Monday, February 25, 2008

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Sondra K


1. "Oh, by Great Lenin's Ghost, I do so enjoy a good ripping fart."

2. "So you say human fat can be made into bio-fuel?" Al Gore realizes he's one "harvest" away from fueling his Lear jet for the next fifty years.

3. "Charge me for two seats at the Oscars. I'll show them! I'll make a documentary that will show how Hollywood exploits ... Oh, hey, is that a Little Debbie?"

4. "I don't know son! It looks like the planet Mercury but what it's doing down here. I don't know. You'd better ask a scientist.

5. Of course I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead. [on the verge of tears] I can't stop eating. I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone I'd like to get in touch with and forgive... myself.
[Farts]

6. ORA: (for Divine Miss M) In later years, Michael Moore wandered around Ann Arbor, screeching along to Prince tunes on his iPod. ♫ "Ah just want your extra time and your... KISS!" ♫

Wicked Best of Adjustah
As she lost touch over the years with the other members of Mystery Inc., Thelma drowned her loneliness in a steady diet of Ben & Jerry's, Snickers and Jolt Cola.

Best of Gagdad Bob
The deluded swagger of a man confident in the belief that "black is slimming."

Best of mklasing
In an ironic twist, Mr. Moore was a victim of his own research into his new documentary entitled "Can Eating 3 Bags of Funyuns Induce Downs' Syndrome"

Best of joe schmedlap
"Corky" seems so happy to be working agin after years of down time after "Life goes on" was cancelled.

Best of Silhouette
In related news, a worldwide shortage of black fabric drove prices through the roof, backrupting many smaller nations.

Best of Robert
Hyacinth Bucket to MM: I do believe you're expanding deliberately.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Death to Capitalism, and the..oh, hey, my limo's here."

Best of mklasing
Moore was giddy at the request that his back be used as a screen for movie clips at this year's Oscars.

Best of Army of Mom
And then I said "not so fast, Sun Li. I saw the open sign lit up as I was walking up. You can't close down the buffet line just because you see me coming."

Best of Submariner
I laughed. I cried. I amused myself in the hair of the lady in front of me...

Best of Van Helsing
"Ha! Smelliest one I ever let! That'll teach them for not giving me an Oscar!"

Best of ShoeChick
Silent but deadly my ass. This one will break the sound barrier.

68 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

I thought Star Wars was over, what's Jabba the Hut doing at the Oscars?

Shayne said...

Boy, Rosie has really let herself go!

duke of red said...

Boy, Rosie is really looking good, huh?

duke of red said...

Boy, Rosie is really looking good, huh?

VtK, as usual, your comments slay. ESPECIALLY # 1. That one had me wiping boogers off my upper lip.

Gagdad Bob said...

The deluded swagger of a man confident in the belief that "black is slimming."

Adjustah said...

As she lost touch over the years with the other members of Mystery Inc., Thelma drowned her loneliness in a steady diet of Ben & Jerry's, Snickers and Jolt Cola.

mklasing said...

In an ironic twist, Mr. Moore was a victim of his own research into his new documentary entitled "Can Eating 3 Bags of Funyuns Induce Downs' Syndrome"

mklasing said...

"I'm dead sexy"

mklasing said...

" I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs. *Chili's* Baby back ribs."

mklasing said...

"First things first: WHERE'S YOUR SH**ER? I've got a turtle-head poking out."

mklasing said...

"I'm bigger than you and higher up the food chain. Get in my belly."

joe schmedlap said...

"Corky" seems so happy to be working agin after years of down time after "Life goes on" was cancelled.

Anonymous said...

Inside every fat person, there is a skinny one trying to get out. Or in this four or five.

ShoeChick said...

Voice echoing from inside..."HEEELLLLPPPP MMMMEEEE"

Anonymous said...

A body that's a cross between Orson Welles, and Marlon Brando, and the mind of Alfred E. Newman.

metalgarth said...

Random shot from Quagmire's digital camera:

Peter Griffin has a good laugh after I tell him the joke about "Three stewardesses, the pope, Jenna Jameson and an Aardvark walking into a bar"

Whacko said...

Dang! Looks like Michael has taken up farming. He's growing a bumper crop of chins!

Chrees said...

"Sicko" hurt more than just a little bit since it had more than just a little prick.

Chrees said...

I smell a class-action lawsuit for the weight-loss resort...

cj said...

Inside every fat man is a skinny man struggling to get out and eat everything in sight, that's why he's fat!

Silhouette said...

In related news, a worldwide shortage of black fabric drove prices through the roof, backrupting many smaller nations.

Robert said...

Somewhere, there's a sewage treatment plant missing a ton of s***.

I'm not fat! I'm big-boned!

Food prices are going up? Holy crap!

Hyacinth Bucket to MM: I do believe you're expanding deliberately.

Jack Reacher said...

"Death to Capitalism, and the..oh, hey, my limo's here."

mklasing said...

Moore was giddy at the request that his back be used as a screen for movie clips at this year's Oscars.

Jack Reacher said...

Cropped from the photo is a sign which reads "If you feed the black hole, it will consume you."

Jack Reacher said...

"That Jared guy, from the Subway ads? I ate him! Bwahahahahahahahahaha!"

mklasing said...

Sadly, our last photo of Mr. Moore before he accidentally walked onto a Japanese whaling dock.

curly said...

It must be Thursday – in hell!

curly said...

♫ I’m too sexy for my tarp ♫

curly said...

A sicko, blowinging for concubines.

Army of Mom said...

When Moore walks the red carpet, it measures on the Richter scale.

Army of Mom said...

It was Michael Moore day in his home town to celebrate getting his own zip code.

Army of Mom said...

If Elton John and John Candy reproduced, this is what it would look like.

Army of Mom said...

Fat Bastard.

No, I wasn't talking about the Austin Powers character, but THAT is funny, too.

Army of Mom said...

How did you like my drag role in that red restroom with the attractive Latin gentleman?

curly said...

“For the first time in my adult whale life, I am proud of fat dhimmi slobs like me because it feels like being an a$$ hole commie pig is finally making a comeback.”

Army of Mom said...

Plotting the demise of the country's civil liberties always gives me the giggles!

Army of Mom said...

Another Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade balloon loses air.

curly said...

Go A.O.M.! Yur killin' me!

Army of Mom said...

Rob Reiner?

Army of Mom said...

When Michael Moore sits around the house, he really sits AROUND the house.

Army of Mom said...

Finally, a dirty job Mike Rowe won't even get near: cleaning Michael Moore's bellybutton lint.

Army of Mom said...

And then I said "not so fast, Sun Li. I saw the open sign lit up as I was walking up. You can't close down the buffet line just because you see me coming."

Army of Mom said...

Subby, your prom date was here. Then, Michael Moore ate her. You bastard! You killed Brittany!

Army of Mom said...

Wow. Michael Moore's boobs are bigger than mine.

Army of Mom said...

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Ok, unless you're Michael Moore.

Army of Mom said...

Yet another sign that God protects fools and little children.

Army of Mom said...

And, wearing the latest design by Omar the tent-maker, we have Michael Moore.

ochagirl said...

OchaGirl after looking at the photo MM gave her: "OMG! These 3 gorgeous black women were murdered to make your jacket?
The events that followed made OG a fugitive, even though most would have forgiven her.

Submariner said...

Army of Mom said...
Wow. Michael Moore's boobs are bigger than mine.


uhhhh, Mom? MM's are bigger than ALL of the Cap This! crowd's. Combined.

Submariner said...

"I've been busy doing research for my next schlockumentary. It deals with my DNA showing conclusively that I'm the 'love child' of Mama Cass and Teddy Kennedy..."

Submariner said...

I don't know, Laura; what IS "bitter, jaded, untruthful, and has a mass equal to two blue whales?"

Submariner said...

I laughed. I cried. I amused myself in the hair of the lady in front of me...

Submariner said...

You're not trying to HIDE that platter of Ding Dong's, are you?

Submariner said...

Cap This! standard # 7:

Where will YOU be when your laxative kicks in?

Subby's add on:

And will you even care?

Submariner said...

Michael, you KNOW that "SAG" awards have nothing to do with an excess of flesh, right?

Submariner said...

I just walked in on Hillary at the urinal! Even I need eye bleach after that!!!

Submariner said...

Wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah!
George Bush will be out of office soon and I won't have anything left to hate and make fun of.
oh wait! There's still America...

Submariner said...

But John Edwards is GOOD!

Submariner said...

Evidently, Willie finally got free. I'm just sayin'...

Submariner said...

Wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah!
I can't find the Hostess booth...

Submariner said...

Wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah!
Those nasty people at Cap This! made fun of my art and beliefs...

Anonymous said...

Where will YOU be when your laxative kicks in?

When they do, there will be nothing left except the empty hide, think MIB II pizzaria owner.

Van Helsing said...

"Ha! Smelliest one I ever let! That'll teach them for not giving me an Oscar!"

Submariner said...

oooooooooooooo - WET one...

ShoeChick said...

Silent but deadly my ass. This one will break the sound barrier.

Steve O said...

Brain donor.

Submariner said...

You got your chocolate in my mashed potatoes and gravy with butter, sour cream, shredded cheddar, chives, bacon slabs, shredded mozzarella, mushrooms, extra shredded cheddar...