Saturday, January 26, 2008

Parent Teacher Conference




1. "Look, Mr and Mrs Warner, Billy is the president of the Glee Club and the Drama Club and is aceing Home Ec. Do I have to draw you a picture?"

2. "Your son Gallant is a joy to have in my computer class. Your son Goofus, on the other hand, spends all of his time writing captions to a filthy weblog."

3. "... and so the Crisis Counselors have advised that we not allow Billy to participate in show-and-tell any more."

4. "This is sort of an awkward question Mr and Mrs Warner but, um, why doesn't Billy call me any more?"

5. "Furthermore, Mrs. Warner, if he doesn't stop making fun of the Special Ed kids and playing pocket pool with himself, Mr. Warner is not going to be allowed at any more parent teacher conferences."



Best of Submariner
Man's thought bubble: "Billy's teach is SO much hotter than his mom! Must.Keep.Coat.On.Lap."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Billy wore an NRA T-shirt with a picture of a gun on it to school this week. As this was in violation of our zero-tolerance weapons policy, Billy was euthanized. Here are his remains."

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Mr and I assume Mrs Warner, how nice to finally meet you. Now I can see where Billy gets his glazed eyes and toadlike appearance.

Best of prince of leaves
After rescue from the island, Hurley and Locke adopted Aaron and settled down to an uneventful life of PTA meetings and championship roses in sububurban San Francisco.

Best of prince of leaves
"...but after finally seeing you, Mrs. Warner, I can understand now why Timmy has uncontrollable and disruptive outbursts of ribbeting whenever there's a fly in the classroom."

Best of Chrees
Today's ABC Afterschool Special: Why Johnny Can't Get a Date

Best of Doc Ock
"Your little Timmy is all boy! The way he threw pinecones and waved his arms at that tiger today at the zoo was so brave. You might want to swing by the zoo and pick up what you can find of Timmy from outside the tiger exhibit." Field trip parental approval form...priceless.

22 comments:

Submariner said...

Man's thought bubble: "Billy's teach is SO much hotter than his mom! Must.Keep.Coat.On.Lap."

Jack Reacher said...

"Billy wore an NRA T-shirt with a picture of a gun on it to school this week. As this was in violation of our zero-tolerance weapons policy, Billy was euthanized. Here are his remains."

Jack Reacher said...

"Your daughter is showing an excessive interest in boys. So I intend to perform some one-on-one, ah, counseling with her, and see if we can straighten out her priorities. Don't wait up for her."

Tim said...

"teacher's thoughts" OMG Timmy's mom is a Man

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

"Mr and I assume Mrs Warner, how nice to finally meet you. Now I can see where Billy gets his glazed eyes and toadlike appearance.

Gagdad Bob said...

Yes, Mrs. Warner, I realize Jimmy is subject to a lot of teasing. But in fairness, none of the other boys dress so formally for school, nor do they have a receding hairline, man boobs, and such a hairy back.

Double the U said...

I understand your mother was Helen Thomas, but Helen Thomas the III doesn't have the same skills has her Grandmother.

prince of leaves said...

After rescue from the island, Hurley and Locke adopted Aaron and settled down to an uneventful life of PTA meetings and championship roses in sububurban San Francisco.

prince of leaves said...

"...but after finally seeing you, Mrs. Warner, I can understand now why Timmy has uncontrollable and disruptive outbursts of ribbeting whenever there's a fly in the classroom."

old cro said...

George and Elaine in episode I of "Seinfeld, the Later Years".

Chrees said...

Today's ABC Afterschool Special: Why Johnny Can't Get a Date

Chrees said...

"Mr. and Mrs. Warner, we still haven't answered the 'nature vs. nurture' question, but we do know that Billy loses on both counts..."

attmay said...

"I loved you in "Goonies." Can I have your autograph? What? That wasn't you? Geez, don't take it so personally, lady!"

Doc Ock said...

"Your little Timmy is all boy! The way he threw pinecones and waved his arms at that tiger today at the zoo was so brave. You might want to swing by the zoo and pick up what you can find of Timmy from outside the tiger exhibit."

Field trip parental approval form...priceless.

Submariner said...

How do I put this, hmmm? This album is full of upskirts of me that Timmy took on his cell phone and posted on his MySpace site...

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

After seeing you, I'm approving the "retroactive abortion" request...

Submariner said...

Why'd I bring you down? Well, Timmy's been telling some rather bizarre stories in class regarding his weekend outings with "Uncle Barny..."



PIMF

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

After reviewing your IQ scores; your breeding license has not only been revoked, but retroactively at that.

Dwight's Writing Manifesto said...

It was inevitable: Speed Counseling

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.