Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Judy came from Ohio, she's a Scientologist


1. Shortest verse in Dianetics: "Xenu wept."

2. Nicole Kidman still seems a little bitter.

3. Bad names and advertising schemes for your Live Bait, Light Switch, and Identity Theft business.

4. "Mr. Kucinich, your three o'clock is here."

5. Unlike the Marines, Scientologists are warmly welcomed in Berkeley and Toledo.

Best of The Man
Xenu has green eyes. Get it right people.

Best of The Man
What democratic "super delegate" looks like.

Best of The Man
"what...Hillary's on the phone...wants me to be her new campaign manager? Here, hold my sign"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Klaatu Barada Weirdo

Best of Son Of The Godfather
It's good to see Carol Channing with a hobby.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
75 million years old, leader of the Galactic Confederacy, and Xenu can't come up with a more aesthetically pleasing protest sign? I mean come on, black and white print was SO 35 million years ago...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Mankind will eventually evolve to a point where peace reigns, poverty has been eliminated, and we all go around wearing ginormous name-sashes.

Best of Jack Reacher
Looks like it's Open Mike Tuesday at the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. Grab some popcorn and pull up a chair.

Best of Steve O
Aliens who couldn't find work at the Pentagon, or doing porn, had to take entry level jobs in marketing.

Best of sonicfrog
My Grandma, what big eyes you have....

Best of prince of leaves
"Take me to your SeaOrg!"

Best of Jay Guevara
The mayor of Berkeley showed up at the Marine recruiting station to give the Marines some suggestions for alternative careers.

Best of GregMan
"Mr. Sullivan? We're here to administer your weekly anal probe."

55 comments:

The Man said...

Xenu has green eyes. Get it right people.

The Man said...

What democratic "super delegate" looks like.

The Man said...

"what...Hillary's on the phone...wants me to be her new campaign manager? Here, hold my sign"

mklasing said...

When Mr. Hubbard rejects Xenu's new ad campaign for Scientology, Xenu gives him the "finger" in the native sign language of his home planet.

mklasing said...

Since the writers strike, the candidates for Ms. Universe have gone completely downhill.

mklasing said...

Xenu's Pizza, Scientology and Consumer Advocate office closes after one day of street advertising.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Tom Cruise?... I thought that jumping up and down on that couch made him look like a lunatic!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

It's a double-negative thing... If it's a "fraud" of Scientology's "bait & switch", then it's legit.

Son Of The Godfather said...

How did a guy who's own mother couldn't fetch their poor dog a bone become a cult leader?

Son Of The Godfather said...

Klaatu Barada Weirdo

Son Of The Godfather said...

Scientology is filled with so much crazy sh*t, the self-help book should have been called "Diuretics".

Son Of The Godfather said...

What "bait and switch"?... You mean you weren't promoted to "thetan seven" quickly enough?

Son Of The Godfather said...

It's good to see Carol Channing with a hobby.

Son Of The Godfather said...

I thought it was a streetlight, but I suppose it could be an antenna.

Son Of The Godfather said...

75 million years old, leader of the Galactic Confederacy, and Xenu can't come up with a more aesthetically pleasing protest sign? I mean come on, black and white print was SO 35 million years ago...

Son Of The Godfather said...

That sign, faxed from a Kinko's in Texas (through a source that is unimpeachable) was obviously printed with MSWORD on an HPLaserjet. The anti-aliasing and spacing make it impossible for it to have been printed on a Galactic printer. Someone contact Charles Johnson at once!

Son Of The Godfather said...

With any of the current candidates winning the presidency, expect to see many many more illegal aliens headed our way.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Xenu is very popular in Hollywood. One could even say he has reached cult status.

Son Of The Godfather said...

DorkStar

Son Of The Godfather said...

"LEAVE BARBARA WALTERS ALONE!!!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Mankind will eventually evolve to a point where peace reigns, poverty has been eliminated, and we all go around wearing ginormous name-sashes.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Would you want this guy anywhere close to Uranus?

Maybe looking for a black hole?...
To "wipe out" the Klingons?...

Hey, it was funny when I was 8, it's still funny now!

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I'd "phone home", but the asylum has my number blocked."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Roe v. "Wayne":
Yes, motherships are allowed to have abortions.

Son Of The Godfather said...

ORA:
"My real uniform? Stolen by the Earthlings William Katt and Robert Culp."

Jack Reacher said...

At least she's not one of those fundamentalists Rosie warned us about.

Jack Reacher said...

A former U.S. attorney, fired by the Bush administration...oh, what's the point?

Jack Reacher said...

Looks like it's Open Mike Tuesday at the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. Grab some popcorn and pull up a chair.

Steve O said...

How to make a mainstream Scientologist look normal.

Steve O said...

Aliens who couldn't find work doing porn had to take entry level jobs in marketing.

Steve O said...

Aliens who couldn't find work at the Pentagon, or doing porn, had to take entry level jobs in marketing.

jeff said...

Katie Holmes mother....

sonicfrog said...

My Grandma, what big eyes you have....

sonicfrog said...

PS. Ver word was: OZCATL

sonicfrog said...

Man, San Diego has really gone down hill since I moved away.

Geepers said...

Hey Abu Messerschmitt.

Here's one you might have fun with.

http://englishrussia.com/images/daily_03/6.jpg

Army of Mom said...

Oddly enough ... oh crap, I can't even type that I have this outfit. It gives me the creeps.

Submariner said...

Hillary called and was wondering if you'd consider a position as Secretary of Interstellar Commerce?

Submariner said...

V. - Sad thing about your #5 - it ISN'T a joke.

Submariner said...

I've travelled 47 parsecs for advice, dammit, and I'm NOT leaving until I see the Silky Pony about my flyaway hair...

prince of leaves said...

During the copyright infringement trial over his unauthorized use of the word "XENU", Dennis would claim that the sash actually read "пиэх", Russian for "phony baloney scam religion created by an egomaniac nutjob".

prince of leaves said...

"Take me to your SeaOrg!"

prince of leaves said...

Neither one knew it, but Whitley Strieber and Nicole Kidman shared the same recurring nightmare.

Jay Guevara said...

The mayor of Berkeley showed up at the Marine recruiting station to give the Marines some suggestions for alternative careers.

Rodney Dill said...

"Aren't you kind of short for a scientologist? ... oh Yeah, Tom Cruise, my bad."

Double the U said...

On the back of the sign it says, "Donate to Hillary instead" (in Chinese)

GregMan said...

CapThis Standard Caption #4,291:

"May I take a few moments of your time to tell you about Ron Paul?"

GregMan said...

"Mr. Sullivan? We're here to administer your weekly anal probe."

GregMan said...

It's good to see Abe Vigoda can still get work.

GregMan said...

"No, Mr. Sullivan, I'm not a Klingon, and I want nothing whatsoever to do with Uranus."

Anonymous said...

SciFi's newest Friday night offering - Xenu: Warrior Protester

Submariner said...

I'm not sure, but it looks like Tom Cruise is starring in a remake of "The Fly."

Bob in Houston said...

88 lines about 44 scientologists?

Submariner said...

Didn't think I was biggotted - turns out I was wrong:
I'm a Xenu-phobe.

Submariner said...

Gaia! Where are Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith when you need 'em?