1. Santa was such a badass drunk it took an army to get him to the tank.
2. "Yeah, so I mooned you, you fascist pig. What are you going to do about it? Crucify me?"
3. As the French soldiers wrestled him down, Santa was heard to say, "Henri, why won't you loose your grasp of me?"
4. "Red pleather pants after Labor Day? I don't think so." Under President Edwards, the Fashion Police received extensive new powers. "
5. "Let's start a mosh pit!"
Best of Jack Reacher
Send a Hellfire missile the wrong way, and you get 8 cooked reindeer and a sleigh-swarm.
Best of Silhouette
"Don't taze me, Ho Ho Ho."
Best of Submariner
Sorry kids, but rumor has it that he has tuberculosis and we aren't letting another one cross the border...