Tuesday, July 31, 2007

OOOOO Momma


1. "Here, let me adjust those for you."

2. "Your boobs are powerless against my combover."

3. "Quiet or His Royal Highness Spank."

4. "No time for the old in-out today, love. I've just come to read the meter."

5. "How 'bout I get in my knickers and get knackered playing with your knockers."

Best of Whacko
"Yes, your highness, they are real and they are spectacular!"

Best of jeff
"Thank you Your Highness - your ears are very large too!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
What the hell is Major General Hank Landry doing in that line, and who's watching Stargate Command?!?

Best of Van Helsing
"It's quite all right. I'm an expert in inspecting organic melons."

Best of andthenblammo!
"Just checking to make sure she's not a Fembot. She's not a Fembot."

Best of andthenblammo!
"So, 'ow are we fixed for tampons, luv? I'm available!"

Best of curly
“How would you like to make a two-headed, four legged humping beast with a big eared, latent homosexual, Islamofacist sympathizing Royal who would give up a chance for the throne in order to repeatedly boff a woman who makes Cindy Sheehag look like Pamela from Atlas Shrugged?”

Best of curly
“Princess Di let me handle hers – once.”

Best of Rodney Dill
Royal Purple Nurple

Best of Rodney Dill
"Yesss my Pressscioussss, we mussst have them."

Best of sonicfrog
"...It's good to be the King in waiting...."

Best of Submariner
So, I've handled your medals, pet; how'd you like to fondle the crown jewels?

Best of jbinnout
"Once a king, always a king, but once a knight's enough."
"That's amusing, sir."

HT: Whacko

Why Is This Chick Smiling? Scroll Down and Find Out


1. Coming to Al Jazeera this Fall: The Plush Pals Exterminate the Joos Happy Fun-Time Show

2. "Hey, who left the dismembered hand on my desk? It must be time for a visit from our neighbor, Jeffie Dahmer!"

3. "Mr. Bunny is using his satanic power to cause my hand to whither. Isn't that neat, boys and girls?"

4. "Hey, could you lay off the fabric softener? We got a hooker coming over later."

5. Yeah, I'd say CBS Evening News has been dumbed down somewhat since Katie Couric took over.

Best of Submariner
"...so remember boys and girls; mmmmmmm, puppies and bunnies are o-ou-ur friends and we shouldn't- oh Gaia!- eat ANYthing with a a a ahhhhh! face. However, BEing eaten is ok.

Best of Whacko
As part of his court-ordered rehabilitation, Michael Vick will have to go to puppet therapy to learn how to treat small animals.

Best of Submariner
My hand? I dated SOTG last night and it's been cramped ever since...

Best of The Man
Today's letter is "D" as in Doggie style.

Best of Submariner
Let me know if you see Chucky. (He and Mr Fluffy-bunny don't like each other.)

Best of Submariner
Apparently, Karen Carpenter is in a much happier place...


HT: Timmah!!

Timmah Is a Sick SOB


1. People who have better jobs than you... number #3546....

2. ... except when she queefs.

3. The audience kept wondering why Mr. Fluffybunny kept screaming, "Ohmygawd! Right there! Yes! Yes!"

Best of Jack Reacher
When people asked Kevin Kline why he moved to puppeteering, he just grinned.

Best of sonicfrog
Well, if this doesn't finally (thankfully) torpedo Robin Williams' career, nothing will...

Best of Jack Reacher
Suzie thought her optometrist's exams were a bit unorthodox, but saw no reason to be alarmed.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
We title this picture: Butt-whif Nirvana.
Hey, another great band name! ;)

Best of Van Helsing
"Let one more silent stinker and Mr. Fuzzy Rabbit is going to take a bite out of your throat."

Monday, July 30, 2007

I Can't Wait to Eat that Monkey

1. In 1991, Bubbles was convinced a rigorous training regimen would win back Michael's heart from "that MacCaulkin bitch.'

2. Bubbles's pimp appreciated the effort, but even a muscle-chimp was too much of a primate for the Enumclaw crowd.

3. Progressive aims for a demo even dumber than cavemen.

4. Sully: "Did him!"

5. Paris: "Did Him!"

Best of jeff
Alternative punishment to spanking your monkey.

Best of Double the U
Testing photo to see if it is possible for a liberal to walk and chew gum at the same time.

Best of Submariner
4. Sully: "Did him!"
5. Paris: "Did Him!"
6. Sheehan: "Refused to do me."
7. Rather: "Bush tricked me into doing him."

Best of evariste
Vietnam and Cambodia embark on a crash program to find something child-sized and reasonably humanoid for Gary Glitter to molest.

Best of curly
Scientists seek to answer one of the most vexing environmental concerns of our time: exactly how noxious are Sheehags queefs?

Best of Kaptain
Bubbles, astronaut. A monkey barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic monkey. Bubbles will be that monkey. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster." The mining and retooling of 70's TV series continues unabated.

Best of Kevin Walker
8. Boy George: "Want him!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Mr. Kubrick? The test audience totally rejected the idea of the Nordic Track... We're going with the monolith instead."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
He may share 99.8% of our DNA, but he still can't figure out how to work a Penis Pump Treadmill.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Where Are They Now?: Michael Nesmith

Best of Rodney Dill
Just one comment about Homo Erectus and Don Imus was back in the dog house again.

Best of Rodney Dill
Next Jamie and Adam try to prove the old adage that Cheetah's never win.

Best of Rodney Dill
...and this is the time on Sprockets when we exercise the monkey.

H/T :-) Brender

Saturday in the Park with Nutjobs -


Best of Whacko
Cindy's aah, "friend" uses the secret hand signal to show that she is being coerced into posing for this picture.

Best of Van Helsing
I wonder if Pamela's shirt has found its way to the incinerator yet. It will never be clean again.

Best of The Man
Next to every bird is a big pile of shit.

Best of Silhouette
What Atlas didn't know was that Cindy was sick; a sickness that was not visible like smallpox but no less dangerous and contagious; a sickness of the mind. You see, Cindy is a moonbat:

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty...moonbat!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Little did Cindy suspect that Pam was a T-1000, sent back in time to prevent the doctrine of "absolute moral authority" from becoming law. By the time the finger pierced her trachea, it was too late.

Best of Submariner
Whoa, Cindy! Mitchum 5 day is just a name... word.

Best of curly
“Cindy, did someone step in dog crap -- or do you just need a breath mint?”

Best of curly
“My four broken fingers prove it: the most dangerous place in the world is between Sheehag and a camera.”



Take it, peeps... (from Atlas Shrugs)

Just Don't Look


1. Immediate aftermath of the world's most thorough and unexpected pantsing.

2. Laundry day at Kandahar.

3. "Why are you running? The human wang is a beautiful thing, Lou."

4. "Sorry, I just absolutely refuse to wear the UN Insignia."

5. "Scott Thomas wants to know if you'd like to get together later to share your mindthoughts and soulpatterns."

Best of Double the U
As a pilot I hate flying into San Fransisco International.

Best of Whacko
Casual Friday with the United States Air Force

Best of Submariner
And he STILL got stopped by TSA going through the detector!

Best of Submariner
Guy in front thought bubble; "That ought to make him think twice about taking the Devil Rays AND giving runs to boot..."

Best of curly
* Hilldog wonders who put her diaphragms on the jet engines.
* Silky Pony pities the poor boy’s helmet hair.
* Osamba noticed that a mischievous white man stole the pants.
* Kootch-itch thinks he’s in love.
* Bidet says we need benchmarks, not skidmarks.

Best of racerboy
...there's only one sure way to eliminate that nasty farmer tan...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Tower, I'm not sure if your controller is signalling me in, or asking me out to dinner, over."

Best of Jonathan
Raoul forgot more than just his giant foam hands.



Hat Tip: Aridog

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Retro Saturday's Best Picture Ever



1. "Michael, we'll never catch up with Lindsey Lohan if you don't stop posing with Gary."

2. Early concepts for Miami Vice were tweaked somewhat before the pilot was shot.

3. The promo shoot was ruined when Todd Bridges car-jacked K.I.T.T.

4. "Well guys, Mr. T is throwing a hissy-fit in his dressing room because someone forgot to put fresh rose petals in his toilet, so it's just going to be the two of you for the shoot."

5. ORA: "Hey Gary? Still leading disco dollies to a life of vice!"

Best of SnarkyOne
Gary Coleman and a Nappy Headed Hasselhoff.

Best of sonicfrog
"See Michael, this is what happens when you stick your dipstick into the female engine without covering it with a protective oil based accessory!"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hey, Gary, let's go get some whiskey and cheeseburgers and call my kids."

Best of Wahcko
Gary Coleman gets ready to meet Mr. Fist for keying "Nappy-Headed Honkey' into K.I.T>T.'s new paint job.

Best of Submariner
Publicity still captured about one nanosecond before KITT ran over both, ending America's embarrassement.

Best of prince of leaves
He may have been sold off to a white-trash high-schooler, wrecked in a game of "chicken", restored with an inept Bondo job which promptly rusted out, and finally sold to a Beijing scrap dealer and melted down to make steel beams for a pedestrian bridge in Thailand, but KITT still had the more dignified post-Knight-Rider life than Coleman or Hasselhoff.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Let's go see if we can take Lindsay for another ride."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
K.I.T.T.: "Michael, I want you inside me. Again."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
The first draft of "Lethal Weapon" "Tango & Cash" had to go through several modifications.

Best of curly
“I wish I knew how to KITT you.”

Best of curly
“Let’s get in the back seat and make an Obama cappuccino: half white, half black, lots of fluff and crème, shaken and stirred, superficial, with no meaning or substance.”

Best of sonicfrog
♫ But they got, Compression Strokes.
It takes, Compression Strokes.
It takes, Compression Strokes to move the world. ♫


- Timmah!

Friday, July 27, 2007

Zombie One Shot

Newsom: "Hmmm, nice guy. Wonder if he'd mind if I got sh!tfaced and banged his wife."

Best of Jack Reacher
Newsom: I could kill him using just my hair.

Best of Rodney Dill
"I just crapped my pants."

Best of Submariner
Gavin's thought bubble; I'm squeezin' my head. I'm SQUEAZIN' my head!"

Best of Submariner
I think... maybe... Yep!
Those vegan brownies are DEFinitely starting to work...

Best of Submariner
I wonder when he'll realize that I replaced his mic with Charlotte's "G Spot" scratcher?

Best of Jay Guevara
"Did him, did her, did their dog..."

Best of Van Helsing
"C'mon Ban. Eat that mic. I'm falling asleep here."

Best of Submariner
Charlotte notices the recreation of the podium scene in the original Police Academy movie. Gavin just smiles that he arranged it. Sully relishes his role.

From: Zombie

Beckham? Almost Killed Him!

1. "Will Lord Xenu be pleased with this offering, Mr Cruise?"

2. "No way, mate! $100,000 says you can't fit this up your bum?" Becks loses $100,000.

3. "Welcome to the party, Miss Lohan. We've been expecting you."

4. "Of course Al Gore's new 1,400 foot, diesel-powered yacht, the S.S. Green Org, is carbon-neutral. He bought it with profits from the carbon credit scam. Now, to the dock for the christening!"

5. "Gee, Sully? How did you manage to smuggle this into the Scientology compound?"

Best of sonicfrog
The Tables Are Turned: As Tom Cruise tries to convert David Beckham to Scientology, Beckham introduces Cruise to his God entity, "Lord Malleolus".

Best of Double the U
Only two types of men drink Malleolus, queers and Scientology actors who hang around metric football players. We are still looking for the later.

Best of Double the U
So you Americans say "Bottoms up!" when you drink? What does that mean Tom?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
With the rumors about Tom, I'd say messing around with Beckham and a bottle that size is Risky Business.

Best of The Man
We have celebrities, we have plenty of booze. Now where is Al Gore Jr. with all those drugs he promised?

Best of Submariner
Ummmm, I remember this one time at Scientology camp?

Best of Submariner
Teddy the Whale was appalled; "We're only doing shots?"

Best of Jack Reacher
Tom: I found this in the closet!
Beckham: So, you just came out of the closet?
Tom: Yeah, I...shut up!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Wow, I knew Cruise was short, but... Just wow...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Everyone was having a great time until they attempted to pop it open and Katie was left with a golf-ball sized hole in her sternum.

Best of Whacko
S.O.G. - Either Tom is standing on a chair or Becks is on his knees.

Best of Submariner
Maybe 10 pics below Bill was thinkin' about downin' one of these bottles to get the "Irish Courage" to bed the Hilldog?

Best of Submariner
Throw out your hands!!
Stick out your tush!!
Hands on your hips;
Give them a push!!
You'll be surprised,
You're doing the French Mistake!

Tom giggled and hoped...

Best of Rodney Dill
(ORA)
Two people we wish had had the Frontal Lobotomy instead.

Best of Jonathan
Why Ted Kennedy converted to Scientology.



Source: Agent Bedhead

I Don't Think We're in Kansas Any More


1. ORA: "You're a Knight of the Round Table? In that case, I shall have to kill you."

2. He's drunk and he wants to molest a little girl. He must be an illegal alien.

3. "So, you see, little girl, the neo-con oil fascists would have you believe that fire can melt steel, but you , me and Ron Paul know better, don't we?

4. "Get away from her, you b!tch!" Hillary wasn't channeling Sigourney Weaver in Aliens, she's just very possessive.

5. "Ohmigawd I am so trippin'" thought Cindy Lou. "Berkeley Field Trips Rock!"






Somehow, Blogger ate the Best ofs....???

...and this is your teletubby on drugs.


We traveled 15 billion light years to see Deep Purple and now you're telling us that Ritchie Blackmore and Jon Lord have been replaced by Steve Morse and Don Airey?


Hey little girl, have you seen our bottle of Malleolus? It's about this big....


THIS is supposed to be King Ghidorah? Jeez, Indian films are sooooooo lame!!!


Excuse Me, Do You Have Any Grey Poupon???


"No Mr. Bonds, I don't think steroids have had any adverse effects on you."


Andrew Sullivan will swoon when he sees the new three headed alien.
And PURPLE to boot.


"Excuse me/us Earthling, can you tell me/us where to find the Pit Bull fights?"


Kinda kinky, but just right for combining a 3-way with a little head...


The West Cornhusk Community Players present "Vignettes from the Lovecraft Mythos".


Wow -- Straczynski really has improved the special effects for the new Babylon 5 movie.


No Prince, I don't think the Superbowl crowd will notice your wardrobe malfunction.


"Excuse me/us little Earthling, I/we have come to return Lindsay Lohan to her home planet where she can NOT do whatever the f**k she wants."

Hat Tip: Divine Miss M

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Twin Driver Side Airbags


1. "Damn! No Parking anywhere near Hillary Campaign HQ, and I'm already late for 'Breasts Not Bombs!'"

2. "Ask me why I've never gotten a speeding ticket... EVER!"

3. "Reinforced titanium buttons my ass."

4. "Must... drive... faster... drug-crazed... Lindsey Lohan... gaining..."

5. "No, just spectacular."

Best of Submariner
"On Star; are you alright? We have visual on air bag deployment..."

Best of Submariner
I also prefer the Bactrian to the Dromedary. A fine choice, V., but perhaps next time you can show the "toe" as well?

Best of The Man
Senate Democrats, led by Ted Kennedy, issued a subpoena VtheK to get him to reveal his source for Thursday pictures.

Best of Double the U
I know I remembered to unplug the coffee maker, I remembered to turn off the hot water heater, I remembered to leave enough food for the cat, WHAT THE HELL did I forget this morning?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
I think I'm going to enjoy the remake of Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Hey Subby, your prom dates are here."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and I'm wearing my 14 year old sister's 4-sizes-too-small shirt."
"Hit it."

Best of jbinnout
Why, yes, I am aware that there are speed bumps every 50 feet. Now speed up!

Best of Rodney Dill
"Damn washboard roads."

Best of Submariner
♪Thanks for the mammories...♪

Best of whacko
By using a new spokes model for their otherwise mundane Taurus, Ford increased sales and managed to turn a profit in the second quarter.

Best of jbinnout
No, honest, I swear. It wasn't me! It's these damn leather seats!

Best of SnarkyOne
Pam Anderson was left speechless with rage and jealousy and vowed revenge by getting an even bigger pair.
Then she toppled over.

What the Lamp Saw


One of the joys of watching Enterprise reruns on SciFi Channel is mentally substituting 'my boobs' whenever T'Pol speaks in the first person.

1. "My boobs detect a Klingon vessel off the starboard bow."

2. ""Delicate" is not a word my boobs associate with Mr. Tucker."

3. "My boobs do not believe in time travel. "

4. "Dr. Phlox says my boobs can resume their duties this afternoon. "

5. "My boobs do not experience jealousy."

Best of Dickey Swollenz
Delicate is not a word my boobs associate with Dickey when he gets Swollenz

Best of Jack Reacher
"Stop--you had me at 'Giggity.' "

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Check out this condom, Jolene... it's made from vulcanized rubber!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few... Can we bone now?"

Best of sonicfrog
"Captain, my boobs believe this coarse of action to be unwise..." Hey, you're right. This IS a lot of fun!

Best of sonicfrog
Vulcan pick-up line: "Is there such a thing as a Vulcan "Boob Meld"? If not, we could be the first to try."

Best of sonicfrog
Unlike Spock and other Vulcans, T'Pol, for some reason, never seemed to have the persistent problem of humans staring at her ears...

Best of jbinnout
There's a lamp in that picture?

Best of Submariner
Same ORA: "Say Bob, do I have any openings that this man might fit?"

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Silky Pony One Three Shot


1. "I know what you mean, daddy. My butt hurts everytime Uncle Barney babysits."

2. Hypnotized by the young boy's ass, Silky Pony places fourth in the Tour de France.

3. And soon, there was nothing left of him but a bloody $400 haircut... and He Who Walks Behind the Corn was pleased.

Update: Demotivatorized!

Sourcr: Sondra K

More Fat Old Hippie Douchebags


1. If I had favored you with a front view, Sonicfrog's dating opportunities would widely expanded.

2. Chelsea?

3. Most in the room immediately changed their support to "Bombs."

4. Nothing like a mom who gets drunk, goes topless, and hits on your friends to spoil a sweet 16 party.

5. "Giggitty Gigi--- Oh-My-Sweet-Lord..." The episode where Quagmire catches teh gay.

HT: Zombie

Old, Fat Hippie Douchebags


1. "What do you mean I'm not the Biggest Freak in the Universe! I demand a recount!"

2. The Year is 2045, and Al Gore III announces his candidacy for Governor of California, representing the conservative wing of La Partida Socialista Democratica Clintonista. (fomerly, the Democrats)

3. A Code Pink demonstrator gamely soldiers on after the "jackbooted thugs" at the TSA confiscated her estrogen.

4. "No, seriously, let Mt Tiger Pez Dispenser explain why Ron Paul is the only candidate who can save us from Fascism."

5. "OK, Moonray, let me enlighten you as to the major flaw in your plan to sue Elton John for child support."

6. "Do I make you horny, baby?"

Best of Rodney Dill
National Geographic - The Jackalope was once the scourge of the west, until cross breeding with San Francisco liberals created the Jackadope

Best of Double the U
Sad part is that he is leaving, he has been kicked out for being too much of a main stream conformist.

Best of Submariner
Green Party. Why?

Best of andthenblammo!
With a disguise like that, no wonder we've never found Osama bin Laden!

Best of The Man
Why yes, I am looking for the YearlySullivan festival. How did you know?

Best of The Man
John Edwards said this outfit brought out my eyes.

Best of Capt. Queeg
Santa Claus' thought bubble: "This is the last time I book with Vacations2Go.com."

Best of Submariner
Dr. Neil Clark Warren took one look, and refunded the money without comment.

Best of Jack Reacher
My pink tiger talisman wards off evil spirits, negative energy, and showers.

Best of Jack Reacher
"It's a bro!"
"No, it's a manssiere!"
"Bro!"
"Manssiere!"

Best of sonicfrog
Michael Moore's parents will be make an appearance in the new biographical documentary "Weirdo!".

Best of curly
Leon Russell found it liberating to be the opening act Elton John.

Best o' Cybrludite
CapThis-Libs!: (Regular's Name), your (Formal Social Event)-date is here!

Best of Van Helsing
Shrillary's candidate for Secretary of Defense shows he means business with his compact but powerful tiger squirt pistol.

Best of Submariner
Special agent Q decided the "Noisy Cricket" wasn't for him/her and went with the "Peaceful Pussy" instead.

Hat Tip: Divine the Miss M.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

White on Black Violence


1. "Nappy-Headed Freshman!" "Cankle Dyke!"

2. Hilldog and Osama Obama do-si-do during the square dancing portion of the YouTube debate.

3. "It was funny when Edwards made fun of your coat, but the 'Girlfriend Snap' at the end was icing on the cake."

4. "Listen, Barry. I've decided to drop out of the race. Meet me in Fort Marcie Park at Midnight, and I'll formally hand over my announcement. Come alone."

5. "Done!" Hillary wins the 'write your name in the snow' contest.
Best of Jack Reacher
Thought bubble for both: "Scuse me while I whip this out."

Best of sixdegreesofblondness
ORA: "Boot Scootin' Boogieeee..."

Best of Submariner
"Mr. Madden! I've always wanted to meet y.... sorry Hill."

Best of Submariner
Hillary, exactly WHATdid you mean by "Have 'YOUR PEOPLE' call my people?"

Ebony and Ivory...

1. "You know how it is with the man, Tyrone. Always tryin' to keep a brother down."

2. "Did I mention I have a you-people Secretary of State?"

3. "Don't mind my dad, he still gets nervous when one of you is in the neighborhood."

4. "Don't mind my dad. He saw your doo-rag and made you for a crip. Him and the bloods go way back, know what I mean?"

5. Bush: "Hey, how come I don't get to wear no ear protection?" Tyrone: "What?"

6. "Yo, Homes. You know where a MF can score some crack on the DL? Word!"

7. "So, you want to marry Jenna? Um, I think you better talk to my dad."

8. "So, are you having trouble finding Americans to work here? Are you familiar with the phrase 'What can brown do for you?'"

9. ORA: "'Hot Ghetto Mess?' Sounds like what I get when I eat soul food."

10. "Sorry for blowing up the levees and drowning all your homies. Like Kanye West says, I just plain hate Black People."

Best of jeff
"Mr. President, I was cleaning this off the floor until you went and stepped in it."

Best of andthenblammo!
"Geez, Michael, I saw you play with the Bulls....sorry about how the divorce turned out."

Best of andthenblammo!
"So if Soylent Green is people, then I'm getting a real bad feeling about Soylent Mocha."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Actually, I'm a former president myself. Nigeria. I can show you these papers that prove it. I just need someone with a U.S. bank account, into which I can deposit the sum of..."

Best of curly
“Can I ‘axis of evil’ you a question?”

Best of Silhouette
Mr. President, do you ever feel, you know, not so fresh?

Best of Jonathan
"Now that you mention it, Tyrone, Harry Reid DOES 'look like a b#tch'!"

Best of Submariner
Sorry, Mr. President, but I think you got the wrong information about what happens at our "meat packing plant."

Best of Rodney Dill
50-Cent? That was gonna be your tip.

Best of Submariner
Sorry Mr. President, but when Dawn said she was gonna "give me a little Bush on Wednesday," you're not exactly what I was picturin'...

HT:::::----PPPP: El Hombre
Source: Tennessein' is Tennebelievin'

Bush 41 with a Revolver in the Library

1. "Must... kill... Pam... Dawber. Must... kill... Pam... Dawber..."

2. "Wearing black socks and Crox? Dear God forgive me..."

3. "That'll teach those gawddamm kids to stay outta my yard!"

4. "Smoking gun... dead hooker... no memory of the last 24 hours... Dear Lord it's happening again!"

5. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"

Best of Rodney Dill
redrum
redrum
redrum
redrum
...

Best of metalgarth
It was obvious that Bush Sr. took Caption This too seriously when he decided to Kill Bill.

Best of Brian_in_MA
F++k Bush eh? Well... we'll just see who gets fucked now... No, not you Barney.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Mr. President, your 10:00 is here."
"Yeah, send Miss Sheehan right in."

Best of andthenblammo!
"Yep, W, looks like Deputy Reid has gone and fired off his bullet. I think we're all safe now."

Best of The Man
Read my lips, give me your wallet and jewelry.

Best of The Man
Former President Bush is looking for something more thrilling than skydiving for his 90th birthday. Carjacking has topped the list so far.

Best of andthenblammo!
'Aw geez, Laura, Pop's off his meds agin. Better get the sedatives quick before he starts shouting 'ATTICA' at the top of his lungs agin."

Best of Jack Reacher
"A sling blade is okay if you're from Arkansas, but I prefer a Smith & Wesson, mmm-hmmm."

Best of curly
“Oldest living ex-President…We’ll see about that!”

Best of Submariner
That? We began letting Gramps play with the guns again once Jeb removed the cylinders...

Best of Submariner
"Bubba's a great fundraiser."
"Bubba helped all those tsunami victims."
"Bubba suffered a heart attack and still gives."
Well, Bubba, this one's for you...

Best of Rodney Dill
"Guess I picked the wrong week to give up sniffing glue."

HT/:-P/Brender

Monday, July 23, 2007

Kill Bill


1. The mass vomiting that resulted when Bill described how he liked to get naked, put Hill in a gold bikini, and act out the Jabba the Hutt/Princess Leia fantasy from Return of the Jedi surpassed the blueberry pie scene in Stand by me.

2. It's either the size of her hips or the size of her tax increase. Judging by Bill's pup tent, it's probably the tax increase.

3. The Clintons' talk was a huge hit with (l to r) Tim Robbins, Thomas Noguchi, Janeane Garofalo, a big blue hat, and Dr. Strangelove.

4. Hillary totally goes all Lady MacBeth after seeing the apparition of Vince Foster once too often. "Is that a subpeona I see before me/Come let me clutch thee/I have thee not but see thee still..."

5. Gallant rouses the party faithful with a speech about liberating the workers from the gears of capitalist oppression. Goofus mimes the lap dance he got from 'that woman, Miss lewinsky.'

Best of the doyle
"...and if you will all assume the same position as Bubba here, I will do for you what I never did for him, if you all will just vote for me."

Best of jeff
Hillary's droning puts Bill to sleep, where he promptly begins "sleep screwing."

Best of divine miss m
Come to Butthead!

Best of Submariner
"...so you grabbed hold and 'drove the porcelain bus' because of too many Big Macs?"
Hilldog was GREAT at charades.

Best of sonicfrog
"Bill... We get it. You can STOP asking 'Next Intern Please'. It wasn't funny the first time..."

Best of Jack Reacher
Staffers from Pantsuits Palace frequently took their disabled friends to picnics, rodeos, and the occasional circus.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Hey, that disappearing cream worked great on my intern. She's totally invisible!"

Best of GOP & College
"After everywhere that thing's been, you expect me to do what to it?"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Wanna buy some wood?"

HT: Robert

Silky Pony, a Nappy Headed Ho, and the Target Rich Environment


1. "And over there is where we're building the row of $400 haircut salons." Silky Pony checks progress on his plan for rebuilding New Orleans.

2. "Maybe there's a 40,000 square foot house... over there!" Silky Pony searches desperately for suitable accommodations to oversee the Acorn havest.

3. These Acorn types Ghetto Dudes always know where to find the best booty bump connection , John Edwards chuckled to himself.

4. "No, there's no action in this rest area, Mr. Edwards. Try the one up on highway 15."

5. "You can pick up your 'Sexiest Woman Alive' Trophy over there, Mr. Edwards."

Best of curly
“I got more nuts than you, and I all I got is a t-shirt that says ACORN on it.”

Best of curly
“The Avalon Manor is three doors down, on the left.”

Best of Jack Reacher
"By golly, you're right, Jane. He ain't got no adams apple!"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Livonia? It's about nine hundred miles that way, but let me warn you. Nobody from this America who's gone to that America has ever come back."

Best of Jack Reacher
"My auntie lives right there. She don't charge no $400 for a haircut. You should go see her. After all, she did my hair."

Best of Jonathan
"That? Oh, that's what is known in middle America as a 'minivan'."

Best of Jonathan
Edwards channels the spirit of Babe Ruth through Sheniqua Jackson.

Best of Jonathan
"Chippendales? It's over there, silky. Why you ask?"

Best of Submariner
Where can you "...get a dance with a ManBearPig..." with disco lights and confetti? Over there at Avalon Manor would be my first guess...

Best of captainobvious
"Wait Im channeling Marylin Monroe, yes she endorses me."

Best of sonicfrog
"Can A White Man Still Be Elected President?" Lets look at the score so far:
White Men = 43
All others = 0
I would say the answer is probably "YES".

Best of Jay Guevara
ORA: "Put your hands on your hips, stick your tush out ..."

Best of Rodney Dill
"Run, Forest, Run."




Best of Submariner
OK, strike a manly pose for the cover shot John. No; seriously... a MANLY pose... OK, we'll go with this.

HT :-) The Man

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Die! Flipper! Die!

1. Seeking to prevent the collapse of western civilization, time travelers from the future attempt to stop Kevin Costner from making Waterworld.

2. "Hold 'er stready, will you? I gotta strafe that school of Chilean Sea Bass for the Gore wedding."

3. Free Willy's 15 hour stand off with the SWAT Team comes to a tragic end.

4. "I wonder if I could punk those jerks at The New Republic into believing that we strafe dolphins for fun. Probably."

5. Rambo versus Moby Dick was not generally considered a highlight of Stallone's late career.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Call me Sign: Ishmael."

Best of Jack Reacher
"No ma'am, we don't use nets to catch our 'Dolphin-safe' tuna."

Best of Jack Reacher
Oliver Stone's upcoming movie examines the real reason the S.S. Minnow was lost on a 3-hour tour.

Best of Whacko
Fishing tip from "Field and Stream"; Hitting a 60# tuna with an armor-piercing 50 cal. round takes the fight right out of him.

Best of divine miss m
What "boat people" problem?

Best of Submariner
This is a waste of time and ammo; it is useless to go after Namor with conventional weaponry.

Best of lawhawk
If you think peeing your name in the snow is fun, try doing it with .50 caliber across the ocean.

Best of The Man
Any dolphin that swims away is a terrorist. Any dolphin that stays still is a well trained terrorist.

Best of curly
Fishing with Dick Cheney is always entertaining.

Best of curly
“Kobe pays me to keep this section of the sea open.”

Best of curly
Joe was not a popular lifeguard, yet his stretch of beach was always the cleanest and the safest.

From: Castle Arrrgh!

Saturday B*W Finish the Sentence... "Gee, Congressman Frank..."


1. "Gee, Congressman Frank. I bet Mark Foley never gave his pages full body naked backrubs."

2. "Gee, Congressman Frank. I'd'a never thought you could get a whole fist up in there."

3. "Gee, Congressman Frank, I had no idea your early sexual exploits were posted on Shorpy."

4. "Gee, Congressman Frank, I had no idea your buddies would pay extra for my undies if they had skid marks."

5. "Gee, Congressman Frank, I never met anyone who took vitamins A, Z, and T before."

6. "Gee, Congressman Frank, your friend Sully sure owns a lot of scary leather masks."

7. "Gee, Congressman Frank, you must be a really dedicated congressman to personally visit every middle school boys restroom in America to check for radon leakage."

8. "Gee, Congressman Frank, you're an even bigger pervert than Father Shanley."

9. "Gee, Congressman Frank, you were right. Girls undies *do*feel better."

10. "Gee, Congressman Frank, that milkshake you bought me is making me feel all tired and woozy."

Best of Submariner
"Gee, Congressman Frank, how far IS Avalon Manor?"

Best of Submariner
"Gee, Congressman Frank, what's a '3-way' and who is Johnny Weir?"

Best of Double the U
"Gee, Congressman Frank, why does your gear shifter look like a penis?"

Best of Double the U
"Gee, Congressman Frank, you're silly you forgot to zip up your pants."

Best of the doyle
"Gee, Congressman Frank, as you can see I sure do have a purty smile, and my faceless friend behind me has has his own talents as you can probably guess."

Best of curly
"Gee, Congressman Frank. You want to play a game where you pretend to be Sandy Berger with stolen classified documents stuffed in your underpants, and I’m supposed to be the Pollyannaish, affirmative-action, disadvantaged, sexually confused, anal-retentive, Johns Edwards supporting youth who performs the mandatory cavity search in all the wrong ways?”

Best of Jack Reacher
"Gee, Congressman Frank, Hillary's is bigger."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Gee, Congressman Frank, it looks like John Edwards dropped his business card hotel keys on the floor of your car."

Best of Double the U
"Gee, Congressman Frank, I knew if I wanted to be an intern for the government they would check me out, but are you sure they need nude pictures of me?"

Best of Kevin Walker
Gee, Congressman Frank, I believe your trying to seduce me!"

Best of Jonathan
"Gee, Congressman Frank, I don't understand why you've got a copy of Jim Webb's book here. No, I don't know anything about a 'Cambodian boy' treatment."

Best of Snarky one
Gee, Congressman Frank, can you tell me why I feel so Sullied?

For once, this is exactly what it looks like. The Whole Movie is Here, via Frank IBC

Friday, July 20, 2007

Why Are These Dweebs Smiling?


1. "Excuse me, sir? Would you like to hear the good news of our Lord and Savior, Bill Gates?"

2. "And apparently, radiation from the monitor mutated my semen into a super-glue-like substance and now my hand is permanently attached to the CPU. Can you help?"

3. "Dude, Are you as baked as I am?"

4. 'Hi, I'm your future self. I traveled back in time to give you a dire warning. If you still want to have a penis when you're my age... assassinate Hillary NOW!"

5. "See if you can fix the problem with the power supply ... by the way, you people don't snoop around in customer's bookmarks do you?"

6. "I tried to do that 'Weird Science' thing and now there's a Barbie doll melted to the motherboard."

7. "By the way, if you should come across any pictures of eight year old Russian girls while restoring my hard drive... um, they're not mine and I have no idea how they got there."

8. "I keep it filled with tiny mice. I have no idea why."

9. "And if it's not too much to ask, would you mind re-installing Windows naked, greased, and wearing a ball-gag?"

10. "The computer works fine. I just wondered if you'd bite the head off a live chicken for my amusement?"

Best of Capt. Queeg
"..and then Jerry O'Connely points at Rebecca's t*ts like this and says, 'See, I told you it was cold in here.'"

Best of Zeke
"Inner voice" He likes me, I really think he likes me..

Best of Submariner
Here y'go, Barney. By the way, your "Bending Over the Pages" file is awesome! What did you say to add for a tip?

Best of captainobvious
Upon informing Pauli Walnuts his computer was fried pauli replied, "Let's whack this c*ck sucker and be done with it"

Best of Zeke
It's always weird meeting your anonymous hookup at their place of employment.

Best of andthenblammo!
"........And see, no matter how long I wait, no toast comes out! Can't anybody do ANYTHING right these days?"

Best of Silhouette
"Hi Phil, do you ever feel, you know, not so fresh?"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Yessir... I even fixed the cup holder for ya."

Best of Kaptain
"Geek Squad" - finally, truth in advertising!

Best of curly
“As a diagnosed obsessive compulsive, I find myself vigorously wiping it down with just one square of toilet paper, every afternoon from 4 to 5PM.”

Best of Jack Reacher
"I want to exchange it for an iPhone, 'cause I hear those can do anything, even shrink my prostate, which is oversized. Here, look..."

Best of Kevin Walker
"If Goofus would quit downloading viral sh!t, I wouldn't be needing you every day."

Best of Submariner
Sorry Mr. Frank, I just don't "know what you mean" about turning your floppy into a hard drive - it isn't possible...

Best of Whacko
"No, seriously, Mr. Walnuts, what did you do with my pocket protector?"

Best of Double the U
OMG! Your Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC!

Best of Double the U
First there was "The Deadliest Catch" then there was "Ice Road Truckers" now were bring you "Dealing with a Computer Geek"

Best of Frank_IBC
ORA*: Narrator: What Jimmy didn't know was that the customer was sick; a sickness that was not visible like smallpox, but no less dangerous and contagious; a sickness of the mind. You see, the customer was a homosexual: a person who demands an intimate relationship with members of their own sex.

*See next thread up.


HT :-PPPPP: Frank IBC

One Butt, Two Butt, Red Butt, Um, White Butt

1. San Fran Starbucks have the most avant garde latte dispensers.

2. "Every Glory Hole is taken. I hate tourist season in Provincetown."

3. "Rectum? No, shoved their f***in' heads through the wall! F***in' mimes!"

4. John Edwards' massive estate includes a private "meditation garden" with custom-made statuary.

5. Why? Because Sully thought Garden Gnomes were tacky and provincial, that's why.

Best of The Man
Oh yea, they stopped squirming once the concrete settled.

Best of Jack Reacher
House and Senate Democrats unveil their strategy for facing terrorism.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Interesting bike racks.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Q: What do you get when you mix a Push-me-pull-you with a malfunctioning transporter?

Best of the doyle
The outside of the Karova Milk Bar provided free lemonade and chocolate milk. Needless to say it didn't attract as many droogs.

Best of sonicfrog
"Look, THIS is EXACTLY why you should NEVER let Superman go to Tijuana when he's under the influence of red kryptonite!"

Best of sonicfrog
Sheila and Nancy really got plastered last night.

Best of Submariner
Johnny Weir looked at the red pumps with white pantyhose and just collapsed in the corner, sobbing...

Best of Submariner
Dear boyfriend,
Thought of you twice this afternoon.
Love, Andrew

Best of evariste
Captain Kirk is gonna love this planet.

Best of Silhouette
All and all, you're just another brick in the wall.

H/T: Silhouette
from Yahoo News/Ass Press

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Mystique, Mystique's Knockers, and Kangaroo Jack


Best of Divine Miss M: "Yes sir, they're the best money could buy, guaranteed to feel lifelike!"
- From PMSNBC

1. "See, I told you it was cold in here."

2. "Oh, yeah. They are real. And they are spectacular."

3. A B-List Actor and some C-Cups.

4. I think the reason she's mislabeled 'Pontiac' as because of the sporty headlights.

5. "So, Mr. O'Connell, what first attracted you to Mrs. O'Connell?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Mr O'Connell, What would you say is the real secret behind Mystique's appeal?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
ORA: Quinn Mallory decides he likes this dimension just fine.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
ORA: Would the inhabitants of Joe's apartment accept her?

Best of lawhawk
All I learned about physics came from Sliders, but those... those defy gravity baby!

Best of Jack Reacher
When asked why he dates his girlfriend, Gallant always brings up her charm, wit, and loving heart. Goofus just points.

Best of Occasional Reader
Rosie Palm, meet the competition.

Best of Whacko
"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Miss Cantilever of 2007."

Best of curly
“The basic premise of the movie is that her boobs are the ‘crowds in Albania’ and they mug me for my watch.”

Best of curly
“Anything she wants – she gets. If she wants me to personally wipe her behind with one square less than a Sheryl Crow, then I’m her man.”

Got Her Right in the Pits

1. I don't see what's so unusual. Hot babes are always getting skewered on this site.

2. Today's Thursday babe was tipped by guest blogger Vlad the Impaler.

3. Being the groupie of a Spinal Tap drummer is also fraught with peril.

4. Liquor in the front, poker in the... armpit? (Try again).

5. SOTG: "Brilliant, Subby! How did you know she was a vampire?" Subby: "She was a vampire?"

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Protective Dykes


1. The Winner of the Leather Womyn Retreat's "George Will Look Alike Contest" comforts the First Runner Up.

2. Gallant gets the vapors from Hilldog's views on socialized health care, Goofus cops a feel.

3. Some take it hard when John Edwards rips their fashion sense.

4. "Look, Helga, I know your BDS is severe, but I'm telling you. There's no way the president stole your shoes."

5. "Mmmm.... Mmmm... SNORE... 'Oh, yes, Janet Reno, lick that peanut butter out. Oh, yeah'... mmmf.... snore..."

Best of the paperboy
gwbush00: SAW U @ PAMPLONA GORE PEDRO HAHA
bulldyke52: U HAVE MY CROX
gwbush00: SUX 2 B U
"Hold me, Pat."

Best of Capt. Queeg
"There, there, Pat. We can always become Episcopalians."

Best of Dickey Swollenz
I don't know what the correct caption for this photo is, but I guarantee you the wrong caption is "Hot Girl on Girl Action"

Best of The Man
Looking for a Thursday picture, VtheK's google search for "lesbians rubbing each other" came up flaccid.

Best of Jack Reacher
Wow, Alan Rickman has really let himself go.

Best of sonicfrog
Two contestants find time to rest and collect their thoughts before the final cuts in the "Elton John Look-Alike" contest.

Best of Double the U
Hush little baby don't you cry,
Momma acts just like a guy.
Sweetum don't you fret,
cause your girlfriend has the biggest set.

Best of curly
"I'm not sleeping...My hair is caught on your PFLAG button."


From this story.

Don't Mess Wid Da Bullss

1. Never again would Pamplona import bulls from Enumclaw.

2. The experiment to bust the myth about the bull in the china shop goes hopelessly awry. Jamie survived, but Adam was not so lucky. (ORA?)

3. "Kobe! One end of me is still open!"

4. Adam Sandler wished he had used a stunt double. Alec Baldwin found the sensation piquant and refreshing.

5. "Aw, he likes you."

6. I'M IN UR RECTUM. PERFRATING UR STUPID COLON.

7. "Call me," Sully whispered to the bull.

8. Brokeback Steakhouse.

9.What happens in Pamplona, stays in Pamplona.

10. Under HillaryCare, the waiting list for treating intestinal blockage was 4 months long. Some people were forced to take extreme measures.
Best of duke of red
Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!!
(OMG, I can't believe I got this one first...)

Best of duke of red
Sully's Google result for "grown men taking it up the bum" was a tad dissapointing. Only a tad.

Best of duke of red
When the same picture popped up for "Man Beef", Sully got pissed.

Best of The Man
The Enumclaw High School Rodeo team finished in last place this season.

Best of The Man
The metaphor for the Bush economy plows through one of John Edwards poverty tour stops.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Bull Pickup Line #47:
"Excuse me... May I push in your stool?"

Best of lawhawk
I'll take emergency colostomys for $200 Alex.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Well, this should make Sheryl Crowe happy... How's about NO squares for a month?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Lemmiwinks meets an unfortunate fate.

Best of the paperboy
Kobe! I've been opened!

Best of jeff
"Thanks Mr. Bull - I've been trying to get into his pants all weekend!"

Best of sonicfrog
Next on Fox: Break Dancing With The Bulls!

Best of divine miss m
ORA: "Read the card! Read the card!"

Best of Rodney Dill
"...and Ferdinand sticks the landing."

Best of Rodney Dill
"Why yes Earl, that bull does make your ass look fat."

Best of metalgarth
Memorable scene from "Todos ama a Ramon". Although in Mexico, Roberto Baron took his fathers accusations of being a 'nancy' too seriously.

Best of Adjustah
Ferdinand: "A hole in Juan! A hole in Juan! Guys, I finally shot a hole in Juan!!"

From SFGate via Brender, also RFTR Blogger, and El Hombre.

The Demotivator Is Here

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

OK, Now You Can Impeach Him

1. "Thanks for the Ugly-Ass shoes, Juice."

2. President Cheney would soon take office thanks to high-crimes against fashion and a style misdemeanor. John Edwards led the impeachment proceedings, channeling the spirit of Liz Claiborne.

3. I don't know if I'm bothered more by the black socks or by the marijuana leaf emblem.

4. His latest approval ratings? The number of Republican Senators who still support the war? The miles of border fence he actually intends to build? It could mean anything.

5. "Just trying to demonstrate my point that 'Valet Parking' is another job gringos shouldn't do."

Best of lawhawk
What Not To Wear: CinC Edition

Best of metalgarth
"Heil Myself"

Best of Jack Reacher
That third leg in the photo is just creepy, and by using the term "third leg" I've guaranteed V the K many, many search hits.

Best of Silhouette
A "Barney the dog" hat, presidential seal on his socks...Dubya dressed out of the White House gift shop today.

Best of the paperboy
Great. Photoshoping some crocs, black socks and chicken legs on the president, expecting us all to abandon the mission in the eleventh hour. Read his story. Educate yourselves. Traitors.

Best of the paperboy
IM IN UR DRIVWA WERIN UR CROX DRIVIN UR STUPID CO2 SPUIN SUV

Best of sonicfrog
Forget the shoes. Those are "Raiders" socks! Yep. Impeach!!!

Best of captainobvious
"sir your not gonna go chop wood in that.. are you?"


Hat Tip Evariste

A Top Democrat and a "Bottom" Democrat


1. Edwards: "Gross, I almost kissed a woman." Hillary: "Yeah, so did I."

2. "Ow. You're. Crushing. My. Shoulder."

3. "Bet I can flick this booger right onto George Stephanopolous."

4. Hilldog: "I can do things with a strap-on that'll make you howl like a dog." Edwards: "Yeah, so can I?"

5. Hilldog and Edwards spent most of the Democrats' gay debate taunting Obama and Richardson as "breeders."

6. Hilldog: "Harok-Ptui"

7. "Why is Obama winning? Gee, Hill... he's a slick, narcissistic sociopath with a scary wife and a history of shady real estate deals. Why would we ever nominate anyone like that?"

8. "I'm channeling Vince Foster. Just three words over and over again. 'Why, Hill, why?'"

9. Goofus challenges Dennis Kucinich to pull his finger. Since Gallant was no where to be found, Bulldyke had to step in and reprimand him for teasing the four-foot dwarf.

10. I think the Succubus is barking up the wrong tree, masculine energy-wise speaking.

Best of Double the U
John, stop pointing at members of the audience and making fun of their "Fantastic Sam" haircuts.

Best of Rodney Dill
HillCo -- So Sleazy even a cavemen can do her.

Best of Silhouette
"Calm down. The flag has to be in here to placate the peasants."

Best of Van Helsing
"Relax, John. The winged monkeys are just my assistants."

Best of curly
Hilldog, famous for hilarious ethnic accents, goes into ‘yelling commie hillbilly lawyerspeak’ quickly when encountering the Silky Pony.

Best of curly
Nothing would scare me more than finding out that the ‘the woman trying to get out’ of John Edwards is Hillary Clinton.

Best of Jay Guevara
Edwards: "That bitch is wearing the same suit I am!"
Hillary: "There, there, John. You can't go slap him in public."

Best of duke of red
Hilldog: "Now is ze time on Sprockets vhen vee bankrupt the healthcare system."

Best of CJ
Edwards: "My wife said you act like a man." Hillary: "Like she'd know."

Best of Cricket
"John, I am really really sorry to have to use the Vulcan Death grip. But you are making an ass of yourself. If you aren't careful, someone will have a Kodak moment that will end up on the internet."

Best of captainobvious
"I know Im on the poverty tour but who let the bums into my luncheon?"

Photo From: Newsbusters

Monday, July 16, 2007

What the hell is that?


1. ORA: John-Boy's dive into cross-dressing heroin chic was a disgrace to the entire Walton clan... except for Grandpa who was a gay communist.

2. "Um, dude, the chicks won't be impressed unless you pack it on the inside."

3. His crotch stuffed with bandages to staunch the bleeding, another mandatory eunuch emerges from a HillaryCare Castration Center.

4. Wandering the streets homeless and emaciated, John traced all of his dementia to the time he saw Al and Tipper doing the Lambada.

5. "And how much am I bid for this specimen, abducted from a rest area near Helena, Montana ... $50? Do I hear $60? Yes, thank you... I have a $60 bid from the congressman from Massachusetts..."

6. If this is the bridal gown, imagine what the maids of honor are wearing.

7. For some nerds, even an atomic wedgie doesn't go far enough.

8. I note the presence of a spit-wad flying at him from Stage Right. Apparently, someone had the same thought I did.

9. "John looks fabulous in this ensemble combining the edginess of a wife-beater shirt with the joie-de-vie of a severe wedgie."

10. The attendees at the DNC convention ripped Johnny's Boy Scout Uniform to pieces before they realized he was just trying to be ironic.

Best of Kevin Walker
Gallant laughed with glee as he finally got his revenge on Goofus.

Best of Whacko
Styles at the Annual Codpiece Design Show were certainly more than impressive this year.

Best of captainobvious
"I feel so bloated, I just downed a tic tac"

I didnt know the peanut guy made rounds at the fashion shows

Best of Van Helsing
Dennis eventually abandoned his modeling career to become first the Boy Mayor of Cleveland and then the 63rd wackiest Congressman in the House.

Best of Jay Guevara
Come back, John Wayne, all is forgiven.

Best of Jack Reacher
I'm too sexy for my crotch pouch,
Too sexy for my crotch pouch...

Best of curly
Pictures from the new coffee table book “John Edwards: The Early Years” failed to surprise or advance the cause of neither supporters nor detractors.

Best of The Man
Does this outfit make me look gay?

Best of sonicfrog
I don't normally support circumcisions, but in this case...

Sondra K Once Again

Lard of the Dance


1. "Wow, Edwards is really shaking it to 'It's Raining Men.'"

2. If Al puts on any more weight, we're gonna have an achy, breaky floor.

3. "Wow, Edward's impression of Patsy Kline is dead-on. There's not a lot of guys who can pull off a bubble flip."

4. "Oh, crap, there goes Al III into the bathroom with Dennis Kucinich, Gary Busey, and Lindsay Lohan."

5. "Al, Edwards wants to know if you'll go voguing with him later."

6. "Hey, Obama just screamed 'Allah Akhbar' and exploded. Can that guy work the base or what?"

7. "Dang, that Ron Paul fella sure can mosh!"

8. ORA: "Aw, Mojo Nixon mentions me in this song. Isn't that sweet?"

9. "Look out Al! There's an 11 year old kid from Alabama with a rifle! And he's muttering something about 'Gorezilla!'"

10. "The confetti is actually shredded fifty dollar bills from all of those idiots who bought carbon offsets from me. Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!"

Best of Jack Reacher
"This is American Bandstand, sponsored by Breck."

Best of Jack Reacher
"When you say you're channeling the way a baby in the womb boogies, it creeps me out, John. That's all I'm saying."

Best of Jack Reacher
"The debate is over, Al; you have no rhythm."

Best of Rodney Dill
Tipper; "Hey Al, where'd all these chads come from?"

Best of duke of red
You see dancing, I see Al adjusting his butt-plug.

Best of Rodney Dill
(ORA) "Elaine who?"

Best of Whacko
"Hey Al, try to lose the white honkey overbite thing."

Best of captainobvious
"Its okay the lights went out, I have my beltbuckle flashlight with me."

Best of Silhouette
I'm gonna party like it's 1999...and I still have a chance at not being a footnote.

Best of divine miss m
If you're a honkey and you know it, clap your hands!
If you're a honkey and you know it, clap your hands!
If you're a honkey and you know it,
your lack of rhythm will surely show it!
If you're a honkey and you know it, clap your hands!

From Sondra K

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Sunday One Shot



After her firing, Hillary's official campaign proofreader and spell-checker quickly found work at NASA

Best of the paperboy
Go endeavor, if you must, but be back by dinnertime.

Best of the paperboy
Because "Go An' Devour" would tip people off that their secret mission was to build the Doomsday Device.

Best of curly
Go get me a raspberry mocha frappuccino, half crème de la crème /half organic yak’s milk, with Costa Rican white chocolate sprinkles, a twist of lime, three bags of sweet and lo, with whipped crème and a cherry on top, since your going out anyway, Endeavor.

Best of Van Helsing
Further evidence that the government doesn't care about u.

Best of The Man
George Bush doesn't like spellcheck

Best of The Man
NASA Intern Dean Groove thought his little anagram joke was a real hoot.

Best of Whacko
Hey! It's not like its rocket science!

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Tommy Big Hands Now Works at the Airport


1. Not even getting both hands run over by a C-5 would make Rick file for workman's comp.

2. Despite the airlines insistence that "Chief Plane Slapper" was a useless, make-work position... the unions refused to budge.

3. "Dude, I must be trippin' because that guy's hands are, like, huge."

4. "And I can still fit both of them into Paris Hilton's baby chute... and clap."

5. "Does this bother you? I'm not touching you."

Best of Whacko
When you get bitch-slapped by this guy, you STAY bitch-slapped.

Best of metalgarth
James didn't really take the side effects of handling human growth hormones too seriously. He was puzzled by M.L. Baseball's decision to disqualify him though.

Best of Submariner
Danny has a unique training regimen to keep his pimp hand STRONG...

Best of Submariner
Look, at least I stopped before I needed glasses...

Best of Rodney Dill
If Mickey Mouse worked for an Airlines.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Uh, why are the palms hairy?"

Best of racerboy
"He's got the whole world...
In his hands,
He's got the whole world,
in his hands..."

...for once, that annoying song makes sense.

Best of racerboy
The 2002-2006 (inclusive) World Handball Champion selflessly leaves the glamorous world of professional sports, answering his country's call to service.

Best of Silhouette
Lamest. Superpowers. Ever.

Best of jbinnout
Air National Guard's Tommy Bighands disappointment of failing his computer entry test was soon replaced by his fear of being suck into a giant turbine.

Best of curly
“…and I, Curly, promise to henceforth quit posting the overused ‘Kobe, I’m open!’ on CapThis.”…Darnit!

Best of curly
Although Rudy Guliani is famous for getting the squeegee men off the streets of New York City, he was unable to do the same at the JFK tarmac.

Best of the paperboy
Once again, French air traffic control surrenders to a UPS transport jet.

Best of curly
Resigned to the fact that contact lenses were not an option, Joe opted for traditional eyewear.

Best of curly
“Wow, that new sign language interpreter really knows how to show emphasis.”

Best of Silhouette
"Nice landing, Captain! Come on, everybody, let's give the captain a big hand."

Best of Silhouette
You know what they say about men with big hands? Well, here is the guy who started the rumor.

Best of the paperboy
Nice. Making fun of a petite young lady with man-hands. Read her story. Educate yourselves. Morons.



Timmah!

Note:
Sorry for not getting to the best ofs this week and also for the general lameness. I was down in Florida working in an area without internet access. So, I posted from the hotel at night after work. I intend to get them caught up later today.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Mad dog! Ha Ha!


1. Scene from the new horror mash-up, Cujo versus Jaws

2. The coconut-like sound of their heads colliding secretly delighted the other guests at Enumclaw's Annual "Dog Days" Pool Party.

3. "Chopper, sic balls!"

4. After the caddies "screwed the pooch" in a non-metaphorical way, Bushwood never let them use the pool again.

5. Synchornized swimming... the Enumclaw way.

(Timmeh?)

Another Snakehead Infestation

1. "Don't worry, Mrs. Clinton, we'll just hide it with make-up before the debate like we always do."

2. Aunt Jemima's involvement with a voodoo snake-handling cult is one of the darker secrets hidden by the pancake industry.

3. Nice catch.

4. Medusa keeps it real in the hood.

5. What 'Shallow Hal' sees when he looks at a DailyKos diarist.

Best of Cybrludite
Ia! Ia! Chthulu ftagan!

Best of duke of red
"I'm tired of these mutherf**kin' snakes on my mutherf**kin' head!"

Best of GarthTrekker
"I turn to stone, when you are gone, I turn to stone."

Best of Double the U
"Does this make me look fat?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Snakes On A Brain?
Snakes On David Blaine?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"I know what you're all staring at, but come on, my mother gave me this shirt!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"You don't appreciate my uniqueness?... Kiss my asp."

Best of sonicfrog
Hillary lets her hair down....

Best of Submariner
George Bush doesn't CARE about black snake charmers with bad fashion sense!

Best of Submariner
Many men are proud of their "trouser snake," but only Mbutu coiled his on his head.

Best of curly
Following the unexpected popularity of the Snake Turban, Islamic fashion designers realized that Snake Burkas would appeal to certain portion of post-clitorectomy pre-teen girls.



h/t: Brender

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

More From the Pole Vaulting Chick

1. A certain amount of athleticism is essential to keep up with Submariner's libido.

2. "So, you're sure if I do this while ovulating, we'll have a boy."

3. Her last words after the pole snapped were "Curse you Tonya Harding!"

4. "From this angle, the president's poll numbers look pretty good."

5. A few bean burritos provide that little extra "oomph" that put her over the top.

6. And another hot chick makes a daring escape from the Thursday page.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
So many caption possibilities about "workin' the pole"...

Best of Jack Reacher
After Mexico's Olympic team was expanded to 25,000 members, designers of the border fence realized it had to be much, much taller.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
She's cute and all, but my monitor makes a strange noise when it's upside down.

Best of duke of red
I know I'm not the only one who tilted his head 180 degrees over, but did anyone else caress their monitor? Anyone? ...Bueller?

Best of jeff
Her body cleared the pole... her hair didn't. Next meet it's Britney-time!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Caress?... No, that's sick.
However, pixels taste remarkably like a thin layer of dust. ;)

Best of racerboy
Well, that's one way to get rid of the hiccups.

Best of Steve O
You guys...quit making fun of my girlfriend.
She always warms up before coming over to my place...

Ooooh, pretty colors


1. This is a real photograph and not, as you may have thought, a mescaline-Xanax-TidyBowl fueled hallucination that Al Gore's kid had.

2. In Soviet Russia, Rainbow Tastes You!

3. ORA: Opus and Cutter John soon realized they were way off course, and would probably never find the the South African ambassador.

4. Back in the 90's, even Willy Wonka tried that "crazy billionaire ballooning around the world" thing.

5. Budget cuts at Delta go from bad to worse.

Best of Robert
Last thing I remember was snoozing in my lawn chair... if I ever get down from here, I'm gonna get those kids.

Best of Jack Reacher
While Gallant enjoyed the view, Goofus readied his rifle.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Whaddya mean the X-Prize has already been won."

Best of Robert
Still smarting from A380 delays, Airbus fetes its latest offering.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
ORA: Directed harmonics had destroyed the Crystaline Entity. Now they had to deal with its much more ornery sibling, the Helium Helix.

Best of the paperboy
♪ The war machine springs to life
Opens up one eager eye
Focusing it on the sky
Where 99 red, blue, orange, green, white, black balloons go by ♪

Best of Rodney Dill
Mahmoud's nuclear device delivery system left a little to be desired.

Borrowed from Ace because I'm running low again.

Mr. Bean Meets Mr. Mean


1. "Excuse us. We've lost our Gallants. Can you help?"

2. "One of these days, Vladimir. Pow! Bam! To the moon!"

3. "If you don't quit miming your encounter with Andrew Sullivan, I'm going to slap you so hard!"

4. "Polonium is not a seasoning. I'm on to you."

5. "Now, dahlink, we will cause big trouble for moose and squirrel."


Best of Jack Reacher
"This way to spa, Vlad."
"Is that boy working there today?"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Gentlemen! You can't fight in here; this is the War Room!"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Now I vill make Merkel squeal like pig."

Best of Rodney Dill
"Whaddya wanna do tonight boss?"
"Samething we do everynight, try to take over the world."

Best of jeff
The kitchen staff was always entertained by watching the politicians "hold it" after their Ex-Lax desserts.

Best of andthenblammo!
"Here you are, Vladimir Vladimirovich, the Hillary Clinton love doll you requested. Please, I beg of you, DON'T MAKE ME WATCH!!!"

Best of Kevin Walker
Meanwhile, the bronze statue continued his pocket pool session.

Best of Snarky One
"That's another fine mess you have gotten us into, Ollie!"

Best of Cybrludite
Mimes. Why did it have to be mimes...

Best of duke of red
In Soviet Russia, hand pimps [i]you[/i].

Best of Submariner
The Man and Rodney Dill get a first look at their prom dates...

Best of Submariner
Response when Vlad and buddy are asked "What would you do with Kkkomrade Katie Kouric?"

Best of Submariner
Upon engaging the Infinite Improbability Drive, Arthur remarked; "I don't know, Ford; I think I liked being a sofa better."


h/t :-P Timmah!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

McAmnesty and the Checkered Pants Scandal

1. "Mr. Edwards? I'm ready for my make-over."

2. McLame gave a pretty good screen test, but the producers still went with Kurt Russell for the lead in Used Cars.

3. 'Dude... like... the vertical hold on your pants is totally f**ed up dude."

4. McCain wants to know if we have considered the advantages of a whole life policy versus term life.

5. Frank Bonner had a yard sale.

6. "Hey, McCain... the Little Italy Diner called, they want their tablecloth back."

7. "Dude, Al Gore's kid saw your pants while tripping, flushed his stash, and clawed his eyes out. You da man!"

8. McCain's Boogie Nights cameo was lost to the cutting room floor.

9. Desperate for funds, McCain accepts a massive donation from PlaidPAC, but there were strings attached.


Best of The Man
I don't know about McCain...he has a 'checkered' past.

Best of Jack Reacher
Moire Inc., maker of test-pattern DVDs for television adjustments, has found the holy grail of test images. Moire's stock was up 390% on the news.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"We like your small, American women with big American breasts... We are two wild and crazy guys!..."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Here come the men in plaid
Galaxy defenders oho oho oho

Best of Jack Reacher
"We've got a car for you that's just cherry, practically no miles, and it HATES gas!"

Best of curly
How many plaid chinchillas had to die to make those pants?

Best of divine miss m
Can't help but admire any guy who lives up to the deal after he loses a bet.

Best of the paperboy
Check out my portable cellular radio-telephone set! It's as small and light as a cinder block!

Best of Submariner
Nothing seemed to work towards John's release from Vietnam... that is until the fateful day that his Sear's order arrived from Cleveland.

Best of divine miss m & racerboy
Stop staring at my pants. This is not the fashion disaster you are looking for. Move along.


10. McCain simply denounced his pants critics as bigots and nativists.