Monday, February 11, 2008

Ow' to Speak Clintonian: Foreplay


1. Hillary was so thrilled with her MySize Jodie Foster doll she wet her pants.

2. "When I show you the Ace of Spades, you will kill the clean, articulate black man."

3. I keep waiting for Sigourney Weaver to pop out wearing a forklift and yelling "Get away from her you bitch!"

4. "Quid pro quo, Clarisse. Quid pro quo."

5. "I won't hurt you, I just want to know how your brother got out of the gingerbread house."

6. "You complete me, Mini-She."

7. President Clinton inspects one of the "organ banks" whose genetically engineered organs will keep her alive for hundreds of years.

8. "You will stand next to Obama. The choir will sing. When you hear the line "...amber waves of grain," shout Allah Akbar and set off the bomb vest. Allah be with you."

9. "Airport Hilton, Room 915, 8 o'clock."

10. "Jodie, are you sure you used any of my DNA in our clone-baby?"

Very Brady Best of duke of red
"Everything floats down here, Georgiana. When you're down here with us, you'll float too."

Best of Rodney Dill
Just remember to stomp on my foot real hard when I need the tears.

Best of Jack Reacher
"I will love it and keep it and call it Rosie."

Best of Chrees
"I just love everyone here in Stepford!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Shouldn't there be an angel whispering into the other ear?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"I know it was you, Freda."

Best of prince of leaves
It takes a village to raise a child. In this case, the Village of Stepford.

Best of attmay
"That's a lovely fragrance you're wearing. What is it called?"
"Apple juice."

Best of jeff
(Girl thinking) "I just peed my pants... can I get it on her shoes?"

Best of Submariner
whispered: "I like you best, I'll save you for a leisurely Sunday brunch..."

40 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

Just remember to stomp on my foot real hard when I need the tears.

Jack Reacher said...

"I know you said my time is up when the cigarette burns out, but can I use a cigar?"

Jack Reacher said...

"Travis Bickle was a right-wing gun nut. I'll show you devotion, once I have control of the nuclear football."

Jack Reacher said...

"When you get to a town hall meeting, make sure you remove the Hillary sticker before the moderator calls on you."

Jack Reacher said...

"I will love it and keep it and call it Rosie."

Son Of The Godfather said...

So the lifeforce can be sucked out through the auditory canal?

V, I think you had 10 winners with your excellent caps for this one. Well done!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Hillary:
*YAWWWWWN*
*ARM STRETCHES AROUND LITTLE GIRL*
*PULLS HER CLOSER*
"So, ready for your stimulus package?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"They've figured out the whole "pimping Chelsea" thing... You're next in succession, little one."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"When they transfer my consciousness into you, you will feel nothing, I promise."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Second thoughts?... That's perfectly natural, Sarah... It's interesting though... Roy Scheider was having "second thoughts" as well."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"One word of advice, dear. When all else fails?... Cry. Alot."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Does my breath smell fishy to you?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"So we're going to take away your Hannah Montana videos for the common good."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Well, you're about the right age, but I don't believe you're really Willamena Jefferson Lewinsky."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is the future of America!... Notice in particular the stunted growth and blank stare."

Chrees said...

"I just love everyone here in Stepford!"

Double the U said...

That poor girl looks frightened.

curly said...

It took a village, but the investment paid off.

duke of red said...

"Everything floats down here, Georgiana. When you're down here with us, you'll float too."

duke of red said...

Moments after the photo, a twin-forked tounge of steel shot from Hillary's mouth and exited the opposite ear of the latest sacrificial victim.

duke of red said...

"I know the cancer hurts, sweetie, but we have a lot of little black children with runny noses that have to be seen to, first." Hillary tries to explain the benefits of her "universal" health care plan.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Shouldn't there be an angel whispering into the other ear?

Son Of The Godfather said...

...IT'S A COOKBOOK!:
"Why have we pre-heated the oven to 425 and ordered multiple boxes of Hampurger Helper?... Why, it's for the children!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

NosferHilltu the Vampyre

Son Of The Godfather said...

Q: What's creepier than the child-catcher guy in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I know it was you, Freda."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Your stem cells! We musssst have them!... For the greater good!..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Little girl, what exactly did you mean when you told that reporter that Hillary supporters are all a bunch of cunning stunts?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"You'd better get with the program and smile a WHOLE lot more, or I'll make sure the rest of your childhood is spent making Nikes in Botswana."

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

That's right, darling. By the time you're old enough to vote, voting will be a thing of the past.

Steve O said...

No! Don't cry. Don't cry!
That's my job.

But if you ever want to see your parents again, you'll do exactly as we say...

prince of leaves said...

It takes a village to raise a child. In this case, the Village of Stepford.

Jack Reacher said...

I'm top bidder at the auction, sweetie, so come along. Gaia, I LOVE ebay!

attmay said...

"That's a lovely fragrance you're wearing. What is it called?"
"Apple juice."

Anonymous said...

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Little girl, what exactly did you mean when you told that reporter that Hillary supporters are all a bunch of cunning stunts?"

I think that's runts... cunning runts.

jeff said...

(Girl thinking) "I hate my mommy, I hate my mommy, I will get back at my mommy...."

jeff said...

(Girl thinking) "I just peed my pants... can I get it on her shoes?"

Submariner said...

whispered: "I like you best, I'll save you for a leisurely Sunday brunch..."

Submariner said...

I'll be more gentle than your brother, Nadine...




I know - yada, yada, going' to hell, yada...

Submariner said...

Now that the roofies have kicked in, let me tell you what we're going to do...