Saturday, March 15, 2008

Got Your Nose



1. Like we all didn't fantasize about a seagull crapping on Leo diCaprio and Kate Winslet.

2. Prometheus quickly shielded himself with his date, saving his liver, but guaranteeing he wouldn't score that night.

3. "I love butt secks on the spit!" Tom ejaculated.

4. "Synchronized Yachting" will be an Olympic event in 2012.

5. ORA: Ironically, Mr. Van Driessen's vacation is ruined by an encounter with a lesbian seagull.

Best of Nose
I'M THE KING OF THE WORL....OW F*CK!

Best of prince of leaves
After the Hitchcock/Cameron hybrid "The Titanic Birds" became a comic hit, it was quickly followed up with sequels "The Aliens Who Knew Too Much", "Psycho Abyss", and "Rearview Terminator".

Best of Double the U
You keep asking me to be romantic. You keep asking me to something special. I try to do something special and one little freaking bird comes along and gouges your eye out and your pissed off for the rest of the night.

Best of sonicfrog
Where is Randy Johnson when you need him?

Best of attmay
Yeah yeah, 11 Oscars, box office records and all that, but it still could use a blooper reel at the end.

Best of Silhouette
Accidentally supergluing the ceramic figurine to her face during the bacherlorette party didn't stop Lisa from enjoying her honeymoon.

Best of Submariner
They picked up the broken necked bird and ground it into sauage. Yessir, a clear case of a Tern for the 'Wurst.

Best of Army of Mom
Did you notice? it's either cold on that boat or she's digging it!*

Best of Tim
Shortly before marrying Britney, Kevin Federline performs an ancient viking sacrifice in order to gain wealth and fame.

Best of Van Helsing
Bachelors could never understand the joy of training seagulls to pluck French fries from your wife's nose.

Best of Chrees
The bird was docile until the woman started singing Celine Dion...

34 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

AFLAC!!!

Nose said...

I'M THE KING OF THE WORL....OW FUCK!

prince of leaves said...

"OW! Dammit, Michael! I TOLD you killing an albatross was a bad way to start our honeymoon cruise!"

prince of leaves said...

After the Hitchcock/Cameron hybrid "The Titanic Birds" became a comic hit, it was quickly followed up with sequels "The Aliens Who Knew Too Much", "Psycho Abyss", and "Rearview Terminator".

Double the U said...

You keep asking me to be romantic. You keep asking me to something special. I try to do something special and one little freaking bird comes along and gouges your eye out and your pissed off for the rest of the night.

Jack Reacher said...

"Well, is is an OSHA violation to stand there without eye protection. You're just lucky Spitzer's not still a prosecutor."

Jack Reacher said...

"Well, you do kind of look like a statue, standing like that," said the seagull. "So the blame is 50-50 here. You'll want to get a towel."

andthenblammo! said...

"I read somewhere seagulls are attracted by the smell of fish; wanna hit the hot tub?"

sonicfrog said...

Where is Randy Johnson when you need him?

sonicfrog said...

♫ Come and knock on our door.....
We've been waiting for you......
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his,
Three's company too. ♫

sonicfrog said...

The seagull thought he said "I'm King of the Worms!!!" and just had to get a piece of the action.

attmay said...

Yeah yeah, 11 Oscars, box office records and all that, but it still could a blooper reel at the end.

Silhouette said...

Accidentally supergluing the ceramic figurine to her face during the bacherlorette party didn't stop Lisa from enjoying her honeymoon.

Silhouette said...

I can't tell you how many cool shots have been ruined when some jerk decides to flip a bird.

Submariner said...

They picked up the broken necked bird and ground it into sauage. Yessir, a clear case of a Tern for the 'Worst.



Don't groan at me SOTG, you'd have posted it if you had been first...

Anonymous said...

"How in the hell do I know why it flew in to you, must of smelled something fishy"

Submariner said...

I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille...

Submariner said...

ORA:

She should have known better than to clean her contacts with Windex...

Submariner said...

Jonathon Livingston wasn't like other seagulls - in fact he was blind as the proverbial bat...

Army of Mom said...

Gotcher your nose!

Army of Mom said...

Honk!

Army of Mom said...

*line from Finding Nemo*

Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

Army of Mom said...

Something fishy is going on!

Army of Mom said...

How Ron learned about his wife's love of fish tacos.

Army of Mom said...

No, no, no ... not her nose, her nipples. Tweak her nipples.

*did you notice? it's either cold on that boat or she's digging it!*

Army of Mom said...

Don't they ever stop migrating?

Army of Mom said...

Nevermore!

Submariner said...

Jenny never like "Freebird" again.

Tim said...

Shortly before marrying Britney, Kevin Federline performs an ancient viking sacrifice in order to gain wealth and fame.

Van Helsing said...

Bachelors could never understand the joy of training seagulls to pluck French fries from your wife's nose.

Chrees said...

The bird was docile until the woman started singing Celine Dion...

Van Helsing said...

Ever since seagulls started converting to Islam, it's unsafe to stand up on a boat.

Adjustah said...

Rose suddenly regretted her second helping of sushi at lunch..

Steve O said...

A woman's romantic moment is ruined when she realizes that the man she's with is a total dork.