Saturday, June 30, 2007

More Surrealnessness


1. "Oh fudge! I've driven right into Stephen King's 'The Mist.'"

2. "Well, the good news is, I was hurled clear of that gas truck explosion. Of course, now, I'm really f***ed."

3. G-d's Avon Lady.

4. A lady always uses white gloves when removing used condoms from the ashtray.

5. ORA: "Dammit, I've lost the signal. What was Adrienne Barbeau saying on the radio? I hope it wasn't important."

Best of Double the U
GM's concept car that had nothing to distract the woman driver.

Best of Jack Reacher
Miss Hathaway swore she'd pursue Mr. Drysdale to the gates of hell, and followed through on the promise.

Best of Jack Reacher
Alice Kramden finds driving on the moon rather peaceful.

Best of kristy
"Glinda's sister found that a Buick was more efficient than a broom."

Best of Jonathan
Just another variation of Ted Kennedy's nightmare.

Best of sonicfrog
Yeah, I had a car in college that pretty much rusted through just like this.

Best of attmay
Salvador Dali's first--and last--Chevrolet commercial was filmed in 1957 and never shown to the public.

Best of Whacko
Dad put the old Chevy up on saw horses so Mom could "go driving" whenever she wanted.

Best of Jonathan
Note to self: Do NOT trip on acid and watch Pleasantville EVER again!

Best of curly
“My EPA rating? 15 miles per Prozac.”

Best of curly
“A minute ago I was driving in downtown Tehran.”

Best of curly
Powered by an internal cumulus engine.

Best of attmay
The product of the one night stand between Christine and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

H/T: Shorpy

Friday, June 29, 2007

What the heck, everybody else is doing this picture



1. "This is the fanciest Home Depot I've ever congregated in front of."

2. "Are you guys all here for Ms. Hilton's conjugal visit?"

3. ORA: "Which one of you is Tommy?"

4. Warming the benches American asses won't warm.

5. Alberto Gonzelas was pleased that his replacement U.S. Attorneys had finally arrived.

Best of captainobvious
"z visas? I thought FEMA was giving away free credit cards"

Best of Jack Reacher
"You can sit there all day, guys. Trust me; none of you is getting into Livonia."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hi, we're here to vote. Let's see, there are five of us, so we'll need....About thirty ballots."

Best of Rodney Dill
Eventually Rodney was consigned, along with SOTG and Submariner, to the Group W bench.

Best of 2spothipshot
"#11,999,999. Is #11,999,999 here ?" (Proposed system to carry out "background checks" required by the amnesty bill.)

Best of 2spothipshot
Everyone was hopeful, but the new roster of the Sacramento Kings did not bode well for the upcoming season.

Best of 2spothipshot
I hate smutty ads as much as the next guy,but the new "Lets get Stodgy" campaign, by Abercrombie & Fitch, went a little too far.

Best of curly
"Of course I know who the old white boy is. I've been using his identity for years."

Best of ochagirl
Here we see the head members of the lobbyist organization Motivational Dysfunctionals Anonymous.

Best of Double the U
Welcome to "El Precio Correcto" Rosie just took care of everything the first day.

Best of Double the U
Presionar uno para un voto del yea, dos para nay un voto.

Best of attmay
Whaddya mean Bob Barker taped his last show already? We've been in line 37 hours!

Best of Submariner
Nothin', nothin'; just waitin' to volunteer for Nifong's jury... you?

Ack! More Pork.


1. This has to be the most bizarre version of A Streetcar Named Desire ever staged.

2. Suddenly, it all came clear to Rick. The weekends in Toon Town. His son's stuttering problem. He decided he was definitely going to get the P-p-p-p-paternity test.

3. ORA: The Ceremony for the Coveted Silver Sow Award can seem strange to the uninitiated.

4. "C'mon, if Tipper can do it for all, how bad can this be?"

5. A little late, but someone finally came up with an image that captured the essence of voting for the Amnesty bill.

Best of Submariner
Hey! You said she'd be wearing lipstick!

Best of Submariner
Rosie, sperm donor and biological offspring; family picture, summer 2007.

Best of Submariner
Moments later, tragedy struck when Ahab loosed the harpoon.

Best of metalgarth
Candid snapshot taken of the rehearsal for Britney Spears' 6th wedding.

Best of the doyle
The crowd broke into thunderous applause when she unhinged her jaw again and swallowed the second pig that day.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Ah dunno, Clem, he looks a little peaked. Maybe we oughta take him to that there Cuban vet."

Best of curly
“The immigration bill may have failed, but we’re safe thanks to our anchor baby.”

Best of Van Helsing
"We'll name her Rosie."

Best of attmay
Generic Gay Marriage Caption #632: "By the power vested in me by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts..."

Best of Submariner
After that fateful kiss, Cass went out for a ham sandwich...
And now you know the REST of the story...

Best of Double the U
We get a blind woman to kiss a pig, next on Punk'ed Martha Stewart Living

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Ladies of the Cap This Banner



1. This misheard lyrics to "Benny and the Jets" were right... she has electric boobs!

2. "You're sure? Runaway? No family? No one to miss her? And she's type O-Negative? Get her to Senator Clinton's blood chamber at once!"

3. "Well, it looks like I won't be giving a talk at the Boulder Public Schools after all. They said I was too prudish."

4. "I hope you can handle rough trade. Lindsey Graham likes to get drunk and beat up whores when his 'stupid bills' are killed."

5. For what I've got in mind, I hope that fembot has an extension cord.

6. If your date requires an entourage to carry her sex toys, you might better use a condom.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"That's right, Brittany, you won the lottery! Time for your journey to The Island!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Nothing says "desperate" quite like the goth-tramp look.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Kobe says he knows you're open, and he doesn't care. Sorry."

Best of Submariner
...and moments later, Brit found herself in a mud-pit battle for supremacy; of what, no one was sure.

Best of Submariner
Anybody seen the rest of the band? They're dressed as alien mimes...

Best of rebecca
Um, er, ... No, I've got nothing. Thursday writer's block syndrome. Oh, cute outfit!!

Best of Double the U
Britney Spears gets ready to pick up her kids at daycare.

Best of Rodney Dill
you can take the girl out of the trailer park...

Best of 2spothipshot
"Fishnets and peppermints,
Scraggily hairs,
Drunk tank, for the skank,
Still everyone cares!

No - way,
She, can beee,
Anymore lame,
Still we yearn to see."

Best of sonicfrog
Another one of Fred Thompson's former girlfriends comes forward. FDT surges to 90% in polls of male Republican primary voters.

Best of Double the U
Is that a purple flag sticking out from between her legs? My GAWD PRINCE IS TRAPPED IN THERE!

Best of Whacko
"Glad to meet you too, Mr. President. I'll shake your hand just as soon as I dig out this dingleberry."

Best of Rodney Dill
"NEXT...."


Ice Ice Baby

1. sonicfrog was jazzed. "Where can I get a pair of kickin' boardies like that?"

2. Upon seeing the men of Cap This!, prom dates often get too excited and have to be cooled off.

3. "There. This should make 'em grow."

4. i'm ur tattood dood spillin ice water on ur boobies.

5. By renting herself out to biker gangs, Vivienne was finally able to erase the trauma of being raised by Rosie O'Donnell.

6. "Trust me, camouflaging your heat signature is the only way to get you past the infrared sensors at the border, senorita."

7. You know you're OCD when you insist on having your breasts cooled to precisely 94.8 degrees... not that there's anything wrong with that.

8. Mythbusters attacks the urban legend about silicon implants and hypothermia... which I'm pretty sure they made up.

9. "Hold on, there's still a little bit of mud left on your aureola."

10. Witch-testing has come a long way since the seventeenth century.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Let's go to Kevin in the field, with a special report on bathing suit shrinkage. You can stop pouring now, Kevin. Kevin? Kevin?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Welcome to Subby's Cryogenic Center."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
...shaven and stirred.

Best of divine miss m
Later, when Andrew Sullivan was asked if anything crossed his mind during his photo shoot with the model, Sullivan replied, "I kept reminding myself to stop for radicchio on the way home, and was wondering whether I should exfoliate more often during the summer."

Best of Rebecca
The congregants questioned the new rabbi's mikvah rituals.

Best of Submariner
While I'm not crazy about many changes that progressive churches make, I sure enjoy the baptism mods...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Dude! You're gonna void the warranty on my Fembot!"

Best of curly
"My boobs are thirsty."

Note: Just for fun, watch "Enterprise" (Mondays on the sci-fi channel) and mentally substitute "my boobs" any time Jolene Blalock speaks in the first person - V the K.

Best of curly
"It’s water from the tigers' swimming pool. People will look at your boobs and say ‘They’re GREAT!’."

Best of curly
"Now that we rinsed off the mud, it's on to the hotdog eating contest."

Best of curly
The CIA’s new PC waterboarding techniques seldom led to useful information.

Submariner's "Fixed it For Ya"
The CIA’s new PC waterboarding techniques seldom led to useful information... But only until they threatened to stop...

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Hello, Mudder

1. At the Hillary Youth camps, ideologically pure females are expected to give the party salute whenever they triumph over an inferior in the Mud Pit of Shame.

2. "Hit the dirt! The O'Donnell kid's got a gun!"

3. "Admit it! Kirk was a much better captain than Picard! Or, do I have to squeeze you between my luscious thighs again?"

4. "What do you mean you're tired? I saw you carry Hilldog on your back all day yesterday?"

5. "Give it up, Helga. You're never going to find that contact."

6. And it's another thrilling deathmatch at Thunderthighsdome as Hilldog activists chant "Two 'terns enter! One 'tern leaves!"

7. And then Portia di Rossi let loose her bladder and Ellen was in a warm, yellow and faintly ammonia-smelling paradise.

8. "You call that trotting, you fat piece of crap? Step it up!"

9. "Ladies, I don't want to intrude, but you do realize this is the settling pond of a hog farm?"

10. No one is considered a full member of the Daughters of Sappho Wiccan Commune until they've been in the arena with the one called 'Butch Cassidy.'

Best of jeff
"Good grief Marge... no more tequilla sunrises for you!"

Best of Submariner
Where will YOU be when your laxative kicks in?

Best of lawhawk
And ... down the stretch they come... Mudder with Tweeter in the lead, followed by Johnny Come Lately, Wanna Bet, and Coulda Ben There.

Best of Jack Reacher
As her dry heaves subsided, Patricia crawled through a pool of her own vomit, and vowed "I will never again click on a link labeled 'Rosie Naked."

Best of Jack Reacher
Gallant ran to get the girls some towels, while Goofus asked "How much for the one on top?"

Best of Rebecca
Even in Rehab, Hillary Duff and Lindsey Lohan still don't get along.

Best of Jack Reacher
Once she had him on hands and knees wearing a skirt in the mud, Ann Coulter couldn't think of any other way to humiliate John Edwards. His $400 haircut was already trashed.

Best of curly
“To the Harley bar, bitch! We’re gonna kick some buttho!e surfer a$$es.”

Best of curly
Curly’s 404 error message: “Your request – ‘dirty girls misbehaving badly’ – has been directed to Hilldog’s intern boot camp home page. Do you wish to proceed?”

Best of Submariner
My guess is that Bridgit will next be "put away wet?"

Best of divine miss m
Doesn't everyone celebrate never having to wear that #$%@ing Catholic school uniform again?

Sondra to the K, to the K Is P

Into the Mud, Scum Queens


1. The competition to replace Rosio on The View quickly got ugly.

2. "I said use one square of toilet paper, bitch!"

3. The fight was over twenty minutes ago, now they're just on vacation.

4. Re-enactment of the Laura Ingalls-Nelly Olson mud fight is the highlight of the annual Little House on the Prairie Con.

5. Seldom does one encounter such petite women in the Mosh Pit at Lilith Fair

Best of Double the U
The fights to see who would be "Thursday babe" got really nasty, but VtheK enjoyed them very much, in fact he insisted on them.

Best of Submariner
Girls, girls - please!
They's plenny enough Bobby Boucher to go aroun'...

Best of WhoopsieDaisey
OK! You can both have a facial...

Best of Zeke
These aren't two angry lesbians, these are two angry scots fighting over whose grandmother has the better haggis recipe.

Best of jeff
"Lost!"
"Jerico!"
"Lost!"
"Jerico!"
"Lost!"
"Jerico!"

Best of Jack Reacher
La Raza members practice infiltration skills at the 9th Annual Bust The Borders Festival.

Best of captainobvious
"Im the biggest ex girlfriend fan of Fred Thompson.."..."no I am"

Best of lawhawk
I'll ref this fight, since I was at the historic mudbabes wrestling contest of 1994 (aka Woodstock 94) and know exactly what to look for. e.g. They're still wearing their clothes. Five point deduction on style.

Best of Occasional Reader
"Pitt the Elder!"
"Lord Palmerston!"
"PITT THE ELDER!"
"LORD PALMERSTON!"

Best of Jack Reacher
Open registration at LGF always led to a mad scramble.

Best of curly
“John Edwards paid $400 for the same treatment yesterday, but we called it a ‘Dead Sea mud soak with Canadian glacial clay, a touch of honey, jojoba oil, glycerine and collagen’.”

Best of Submariner
The physical challenges for first chair clarinet were really something at Interlocken band camp.

Sondra to the K, to the K Is P

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Rosie O'Doughnuts Little Jihadi



Best of jeff
"George Bush doesn't care about me - I don't have body armor!"

Best of Jack Reacher
"I'll tell you one thing; nobody's ever gonna call me a thoughtless little pig."

Best of Jack Reacher
"I tried a bandolier of Tootsie Rolls, but Mommy kept eating them."

Best of andthenblammo!
Kill Bill 3; The Early Years........

Best of andthenblammo!
"Hi, I'm Sally Struthers. Just $2 will sponsor a young terrorist wannabe like young Viva here in her quest to impose Islam on the world. Won't you please, please help?"

Best of Rebecca
The new mandatory Muslim Dawah Day at Hanna's elementary school took Mom and Dad Steiner by surprise.

Best of A typical Rosie fan.
How dar U uz rosie kids pictur rosie iz better pareent then U, r u stewpid?????

Best of curly
“…and then mean old Carl Rove devised a plot wherein remote-controlled airplanes plowed into the Twin Towers, which were immediately brought down by pre-staged explosive charges. Afterwards, in order manipulate the Evangelical vote, he slandered St. Osama and The Religion Of Peace by saying it was a Muslim attack on amerikkka…”

Best of lawhawk
Awww, it's another baby leftist who will grow up to adore Che. How sweet.

Best of Sheikh Osama bin Ladin
This is turning me on. Is she nine years old yet? Available?

Best of curly
Dick Cheney's caddy.

Sheikh Osama: Thanks for the heads up.

Best of Rosie's Butler
Overheard at Rosie's mansion: "Now, if I can just find ol' Hasselbeck's house here on MapQuest, little Vivi can be on her way."



:-P Franco IBC and SondraK

Two Fisted Hot Dog Action


1. Jennifer Wilbanks Wienerschnitzel ads never caught on like Jared's Subway ads.

2. By dint of the tiny art patch on her chin, she's more of a man than John Edwards.

3. She developed her two-fisted hot dog technique while dating John Holmes.

4. "Waiter, there's an undocumented illegal alien in my Swift Meats hot dog... part of one, anyway."

5. "Onspeed?WhatmakesyouthinkI'monspeed?Wheredidyougetthisridiculousideaaboutmebeingonspeed?"

Best of Submariner
"...and after staring at me like that for about 15 seconds (I kid you NOT!), she opens her mouth real wide and just sort of screeches and points at me. Wierd first date, huh?"

Best of captainobvious
Ronnie: [impressed] Wow! My Mom's the only other woman I know who can eat a sub like that!
Connie: [pointing at Ronnie's sub] You going to finish that?

Best of jeff
"You want me to do WHAT with it?!?"

Best of captainobvious
Kobayashi got arthritis in the jaw and will miss the contest? dude Im so gonna win it this year.

Best of curly
"I ordered the Hilldog; it's as big as Sen. Clinton's clinis."

Best of Rebecca
Call Mike Brown, tell him his penis was found at the Section 210 concession stand!!

Best of Double the U
I'm sorry, I am sorry, I am really sorry.... is it Susan? Sandi, Sarrah? I am so embarrassed... ahhhh can you please let go of me?

Best of andthenblammo!
"So zen aftar I take zee big bite like zees, I look at heem with the psycho eyes like zo!. Ze screaming, it went on for days!"

Best of attmay
Stephen King is really phoning it in with his latest novel, "Hot Dog of Death."

Best of Brian_in_MA
The Precious.... My precious!

Best of lawhawk
You'll never beat Kobayashi unless you double up on the hot dogs, if you want to eat 'em that way.

Best of Rodney Dill
"What part of the dog did you get?"

Best of curly
“I was taught this technique while sharing a jail cell with Paris Hilton.”

Best of Rodney Dill
"No it is NOT a Submariner sandwich."

:-P Cybrludite
Source: She Has Only Herself to Blame

When the real caption is "costumed alien mimes" really what else is there to be said?


1. Shortly after the Lesbian, Gay, Transgendered, Questioning, Confused, Bi-Sexual, Tri-Sexual, Polyamorous, Leather, Plushy, Paedophile, Zoophile, Anglophile, Paraphile, BD&SM, Drama Queen, Foodie Community expanded their coalition to include mimes, sodomy laws were immediately introduced in all fifty states with penalties beginning at public flogging.

2. The target on his chest is highly convenient. Now, where's that cat with the sniper rifle.

3. we r in ur gay rights coalition, spillin ur stupid pails

4. Given Sully's reputation, you wouldn't want to get into a menage a cinq without a neoprene full body condom.

5. Under a provision slipped into the Amnesty Bill by Barney Frank, all Border Patrol agents must now dress like this it at all times.

Best of Submariner
"Commander Hypno-disk and his side quips, the Androgynous Twins"; Sully's fave cable show from Fire Island!

Best of Rodney Dill
"Hey, lets go paint up a donkey the same as us."

Best of Jack Reacher
The reason it's now The Fantastic Four, and not Seven.

Best of Submariner
Swimmers on the Lake Erie shoreline needed take a few EXTRA precautions...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Running into his boss at "Prancing Man '07" after calling in to work sick was... awkward.

Best of jeff
The Democrats design new uniforms for the US Army and Marine Corps.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Superheroes That Didn't Make The Grade:
(left to right)
The Super Soaker
The Barefoot Pansy
The Hypno Slop-Bucket Kid

Best of Rebecca
I can't tell you the anguish of being a badly drawn cartoon trapped in the body of a real person.

Best of curly
"I'm thirsty. Let's go into that Harley bar and knock back a few blackberry whisky liqueurs."

Best of Van Helsing
The Senate's shamnesty bill creates a new Task Force to demonstrate how seriously the government takes border enforcement.

Best of attmay
Mighty Morphin Rump Rangers

Best of curly
Manly yes, but I like it too.

Best of the paperboy
The SanFran Geek Squad has arrived. Orange will check your vertical while Green gets horizontal, and Magenta awaits Cyan and Yellow to refill your inkjets.
On second thought... Magenta with Yellow panties and Cyan bucket is already set to refill your inkjets.

Best of Kevin Walker
"Oh Pissboy... er, nevermind."

:-P>>> The Man <<<<
Source: Something called Rage?

Monday, June 25, 2007

Caught in the Act


1. The lack of a bulge in Mike Brown's pants was shocking to everyone.

2. Wilfred Brimley was indifferent to the plight of Mini-Me hopelessly caught in Al Roker's butt-cheeks, but the animated head of Big Boy was very concerned.

3. After taking some 'headache pills' from Dennis Rodman, Cavaliers coach Mike Brown spent the entire game singing "I'm a Little Teapot."

4. Why don't they just kiss and get it over with?

5. Oh, sure, Janet Jackson gets fined $500,000 for a wardrobe malfunction, but Mike Brown mimes a blow-job on the sidelines and gets away scot-free.

Best o' Rebecca
Hmmm, hand on cocked hip, a limp wrist, yellow shirt, suggestive facial expression. 2 snaps up!!

Best o' Dawn
Rather small for a brother, but the French tickler is a nice touch...

Best o' Submariner
Dude! You can afford more than that "blue light special" now - you're an NBA COACH for Gaia's sake!

Best o' Jonathan
"'scuse me while I whip this out."

Best o' captainobvious
"come on Tony Parker is this tall, how can he be tearing yall up like that"

Source: SI

:-P Submariner

Peace Out, Hilldog


1. "No, you idiot, you hold the fingers flat and thrust away from the chest. And put some more 'Oomph' into the Sieg Heil!"

2. "And I think you should take back America, like you would with any unwanted gift the day after Christmas..."

3. "Two fingers of Scotch for Senator Kennedy? You must be new here."

4. Hilldog froze. The horrible beast that had stalked Jimmy Carter for years was now shadowing her, as was its curse.

5. The 'Shocker' pointed at her right armpit comes from Billie Jean King, who never forgave Mrs. Clinton for deflowering Ellen DeGeneres at the 1982 Leather Womyn's Retreat.

Best of attmay
Harvey 2: This Time it's Personal

Best of Rodney Dill
"...and put down that G--D--- oar, Jimmy."

Best of Silhouette
It had been months since Hillary's fact-finding mission to Colombia, but the donkey finally found her.
"Why haven't you called?," she brayed.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Pretty cool, Obama... can you do a giraffe?"

Best of Rebecca
I made a "V" and she made a "K". That was our signal.

Best of curly
Vince Foster’s ghost continues to harass the Hilldog.

Best of curly
The podium’s placard was photo shopped from the original verbiage “Take back America’s guns.”

Best of Van Helsing
Enthusiastic about her election prospects, Shrillary's Satanic Master reaches up from the Nether Realm to flash a V for Victory.

Best of Submariner
Try as he might, Shocker couldn't find a right breast.

Best of curly
Due to a momentary tear in the fabric that separates good from evil, Hill’s invisible Satanic horns leave a shadow.

Best of sonicfrog
Well, I, for one, wasn't at all surprised that Hillary managed to nail down the shadow-rabbit vote.

Best of 2spothipshot
"...Yes, my hand to God, if I'm not speakin' the truth, may He strike me de-e-e-aaaaaaarrrrrgggggg!..."

Best of 2spothipshot
"Yeah, I gotch yer 'peace',I got it right HERE you unwashed commie scum !!!"

Jim Young/Roto-Reuters via Sondra K

Saturday, June 23, 2007

It's Alive!


1. "Yes, ladies. That's right. It's Marcellus Wallace's soul."

2. The Magic was black, ancient, and very dangerous. But the coven just had to save Hillary's candidacy.

3. Looks like Betty went a little bit overboard with the Mop 'n Glo!

4. "Death to Zionists! Allah Akhbar! Allah Akhbar!" Dialog from the first CSI-style spinoff, Desperate Housewives - Dearborn.

5. As their Peril-Sensitive sunglasses turned pitch black, the ladies suspicions about MSG in the tater salad were confirmed.

Best of Rodney Dill
The Women of Riddick

Best of Cybrludite
She blinded me... WITH SCIENCE!!!!! (Ok, actually it was with an arc-welder, but that doesn't sound quite as cool.)

Best of Cybrludite
They said I was mad at the University, mad! But once I've finished combining the riding vibrator with the riding lawn-mower, I'll have made men obsolete. I'll show them! I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!!! BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Best of Jack Reacher
"That glow, ladies, is what remains of Katie Couric's career as it seeks an escape route. Don't stand too close."

Best of Jack Reacher
Helen didn't understand all the precautions, until she learned the class taught manufacture of I.E.D.s, not I.U.D.s.

Best of Snarky One
As the Hive looked on the eerie pulsating Trill, Hillary told them that it had selected John Edwards to be its symbiont.

Best of metalgarth
We've harvested enough embryonic stem cells to cure Michael J. Fox but not nearly enough to give him any real talent

Best of Double the U
As they looked through the glowing glass they noticed a group of Muslim men wearing glasses staring back at them.

Best of racerboy
"By the way... why are we wearing bras on our heads?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"...then we hit the uranium isotope with a neutron, thusly, and wallah!... What's that Madge?... Yes, glasses and shower caps are more than enough protection. Stop being such a worry-wort."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Surgery on ascended entities is such a pain in the ass.

Best of Silhouette
Extreeeeeeeme Scrapbooking!

Best of Submariner
Now that we've re-attached Mr. Bobbitt, a couple more stiches to seal up that last opening, and... we're done!

Best of Rebecca
"Ever been to Utah? Ra-di-a-tion. Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it's bad for you. Pernicious nonsense. Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year. They ought to have them, too."

Best of Rodney Dill
Joan of Arcwelders

Source: Shorpy the 100 Year Old Photo Blog

Friday, June 22, 2007

Lipstick on a Pig

1. Despite her controversial opinions, the Cletus County Fair was thrilled to have Rosie O'Donnell as their Grand Marshall.

2. Trent Lott tries to put lipstick on the Comprehensive Amnesty Bill.

3. It's always pathetic when couples dress alike, but in Enumclaw it's just plain sick.

4. "Runner up to a donkey? I'll rip that painted whore's eyes out!"

5. Ang Lee's version of Babe contained love scenes so explicit Roger Ebert threw up on Michael Medved. Andrew Sullivan, however, gave it "a bajillion thumbs up! Way way up!"

Best of the doyle
Squeal like a Ned Beatty!!!!

Best of The Man
"eat mor coww"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"...and I hope you'll all go out and catch my new movie, Sicko..."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"We are here to remember my two brothers, may they rest in peace. I had attempted to warn them that straw and sticks, while economical, were not ideal building materials..."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
And this little piggy went... "Wee wee wee" all the way through the sausage grinder.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"What are your thoughts, Senator Kennedy?"

Best of Snarky One
The Jersey sow comments on gun control after her life partner was ruthlessly taken out by a 12 year old with a gun.

Best of Van Helsing
I knew it wouldn't be long until Cindy Sheehan got herself in front of a camera again.

Best of jeff
"America, please help me find my missing Kermie!"

Best of Rebecca
The counter demonstration at the CAIR rally got a little ugly after they put the kefiyah on the pig and made him stand on the koran.

Best of Rebecca
America just couldn't embrace the latest reality contest, "So You Think You Can Squeal".

Best of Rebecca
The NAMPLA spokeswoman comments on the recent media mainstreaming of Enumclaw references. "V the K has shone an unwelcome spotlight on our little world!"

Best of Submariner
Stop me if you've heard this one before - I'm walking down the street beside Rosie and a man asks "What are you doing with that pig?" and I said "Dunno, she just came up beside me!"

Best of Double the U
Ok, and for the final part of the interview Rosie can you say, "COME ON DOWN!! You're the next contestant on the Price is Right?"

Best of Submariner
♪ Babe. I got you, Babe... ♪

Best of attmay
I was ready, willing, and able to do commentaries for the Green Acres DVDs, but did the studio ask me? Nooooooooooo!

Best of divine miss m
Charlotte's Web II: TransWilbur

H/T Sondra K

Screwing the Ungulates Americans Won't Screw


1. Sully was not entirely disappointed with the results of his Google search for "ass painted to look like a whore."

2. The Homecoming Queen of Enumclaw High.

3. "Mi acompañamienta del prom? Creí que esta su acompañamienta del prom?"

4. Official mascot of the Transgendered Democrats for Hilldog.

5. Ang Lee remakes The Legend of Grizzly Addams, focusing on the relationship between a trans-gendered Mad Jack and his faithful "companion" Pepito.

Best of The Man
Pedro wondered across the border, into Enumclaw and married an American citizen. Now all her little asses are citizens.

Best of metalgarth
The next season of Jackass is sure to be the most controversial ever.

Best of Rodney Dill
I told you, you shouldn't have gone to Pleasure Island with Pinocchio, Speaker Pelosi.

Best of Whacko
Next time I ask the genie for a really spectacular piece of ass, I'm going to be a tad more specific.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig. You do the same thing to a donkey and hey, she's kinda hot!

Best of Rebecca
After the Shrek series ended, Donkey was forced to take on "edgier" work.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Nice. Making fun of a prostitute donkey just trying to make a living. Learn her story. Educate yourselves, morons.

Best of Submariner
From televangelist wife to common street walker, Tammy Faye had really fallen on hard times.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
ORA: "Sister Sarah?... Here's one of 'em..."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Throw in three TV dinners, and you can call this "Al Gore's Saturday Night"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Drew Carrey: "Mimi, you're looking particularly nice this morning..."

Best of Van Helsing
Gay activists seized on further evidence that their way of life is common among animals and therefore entirely natural.

Best of Double the U
See, even when animals get drunk and pass out their friends do stupid things to their faces.

Best of Submariner
Enumclaw Community Theatre proudly presents: "Night Rider"

Best of Rodney Dill
Does this make my ASS look fat?

Best of attmay
The Bible failed to mention one of the key reasons no inn in Bethlehem would take Joseph and Mary.



:-P Timmah! and Ace.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Some jerk always has to ruin the picture

1. SOTG offers to "give me a hand" with the Thursday captions.

2. Your chances of seducing Hillary are increased the more you look like Suha Arafat.

3. Even in 1930s Hollywood, it was important to keep your pimp hand strong, as Gloria Swanson was about to find out.

4. Goofus tries to protect the lady's modesty while Goofus takes a pic of her snatch with his cell phone.

5. Long story short, she sneezed, the turban exploded, and the result looked something like this.

6. "'Scuse me, gents, but I've got to let one."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
They say more than a handfull's a waste.
They's liars.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
A caption conflict erupted when Subby couldn't decide between a play on "swabbing 'er poop deck" or "hoistin' the main sail."

Best of Jack Reacher
While Lloyd's of London did agree to insure the model's breasts for $1 million, the policy required that a boob-wrangler be present for all photo shoots. Online applications were accepted until the agency's servers crashed.

Best of Jack Reacher
"And you'll send that to Mr. Wolfowitz right away?"
"Oh, uh, yeah. Your job is in the bag. Don't sweat it."

Best of attmay
Generic Thursday Caption #391: She may be wearin' a turbin but she sure ain't untouchable!

Dillweed claims he "stumbled across" this link, too.

All shipshape

1. "Hello, my name is Rio. Mind if I dance on your sand?"

2. *Sniff* *Sniff* "OK, Now I'm confident, confident, dry and secure."

3. I have definite mixed feelings about the all-female remake of White Squall.

4. "Welcome aboard the Monkey Business, Senator Clinton. Enjoy your voyage."

5. The Skipper took one look at Mary Ann stretching on the deck and proclaimed, "F**k the three hour tour, I'm gonna sink this bitch!"

6. Is this the part where he yells 'I'm king of the world?' I hate this movie.

7. "Wanna play with my dinghy?" was one of Submariner's more effective pick-up lines.

8. Although, "How'd you like to tinker with my old Johnson?" also sometimes worked.

9. "The Wet Spot? What a clever and unusual name for sailboat."

10. "And then I started crying. 'Pre-nup? How could you even ask me to sign such a thing?' So, the dumb bastard dropped the whole matter ... yadda yadda yadda ... I got the house and the boat."
Best of Rodney Dill
"Arrrr... prepare to be boarded."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Is that Kobe's boat over there? I'm gonna wave to him."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
How come my cable guy never looks like that?

Best of Rebecca
The new jib sail was very pleasant to look at, but not functional at all.

Best of sonicfrog
I haven't had a chick look at my mast like that in at least 20 years.

Best of Capt. Queeg
"Land 'Ho!"

Dillweed claims he "stumbled across" this link.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Hags for Hilldog


1. "And I support the one and only one candidate can take me up to the elbow..." Miss King has evidently not met Mr. Edwards.

2. "And when the little Dutch boy wouldn't take his finger out of me, I punched him right in the 'nads."

3. "By the power of Greyskull...!"

4. "As God is my witness, I shall never pass up an all-you-can-eat buffet again!"

5. "I am woman, hear me roar/In poundage too big to ignore..."

Best of the doyle
The last time I had some good young 'tang, talk show hosts used to go like this: woop woop woop.

Best of metalgarth
"I'm a little teapot".... Wait a second, she ain't a little anything.

Best of The Man
You know, it's really nice to see Elton John is touring again.

Best of The Man
Are you ready to rock Lilith Fair 2007?

Best of Jack Reacher
"Khaaaaaaaaan!"

Best of Jack Reacher
Vendor: "Who ordered the four meat-hater's pizzas?"
King: "Yo!!!"

Best of Jack Reacher
...and she squawked, and squawked, but her falcon never returned.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Can you say hi, Jennifer lopez?"
"Si"
"Do you want to eat something?"
"Taco taco... Where is my Ben?"

Best of Whacko
"Lesbians of the world unite! We have nothing to fear except, of course, that giant Chinese dick."

Best of Submariner
Witness the glory of my "Strawberry Shortcake" bandaids!

Best of Cybrludite
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"

Best of Targetpractice
Man, Kerry Weaver's really let herself go.

Best of Double the U
"And all the party girls go 'wooo-wooo'"

From: Free Republic, via Sondra K, who asks, "What’s the word for “kankles” only it’s the wrist and forearm?" (A. "Wrankles")

Achmadinnerjacket in 3-D

1. Sssh! Dinnerjacket likes to pretend he's Jackie O and everyone is taking fashion cues from him.

2. "What do you mean my cousin Jamal is trapped in an X-ray machine?"

3. "And with these cataract glasses, you can discreetly slip into Florida and martyr yourselves before the infidels are any the wiser."

4. "Mahmoud, I see you're wearing designer shades and your lucky red 'f**k me' boots. May I assume we're planning another trip to Venezuela?"

5. "Look, I'll issue a 'Death to all Jews' fatwah later, right now, I've gotta finish my blues set.

Best of Jack Reacher
80s Night at the mosque always featured plenty of Members Only jackets, and an occasional Devo look-alike contest.

Best of Rob
I'm just mad about these Old Navy™ polar fleece cargo pants!

Best of Rob
"What do you mean there's no Timbuk-3 on the karaoke machine?"

Best of Whacko
"The infidel will pay when I find out who put that bobble-headed figure of me on Caption This." Islamic Rage Boy looks away in guilt.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Hey, the picture went dark. Put another quarter in."

Best of Rodney Dill
We study nuclear science, We Love glowing masses.
Gotta crazy world Leader, who wears dark glasses.
Bomb production's going great, And the missle's flying better.

Best of Submariner
You were RIGHT, Ahmed - these glasses make the Cap This! header just POP!

Best of Rebecca
"Centrifuges? Noooo, this is a recreation of the TV Room from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Look, I'm Willy Wonka!!" The UN inspectors were satisfied.

Best of Submariner
Why? It's "Roy Orbison Day" at the R&D plant, that's why.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Tigers in Your Tank


Best of Whacko
After the cows returned from pasture grazing, a terrible surprise awaited them.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Due to his fondness for tiger stew, the enviro-wackos would never leave Subby Chuck Norris alone.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Isn't there a story about tigers running around in circles until they turn to butter?... Or was that just a really awesome spliff someone passed me at a party?

Best of Silhouette
"...but in the northern hemisphere, three tigers would spin counter-clockwise."

Best of Silhouette
"Dammit, Seigfreid, add more bleach! They're barely faded."

Best of Rebecca
"That better be your tail, Leo."

Best of curly
Some internet rumors are true: Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer really is made from tiger piss and old bath water.

Best of Double the U
Little Black Sambo was a racists story VtheK, I suggest you remove this.

Best of captainobvious
Seigfreid and Roy go with a more artistic show... tiger synconized swimming.


;-P Timmeh!

The Bill Clinton Monument


Best of jbinnout
"Hey, Su Ling, it says here in the fact guide that it took three Mexican tree trimmers with chain saws three full days just to remove the fore skin."

Best of jbinnout
In Ron Jeremy's remake of the classic "Lord of the Rings" the Ents played a more prominent role.

Best of Submariner
Many homes in suburbia have windmills or lighthouses in the front yard. Andrew Sullivan took a different direction...

Best of Whacko
Looks like a penis only smaller.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
The Andrews Sisters: "♪ Don't sit under the penis tree...♪"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Gulliver couldn't help it... All those little feet running all over him...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
John Lithgow would finally get to meet the Big Giant Head.

Best of Submariner
When she got up, Ellen was embarassed to discover she had left her new "Rosie-sized personal massager" on the lawn the night before...

Best of Silhouette
Eh, it's just a psychological substitution for an obelisk.

Best of Rodney Dill
I guess Bill Clinton got his wish and became the fifth head on Mount Rushmore.

Best of Rebecca
"Jack, I can't believe you traded our last cow for some worthless 'magic viagara' pills. I'm tossing them out the window right now!!"

Best of Rebecca
Sully had a vision: "Build it, and they will come ...".

Best of curly
‘Old Faithful’ finally wilted and collapsed following a surprise visit by Diane Feinstein.


:-P Timmeh!
Sourceage: Ananananananananova

Monday, June 18, 2007

Big Bird Flu Scare


Best of Double the U
Great I spent 10 minutes look at the banner before I noticed their was content below it.

Best of the doyle
Joke or not, the performer inside the Big Bird Suit was not prepared for the Big Rectal Thermometer.

Best of Jack Reacher
I feel like chicken tonight,
Like chicken tonight...

Best of Submariner
This morning on a very special Sesame Street™;
Watch the gang go to the Capital and explore "Pleasure in Public vs Pleasure in Private." Don't miss the cast party with Mayor Barry!

Best of Silhouette
"It's okay, Mr. Cheney. You just winged him."

Best of Submariner
Crap! Now I have to find someone else to "tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Much love, and prayin' for a quick recovery to my "peeps", the Double-B...

Get it?... "peeps"?... Nothin'?... Bueller.... Bueller...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
The only clues were the knife, a clump of green hair, and the strange note written in blood: "I told you to stay the f*** away from my trashcan, b*tch."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Hey kids! How many crack pipes can we see in the gutter?... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5!"

Best of curly
“It’s OK; I’m from Kentucky Fried Chicken and here to help. Would you prefer to be remembered as ‘original’ or ‘extra crispy’?”

Best of Rodney Dill
"He's a goner, round up the usual puddy tats."

Best of Rebecca
"Yup, he musta run right into that glass building there. Shame ..."

Best of curly
This hour of Sesame Street is brought to you by the American Association of Trial Lawyers: “We’re there before the ambulance arrives.”

He's Dead Jim

I'm outta town for a few days. Enjoy the free-for-all.

Best of the doyle
DeForrest Kelly always hated it when George Takei snuck up behind him.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Mr. Sulu, that had better be your phaser."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Kobe! Mr Sulu! I'm open!"

Best of Submariner
McCoy was shocked that Uhura gave up her communicator for a second career as a smelly pirate hooker...

Best of Kevin Walker
A Dale Jr fan's reaction to his driver switching to Hendrick.

Best of Kevin Walker
The Ensign walked in the shower while Amadinnerjacket and Noreiga were getting freaky with it.

Best of metalgarth
Hilary Rodham Clinton's head is running for congress again?????

Best of racerboy
Standard Cap #58: In what starsystem will you be when your laxative kicks in?

Best of Whacko
"Dang! Food from the planet Zoron always makes me constipated, and the tricorder is in my other blue sweat suit!"

Best of Jonathan
"Who...does...Number 2...WORK FOR???"

Best of jeff
The moment Bones discovers that Vulcan homosexual mating rituals were even weirder than imagined.

Best of Submariner
Ohmagawd! I AM a bricklayer!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"THERE... ARE... FOUR... LIGHTS!"

Best of Kevin Walker
The Ensign looked in his closet and realized all he had left that was clean was a red shirt.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Uhura: "Captain, the other ship is hailing us... It's the USS Hatfield."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Captain: "Doctor, I know we gave you the nickname, but you don't have to show us on the poor tribble..."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
You'd think the Dr. would know best of all that dipping your wick into various species on various planets may result in extreme pain during urination.

Best of curly
Transported back in time to Iran, Bones discovers he’s relegated to performing clitorectomies and amputations.

Best of curly
Bones sobers up and discovers that it was Sulu and not Uruha that he was making out with last night.

Source: Buzz-dot-MN

Harry the Hairy Ape and Child




Best of Submariner
ORA: Caesar waits outside Fenway and plots his next move.

Best of Submariner
I'm civilized now, but dammit! If one more cab drives by without stopping I'm flinging a handful...

Best of racerboy and divine miss m
Nice. Making fun of a refined French lady enjoying a day in the park with her child. Educate yourselves, morons.

Best of Targetpractice
Sadly, in San Francisco, this is the least bizarre thing you'll see on any given day.

Best of Jonathan
Blah-blah-blah, Enumclaw, blah-blah... Blah-blah-blah, Sully and hairy primates, blah-blah... Blah-blah-blah, "Krazy Kandy", blah-blah...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Umbrella thought bubble: "Get your hands off me, you damned, dirty..."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
V, you already wrote you'd be out of town for a few days... no need to post a pic of you actually waiting for the bus.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
It wasn't until DNA tests conclusively proved the child was indeed Michael Moore's that the explanation for the title of his new movie became clear.

Best of Jonathan
A typical Charlton Heston nightmare.

Best of curly
Why Iranian women wear burkas.



:-P Brenda "I ain't no Linda Chavez" Walker
Source: San Franfreakshow Gate

Nothin' But Net



Best of Rodney Dill
In Soviet Russia the basketball shoots you.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Kobe Smobee"

Best of Jonathan
"I'm tellin' ya, Tyrone, I SWEAR I heard that statue do that freaky Body Snatchers shriek!"

Best of Silhouette
I always play better when I'm stoned.

Best of Rodney Dill
"nothin' but nyet"

Best of The Man
Communist Baskeball. He shoots, everyone scores.

Best of Silhouette
In Soviet Russia, ball sinks you!

;-P Timmeh!

Saturday, June 16, 2007

We Interrupt Our Normal Saturday Wholesome Americana to Bring You a Terror-fag Crawling Through an X-Ray Machine

1. Ever since the TSA was unionized, they just don't give a damn.

2. Dale Gribble took his Dallas-Fort Worth Airport cockroach contract very seriously indeed.

3. Meanwhile, the x-ray scanner proved that the spiked metal dildo Arafat had used on him at age 10 was still lodged in his bunghole.

4. The good news is, the x-ray scanner killed most of the terror-fag's body lice.

5. ORA: "Damn you Jackie Brown!"

6. The UN and the ISM thought helping terror-fags recreate their births would lead to enhanced self-esteem and a lowered proclivity for violence.

7. "It's dark and hot inside and it smells like the worst sulfur pits of hell ... but enough about my memories of Arafat's rectum. Get me the hell out of here.

8. "Well, this sucks. Now I'll never make my connection in Atlanta."

9. After the Flying Imams won their lawsuit, CAIR decided to push the envelope even further.

10. Drat! The Infidel Machine has snagged the red hankie in my left pocket.

Best of Whacko
"Excuse me sir, but TSA regulations require that you remove all headgear before passing throught the X-ray machine. I'll have to ask to you remove your ski mask and go through again."

Best of Double the U
The screeners were too busy strip searching a 90-year-old woman in a wheelchair to notice this guy getting through.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Yup, Mubarra, that's a gerbil up there all right..."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"That's fine sir, but you'll have to empty the sippy-cup... no liquids allowed on board."

Best of Jack Reacher
Many terrorists look alike. Please check the tag to confirm you have the right terrorist.

Best of Brad Marston
Bush HAS created more terrorists...with a Xerox machine.

The Man Told Me This Was The Best Pic Ever.

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

1. After accepting the sponsorship, parents were startled to learn there was no such thing as the National Associated Merchant's Bank of Los Angeles.

2. "Sure coach, I'll ride your motorbike."

3. "Now, raise your fist and yell 'Fight the Power!"

4. "Jeez! Back off! It's just my cup!"

5. "Uh, Abbott, I'm less concerned with 'Who's on first?' then I am with 'Who's on Billy?'"

6. "Why does this trophy read 'Perkiest Buttocks?'"

7. "Now, raise your hand in the air like you don't care, and wiggle that tight little money-maker of yours and sing 'Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive!"

8. Repressed memory therapy finally explains George Will's lifelong obsession with baseball.


Best of Double the U
In the age of political correctness, everyone gets a trophy and everyone gets a body rub from coach.

Best of divine miss m
When it came to the family jewels, Billy Jr. had a major inheritance coming his way.

Best of divine miss m
"Hey, kid! You gotta be this tall to ride the...oh, my...well, for you, we'll make an exception."

Best of The Man
Well son, if you didn't play in the game where did the grass stains on your knees come from?

For what should be very obvious reasons, the capper who forwarded this wanted to remain anonymous.

Friday, June 15, 2007

"Keep the Jihad Down, I'm on the Phone!"


1. "Not much. What's up with you?"

2. "So, Michael Jackson, what else has changed since you moved to the United Arab Emirates?"

3. Benetton unleashes its edgiest jeans ad campaign ever.

4. "Hello, Dearborn Dominos? I'd like a large halal pizza with goat cheese and lamb and I swear to Allah I will cut off your driver's infidel head if I so much as smell garlic. Oh, and Cheezy bread."

5. "Sorry Mom, Sully and I were right in the middle of some Abu Ghraib role-playing. Can I call you back in, like, two minutes?"
Best of jeff
"Wait here while I test my cell phone detonator."

Best of metalgarth
If you know the name of the infidel you'd like to behead press 1
If you'd like to select an infidel from a list press 2
para espanol numero tres

Best of sonicfrog
"Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, Just a Moment..."
"Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, Just a Moment..."
"Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, Just a Moment..."

Best of Submariner
Nothin,' nothin,' kickin' back havin' a Bud... you?

Best of Submariner
So, Dawn; wanna head over to Old Navy® after the protest?

Best of andthenblammo!
"AP News Bagdad, Special Correspondent Jamal Speaking......No, that viaduct won't be blown up until tomorrow; send the photographers over to the car-bombing at the main police station instead. Yes, should be in about 30 minutes. You're welcome, happy to help!"

Best of Silhouette
"Am I the tenth caller?! I am so excited; I've never won anything in my life.
Two tickets for next week? Uh...do you have anything sooner?"

Best of Silhouette
Voice on phone: "I'm wearing a long, long, very loose burka. Oh yeah, baby, you can't even tell the color of my eyes. And gloves. Thick, shapeless gloves."

Best of Brian_in_MA
"Barrack Hussein Obama for President, Ahkmed speaking. How much can I put you down for?"

Best of divine miss m
Akhmed gets his jollies by dialing random numbers, saying "Bob Dole wants to know what you're wearin'," bursting into a cackle, and spraying bullets into the ceiling.

Best of The Man
I am in ur headquarters calling ur doodz

Best of The Man
Hello NY Times? I would like to cancel my subscription. HAHA just kidding buddy, I hate Jews too.

Best of Whacko
"Call me one more time about my long distance service during prayers and I'll put a fatwah all over your capitalastic self."

Best of Targetpractice
"Yes, I'd like to donate $2,000 to the Obama campaign. Do you take small, unmarked bills stained with blood?"

Best of Double the U
The banker from "Deal or No Deal" is shown from inside his office.

Best of rebecca
The summer interns at CAIR were frustrated to learn that the promise of "hands on jihad experience" meant cold calling the Dearborn White Pages for donations.

Best of Rebecca
Please press 3 for the saudi student insta-visa approval tele-system ...

Hat tip: The. Man.

Kinky Bikers and Their Dogs


1. "Hey, I've never come this way before." "It's the cobblestones."

2. Greyhound Rescue --- Enumclaw Division.

3. No, it's not Andy Sullivan. You can tell because the leather muzzle, harness, and collar are on the wrong one.

4. The really dysfunctional part was that Jason was humming the theme to CHiPs and thinking of Erik Estrada ... while cornholing his dog in S&M bondage gear riding on a motorcyle.

5. The safety word is "Alpo."

Best of Jack Reacher
While Gallant took his dog "to the park," Goofus took his dog "to park." Tragically, the difference didn't become clear until after SPCA intervention.

Best of The Man
Jerry misunderstood his biker pal's comments. The bitch goes on the back of the bike.

Best of divine miss m
And now, an adult remake of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

Best of Submariner
When Andrew said he was going to "take a greyhound," I thought he was gonna ride the bus...

Best of Submariner
I muzzle him for better aerodynamic trajectory when I break hard to launch.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
I thought it was the Dauschunds that were referred to as "weiner dogs"...

Best of rebecca
Shaggy had a wide view of what constituted a "Scooby Snack."


:-P John Schneider

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Adam and Eve and Adam's Dirty Uncle


1. Hooter's new Salad Bar concept was designed to appeal to all sides of the sexual aisle.

2. By gene-splicing the herpes virus with the Dutch Elm disease virus, scientists didn't find a cure, but they did develop a very effective early warning system.

3. After Laurie ditched him, Larry David was free to pursue his passion for bisexual vegan nudism.

4. Hilldog and John Edwards agreed on one thing, "We'll have the salad." Kucinich just wanted to smoke the leaves.

5. And when your laxative does kick in, instant fertilizer.

Best of Silhouette
Bottles of RoundUp will be confiscated at the door...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
It's important to eat your greens.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
V the K plays the ultimate caption trick by letting all the horny Thursday captioners caption on the hot, leafy babe... And then cropping the pic to make it look like we're talking about the dude.

Best of the paperboy
Waiter, there's a bowl of soup and a salami in my salad!

Best of the paperboy
... and the winners are: LEAFY WOOD AND LOTUS BLOSSOM!!!!

Best of captainobvious
does this bush make me look fat?

Best of sonicfrog
Whao! Check out the new duds, jacket, fancy shirt, the well trimmed stubble. Who knew God had gone all Vegas on us?

Best of curly
"Someone took our clothes while we were shaking hands with the crowds in Albania."

Best of Rebecca
Is that a cucumber salad or are you just glad to see me?

Best of curly
Hilldog wants the oil companies to provide for more foliage, Obama questions why African Violets weren’t used, Edwards recommends a good topiarist, McLame demands that Mexican plants be used, Rudy promises to deal swiftly with any poisonous plants, Ron Paul blames the fall of Adam and Eve on Bush, Romney reiterates that Adam should only have one wife, Kucinich just found his two new top advisors.

Best of Submariner
Didja hear? Ang Lee is making a new sequel to "Blue Lagoon." Here we see the two actors for the short flashback sequence flanking Robert Duvall's co-star for the rest of the "Lost at Sea" love epic.

Best of Dickey Swollenz
There you have it. The reason why spinach was contaminated with e-coli last year.

Best of Submariner
Later heard at the dinner table: "Does your salad smell like tuna?"


;-P Agent Bedhead

Sound off like you got a pair!


1. Private Parts, meet Major Wood.

2. "Wow! Where can I get my hands on a pair of those?" Sully exclaimed, imagining the tight binding feel of green fishnet against his moobs.

3. Bill Clinton got most of his military policies from the movies, movies like Shaving Private Ryan and Black Cock Down.

4. R Lee Ermey, your prom date is here.

5. Senator Clinton was pissed that her prom date's camo clashed with her flannel lumberjack shirt.

Best of Submariner
Back off, SOTG - Subby and I have a Joint Army-Navy exercise to conduct.

Best of Jack Reacher
You had me at "I want YOU."

Best of Jack Reacher
"In the event of a water landing, I'll become a personal flotation device."

Best of Silhouette
Suddenly, 50 percent of the population rethinks the Third Amendment.

Best of curly
"Dey's uh, boobs-in-net, boobs-in-lace, boobs-not-bombs. Big boobs, little boobs, wet boobs, dry boobs..."

Best of Rebecca
"Private Pinder here is our secret weapon, Cap'n. She can get them jihadis to drop their guns quicker than a Frenchman at the Maginot Line."

Best of Submariner
While testing extremely well with the 16 - 35 year old male population, producers decided to go with a somewhat more conservative, body-hugging lycra uniform for Major Deering.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Is this what they meant when they said we're sending troops into battle without the proper body armor?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Too easy, but I'm takin' it!:
Got milk?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"This is my rifle, these are my guns..."

:-P: Sondra not the K

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Rock With Ahmadinnerjacket



1. "By Allah! These microphones resemble nothing so much as robot penises."

2. "Coming up next on Air Jihad Against America, Dr. Ruth Westheimer will provide advice for those who have difficulty 'rising up for Allah!'"

3. "And the weather for Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, and Hafia: Bottled sunshine with a high of 9,000 degrees."

4. "And that was Terry Jack's 'Seasons in the Sun,' and now, 'You Light Up My Life.'" More proof that Dinnerjacket is pure evil.

5. Air America finally finds a host that can fill Al Franken's ultrasuede loafers.

6. ORA?: "Stu? Can you round me up a 'Freak Jury' on whether camels or goats have the most inviting orifices?"

7. "Every time I play 'YMCA' I fondly remember my night of forbidden passion with Manuel Noriega."

8. "With talent on loan from the Twelfth Imam..."

9. His radio show is nothing but Barbra Steisand and Andrew Lloyd Weber. Get a Freakin' Clue already!

10. OK. Now can we defund NPR?
Best of Rodney Dill


Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah comedian,
You nuke and glow, you nuke and glow.
Killing is so easy in the new Iran regime
behead and scream, behead and scream.


Best of curly
“This song -- Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except For Mine -- goes our to our favorite infidel, Dhimmi Carter.”

Best of Rebecca

Dinnerjacket! Dinnerjacket!
Unh! Unh!
Dinnerjacket! Dinnerjacket!
Come on and Rock me Amadinnerjacket!


Best of curly
“Here’s the latest from Achmed and the Martyrs, entitled ‘I’m going to chop off your infidel head, you racist American pig’.”

Best of sonicfrog
♫ Never gonna stop, give it up.
Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Shaw-rona... ♫

Best of sonicfrog
♫ We come from the land of the ice and snow,
from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
The hammer of the gods
Will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying:
Valhalla, I am coming!... ♫

Best of Frank_IBC
"...I want a g*dd**n concerted effort to come out of a record that isn't a f**king up-tempo record every time I gotta do a g*dd**n death dedication! It's the last godd**n time; I want somebody who uses his f**king brain to not come out of a g*dd**n record... that's up-tempo and I've got to talk about a f**king dog dying!

Best of Submariner
"...because I'm good enough, smart enough, and - doggone it - people like me!"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Man that Barbra Streisand can really belt 'em out."

Best of Jack Reacher
"No, I'm not Dennis Miller. Next caller!"

Best of ColoradoPatriot
Broward County's new emergency weather broadcast announcer.

Best of Submariner
What IS the frequency, Mahmoud?

Best of the paperboy
I'm too sexy for my dinnerjacket
I'm too sexy for my dinnerjacket
I'm too sexy for my dinnerjacket
I'm too sexy for my dinnerjacket

Exhibitionists in the Mist


1. "It worked! We finally embarrassed our kids into suicide."

2. Black socks and white underwear? What's wrong with these people?

3. Please, Dear God, if they put clothes back on, will you bring back the sun?

4. It appears his raincoat is not ripped for her pleasure... or anyone's for that matter.

5. The next day, an emergency meeting of the Seattle City-Council mandated burqas for males and females.

Best of Snarky One
Plastic burkhas with umbrellas. Are they mad?

Best of ColoradoPatriot
"Honey, I feel like a total dork with this yellow umbrella. Switch with me, will ya?"

Best of Snarky One
Word verification: ecpsxvkr
Would that be 'Escaped Sex Worker?'

Best of Son Of The Godfather
The Berkeley Wife-Swapping Club proudly presents: Swingin' In The Rain.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
I always wondered what happened to Mary Poppins... Good to see her and Joey Buttafucco found happiness.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Rule #1: During your safari to the past, do NOT step off the designated path. The slightest transgression of this rule may have devastating results in the present.

Best of Submariner
George W. Bush took one look, kneeled, and relinquished his G-8 Gross Out trophy without comment.

Best of Submariner
Why, Yes, we ARE on our way to the Ricky Martin concert! How did you know?

Best of sonicfrog
I think the wrong one's wearing the bra.

Best of curly
Ron Paul supporters were out in masse – both of them.

Best of curly
"I can't believe our daughter ran away from home with nothing but the BOBS t-shirt on her back."

Best of Silhouette
Failed ad campaign #274.
Ginkgo Biloba: Have you forgotten anything lately?

Best of sonicfrog
Well, the sequel to "Blade Runner" went in a totaly unexpected direction...

Best of Submariner
San Fran droogs.

Best of Submariner
Trillian, is this going to happen every time we use the Infinite Improbability drive?

Best of Jack Reacher
Federal Records Repository rules now require special clothing in order to examine classified documents. These garments became known as Sandy Berger Coats.

Best of Steve-O
How nature says, "Do not touch."

Totally ripped off from: Subby

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Freakin' Freaktastic


1. "Hey, little dumplin', Nice shirt. What say you jump on the back of Aunt Butch's Harley and ride with me to Sturgis?"

2. On a very special Wonder Years, Winnie gets picked up by Anne Heche.

3. The waitresses from 'Boobs' were clearly outmatched by the Hooter's girls in both attractiveness and literacy.

4. "Look at these shirts. Hillary has just got to fire her spell-checker."

5. Eventually, Lois Lane dumped Superman and found true love with one of Melissa Etheridge's roadies.

Best of metalgarth
standard caption #25, variant 9B, "So, Winnie, you ever seen a grown woman naked?"

Best of Dickey Swollenz
Check it out... we got girl on girl action coming right up. Notice I didn't say "hot girl on girl action".

Best of jeff
"Yep, Bob picked you to spay on stage during the last show!"

Best of Jack Reacher
Winnie's mistaken impression that Hilda was a travel agent was understandable, in that she offered to take Winnie "around the world for free."

Best of curly
"Believe me, no one here uses more than one square of toilet paper."

Best of curly
"Your tailgate parties are great, but where's the herion?"

Best of metalgarth
The women at "Bob's" are clearly "not for decoration".

Best of The Man
Bob wants all you anti-polygamy bigots to leave him and his wives alone. What a man and a woman, another woman, a confused Guatemalan boy, and Andrew Sullivan do in their own home is none of your business.

Best of 2spothipshot
"Bill and Hil, the College Years"
By Dick Morris

Best of Double the U
Price is Right contestant Betty is consoled by a friend after on she ran up on stage and on his last day Bob Barker screamed out, "Oh dear God I am sick of this, you are not kissing me."

Best of Submariner
It's called "bobbing for pie." Wanna play?

Best of Rebecca
Blondie: "I used to be a fullback for the 49ers, darlin', till I found my true self! Now I play "wide receiver" for the San Fran 69ers, if you know what I mean."
Little Winnie: "I need an adult!"

Source: Excite News

Basketball Jones


1. Zargon wagers 300 Qatloos on the Spurs.

2. ORA: After the Rover deposited him back in The Village again, Number 21 was beginning to think he would never escape.

3. The Annunciation of Christ's second coming unexpectedly takes place in Game 3 of the NBA playoffs.

4. "Kobe, I'm open possessed by the spirit of the giant orb from space."

5. "Oh, crap, I guess I didn't get the right weight on that jeweled idol I stole from the temple."

Best of Jack Reacher
"If I don't look at it, it can't hurt me. If I don't look at it, it can't...OW! Dammit!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
He would soon regret doubting Linus' tale of The Great Pumpkin.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Crap! Sauron's found us!"

Best of Jonathan
Obama supporters at the LA Times are gonna be p#ssed to see that Tim Duncan, not Barack, is the Magic Negro.

Best of curly
"Sure, he looks saintly with his white aura and all, but can he make it in from the 3-point line?"

Best of The Man
Duncan hasn't seen balls that big since Sully's surprise birthday party last month.

Best of sonicfrog
A closet Spurs fan, Glenda the Good Witch pops in to catch the game.

:-P John Schniedah

Monday, June 11, 2007

A Little Stupid Spoiled Whore For Yas


1. "Mein Fuhrer! I can valk!"

2. John Edwards is helped into Al Sharpton's limo after finally being transformed into the white woman of his dreams.

3. Paris Hilton's family enjoys a quick game of 'Red Rover' during a court recess. In deference to provincial social mores among the lower classes, it is not played naked as is the family custom.

4. Dwarf tossing was outlawed, but middle-aged drugged-out gutterslut tossing was just starting to catch on.

5. Paris Hilton's mother is helped back to her limo after "greeting" the USS Nimitz during a port call.

Best of Snarky One

"It's all right. It's only 40 more days, then she'll have the rest of her life to make underground sex videos."

Best of Van Helsing
Jacko's plastic surgeon got it more or less right this time.

Best of curly
"Hold on tight, she keeps floating away."

Best of curly
"That's enough raspberry margaritas with lime juice for you, Mr. Edwards. You're starting to hit up on the mariachi player/strippers."

Best of Submariner
So; you say you took a "45 day supply" of 'ludes. How many IS that, exactly?

Best of Rebecca
Paris is devastated to learn that the warden paired her with cellmate Rosie O'Donnell, who was in for a suspiciously-timed reckless driving violation.

Best of Jack Reacher
"You feel a pulse on that arm? 'Cause I got nothin' here."

Best of andthenblammo!
ORA: "I WANT TO LIVE!"

Best of 2spothipshot
"Steady, steady, that's just the smell of ordinary people."

Best of Submariner
Yes honey; His name is "Calgon" and he's taking you away...

Best of ColoradoPatriot
"Okay, sweetie...I know it's been a big day for you, so don't look behind you...she's wearing the same outfit!"

Best of curly
“Of course your new boob job will give you feelings of vertigo. Just put your sunglasses on and watch the ground like these other enhanced women.”

Source: Detroit News

Predator Versus Alien

1. Exuberant scene from My Big Fat Gay Islamo-Communist Wedding.

2. Standard Caption #38: "Confident! Confident! Dry and Secure!"

3. Dinnerjacket and Communista celebrate upon being approved for z-Visas.

4. Sadly, their honeymoon would be ruined when both cried out the name 'Hugo' at the moment of maximum passion.

5. Julio Iglesias has really let himself go... and really, really lowered his standards.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Yay! We get the showers next."

Best of Van Helsing
If you're evil and you know it, raise your hands!

Best of ColoradoPatriot
Good Heavens! What was Bob Barr thinking?

Best of lawhawk
The chicken dance was never like this in my homeland, Dinnerjacket!

Best of divine miss m
♫ You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around...♫

Best of curly
"Let's make a big W with our arms to show the world that we secretly love George Bush."

Best of Jack Reacher
"LGF is down for server maintenance! Allah wills it!"

Best of Submariner
♪ha-va nagila, ha-va nagila
ha-va nagila, vesa nismecha♪



Source: Farsi News

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Shower to Shower

1. "The bottoms in this bath house are such pansies. This one guy kept whining I was messing up his $400 haircut."

2. "Hey, how about I come in there and make you 'Zest-fully clean?'"

3. "Here, maybe some of my body wash will help get you unstuck from the glory hole."

4. "Good! Now slash your wrist and our homoerotic suicide pact will be complete."

5. "Yeah, the desk clerk at this motel seemed a little odd, but you know what they say about guys obsessed with overbearing mothers. Well, anyway, back to the shower."

Best of curly
“…and here’s the picture of Diane Feinstein that turned me queer.”

Best of Double the U
Who's the pretty bird in the mirror?

Best of the doyle
1950's instructional movie: How to give a reach around.

Best of Silhouette
To ensure no illegal voting materials are brought into the booths, Berkeley County regrets that it now must require all-nude voting.

Best of Silhouette
"That IS weird. You found it in your butt, you say?"

Best of Submariner
Trust me on this one - inflate your scrotum and you'll get your pic at both lgf AND Cap This!

Best of ColoradoPatriot
"Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks?"

Best of curly
“I don’t know why, but when you bent over to pick this up I thought of how lucky we were to have John Edwards running for President.”

Best of Jack Reacher
While Gallant scrubs his nails, Goofus drops the soap again.

Best of Rebecca
"OK, grab it right there, gently. Now, I'll take it from the other side. OK, tug tug tug. Yes, just like that!" All John thought was, "who brings a wishbone into the shower anyway?"


Source: Shorpy the 100 year old photo blog