1. As night falls, Nancy Pelosi rises from her crypt and prepares to meet with Bashar Assad.
2. Like most of the Transformers, Bumblebee had a dark side. His involved a trail of dead Bulgarian hookers.
3. "Crap! Why does the phone always ring just when I'm getting into the Orgasmatron."
4. "I know, I know, get up onto the altar. Baal is an impatient god, yadda yadda yadda..."
5. Ludmilla exits the suspended animation chamber she entered in 1959 and is delighted to see that Soviet communism has indeed triumphed... in San Francisco anyway.
Best of Jack Reacher
"This one will do," said Hillary. "Ship it to 1600 Pennsylvania, and have the mail room hold it."
Best of Silhouette
Crazy Mamoud's Sharia-Compliant Tanning Salon didn't quite get the same results as Sunset Tan.
Best of curly
Fatima has perfected her toe tapping technique and mastered the wide stance, yet still has yet to see any action.
Best of andthenblammo!
ORA: "I'm sorry, Dave; but you and Dr. Poole have made such a mess of the Discovery One , I had to reanimate the cleaning lady early. Her name is Perini Scleroso, and I understand she doesn't speak a word of English; but I will reprogram the galley to produce cabbage roll paste.........
Best of Mr. Right
ORA... SCTV's Perini Scleroso checks out the merchandise at the grand opening of Tex and Edna Boil's Tan-O-Rama, formerly Tex and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium, where this weekend is cookout weekend, and Tex will be cooking up piggies on the grill while you're cooking up yourself inside one of their luxurious tanning beds!
Best of prince of leaves
"Vee need you for great Soviet science experiment, they say. Step into cryonics booth, Comrade Tarasova, they say. Forty years later, no Soviet Union, and a headache like a three-bottle vodka hangover. Should have stayed on collective farm, I say."
Best of Rodney Dill
Quizno's for vampires. MMmmmm... Toasty
Best of GregMan
We had the Six-Million Dollar Man: the Soviets had the Fifteen-Kopek Woman.
Best of AJ
Spare your hell-bound infidels with the new Insta-Virgin!
Best of jbinnout
Ron Popiel contracts with Putin to deliver personal nuclear generators to Iran. "Just set it and forget it!" (Babushka fuel rods not included)
Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Call maitanence! The FAX is stuck on "babushka" again!"