Tuesday, January 29, 2008

"A Caption Contest Waiting to Happen"



1. "I'm crazee suppository-head. Give me some of that crazee candee!"

2. "On second thought, maybe the iPod will work better with a simple set of headphones."

3. Bureaucracy in action: "These helmets will reduce head injuries in collisions by 38%. Have the Department of Transportation mandate them immediately!"

4. "Mr. Giuliani is safely in his isolation helmet. Let's check the latest Florida polls."

5. "Dammit! I told you joint chiefs not to interrupt me in the middle of autoerotic asphyxiation."

Best of Rodney Dill
Just couldn't stay away, could you Dukakis?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Hi, I'm looking for Helen Thomas?..."

Best of Submariner
We've replaced Mr. Soros' normal delusions and conspiracies with a steaming bucket of excrement. Let's see if he notices...

Best of andthenblammo!
"They don't mind the mask so much, Boss, it's having to call you Mr. Penis Giganticus that's got everybody down. Plus, you walked into the women's washroom this morning."

Best of Jack Reacher
AP File Photo, 1997: Hans Blix prepares to embark on another Iraq weapons inspection tour.

Best of GregMan
The Joint Chiefs show the new Combat Hair Armor to President Edwards.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Luke, I am your father..."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
James never let having only the one eye hold him back.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Vader, version 1.0

Best of Chrees
The joint chiefs were less than thrilled with the latest superhero to offer assistance--PezMan.

Best of Submariner
Rumor has it that you hang around with a couple of real nuts...

Best of prince of leaves
Nobody in the office realized just how big a dick Mr. Wentworth really was until the day he loosened his tie...

Best of sonicfrog
Yes, everyone, even the mighty United States Army, stands at attention when Dr. Richard Crainium walks through the room!!!

Best of Dwight's Writing Manifesto
ORA: In the sequel to Forbidden Planet, Robby the Robot was reimagined as a Senator from Idaho, scandalized after being caught gapping sparkplugs with Gort in the back bay of a Jiffy Lube.

Best of BUUUUURRRRNING HOT
Rove's anti-Troof mindbeams are thwarted at last!!!

Best of Rodney Dill
Klaatu Barada Prickto

Best of estimator
Hillary's new Secretary of Defence, Paul Begala, gives a breifing to the new Joint Cheifs of Staff....

Best of Tim
Muslim chastity goggles

Best of Rodney Dill
"So do you lean left or right... uh I mean politically speaking of course."

Best of attmay
Eraserhead: The Early Years

Best of Submariner
Yes, general; I think we'll FINALLY be able to contain Dawn's head with this model... Armbruster is about to test it by making a "fried chicken and watermelon" joke.



82 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

Those in attendance thought it was President Bush's best State of the Union Address to date.

Rodney Dill said...

I see you just couldn't stay away, could you Dukakis?"

Chrees said...

"OK General Petraeus, I'm now ready to hear your report."

Submariner said...

Senator Reid asks the Joint Chiefs for an update on how the surge is working.

Chrees said...

Max began to question if the new Cone of Silence was really an improvement.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Elaine: Have you ever seen one?
Jerry: You mean that wasn't -
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: No.. you?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: What'd you think?
Elaine: (shakes her head) No...
Jerry: Not good?
Elaine: No, had no face, no personality, very dull. It was like a martian.

Submariner said...

Ever since I put this on I have the strangest desire to yell "Danger, Will Robinson!" and wave my hands wildly...

Son Of The Godfather said...

"It's natural to want to show it off, Subby... But don't let the penile implant go to your head."

Submariner said...

Crap! This thing only gets WRAP...

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Hi, I'm looking for Helen Thomas?..."

(Sorry man, I had to.)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Generals Thompson and Smith, this is Private Parts..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Spicoli: "You DICK!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.
Inga: His veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Exactly.
Inga: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That goes without saying.
Inga: Voof.
Igor: He's going to be very popular.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Jane: "Whenever I caress his cheek, he spits out of the top of his head, then asks for a cigarette."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Inspiration for the Team America, Gary Johnston "We're d*cks!" speech.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Mary: "Is that... is that hair gel?"

Submariner said...

General on right; "What a putz..."

Submariner said...

"OK, I think you're as ready as you're gonna get. Bring us back a Harlem-ite!"



That sound? Just Dawn's head. Again.

Submariner said...

Whispered voice over:
We've replaced Mr. Soros' normal delusions and conspiracies with a steaming bucket of excrement. Let's see if he notices...

Submariner said...

Well, general, there was this one time at band camp?

Submariner said...

See? I told you we could make Hillary appear more attractive...

Submariner said...

It's like I always said - put lipstick on the pig, it's still a pig. Put a nice suit on a d!ck, and...

andthenblammo! said...

"The next person to call me dick-head is really going to get it!"

andthenblammo! said...

"They don't mind the mask so much, Boss, it's having to call you Mr. Penis Giganticus that's got everybody down. Plus, you walked into the women's washroom this morning."

andthenblammo! said...

"Does this thing make me look fat?"

Jack Reacher said...

Sully: What are the odds? I HAVE that outfit!

Jack Reacher said...

I'm Ron Paul, and I approved of this outfit.

Jack Reacher said...

AP File Photo, 1997: Hans Blix prepares to embark on another Iraq weapons inspection tour.

Jay Guevara said...

1. Decorum dissolved completely when the Senator from Massachusetts intoned, "My name is Head. Senator Richard Head."

2. Thought bubble from guy in the back: "He always stands tall first thing in the morning."

3. Thought bubble from woman: "Dammmmmmnnnn!!"

GregMan said...

The Joint Chiefs show the new Combat Hair Armor to President Edwards.

GregMan said...

Another Democrat reacts to the latest success from Iraq.

GregMan said...

Another Ron Paul supporter arrives for the caucus.

GregMan said...

"Can you hear me now?"

GregMan said...

"Sure, you're laughing now, but wait until President Shrillary lets off another queef. Then who'll be laughing?"

Targetpractice said...

ORA: "Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this!"

Rodney Dill said...

This is what comes of a lawyer taking Viagra.

Jay Guevara said...

"Luke, I am your father..."

Chrees said...

Professor Richard Head will now address the group...

Son Of The Godfather said...

General in the middle's thought bubble:
"If that giant wang were mine, I'd beat it like an Al Qaida prisoner."

Son Of The Godfather said...

The sequal to "The Fly" had an interesting premise... this time around, the fly was open.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I may not be much to look at, but if I get excited, I'll pop the roof of this mo-fo."

Son Of The Godfather said...

James never let having only the one eye hold him back.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"...and this is my fiance, Lotta Fagina."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"James, remember what the doctors said... Don't get too excited or you'll blow your stack!"

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

Vader, version 1.0

Son Of The Godfather said...

This guy once logged into Cap This on Thursday and had to buy all new livingroom furniture (and a squegee) on Friday.

Son Of The Godfather said...

General: "I know I've seen your face before... It's right on the tip of my tongue..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Their was an alternate, happier, more satisfying ending to Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.

Son Of The Godfather said...

...or "There was", depending on what language you were taught. PIMF.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I'm Pete Penis, hear to warn you about the dangers of STD's!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

...or "here to warn you", depending on what language you were taught. PIMF.

OK, no more posting while drinking...

probably.

Rodney Dill said...

"Yes, I'll be your asshat Dick."

Rodney Dill said...

"Call me Ishmael...."

Chrees said...

The joint chiefs were less than thrilled with the latest superhero to offer assistance--PezMan.

Submariner said...

"Son Of The Godfather said...
OK, no more posting while drinking..."

Yeah, like we've never heard THAT one before...

Submariner said...

Rumor has it that you hang around with a couple of real nuts...

Submariner said...

Why, Senator Kerry; have you been working out?

prince of leaves said...

Nobody in the office realized just how big a dick Mr. Wentworth really was until the day he loosened his tie...

Rodney Dill said...

Well the aptitude test said I'd be better suited as a gynecologist

sonicfrog said...

Yes, everyone, even the mighty United States Army, stands at attention when Dr. Richard Crainium walks through the room!!!

Dwight's Writing Manifesto said...

"No kiddin' troops. You don't wanna get your face too close to a giant bearded clam. Some of them are real snappers."

Dwight's Writing Manifesto said...

ORA: In the sequel to Forbidden Planet >Robby the Robot was reimagined as a Senator from Idaho, scandalized after being caught gapping sparkplugs with Gort in the back bay of a Jiffy Lube.

mklasing said...

You see Captain, I told you Senator Biden was a Dickhead.

trigger girlie said...

I just have to say that Son of Godfather stole the Helen Thomas joke right out of my mouth! hahahaha

Helen Thomas's "mating" helmet

BUUUUURRRRNING HOT said...

Rove's anti-Troof mindbeams are thwarted at last!!!

Rodney Dill said...

Klaatu Barada Prickto

Rodney Dill said...

OK, which wiseguy painted the smiley face on the back again?

Submariner said...

OJA:

...so I thought hard about what I should wish for, then asked the Genie for a "really big prick..."

estimator said...

Hillary's new Secretary of Defence, Paul Begala, gives a breifing to the new Joint Cheifs of Staff....

Son Of The Godfather said...

"How do I get my suit on?... KY jelly."

------------------------

Submariner said...
"Son Of The Godfather said...
OK, no more posting while drinking..."

Yeah, like we've never heard THAT one before...


Quiet, you! lol
-------------------------

Rodney Dill said...
Klaatu Barada Prickto


Oh snap! Excellent, Gort!
-------------------------

trigger girlie said...
I just have to say that Son of Godfather stole the Helen Thomas joke right out of my mouth! hahahaha


OK, new rule... you can't use "Helen Thomas" and "out of my mouth" in the same sentence! heh

Submariner said...

Next on "Who's Line Is It Anyways?" - Colin begins a rousing game of Superheroes as "Suppository Man."

Tim said...

Muslim chastity goggles

Tim said...

Chef's "sexual enhancement device" makes even bureaucrats more desirable.

Rodney Dill said...

"So do you lean left or right... uh I mean politically speaking of course."

attmay said...

Eraserhead: The Early Years

Submariner said...

Pick a general's thought bubble; "Talk about your 'plan 9 from outer space'..."

Submariner said...

Middle general; "Looks like I picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue..."

Cybrludite said...

Helmet Man: "And in just five minutes you'll have a tan as orange as the doofuses two pics up!"

General on the right: "Are you mad? This is the fifties! Color hasn't been invented yet! Besides, Jane here needs to stay greyscale so she can make it into the site's banner."

Submariner said...

It's a virtual reality system, general. It provides a total sensory immersion so real that it completely fools all the senses. Currently, I'm reliving a bout of wild monkey-sex with Miss Abernathy, here. Mmmmm - you may want to step back...

Army of Mom said...

*singing*
Mr Hankey, the joint chiefs of staff poo ...

Army of Mom said...

That's the last time I let my mom cut my hair. Damn helmet head.

Submariner said...

Yes, general; I think we'll FINALLY be able to contain Dawn's head with this model... Armbruster is about to test it by making a "fried chicken and watermelon" joke.