Monday, March 31, 2008

"Feelings... Whoa Whoa Whoa Feelings..."


1. Hillary struggles to hide her bulge as her own daughter's rendition of "I Touch Myself" drives her almost mad with arousal.

2. "... and that is why I have decided to endorse Barack Obama."

3. "I got to say, after meeting mom's friends, if she wins, I am putting my entire trust fund into Birkenstocks."

4. "Look out! A Sniper! Just kidding Mom."

5. "As my mother has no doubt noticed, 1. This floor is incredibly shiny and 2. I'm not wearing underwear."

Best of Double the U
...another fond memory I have is after my sixth birthday Mom showed me how to use a coat hanger to give myself an abortion if the vast-right-wing conspiracy ever took that choice away from me.

Best of GregMan
Shrillary looks down in shame as Chelsea publicly admits that she really DOES like America.

Best of Submariner
"...and unlike her opponent's spouse, mom's spouse was proud of America, mostly, from the about the middle of 1991 until, oh, 1998 or 1999, somewhere in there..."

Best of Submariner
Yes, Chris Matthews has a significant man crush on dad. Mom? Not so much...

Best of Adjustah
Hillary liked to pee to music...

Best of shoechick
Hillary's head: "Hmmm, I wonder what that was that I stepped in? Dang, it is all over my shoes. Next time I need to be more careful when stepping on the rights of Americans. That will take forever to clean."

Best of Rodney Dill
"...and I will sleep with every superdelegate that votes for mom.... Yes, you too Madeliene Albright."

Best of sonicfrog
♫ You're a rich girl, and you've gone too far
'Cause you know it don't matter anyway
You can rely on the old man's money
You can rely on the old man's money
It's a bitch girl but it's gone too far
'Cause you know it don't matter anyway
Say money but it won't get you too far,
Get you too far ♫

Best of prince of leaves
"...And for years afterwards, I thought all women had one, and that mine would appear when I eventually hit puberty!" Chelsea shares a touching memory of growing up Clinton.

Best of prince of leaves
"Eventually, though, the Secret Service ordered a fuel-air bombing of the snipers' nests along ridgeline above our position, and our motorcade was able to continue on. Mom was so brave!" -- Chelsea recounts a dramatic and dangerous 1997 visit to a Rotary Club fundraiser in Shreveport.

33 comments:

shoechick said...

Yes, I have to admit, occasionally I do have those not so fresh days.

shoechick said...

And that is why I have decided to endorse John McCain.

Silhouette said...

"Come on. What am I offered? Really folks, it IS for charity. One dollar? A penny? Anyone?"

Double the U said...

...another fond memory I have is after my sixth birthday Mom showed me how to use a coat hanger to give myself an abortion if the vast-right-wing conspiracy ever took that choice away from me.

Submariner said...

The paternity test came back positive. Janet Reno IS my daddy...

GregMan said...

Shrillary looks down in embarassment as Chelsea publicly admits that she really DOES like America.

Submariner said...

SOTG? SOTG? C'mon, now; your prom date isn't leaving without you, SOTG...

GregMan said...

Chelsea pretends not to notice as Shrillary whips it out.

Submariner said...

Hill was so embarassed by Chels going all Gavin Newsome on the mic; not because she could, but by what it implied concerning her choice in sexual partners...

GregMan said...

"Yes, that's my Mom, but that's really none of your business, is it?" Chelsea wows the crowd again with her people-friendly manner.

Submariner said...

♪ The lady in red - is munching with me... ♪

GregMan said...

"No, really, I AM adopted! I hope."

OK, Subby, your turn again.

Submariner said...

Hill bows in revverence as Chelsea opens the meeting with a traditional prayer;
"Ia! Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"

curly said...

“…and unlike her opponent, Mom actually likes some white folks.”

curly said...

“Being ‘pimped out’ to Super Delegates as I am, everyone wants to know if I ‘spits-or-swallows’.”

curly said...

“It’s 3 o’clock and the phone rings. Don’t worry: Mom’s up anyway, waiting for Dad to come home.”

curly said...

“I was born a poor black child.”

Submariner said...

"...and unlike her opponent's spouse, mom's spouse was proud of America, mostly, from the about the middle of 1991 until, oh, 1998 or 1999, somewhere in there..."

metalgarth said...

The opening acts for Hillapalooza somehow managed to be worse than the headliner.

Jack Reacher said...

"As someone who's never had a real job, I can tell you, Mom cares about people like us. Remember; electing a Clinton means never having to go to work."

Jack Reacher said...

"Cattle futures trading made our family what it is today--rich and corrupt. No questions, please."

Jack Reacher said...

"Let us pray. Dear Lord, who art the U.N. Secretary General..."

Jack Reacher said...

"Are you the evangelicals? I hear you people are easily led, so I can just phone this one in."

Submariner said...

Yes, Chris Matthews has a significant man crush on dad. Mom? Not so much...

Adjustah said...

Hillary liked to pee to music...

shoechick said...

Chelsea's stand up career took a nosedive when she tried to add ventriloquism to the act and the dummy didn't seem realistic enough.

shoechick said...

Thought bubble over Hillary's head: "Hmmm, I wonder what that was that I stepped in? Dang, it is all over my shoes. Next time I need to be more careful when stepping on the rights of Americans. That will take forever to clean."

Rodney Dill said...

"...and I will sleep with every superdelegate that votes for mom."

sonicfrog said...

♫ You're a rich girl, and you've gone too far
'Cause you know it don't matter anyway
You can rely on the old man's money
You can rely on the old man's money
It's a bitch girl but it's gone too far
'Cause you know it don't matter anyway
Say money but it won't get you too far,
Get you too far ♫

Robert said...

Your mother's in here, Karras, with us. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it.

I'm going to marry a man just like my dad - a philandering liar.

prince of leaves said...

"...And for years afterwards, I thought all women had one, and that mine would appear when I eventually hit puberty!" Chelsea shares a touching memory of growing up Clinton.

prince of leaves said...

"Eventually, though, the Secret Service ordered a fuel-air bombing of the snipers' nests along ridgeline above our position, and our motorcade was able to continue on. Mom was so brave!" -- Chelsea recounts a dramatic and dangerous 1997 visit to a Rotary Club fundraiser in Shreveport.

mklasing said...

"one time when I was at band camp..."