane!
Best of shoechick
I will sit down as soon as I can shake this giant booger off my finger.
Best of metalgarth
Rejected Family Guy throwaway gag: This is worse than the time when Hillary Clinton tried to redo the brief topless scene from the movie Airplane!
Best of Rodney Dill
"Quick let me in the cockpit... I once did a dead stick landing of a Sopwith Camel back during the Great War."
Best of Jack Reacher
"The in-flight meal will be served on genuine White House china...Don't ask."
Best of racerboy
"Does anyone here speak Jive?"
Best of Steve O
Senator Clinton tell listeners how she ripped the throat out of a sniper in Bosnia...
Best of prince of leaves
Famished and aroused, the Hive Queen gets a little too aggressive on the windup, and inadvertently drives her feeding hand right through the Ellen lookalike provided for "dinner".
Best of Submariner
Snukes on a Plane