Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Why Grandma Looks Like a Leather Satchel

Timmah!
1. As night falls, Nancy Pelosi rises from her crypt and prepares to meet with Bashar Assad.

2. Like most of the Transformers, Bumblebee had a dark side. His involved a trail of dead Bulgarian hookers.

3. "Crap! Why does the phone always ring just when I'm getting into the Orgasmatron."

4. "I know, I know, get up onto the altar. Baal is an impatient god, yadda yadda yadda..."

5. Ludmilla exits the suspended animation chamber she entered in 1959 and is delighted to see that Soviet communism has indeed triumphed... in San Francisco anyway.
Best of Jack Reacher
"This one will do," said Hillary. "Ship it to 1600 Pennsylvania, and have the mail room hold it."

Best of Silhouette
Crazy Mamoud's Sharia-Compliant Tanning Salon didn't quite get the same results as Sunset Tan.

Best of curly
Fatima has perfected her toe tapping technique and mastered the wide stance, yet still has yet to see any action.

Best of andthenblammo!
ORA: "I'm sorry, Dave; but you and Dr. Poole have made such a mess of the Discovery One , I had to reanimate the cleaning lady early. Her name is Perini Scleroso, and I understand she doesn't speak a word of English; but I will reprogram the galley to produce cabbage roll paste.........

Best of Mr. Right
ORA... SCTV's Perini Scleroso checks out the merchandise at the grand opening of Tex and Edna Boil's Tan-O-Rama, formerly Tex and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium, where this weekend is cookout weekend, and Tex will be cooking up piggies on the grill while you're cooking up yourself inside one of their luxurious tanning beds!

Best of prince of leaves
"Vee need you for great Soviet science experiment, they say. Step into cryonics booth, Comrade Tarasova, they say. Forty years later, no Soviet Union, and a headache like a three-bottle vodka hangover. Should have stayed on collective farm, I say."

Best of Rodney Dill
Quizno's for vampires. MMmmmm... Toasty

Best of GregMan
We had the Six-Million Dollar Man: the Soviets had the Fifteen-Kopek Woman.

Best of AJ
Spare your hell-bound infidels with the new Insta-Virgin!

Best of jbinnout
Ron Popiel contracts with Putin to deliver personal nuclear generators to Iran. "Just set it and forget it!" (Babushka fuel rods not included)

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Call maitanence! The FAX is stuck on "babushka" again!"


33 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

"This one will do," said Hillary. "Ship it to 1600 Pennsylvania, and have the mail room hold it."

Jack Reacher said...

A former U.S. attorney, fired by the Bush administration, learns to adjust to her new housing situation.

Silhouette said...

The Thursday-Babe-O-Matic can turn the dowdiest babushka into a hot, tanned swimsuit model. Watch our live demonstration...

Silhouette said...

Former video game ghost, Blinky, was enjoying her retirement until the day PACMAN found her, and vengance was his.

Silhouette said...

"...and the sofa comes in your choice of fabrics. Here's Thelma, our Couch Upholstry Model now."

Silhouette said...

In this modern retelling, Hansel and Gretal pushed the witch into a microwave.

Anonymous said...

In the DNC's latest ad campaign, we are shown how the poor can barely afford the bottom-of-the-line base model tanning beds.

Won't you please HELP?

Silhouette said...

Crazy Mamoud's Sharia-Compliant Tanning Salon didn't quite get the same results as Sunset Tan.

curly said...

SPF-60.

curly said...

“I demand that you put a footbath right here, or I’ll sue you for a hate crime, you racist, Islamophobic infidel dog!”

Zeke said...

after their defeat the Gouald took to hiding in plain sight

Son Of The Godfather said...

Randi Rhodes completes her therapy stemming from a drunken concrete faceplant.

Rodney Dill said...

Stick a fork in her, she's done.

curly said...

“Global warming must be for real. It’s hotter than heck in this reclining phone booth.”

curly said...

Fatima has perfected her toe tapping technique and mastered the wide stance, yet still has yet to see any action.

curly said...

Jeffrey Dahmer’s falafel recipe: One middle eastern chick, well done…

andthenblammo! said...

ORA:

"I'm sorry, Dave; but you and Dr. Poole have made such a mess of the Discovery One , I had to reanimate the cleaning lady early. Her name is Perini Scleroso, and I understand she doesn't speak a word of English; but I will reprogram the galley to produce cabbage roll paste.........

Mr. Right said...

ORA...

SCTV's Perini Scleroso checks out the merchandise at the grand opening of Tex and Edna Boil's Tan-O-Rama, formerly Tex and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium, where this weekend is cookout weekend, and Tex will be cooking up piggies on the grill while you're cooking up yourself inside one of their luxurious tanning beds!

prince of leaves said...

"Vee need you for great Soviet science experiment, they say. Step into cryonics booth, Comrade Tarasova, they say. Forty years later, no Soviet Union, and a headache like a three-bottle vodka hangover. Should have stayed on collective farm, I say."

Rodney Dill said...

Quizno's for vampires.

Rodney Dill said...

Xerox your own illegal immigrants for fun and profit!

Rodney Dill said...

Years of tanning have not been good to George Hamilton.

GregMan said...

In later years, after the fall of the Soviet Union, the GULAG became a much more well-appointed place.

GregMan said...

We had the Six-Million Dollar Man: the Soviets had the Fifteen-Kopek Woman.

GregMan said...

Silky Pony sniffed: "Paisley? Doesn't she know you should never wear paisley?"

GregMan said...

VtheK's Internet Search for "hot+mature" goes horribly wrong.

AJ said...

Spare your hell-bound infidels with the new Insta-Virgin!

AJ said...

If you would like to send back your mail-order bride, please make sure to lock her case and poke *at least* two air holes. SHIPPING IS FREE!

wacha said...

"I forgot my burkini"

wacha said...

cap this
http://www.newstoday.com/_img/ntbimages/nike_ole01.jpg

Gregory said...

Barbara Striesand rises for her Y3K New Year's Eve show.

jbinnout said...

Ron Popiel contracts with Putin to deliver personal nuclear generators to Iran. "Just set it and forget it!" (Babushka fuel rods not included)

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

"Call maitanence! The FAX is stuck on "babushka" again!"