1. "We now go live to the Weekend Update Eye-in-the-Sky Traffic Copter with Naked Rasta Man."
2. "And now, in a CBS News exclusive, a PowerPoint presentation from 1972 conclusively proves that Bush's entire Texas National Guard Service consisted of playing 'Wing Commander' on a Nintendo Playstation. Here's Dan Rather with the story."
3. "And our top story tonight, Bush Sucks and Cheney is the Devil. Bwah ha ha ha... See folks, that's the kind of topical, biting satire we pay Daily Show Writers for. Please support the strike."
4. MSNBC finally comes up with a set design appropriate to the intellectual level of its hosts.
5. Not having the heart to tell Katie Couric how bad she sucks, CBS creates a pretend newscast for her to anchor.
Best of Kaptain
"I don't go on the air without my pre-broadcast Danish. Go ahead, try to find somebody to replace me."
Best of The Man
This just in: SNL has not been funny in at least 10 years. Now for sports.
Best of Rodney Dill
What? It doesn't say weekendupskirt?
Best of Whacko
The writer's strike left SNL with nobody to write gags. This went unoticed by the audience.
Best of attmay
"Minimalism my ass, you're just cheap, Lorne!"
Best of Army of Mom
Going for a younger demographic, producers opted to put the female anchor in a Hogwart's uniform.