1. Shortest verse in Dianetics: "Xenu wept."2. Nicole Kidman still seems a little bitter.
3. Bad names and advertising schemes for your Live Bait, Light Switch, and Identity Theft business.
4. "Mr. Kucinich, your three o'clock is here."
5. Unlike the Marines, Scientologists are warmly welcomed in Berkeley and Toledo.
Best of The Man
Xenu has green eyes. Get it right people.
Best of The Man
What democratic "super delegate" looks like.
Best of The Man
"what...Hillary's on the phone...wants me to be her new campaign manager? Here, hold my sign"
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Klaatu Barada Weirdo
Best of Son Of The Godfather
It's good to see Carol Channing with a hobby.
Best of Son Of The Godfather
75 million years old, leader of the Galactic Confederacy, and Xenu can't come up with a more aesthetically pleasing protest sign? I mean come on, black and white print was SO 35 million years ago...
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Mankind will eventually evolve to a point where peace reigns, poverty has been eliminated, and we all go around wearing ginormous name-sashes.
Best of Jack Reacher
Looks like it's Open Mike Tuesday at the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. Grab some popcorn and pull up a chair.
Best of Steve O
Aliens who couldn't find work at the Pentagon, or doing porn, had to take entry level jobs in marketing.
Best of sonicfrog
My Grandma, what big eyes you have....
Best of prince of leaves
"Take me to your SeaOrg!"
Best of Jay Guevara
The mayor of Berkeley showed up at the Marine recruiting station to give the Marines some suggestions for alternative careers.
Best of GregMan
"Mr. Sullivan? We're here to administer your weekly anal probe."
55 comments:
Xenu has green eyes. Get it right people.
What democratic "super delegate" looks like.
"what...Hillary's on the phone...wants me to be her new campaign manager? Here, hold my sign"
When Mr. Hubbard rejects Xenu's new ad campaign for Scientology, Xenu gives him the "finger" in the native sign language of his home planet.
Since the writers strike, the candidates for Ms. Universe have gone completely downhill.
Xenu's Pizza, Scientology and Consumer Advocate office closes after one day of street advertising.
"Tom Cruise?... I thought that jumping up and down on that couch made him look like a lunatic!"
It's a double-negative thing... If it's a "fraud" of Scientology's "bait & switch", then it's legit.
How did a guy who's own mother couldn't fetch their poor dog a bone become a cult leader?
Klaatu Barada Weirdo
Scientology is filled with so much crazy sh*t, the self-help book should have been called "Diuretics".
What "bait and switch"?... You mean you weren't promoted to "thetan seven" quickly enough?
It's good to see Carol Channing with a hobby.
I thought it was a streetlight, but I suppose it could be an antenna.
75 million years old, leader of the Galactic Confederacy, and Xenu can't come up with a more aesthetically pleasing protest sign? I mean come on, black and white print was SO 35 million years ago...
That sign, faxed from a Kinko's in Texas (through a source that is unimpeachable) was obviously printed with MSWORD on an HPLaserjet. The anti-aliasing and spacing make it impossible for it to have been printed on a Galactic printer. Someone contact Charles Johnson at once!
With any of the current candidates winning the presidency, expect to see many many more illegal aliens headed our way.
Xenu is very popular in Hollywood. One could even say he has reached cult status.
DorkStar
"LEAVE BARBARA WALTERS ALONE!!!"
Mankind will eventually evolve to a point where peace reigns, poverty has been eliminated, and we all go around wearing ginormous name-sashes.
Would you want this guy anywhere close to Uranus?
Maybe looking for a black hole?...
To "wipe out" the Klingons?...
Hey, it was funny when I was 8, it's still funny now!
"I'd "phone home", but the asylum has my number blocked."
Roe v. "Wayne":
Yes, motherships are allowed to have abortions.
ORA:
"My real uniform? Stolen by the Earthlings William Katt and Robert Culp."
At least she's not one of those fundamentalists Rosie warned us about.
A former U.S. attorney, fired by the Bush administration...oh, what's the point?
Looks like it's Open Mike Tuesday at the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. Grab some popcorn and pull up a chair.
How to make a mainstream Scientologist look normal.
Aliens who couldn't find work doing porn had to take entry level jobs in marketing.
Aliens who couldn't find work at the Pentagon, or doing porn, had to take entry level jobs in marketing.
Katie Holmes mother....
My Grandma, what big eyes you have....
PS. Ver word was: OZCATL
Man, San Diego has really gone down hill since I moved away.
Hey Abu Messerschmitt.
Here's one you might have fun with.
http://englishrussia.com/images/daily_03/6.jpg
Oddly enough ... oh crap, I can't even type that I have this outfit. It gives me the creeps.
Hillary called and was wondering if you'd consider a position as Secretary of Interstellar Commerce?
V. - Sad thing about your #5 - it ISN'T a joke.
I've travelled 47 parsecs for advice, dammit, and I'm NOT leaving until I see the Silky Pony about my flyaway hair...
During the copyright infringement trial over his unauthorized use of the word "XENU", Dennis would claim that the sash actually read "пиэх", Russian for "phony baloney scam religion created by an egomaniac nutjob".
"Take me to your SeaOrg!"
Neither one knew it, but Whitley Strieber and Nicole Kidman shared the same recurring nightmare.
The mayor of Berkeley showed up at the Marine recruiting station to give the Marines some suggestions for alternative careers.
"Aren't you kind of short for a scientologist? ... oh Yeah, Tom Cruise, my bad."
On the back of the sign it says, "Donate to Hillary instead" (in Chinese)
CapThis Standard Caption #4,291:
"May I take a few moments of your time to tell you about Ron Paul?"
"Mr. Sullivan? We're here to administer your weekly anal probe."
It's good to see Abe Vigoda can still get work.
"No, Mr. Sullivan, I'm not a Klingon, and I want nothing whatsoever to do with Uranus."
SciFi's newest Friday night offering - Xenu: Warrior Protester
I'm not sure, but it looks like Tom Cruise is starring in a remake of "The Fly."
88 lines about 44 scientologists?
Didn't think I was biggotted - turns out I was wrong:
I'm a Xenu-phobe.
Gaia! Where are Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith when you need 'em?
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