1. "No Country for Old Men? But I love Brooks and Dunn!"
2. "Gitch yer crazy gizmos and whatnot away from me!"
3. "What do you mean I can't run any more ads until after the convention? Who the hell writes these crazy campaign finance laws?"
4. John McCain comes clean about his affair with Mary Todd Lincoln.
5. In the middle of his speech, McCain begins inexplicably rambling about how hard it is to find things at the Wal-Mart.
Best of AM42
OJA: "All of the sudden, this huge lion jumped out of the bushes at me like this, 'ROOOAAARRRRRRRRRR!' Well, I just shit my pants."
Best of Jack Reacher
"I believe I have enough delegates from all...wait, fifty states? When did we get the last two?"
Best of Jack Reacher
"...and that's why I use Life Alert."
Best of metalgarth
Randy said his performance was great. Paula did a little dance in her chair. Simon called him "a talentless hack with no future" but gave no assesment of his musical ability.
Best of GregMan
"...and if elected I will do all I can to protect the jobs of auto workers at Pierce Arrow, Studebaker and Rambler."
Best of Gagdad Bob
Technology, schmecnology. A fax machine is just a waffle iron with a phone attached.
Best of Chrees
...and that is why I sponsored legislation to call it the "Matlock Expressway."
Best of foz
Yes, that's right... I store them in my cheek until I get back to the nest.
Best of prince of leaves
"Screeching harpie: H-I-L-L-A-R-Y. Screeching harpie."
Best of Submariner
"Border control - A-M-N-E-S-T-Y - border control"
26 comments:
OJA: "All of the sudden, this huge lion jumped out of the bushes at me like this, 'ROOOAAARRRRRRRRRR!' Well, I just shit my pants."
"SERENITY NOW!"
"This one time? At band camp?"
"I believe I have enough delegates from all...wait, fifty states? When did we get the last two?"
"I'm FULL!"
"...and that's why I use Life Alert."
"Hey, good lookin', we'll be back to pick you up later..."
Randy said his performance was great. Paula did a little dance in her chair. Simon called him "a talentless hack with no future" but gave no assesment of his musical ability.
“Look at it this way -- who would you rather have as the First Lady in the White House: Michelle ‘I spit on amerikkka’ Obama, Bill ‘cigar’ Clinton, or the lovely Cindy McCain?”
"Gavin Newsom did WHAT with this microphone?"
"...and if elected I will do all I can to protect the jobs of auto workers at Pierce Arrow, Studebaker and Rambler."
"...and unlike my likely opponent in the previous picture, I wear my depends on the INSIDE of my pants!"
Where will you be when your laxative kicks in?
Technology, schmecnology. A fax machine is just a waffle iron with a phone attached.
...and that is why I sponsored legislation to call it the "Matlock Expressway."
Yes, that's right... I store them in my cheek until I get back to the nest.
"Today-ay-ay-ay-ay, I consider myself-elf-elf-elf, the luckiest man-an-an-an-an, on the face of the earth-rth-rth-rth."
"Um, Senator McCain, there is no echo on that mic."
"Ladies do and the gents you know,
It’s right by right by wrong you go,
And you can’t go to heaven while you carry on so,
And it’s home little gal and do-si-do,"
Feelings! Woah, oh, oh. Feelings!
"Foisted: F-O-I-S-T-E-D. Foisted."
"Screeching harpie: H-I-L-L-A-R-Y. Screeching harpie."
"And today, I am proud to reach across the aisle to pick my running mate...Jimmy Carter..."
Hey it works here too!
"So let me get this straight your holiness;
During the month of Bomb-a-dam, I get to make out with a goat? I'm jiggy with that..."
"Border control - A-M-N-E-S-T-Y - border control"
"I did not have sex with that woman, Ms Lewinsky. errrrrr, Vicki Iseman."
"That's Hedley, shmuck..."
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