Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Inscrutable Asian Goes to Some Weird Theme Park


1. "Mama-san... it's that thing that kills a kitten every time I masturbate."

2. "Help, Mama-san! Roland Emmerich has unleashed horrible CGI upon us!"

3. "Mama-san, help! Tinky-Winky's rough trick is giving me the eye!"

4. "Your Pathetic Race Will KNEEL Before the Galactic Legions of Lord... Hey, Kid, I'm talking to you!"

5. The Secret Love-Child of Spongebob and Grimmis.

Super Incredible Best of Rodney Dill
Gozer; "Damn, the kid was thinking of mini-chocolate marshmallows."

Best of Jack Reacher
At Geology Fun Park, Sediment Man failed to enthuse the children.

Best of Jack Reacher
At the RIAA's new theme park, colorful characters roam among the visitors. Here Digital Rights Management demands royalties from a young computer user.

Best of Rodney Dill
Do not taunt happy fudge bar.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Kid, you'd look angry too if you didn't have any private parts."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Nah, I'm not scared of you. Without olfactory or auditory mechanisms, and lacking any sort of dexterity whatsoever, I'd say Darwinism will take care of you and your kind in no time."

Best of Tim
the other parents watched with a sort of relief , as the spirit god of potty training selected it's unknowing sacrifice.

Best of Silhouette
The "Draw Domo-kun" contest was aborted when they received the one millionth perfect entry.

Best of Silhouette
In his latest novel, Evil Openings, an ordinary garage door opener goes on a killing rampage. Even Stephen King himself admits he is just plain out of ideas.

Best of Army of Dad
Next on Fox: When dominos attack!

Best of Mr. Right
[Level 257!]
Pokey's sudden materialization in the third dimension was to be short lived. Little did he know that the kid had a pocket full of energizer dots at the ready for just such an occasion!

Best of curly
Calamity ensued at the amusement park after Senator Larry Craig’s spastic men’s room toe tapping inadvertently conjured up a death beast from another dimension.

53 comments:

metalgarth said...

The test screenings of Cloverfield left much to be desired....

Capt. Queeg said...

"Jump!"

Capt. Queeg said...

"Oh, why bother? I'm just gonna be hungry again in an hour."

Capt. Queeg said...

I CAN HAS AZN?

Jack Reacher said...

At Geology Fun Park, Sediment Man failed to enthuse the children.

Jack Reacher said...

At the RIAA's new theme park, colorful characters roam among the visitors. Here Digital Rights Management demands royalties from a young computer user.

Jack Reacher said...

Mindful of the recent unpleasantness at the tiger enclosure in San Francisco, the Berkeley Zoo has switched to vegan "tygers."

Jack Reacher said...

"Hey, kid, I'm one of Bush's Death Pimps, and nothing can stop me...wait, is that Code Pink with signs? Curses!"

mklasing said...

So the West will leave them alone, Disney China makes sure all children not seen laughing and smiling are eaten immediately.

Rodney Dill said...

Do not taunt happy fudge bar.

GregMan said...

Man, Xenu has really let himself go...

GregMan said...

"Let me tell you about Ron Paul... OR ELSE!!!"

GregMan said...

If it kills a kitten every time someone masturbates, then what happened to make it kill a little asian kid? Did Shrillary have HETEROSEXUAL sex?

Son Of The Godfather said...

Is Mike Gravel still in the race?

Son Of The Godfather said...

Worker in costume's thought bubble:
*sigh*
"I've made some horrible life choices..."

VW = givjap - not kidding.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Kid, you'd look angry too if you didn't have any private parts."

Son Of The Godfather said...

2014: IPods become sentient... and vengeful.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Nah, I'm not scared of you. Without olfactory or auditory mechanisms, and lacking any sort of dexterity whatsoever, I'd say Darwinism will take care of you and your kind in no time."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"It's me! Valerie Plame! SHHHHHHHHHH...... I'm deep undercover again!"

Anonymous said...

MXC enters a new and sinister phase.

Anonymous said...

When Al Qaeda lit the candle on their new "Mascot Nuke" suicide bomber, it created a whole new federal department at FSA on mascot security risks.

jeff said...

"It followed me home, mommy - can I keep it? Mommy?"

Tim said...

the other parents watched with a sort of relief , as the spirit god of potty training selected it's unknowing sacrifice.

Tim said...

Paris Hilton is reborn as her soul image

Silhouette said...

Newest cultural icon, Tazer Bro.

Silhouette said...

The "Draw Domo-kun" contest was aborted when they received the one millionth perfect entry.

Silhouette said...

Maybe we should have cleaned out the fridge sooner.

Silhouette said...

In his latest novel, Evil Openings, an ordinary garage door opener goes on a killing rampage. Even Stephen King himself admits he is just plain out of ideas.

Rodney Dill said...

"...and I live in Flan down by the river."

Son Of The Godfather said...

I don't think the terminator robots in The Sarah Conner Chronicles are all that scary.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The scariest of all Halloween costumes: Rosie O'Donnell's wicked poo.

Which, by the way, is another awesome band name.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Some people go to plastic surgeons. Helen Thomas had to use an upholsterer. And it worked.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Klaatu Barada Fudgicle

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Mai Li! He's coming! Drop the anvil NOW!"

Army of Dad said...

Fruity Oaty Bar, makes a man out of a mouse!

And apparently eats small children.

Army of Dad said...

Next on Fox: When dominos attack!

Mr. Right said...

"Oh dear God! Get a load of that cootie over there! There's only one place it could have come from: Britney Spears must be going commando again..."

Mr. Right said...

Somewhat ORA...

[Level 257!]

Pokey's sudden materialization in the third dimension was to be short lived. Little did he know that the kid had a pocket full of energizer dots at the ready for just such an occasion!

Rodney Dill said...

Gozer; "Damn, the kid was thinking of mini-chocolate marshmallows."

Rodney Dill said...

"OK Daddy, jump the Shart."

curly said...

Word Verification Generator, your prom date is here.

curly said...

Calamity ensued at the amusement park after Senator Larry Craig’s spastic men’s room toe tapping inadvertently conjured up a death beast from another dimension.

mklasing said...

"I know that the Giant Poo Monster is coming but my fingers are stuck in this freakin' chinese finger puzzle."

Army of Mom said...

Mamason, so sorry went poopy on self. Please, Mamason, make poopy monster go home. I promise, no more accidents!

Army of Mom said...

Mr. Hankee's Asian arch-nemesis Poopason arrived.

Ohmygod! He killed Kenny!

Army of Mom said...

I think we need to get Poopason together with Sensei Toilet Paper Roll.

Swear to God, I met a giant Ninja roll of toilet paper at AnimeFest.

Army of Mom said...

Long Duck Dong: No more yanky on my wanky!

Army of Mom said...

Long Duck Dong's 'shrooms kicked in as he thought Poopason was his big American girlfriend.

Sadly, all that was left was a brown runny mess with some kernels of corn.

Army of Mom said...

Market research showed the latest Pokemon incarnation - Pookeymon - was not received well by children.

Army of Mom said...

A dirty job Mike Rowe would refuse. Taking down Pookeymon.

Army of Mom said...

Where will you be when your Pookeymon kicks in?

Army of Mom said...

I dunno. I think he is kind of corny.

*lol* Get it? Corny? Poop has kernels of corn? You people have no sense of quality entertainment here.

Army of Mom said...

Jackie Chan laughed off Pookeymon.

I've crapped stool bigger than that, he quipped.