1. Flaky Ice... the secret ingredient... is dandruff.
2. "It's just a dirty metaphor, stupid. I didn't mean I wanted a burger made out of ground cat meat."
3. "This is his idea of fine dining? I'll tell you one thing, Bill Maher ain't gettin' lucky tonight!"
4. "Yeah, that Oprah Winfrey. And in the time it takes me to eat this burger, I'll make more money than you'll see in your whole life, asswipe. So get your cracker ass back in the kitchen and bring me more curly fries, b1tch!"
5. And then Oprah launched into her impression of Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally and cleared out the place.
6. Oprah was unable to finish her burger after seeing the "Employees Must Wipe Butt" sign in the restroom.
7. "Flakies" ... like Hooters, but fetishizing excessively dry skin.
8. "There was mayo on my hamburger. Have the crew put to death."
9. "No, I don't want to discuss my book club. Gaia, is there anyone in the fast food industry who *wasn't* an English major?"
10. "Does your restaurant serve every black customer with blue latex gloves, Senator Byrd?"
Best of Rodney Dill
Soylent What?
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Who left my back-up soda out here without a lid?"
Best of Jack Reacher
After announcing on her television show that she liked reading the back of "Flaky Ice" cups, Oprah inadvertently causes a run on them that results in 21,000,000 sales the next week.
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"What are you all looking at?... Dr.Phil served his purpose, and I was famished!"
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Here are your pancakes, Ms. Winfrey...and I brought you some nice Aunt Jem... some nice syrup as well."
Best of Submariner
Soylent brown is WHAT?
Best of Capt. Queeg
Either I'm still trippin' Oprah thought. Or that is one tiny-a$$ egg mcmuffin.
Best of Mr. Right
Having already ingested enough of the burger to seal her fate, Oprah turns with a start to the sound of a cackling Texas cattle baron waving a small bottle of blue elixir marked "Mad Cow Antidote - $50,000,000!"
Best of lawhawk
Now, we know how Hillary made all that money on cattle futures.
Best of Kaptain
"Waiter! I've got a piece of a Yaris bumper in my burger! AND my hot dog! You got some 'spaining to do!"
33 comments:
Soylent What?
I was starting to believe the rumors about her and her "friend" Gayle... But I believe that is a wiener Ms. Winfrey is sucking on.
"No seconds?!?... What you talkin' bout, Stedman?"
"Who left my back-up soda out here without a lid?"
Is that a badge hooked hooked onto her sweater?!?... What, is she sheriff of trans-fat?
In a just world, 5 years from now:
"Break's over, O, this fry bin ain't gonna clean itself..."
After announcing on her television show that she liked reading the back of "Flaky Ice" cups, Oprah inadvertently causes a run on them that results in 21,000,000 sales the next week.
ORA, South Park Style:
"Hold on Gary, she's stuffin' her gob with a chili-cheese-dog! Your in for a rough night!"
"Let's face it, Midge... I ain't gonna survive this one. You'll... You'll have to go on without me..."
"What are you all looking at?... Dr.Phil served his purpose, and I was famished!"
SOTG: Yes, that IS a badge. She'll be starring in a remake of Miami Vice called Chicago Vice: The Story of Crockett and Tubby.
Will you please tell Dr. Phil that this diet of his is NOT working. Go tell him now damnit!
The ice may be flaky, but at least the ketchup has it's head screwed on right.
"What do you mean you haven't seen the cat that used to hang out back of this place?"
Flaky Ice customers were disappointed to learn that their "price pieces," instead of offering free food, merely provided questions to be asked at Democrat Party debates.
"Is that cake I see?!?..."
Crockett and Tubby... nice!
"Whew! Well, they say stop when you're no longer hungry... I'M NOT DONE YET!!"
Not wanting to excuse herself to the ladies room, Oprah utilizes the plate to her left as a "poo poo platter".
"Oh,my bad Ms. Winfrey... I thought you said you liked compliments, not condiments..."
"No, that's pretty much the entire meal, Ms.Winfrey... I'm not even sure what a 'hors d'oeuvre' is."
ORA:
"How much for a rib?"
"Here are your pancakes, Ms. Winfrey...and I brought you some nice Aunt Jem... some nice syrup as well."
I already tol' you lady; no Pepsi, only Coke...
Soylent brown is WHAT?
No, Stedman; you may NOT "go over to Avalon Manor" while I'm chewing the fat...
"..Oprah..?"
"Leroy?!"
Either I'm still trippin' Oprah thought. Or that is one tiny-a$$ egg mcmuffin.
Having already ingested enough of the burger to seal her fate, Oprah turns with a start to the sound of a cackling Texas cattle baron waving a small bottle of blue elixir marked "Mad Cow Antidote - $50,000,000!"
This isn't a kahuna burger. I ordered a kahuna burger and I better damned well get one.
Now, we know how Hillary made all that money on cattle futures.
"They have footlongs?"
The Great Karnak says the answer is Flaky Ice... and the question is "What do you get when you cross a politician with a rapper?"
"Waiter! I've got a piece of a Yaris bumper in my burger! AND my hot dog! You got some 'spaining to do!"
"I coulda had fries widdat?"
"Two Amerikkka's" my 'round and brown;' That Edwards' suckah is just cheap and has a lotta sack chargin' $1,000 a plate for THIS!
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