Friday, January 11, 2008

Lifts and Separates

John Schneider


1. "Now THAT'S a queef!"

2. INVISIBLE BROOMSTIK

3. "When I get home, that boy of mine better not have his pansy a$ in my pink stockings and garter again."

4. "A long stride will quickly put many kilometers between you and those beastly security people at Old Navy." --- Excerpt and Illustration from Dawn's Guide to Celebrating a Pistons Championship.

5. A scientific miracle occurs when Gina's yeast infection achieves cold fusion.

Best of attmay
"I don't know why I still do this," she thought to herself. "My mother died fifteen years ago, so whether or not I step on a crack is a moot point."

Best of Van Helsing
The Ministry of Silly Walks — Airborne Division

Best of The Man
It was very uncomfortable to walk the next day. Damn, that was the last time she turned a trick with Huckabee.

Best of Gagdad Bob
The answer to the question, "Who could give a flying f*ck?"

Best of Targetpractice
Lightspeed Boots: For when you've got to get to that shoe sale first.

Best of Cybrludite
"Finally!", thought Aquaman, "A superhero with powers more useless than mine!" His joy was short-lived as she proceeded to skewer the Joker through the eye-socket with her boot-heel.

Best of prince of leaves
On the next episode of "Heroes": in Oslo, Inga Johansson inadvertently discovers her utterly useless superpower, the ability to long-jump twenty meters at a time while putting on mascara. Sylar for once passes on eating a brain.

Best of Jack Reacher
"When John Edwards is president, levitating blondes will put their feet on the pavement and WALK!"

Best of Submariner
The Brooklyn All-Girl Quidditch Team had a somewhat unorthodox practice strategy for keeping the Seeker's eye on the Snitch...

Best of curly
“Damn amateur”, grunted Maria Verona Garcia Fernandez, longtime border jumper.


20 comments:

attmay said...

"I don't know why I still do this," she thought to herself. "My mother died fifteen years ago, so whether or not I step on a crack is a moot point."

Van Helsing said...

The Ministry of Silly Walks — Airborne Division

The Man said...

It was very uncomfortable to walk the next day. Damn, that was the last time she turned a trick with Huckabee.

Gagdad Bob said...

The answer to the question, "Who could give a flying f*ck?"

Submariner said...

Surveillance cameras show how Angela answers Tony's summons answering once and for all - "Who's The Boss."

Submariner said...

Can't stop, SOTG; it's "Prince Spaghetti Day!"

Submariner said...

Y'know, this pic makes me want to play a different game of stoop-ball...

curly said...

Splits, slits and tits…up next on “Oprah!”

curly said...

“Just try John Edwards’ new Intense XXL™ Volume & Length Waterproof Microfiber Organic Mascara…it will have you jumping for joy!”

Targetpractice said...

Lightspeed Boots: For when you've got to get to that shoe sale first.

Targetpractice said...

Part human, part Roadrunner, all blond.

Cybrludite said...

"Finally!", thought Aquaman, "A superhero with powers more useless than mine!" His joy was short-lived as she proceeded to skewer the Joker through the eye-socket with her boot-heel.

prince of leaves said...

On the next episode of "Heroes": in Oslo, Inga Johansson inadvertently discovers her utterly useless superpower, the ability to long-jump twenty meters at a time while putting on mascara. Sylar for once passes on eating a brain.

prince of leaves said...

Kamen Industries' latest innovation in personal transportation: Seven-League Boots™.

Submariner said...

I can tell what she did with the bedknob, where's the broomstick?

Jack Reacher said...

"When John Edwards is president, levitating blondes will put their feet on the pavement and WALK!"

Submariner said...

The Brooklyn All-Girl Quidditch Team had a somewhat unorthodox practice strategy for keeping the Seeker's eye on the Snitch...

curly said...

“Damn amateur”, grunted Maria Verona Garcia Fernandez, longtime border jumper.

curly said...

Having worked in the Clinton Oval Office for years, Gina developed the ability to perform the mundane while dodging the unwanted advances of the First Black President.

Dwight's Writing Manifesto said...

Photographic proof that the hurdles percieved by most working women are all in their heads.