Friday, January 18, 2008

Where No Dummy Has Gone Before

Army of Mom


1. "Scotty, please, for the love of God, beam back Uhura's head!!"

2. "Dammit! The Pelosians have used their deadly Botox weapon. Can't... move... face..."

3. "No, Hillary, I don't care if they're just as lifelike as William Shatner, they're still not allowed to vote in the Nevada primary."

4. "Hey, just for gits and shiggles, let's beam Kucinich on board and probe him for a while."

5. And rounding out our list of "50,000 Things that would be better parents than Britney Spears...", wax Star Trek dummies...


58 Comments
Best of Army of Mom
Sorry, Captain. I seemed to have lost my head.

Best of Rodney Dill
Kirk: "What did I just sit on?"

Best of Submariner
Evidently, Captain Kirk got head from Uhura during the commercial break.

Best of Frank_IBC
"Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not an emo kid! Now someone get this damned wig off of me!"

Best of prince of leaves
Despite its retro trappings, the new Trek movie updates the familiar characters for 2008: a metrosexual Kirk, a caveman Chekov, an emo Bones, a Spock with anger management problems, a Scotty with an eating disorder, and an Islamic apostate Uhura.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Don't phase me, bro!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
With her head doing a guest spot on Futurama, Uhura was able to work with a conflicting schedule.

Best of curly
“The Word Verification Drive is overheating, Captain! I don’t know how long we can bfghiiy kjjnzzs gppqzxd iidhwzx!”

Best of Submariner
Well, Jim, it's like this; Spock took the wardroom to Benihana's for lunch, and Uhura leaned over as the chef was doing the shrimp, and, uh...

Best of Submariner
Dammit, Jim! I told you not to have that second bowl of "McCoy Family Recipe Beans" at the campsite, but nooooooo. Now look what you did to Uhura!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Is that Chekov or Pete Rose?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
ORA: "What do you know, Uhura... You're just a silly grup. Bonk-bonk! on the head!... Ooooops!"

Best of Army of Mom
IM ON YOUR BRIJ DIDDLN UR BUTTONZ

58 comments:

Army of Mom said...

Sorry, Captain. I seemed to have lost my head.

Army of Mom said...

Spock does his best Al Gore impersonation. Dr. McCoy does his best Silky Pony and Shatner, well, he's too pretty to look like Hillary.

Gagdad Bob said...

Get a life, will you people?

Jack Reacher said...

Great; more illegal aliens.

Jack Reacher said...

When John Edwards is elected president, wax Star Trek dummies will ACT!

Rodney Dill said...

Kirk: "What did I just sit on?"

Rodney Dill said...

"Lt. Waxoff set a course to intercept the deadly Waxon ship."
"We must intercept the uh... Waxon's sir."
"Yes, Waxon, Waxoff"

Submariner said...

Sulu was reportedly delighted to find himself surrounded by all these "stiffs."

Submariner said...

"To OLDLY Go Where We've Gone Countless Time Before..."

Submariner said...

Evidently, Captain Kirk got head from Uhura during the commercial break.

Frank_IBC said...

"Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not an emo kid! Now someone get this damned wig off of me!"

Frank_IBC said...

When Leonard Nimoy left at the end of the third season, Spock's character was replaced with Spork, Spock's surly, sullen half-brother, who had previously worked at a gas station on the South Vulcan Turnpike.

Frank_IBC said...

As the Talosians scan the entire memory banks of the Enterprise, random images flash on the monitor screen in rapid succession. An image from Scotty's very personal collection of homemade leather videos suddenly appears, causing Kirk and Chekov to laugh uncontrollably.

trigger girlie said...

A new alternative life style family: 5 daddies and one headless child

trigger girlie said...

When "giving head" gets a brand new meaning.

prince of leaves said...

Behind the scenes in the maternal basement home of any random leftie blogger.

prince of leaves said...

Despite its retro trappings, the new Trek movie updates the familiar characters for 2008: a metrosexual Kirk, a caveman Chekov, an emo Bones, a Spock with anger management problems, a Scotty with an eating disorder, and an Islamic apostate Uhura.

prince of leaves said...

On the next episode of "Trading Spaces: They Hated It!"...

Whacko said...

"Jim, we really need to do some remodeling on board. These touch screen control panels are just so 28th century."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Don't phase me, bro!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Paramount's new "Star Trek: Bizarro Universe"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Scotty was still mystified that engineering plans for the bridge still included a big, empty wall.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Com link: "I am V'ger!"
Kirk: "Did you say virgin?"
Com link: "Uhm, no."

Son Of The Godfather said...

With her head doing a guest spot on Futurama, Uhura was able to work with a conflicting schedule.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Spock was easily able to determine the fate of the missing tribble with a casual glance at Jim's new, full set of hair.

Son Of The Godfather said...

I've seen more convincing wax dummies at the Democratic primaries.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Poor Uhura... But she should have known the fate of the lowly "red-shirts" from previous episodes.

Son Of The Godfather said...

That looks like Spock's retarded younger brother, Spork.

Son Of The Godfather said...

McCoy: "Hands on your hips, stick out your tush..."

curly said...

Captain’s Log, Stardate 1-19-08: Uhura’s head has vanished; we believe it has something to do with Darth Hillary at the realm of the Deathstar.

curly said...

“Mr. Sulu, you’re now in charge of servicing the Caption’s Log now that Uhura’s head has gone missing."

curly said...

“Can’t you see it Jim? Obama’s half black and half white while his supporters are liberal whites with black hearts!”

curly said...

“It looks like you’ve been hitting the ‘warped speed’ again, Scotty!”

curly said...

“So the universe is warming because of our inefficient use of anti-matter?”

Van Helsing said...

I thought the acting in the latest incarnation of Star Trek was a little stiff.

curlu said...

“The Word Verification Drive is overheating, Captain! I don’t know how long we can bfghiiy kjjnzzs gppqzxd iidhwzx!”

curly said...

“It’s no good, Captain! Curly’s crappy caps are failing badly, as usual. We’ll need to rely on caps from subby, SOTG, vthek, AOM, jack reacher, rodney, pol and van or we’ll never make it!”

Submariner said...

"Bones, see if you can help Uhura."
"Dammit, Jim - I'm a Surgeon, not a Mattel doll-maker!"

Submariner said...

Well, Jim, it's like this; Spock took the wardroom to Benihana's for lunch, and Uhura leaned over as the chef was doing the shrimp, and, uh...

Submariner said...

Dammit, Jim! I told you not to have that second bowl of "McCoy Family Recipe Beans" at the campsite, but nooooooo. Now look what you did to Uhura!

Submariner said...

Curious, Captain. It appears that "Mars Needs Women."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Is that Chekov or Pete Rose?

curly said...
“So the universe is warming because of our inefficient use of anti-matter?”


HA! Universal warming... LOVE IT!
(Have the Klingons signed the Kyoto protocol?)

Son Of The Godfather said...

Ironically, the real names of "Army of Mom", "Rodney Dill" and "Submariner" are, respectively, Gene, Rod, and Barry.

Son Of The Godfather said...

I hereby claim the right to name any future band I may be a part of "Headless Uhura".

Son Of The Godfather said...

ORA:

"What do you know, Uhura... You're just a silly grup. Bonk-bonk! on the head!... Ooooops!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

This wax captain has dipped his wick on numerous planets.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Speaking of boldly going, is there a restroom around here?"

Rodney Dill said...

Actually the real name of 'Rodney Dill' isn't 'Rod.'

(but a good catch otherwise)

Rodney Dill said...

In the end 'Roddenberry' was all that was left to be done with the Uhura facsimile.

curly said...

AlGore found the wax figures “a bit too hyperactive” for his tastes.

Submariner said...

DRUDGEBREAKING:

The Goreacle has announced a heretofore unknown catastrophic result of universal warming - Madam Toussad's figurines are melting. That's right - if you don't start peddaling your bike to work, we may lose these treasured artifacts. Look what it has already done to Uhura in Paris!

Developing...

Army of Mom said...

Uhura takes a Walk on the Wild Side: although this time, she lost her head while giving it.

Army of Mom said...

And, you guys have no idea how hard it was not to fall down laughing at this wax museum scene. Being the "grown up" on a field trip with six classes of third-graders made it mighty hard for me to act right and be that dignified chaperone. Ah hell, who am I kidding? I was out of line more than the kids. :)

Army of Mom said...

Spock demonstrates exactly where he was when his "waxative" kicked in.

Army of Mom said...

IM ON UR BRIG BONKN HEDZ

Army of Mom said...

Dammit, Jim. When you said heads will roll, we thought you were kidding!

Army of Mom said...

Not so oddly enough, I have these outfits. And, I'm not embarrassed to wear them to the sci fi cons, where I'm the hottest chick there.

Army of Mom said...

IM ON YOUR BRIJ DIDDLN UR BUTTONZ