1. "I'm crazee suppository-head. Give me some of that crazee candee!"
2. "On second thought, maybe the iPod will work better with a simple set of headphones."
3. Bureaucracy in action: "These helmets will reduce head injuries in collisions by 38%. Have the Department of Transportation mandate them immediately!"
4. "Mr. Giuliani is safely in his isolation helmet. Let's check the latest Florida polls."
5. "Dammit! I told you joint chiefs not to interrupt me in the middle of autoerotic asphyxiation."
Best of Rodney Dill
Just couldn't stay away, could you Dukakis?"
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Hi, I'm looking for Helen Thomas?..."
Best of Submariner
We've replaced Mr. Soros' normal delusions and conspiracies with a steaming bucket of excrement. Let's see if he notices...
Best of andthenblammo!
"They don't mind the mask so much, Boss, it's having to call you Mr. Penis Giganticus that's got everybody down. Plus, you walked into the women's washroom this morning."
Best of Jack Reacher
AP File Photo, 1997: Hans Blix prepares to embark on another Iraq weapons inspection tour.
Best of GregMan
The Joint Chiefs show the new Combat Hair Armor to President Edwards.
Best of Jay Guevara
"Luke, I am your father..."
Best of Son Of The Godfather
James never let having only the one eye hold him back.
Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Vader, version 1.0
Best of Chrees
The joint chiefs were less than thrilled with the latest superhero to offer assistance--PezMan.
Best of Submariner
Rumor has it that you hang around with a couple of real nuts...
Best of prince of leaves
Nobody in the office realized just how big a dick Mr. Wentworth really was until the day he loosened his tie...
Best of sonicfrog
Yes, everyone, even the mighty United States Army, stands at attention when Dr. Richard Crainium walks through the room!!!
Best of Dwight's Writing Manifesto
ORA: In the sequel to Forbidden Planet, Robby the Robot was reimagined as a Senator from Idaho, scandalized after being caught gapping sparkplugs with Gort in the back bay of a Jiffy Lube.
Best of BUUUUURRRRNING HOT
Rove's anti-Troof mindbeams are thwarted at last!!!
Best of Rodney Dill
Klaatu Barada Prickto
Best of estimator
Hillary's new Secretary of Defence, Paul Begala, gives a breifing to the new Joint Cheifs of Staff....
Best of Tim
Muslim chastity goggles
Best of Rodney Dill
"So do you lean left or right... uh I mean politically speaking of course."
Best of attmay
Eraserhead: The Early Years
Best of Submariner
Yes, general; I think we'll FINALLY be able to contain Dawn's head with this model... Armbruster is about to test it by making a "fried chicken and watermelon" joke.
82 comments:
Those in attendance thought it was President Bush's best State of the Union Address to date.
I see you just couldn't stay away, could you Dukakis?"
"OK General Petraeus, I'm now ready to hear your report."
Senator Reid asks the Joint Chiefs for an update on how the surge is working.
Max began to question if the new Cone of Silence was really an improvement.
Elaine: Have you ever seen one?
Jerry: You mean that wasn't -
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: No.. you?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: What'd you think?
Elaine: (shakes her head) No...
Jerry: Not good?
Elaine: No, had no face, no personality, very dull. It was like a martian.
Ever since I put this on I have the strangest desire to yell "Danger, Will Robinson!" and wave my hands wildly...
"It's natural to want to show it off, Subby... But don't let the penile implant go to your head."
Crap! This thing only gets WRAP...
"Hi, I'm looking for Helen Thomas?..."
(Sorry man, I had to.)
"Generals Thompson and Smith, this is Private Parts..."
Spicoli: "You DICK!"
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.
Inga: His veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Exactly.
Inga: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That goes without saying.
Inga: Voof.
Igor: He's going to be very popular.
Jane: "Whenever I caress his cheek, he spits out of the top of his head, then asks for a cigarette."
Inspiration for the Team America, Gary Johnston "We're d*cks!" speech.
Mary: "Is that... is that hair gel?"
General on right; "What a putz..."
"OK, I think you're as ready as you're gonna get. Bring us back a Harlem-ite!"
That sound? Just Dawn's head. Again.
Whispered voice over:
We've replaced Mr. Soros' normal delusions and conspiracies with a steaming bucket of excrement. Let's see if he notices...
Well, general, there was this one time at band camp?
See? I told you we could make Hillary appear more attractive...
It's like I always said - put lipstick on the pig, it's still a pig. Put a nice suit on a d!ck, and...
"The next person to call me dick-head is really going to get it!"
"They don't mind the mask so much, Boss, it's having to call you Mr. Penis Giganticus that's got everybody down. Plus, you walked into the women's washroom this morning."
"Does this thing make me look fat?"
Sully: What are the odds? I HAVE that outfit!
I'm Ron Paul, and I approved of this outfit.
AP File Photo, 1997: Hans Blix prepares to embark on another Iraq weapons inspection tour.
1. Decorum dissolved completely when the Senator from Massachusetts intoned, "My name is Head. Senator Richard Head."
2. Thought bubble from guy in the back: "He always stands tall first thing in the morning."
3. Thought bubble from woman: "Dammmmmmnnnn!!"
The Joint Chiefs show the new Combat Hair Armor to President Edwards.
Another Democrat reacts to the latest success from Iraq.
Another Ron Paul supporter arrives for the caucus.
"Can you hear me now?"
"Sure, you're laughing now, but wait until President Shrillary lets off another queef. Then who'll be laughing?"
ORA: "Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this!"
This is what comes of a lawyer taking Viagra.
"Luke, I am your father..."
Professor Richard Head will now address the group...
General in the middle's thought bubble:
"If that giant wang were mine, I'd beat it like an Al Qaida prisoner."
The sequal to "The Fly" had an interesting premise... this time around, the fly was open.
"I may not be much to look at, but if I get excited, I'll pop the roof of this mo-fo."
James never let having only the one eye hold him back.
"...and this is my fiance, Lotta Fagina."
"James, remember what the doctors said... Don't get too excited or you'll blow your stack!"
Vader, version 1.0
This guy once logged into Cap This on Thursday and had to buy all new livingroom furniture (and a squegee) on Friday.
General: "I know I've seen your face before... It's right on the tip of my tongue..."
Their was an alternate, happier, more satisfying ending to Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.
...or "There was", depending on what language you were taught. PIMF.
"I'm Pete Penis, hear to warn you about the dangers of STD's!"
...or "here to warn you", depending on what language you were taught. PIMF.
OK, no more posting while drinking...
probably.
"Yes, I'll be your asshat Dick."
"Call me Ishmael...."
The joint chiefs were less than thrilled with the latest superhero to offer assistance--PezMan.
"Son Of The Godfather said...
OK, no more posting while drinking..."
Yeah, like we've never heard THAT one before...
Rumor has it that you hang around with a couple of real nuts...
Why, Senator Kerry; have you been working out?
Nobody in the office realized just how big a dick Mr. Wentworth really was until the day he loosened his tie...
Well the aptitude test said I'd be better suited as a gynecologist
Yes, everyone, even the mighty United States Army, stands at attention when Dr. Richard Crainium walks through the room!!!
"No kiddin' troops. You don't wanna get your face too close to a giant bearded clam. Some of them are real snappers."
ORA: In the sequel to Forbidden Planet >Robby the Robot was reimagined as a Senator from Idaho, scandalized after being caught gapping sparkplugs with Gort in the back bay of a Jiffy Lube.
You see Captain, I told you Senator Biden was a Dickhead.
I just have to say that Son of Godfather stole the Helen Thomas joke right out of my mouth! hahahaha
Helen Thomas's "mating" helmet
Rove's anti-Troof mindbeams are thwarted at last!!!
Klaatu Barada Prickto
OK, which wiseguy painted the smiley face on the back again?
OJA:
...so I thought hard about what I should wish for, then asked the Genie for a "really big prick..."
Hillary's new Secretary of Defence, Paul Begala, gives a breifing to the new Joint Cheifs of Staff....
"How do I get my suit on?... KY jelly."
------------------------
Submariner said...
"Son Of The Godfather said...
OK, no more posting while drinking..."
Yeah, like we've never heard THAT one before...
Quiet, you! lol
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Rodney Dill said...
Klaatu Barada Prickto
Oh snap! Excellent, Gort!
-------------------------
trigger girlie said...
I just have to say that Son of Godfather stole the Helen Thomas joke right out of my mouth! hahahaha
OK, new rule... you can't use "Helen Thomas" and "out of my mouth" in the same sentence! heh
Next on "Who's Line Is It Anyways?" - Colin begins a rousing game of Superheroes as "Suppository Man."
Muslim chastity goggles
Chef's "sexual enhancement device" makes even bureaucrats more desirable.
"So do you lean left or right... uh I mean politically speaking of course."
Eraserhead: The Early Years
Pick a general's thought bubble; "Talk about your 'plan 9 from outer space'..."
Middle general; "Looks like I picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue..."
Helmet Man: "And in just five minutes you'll have a tan as orange as the doofuses two pics up!"
General on the right: "Are you mad? This is the fifties! Color hasn't been invented yet! Besides, Jane here needs to stay greyscale so she can make it into the site's banner."
It's a virtual reality system, general. It provides a total sensory immersion so real that it completely fools all the senses. Currently, I'm reliving a bout of wild monkey-sex with Miss Abernathy, here. Mmmmm - you may want to step back...
*singing*
Mr Hankey, the joint chiefs of staff poo ...
That's the last time I let my mom cut my hair. Damn helmet head.
Yes, general; I think we'll FINALLY be able to contain Dawn's head with this model... Armbruster is about to test it by making a "fried chicken and watermelon" joke.
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